EDUCATED MOUSE TRAP: WEBCAM VERSION - Hawk Teflon / Chris_Keaton

Ok well I can comment on this one now - after the second watch I started to piece it together - him getting more and more depleted and then the Uncles back - so the Uncle used him to suck away his life. It did however take that second watch and getting confirmation that I was close to the mark - I do worry that many could be confused by this.

On the webcam - I know generally web cams kind of sit at the top of a computer - I think though this could have been suspended somewhat to get a more visually appealling shot as far as angle goes by lowering the camera somewhat. I think a bit more mood from the light would have helped a little as well. Because its a webcam I thought it was actually all a bit too clean. The particular effect was good as was the makeup. The hook in his face was great.
 
I enjoyed this a lot. It was a simple concept where breaking the fourth wall really engaged me as the viewer. Plus the acting was strong and totally believable. I originally thought that the device was like a hard drug where the user keeps chasing the first hit as they get addicted. However the end twist really pulled it all together.

btw the teleporting visual effect worked nicely as I was really anticipating his descent into chaos... Very cool! :)
 
Having read this script quite some time ago (scriptfest -betrayal), I was looking forward to seeing how you handled it... very good take on the script!
Your actor did a great job so I guess that makes for great direction too! If I had to nitpick, the color was very 'red' on both the computer monitor and my plazma,
but nothing a little CC tweak couldn't fix. Great job on the VFX and make-up.

Well done...well played...a very enjoyable film.
 
This one stalled on me half way, I'm going to come back to it later tonight.
One quick note: I would have tried to make it look a little more webcam'ish if you get my drift. Looks too clean.
Not a huge deal though.

I'll be back!
 
I thought the actor was great - I liked him and was genuinely interested in what would happen after each visit to the other side. The ending did confuse me a bit though. I've now read the entries above and understand what you were going for with the ending, but I didn't get it my first viewing.
 
Michael Anthony Horrigan said:
This one stalled on me half way, I'm going to come back to it later tonight.
One quick note: I would have tried to make it look a little more webcam'ish if you get my drift. Looks too clean.
Not a huge deal though.

I'll be back!
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Yeah, I got this with a few of the films. A couple I had to download several times before the whole thing would download.
 
Alright, I remember this script.

I enjoyed this. The actor was quite good. Very believable.
I wish he was a little more blown away in the beginning. I wanted more of a 'wow' moment there. And even though you are shooting from one perspective doesn't mean he couldn't get up and move around more. Pacing about, maybe grabbing something from the closet to bring with him, etc... use the room.

Loved the visual effects for the most part, that was cool. My memory is vague but I can't remember why the uncle did this or what he gained from it.
That wasn't clear. Web cam this up a bit visually. Loved when the sound changed as well. Very nice.

Good stuff, guys. Very entertaining.
 
I appreciate all of the criticism / compliments. Really. I'm sure Chris does, too. It's how we learn!

The guy playing the main role has never acted in anything before. He was actually kinda shocked when we told him what his role would be. But I know how funny and off the wall this guy can be at the drop of a hat, so we weren't concerned at all.

I honestly went back and forth and back and forth and back again on "should I dumb the footage down for the webcam look?" I checked on youtube to see what was normal, and a lot of people have HD cameras for their vlogging now, so I didn't change it. Looking back now, though, I don't think a a small "lens blur" wouldn't have harmed anything.

Noel, I definitely agree on the angle as well.

Again, thank you all for the feedback. I really do appreciate all of it!
 
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Hawk Teflon said:
I honestly went back and forth and back and forth and back again on "should I dumb the footage down for the webcam look?" I checked on youtube to see what was normal, and a lot of people have HD cameras for their vlogging now, so I didn't change it. Looking back now, though, I don't think a a small "lens blur" would have harmed anything.
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Yeah, I can see that. Maybe just harsher edits as he turned it off to get changed and such?
Regardless, I wasn't bored watching this and that says a lot for a one shot entry. Quite a lot actually.

Makes me want to try something like that.

Kudos.
 
Michael Anthony Horrigan said:
Yeah, I can see that. Maybe just harsher edits as he turned it off to get changed and such?
Regardless, I wasn't bored watching this and that says a lot for a one shot entry. Quite a lot actually.

Makes me want to try something like that.

Kudos.
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Thanks everyone for your feedback. The story originally was a mutliple location and then I moved it into a one room piece and then I though why not make it a webcam thing. I figured it couldn't get much easier shooting wise, which leaves time for all those special effects. I do think adding the uncle angle might not have been as succesful as I thought it would be.
 
I liked this one, I got the ending, but I can easily see how it could be missed. For a one angle shoot it kept my interest all the way through, and never got boring. That is not an easy feat to overcome, very good job on that. The actor was good, and I liked how the makeup and sound intensified as the film progressed. I don't mind that it wasn't pixellated and choppy as a web cam might be, something like that may draw attention to it and take away from what is going on.

The only nitpicking suggestion I would have would be the look/lighting, even though it looked like a natural webcam setup, if was lit from a floor lamp and a desk lamp to add some natural contrast to the scene it would have made it pop just that more, and still look like a genuine webcam setup.
 
Neat short, well done for a single location. Your make-up was fantastic, I really liked how he got all banged up. That said, I didn't really buy the fact this guy just found an inter-dimensional portal. While he was jumping around, he didn't seem as excited as I would expect once he figured out what it was. And while I get he was trying to go back to the healing location, I don't believe he would keep going on that thing until it killed him, at least with very human looking wounds. If you gave him some weird crazy paranormal extra-dimensional ****, then I'd believe he needed to get back to be cured. Good effects, and nice edits between the webcam shots.
 
Another good film! Your effects were excellent as well as the makeup. The actor could have turned it up a notch, but he did a good job all the same. I think a slightly pixelated image with a few frames skipped here and there would put the audience in the postion of really believing that they are watching this live as opposed to watching something pre-recorded that already happened. It might be cool to do a camerashake when he vamps and comes back too. Just thought of that. Anyway, I love what you did with your effects, especially the light on the porthole thing. That was bigtime! Nice job and again congrats for getting two done. Ya' got skillz!
 
I love what you did with this. I read an earlier version of the script and this update and the use of the webcam is a really great angle.
Excellent work.
 
Loved the story here. Pure imagination. We see a fair share of one room stories. This is about as cool as they get. The acting was stellar in some places and nervous in others, but overall was good. The villain didn't seem convincing to me in his performance. My biggest suggestion would be to have shot this through a webcam and to light it more dramatic. I think the dirty video and audio glitches of a webcam would have sold this better. I think the tech could have been either more modern or ancient, it wasn't very convincing. The smoke and jumps worked for me. The make up transformation was a nice touch. A very inventive and imaginative short. Great work.
 
This was fun. But more than that, a film which shows anyone on these boards that there really is no excuse not to get out there and make a film. Using a single, very modest location and 1 camera set-up is actually inspiring and should show many film-makers that all you need is a good idea.

While I could nit pick about some of the acting or logic, I'd rather say bravo for making one of the most entertaining shorts this fest. So bravo.
 
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