--[] When Stars Collide []-- by MAH

Enjoyed this script a lot. Really a nicely written, fun piece.

A lot of dialogue, it all flowed really naturally, funny, likable characters.

One teeny tiny minor format nitpick, the first slug you set it in the Living Room and then the first line is, The bedroom is scattered with boxes. Doesn't effect the story though.

Bobble head was a great detail. I also enjoyed there arguments, in which they both made great points by the way.

A great way to start the fest.
 
conlanforever said:
Enjoyed this script a lot. Really a nicely written, fun piece.

A lot of dialogue, it all flowed really naturally, funny, likable characters.

One teeny tiny minor format nitpick, the first slug you set it in the Living Room and then the first line is, The bedroom is scattered with boxes. Doesn't effect the story though.

Bobble head was a great detail. I also enjoyed there arguments, in which they both made great points by the way.

A great way to start the fest.
Click to expand...
I just commented in yours.

Yah, that slug should have been changed. I missed it after a re-write.
Thanks, man. Glad you enjoyed it.

MAH
 
kennethhurd said:
Well done! I really enjoyed this script. It's a quick read with fun characters and entertaining dialogue. I can definitely see a Star Trek and Star Wars fan having a conversation like this. Good job!
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Thanks, Ken!

MrKilloran said:
The war between these foes is as old as time itself raging from convention hall to convention hall, truly this is a cry for peace.

Haha, it was a lot of fun. Good banter, believable characters, focused and it wraps up nicely. Really got a kick out of the bobble-head imagery. Probably one of the best closing lines.
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I do like that last line. :)

Thanks.

MAH
 
I can get behind this one MAH, nice job.

There's been a lot of Episode 1 bashing lately. In retrospect, that movie sucked. :furious3:
 
You know me... anything with a bobble-head in it is a winner in my book!
Great job. I didn't get all the puns (I'm from the Star Trek era), but they still felt funny....if that makes sense?

Either way a well written, very enjoyable read...congratulations!
Beam me up Scottie.
 
The theme with the star wars v.s. star trek was better than a love sick stuff,
so that was cool. I really had a problem with verb usage "is" - 'She is on
the toilet' instead of 'She sits on the toilet' - that stuff drives a writer crazy.

Also, if he's such a 'huge' star wars fan, how come he knows so much about the
star trek episodes? If he's seen them, then how is it a 'betrayal?' It would make
more sense to me if he wouldn't have married her if he had 'known' she was a
trekkie and he absolutely refused to watch anything star trek.

That's the part that confused me, where is the betrayal? I did however like the
star wars/trek banter.
 
Deepfocus88 said:
I can get behind this one MAH, nice job.

There's been a lot of Episode 1 bashing lately. In retrospect, that movie sucked. :furious3:
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LOL! Thanks. :)

ZazaCast said:
You know me... anything with a bobble-head in it is a winner in my book!
Great job. I didn't get all the puns (I'm from the Star Trek era), but they still felt funny....if that makes sense?

Either way a well written, very enjoyable read...congratulations!
Beam me up Scottie.
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Thanks, man.

Charli said:
Also, if he's such a 'huge' star wars fan, how come he knows so much about the
star trek episodes? If he's seen them, then how is it a 'betrayal?' I did however like the
star wars/trek banter.
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Seriously?

He knows the ST movies the same way the guys in Clerks 2 knew everything there was to know about LOTR and SW, yet they were true enemies in the geekiest sense. Fan boys!

You can still be a huge Star Wars fan and watch "The Trek". How else can you fully tear it apart and compare it to your beloved SW? How else can you truly hate it if you first don't dissect it? How else can you bash it openly on internet forums while comparing it to what you consider the holy grail of sci-fi fantasy?

Trust me. I've seen this first hand. Take my word for it. :)

Thanks for reading, gang.

MAH
 
I **** with laughter! ENNNGAGE!!!!

As an uber Star Wars fan, and someone who also questioned some of the plot points in the new TREK R E B O O T, I seriously dug this. Awesome comedy at the expense of would-be failed greatness!

All hail Galaxar!


Rod
 
Hehe yes I like this - it's good fun - and the dialogue is very sharp and snappy - a difficult thing to do - your characters were convincing nerds and this will absolutely appeal to nerds of varying levels. Even without a huge amount of Star Trek/Wars knowledge, we get this and it's funny. Lots of good detail, believeable but suitably ramped up characters and we 're left with a warm, fuzzy feeling, which is always nice :) Very Clerks-ish dialogue and this really works here. Could deffo slot into any Kevin Smith film seamlessly - except for maybe Jersey Girl :)

Nice job!!
 
Mike,

I feel a bit jaded reading this script. I am not a SW junkie or trekkie by any means, but I've seen them so many times and heard enough arguments between the two that it's not very interesting anymore.

Your script is good and fun, like Sarah said, snappy dialogue, but I have the same feeling about it as I do with Kevin Smith films. Part of me is saying 'wow that was really funny', and the other part is 'i don't really care and i want to stab myself if i hear another jar-jar reference.' I guess it's the same part of me that was really disappointed when they made a facebook joke in Zombieland. Pop culture references in movies make me want to cringe. But now I'm ranting and it has nothing to do with the quality of your script, just its effect on me.

I almost wish i was less familiar with the universes in play, then I would have enjoyed this funny script more!
 
RodThompson said:
I shi* with laughter! ENNNGAGE!!!!

As an uber Star Wars fan, and someone who also questioned some of the plot points in the new TREK R E B O O T, I seriously dug this. Awesome comedy at the expense of would-be failed greatness!

All hail Galaxar!


Rod
Click to expand...
LOL! Thanks, Rod! :)


Ben Sliker said:
Your script is good and fun, like Sarah said, snappy dialogue, but I have the same feeling about it as I do with Kevin Smith films. Part of me is saying 'wow that was really funny', and the other part is 'i don't really care and i want to stab myself if i hear another jar-jar reference.' I guess it's the same part of me that was really disappointed when they made a facebook joke in Zombieland. Pop culture references in movies make me want to cringe. But now I'm ranting and it has nothing to do with the quality of your script, just its effect on me.
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No problem, Ben. Thanks for reading.


Sarah Daly said:
Hehe yes I like this - it's good fun - and the dialogue is very sharp and snappy - a difficult thing to do - your characters were convincing nerds and this will absolutely appeal to nerds of varying levels. Even without a huge amount of Star Trek/Wars knowledge, we get this and it's funny. Lots of good detail, believeable but suitably ramped up characters and we 're left with a warm, fuzzy feeling, which is always nice :) Very Clerks-ish dialogue and this really works here. Could deffo slot into any Kevin Smith film seamlessly - except for maybe Jersey Girl :)

Nice job!!
Click to expand...
Jersey Girl. LOL! Thanks, Sarah. I really appreciate the feedback.
Glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks, all.

MAH
 
An age old battle.

A compelling read. Laughed out loud because of the familiarity and connection to me personally - which you were obviously going for. =) The bobble head payoff was smart. Nice weaving with the quotes and innuendoes....

Could there have been a BSG, twist ending somewhere in there? "Oh, Starbuck...."

It is funny, it is fun. Glad to have read it.

Shoots, he scores.
 
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jared.c.rogers said:
Great title, concept, one-liners. Am I just a moron? All this time I thought in the movie she was saying "nerve hurter".

Anyone else?
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LOL! Glad you liked it.
I'll let that slide but I don't think Rod will. :shocked:

RodThompson said:
:furious3:No.
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Down, Rod! Down!
He is just a young Padawan.
:D

Anthony Todaro said:
An age old battle.

A compelling read. Laughed out loud because of the familiarity and connection to me personally - which you were obviously going for. =) The bobble head payoff was smart. Nice weaving with the quotes and innuendoes....

Could there have been a BSG, twist ending somewhere in there? "Oh, Starbuck...."

It is funny, it is fun. Glad to have read it.

Shoots, he scores.
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Thanks, Anthony. Glad you liked it.

Meep! Meep!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnT7pT6zCcA
 
Since the Fest seems to be winding down I just wanted to thank everyone who took the time to give some feedback. That's really what makes these things go round. :)

Much appreciated. :beer:

MAH
 
The Star Wars decorated room reveal -- great.

The Kirk bobble-head -- great.

The JarJar impression could be really fun with the right actress.

You had the JarJar impression, so naturally, what felt missing then was a Shatner impression to even out the cosmic scales.

I was also slightly disappointed that there was no Klingon or Jedi mind trick reference.

I didn't like the end. All the tension is deflated when they sit on the couch and basically "make up" out of nowhere, without any impetus what so ever. To me, it would have been funnier to make the Princess Leia costume be integral to the plot and characters rather than just a detached, humorous denouement. Maybe they are both angry and ready to break up with each other when the guy throws the box down and the slave outfit comes out, and he picks it up and looks at it and then at her, and she smiles at him coyly and says...

"W.W.H.S.D?"

The guy shakes his head, uncomprehending--

"What would Han Solo do?"

Boom! Sex scene.

"Don't shoot first!"

"Listen lady, I don't know what you heard but I never shoot first!"

etc etc etc
 
Quincy Minor said:
Pure fun! great dialogue. Smooth read, I never had to go back and re-read to understand.
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Thanks, Quincy. Very nice comments.

arroway said:
The Star Wars decorated room reveal -- great.

The Kirk bobble-head -- great.

The JarJar impression could be really fun with the right actress.

You had the JarJar impression, so naturally, what felt missing then was a Shatner impression to even out the cosmic scales.

I was also slightly disappointed that there was no Klingon or Jedi mind trick reference.

I didn't like the end. All the tension is deflated when they sit on the couch and basically "make up" out of nowhere, without any impetus what so ever. To me, it would have been funnier to make the Princess Leia costume be integral to the plot and characters rather than just a detached, humorous denouement. Maybe they are both angry and ready to break up with each other when the guy throws the box down and the slave outfit comes out, and he picks it up and looks at it and then at her, and she smiles at him coyly and says...

"W.W.H.S.D?"

The guy shakes his head, uncomprehending--

"What would Han Solo do?"

Boom! Sex scene.

"Don't shoot first!"

"Listen lady, I don't know what you heard but I never shoot first!"

etc etc etc
Click to expand...
Great review! I wanted to balance as much as I could, hence the ST ending. It was a little heavy with the SW bashing throughout.

I'm a huge fan of the 'Han Shot First' hoopla so you got me there. I even have the T-shirt. :)

Can I use that ending as a possible alternate ending and see which one plays out better? It's hilarious.

Thanks again,

MAH
 
This was a great read. This to me, would be funny to anybody. If you aren't into Star Wars or Star Trek there has got to be something wrong with you. I love them both and I would go crazy if somebody had to make me choose between the two. Couples fight about the silliest things and although this seems silly, it's not. And especially for big time fans.

Very realistic and snappy dialogue and I think an alternate ending (what arroway suggested) may work as well.

Nice!
 
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