Unit 244

ok...so you dialed 7.... :p

Then it could have helped if you made it sound from a taperecorder (low quality, EQ cuts under 500Hz or so and above...12kHz or so... then pull up a bit in the mids. And put a "tape rolling" sound, so when he opens the taperecorder, we hear the wheel turning...

Or record it to a tape, and play it from that taperecorder... It takes some time, but worth it I think. You do have to have a bad taperecorder...otherwise it's to clear.

And I want a S virus :p, instead of T
 
I liked the ending and the villain. Too much setup, 3 minutes in and the guy was still on the phone with not much happening. See if you can cut that by half, it shouldn't effect the story.
 
SPOILER REVIEW:

The good: Shots were composed pretty well. I really liked the eye dilating, thump, power out combo. Pretty good reveal at the end. It surprised me. I liked it!

The bad: Primarily, I would say work on recording better audio. Not sure if you used on board audio or not, but it really adds meat to the final product with clear audio. The light was off in his office before he walked out. Watch lighting reflections. They can blow out weird things (like the edges of TVs). The main phone line sounded like a cell phone to me. Cut to the security footage as soon as he looks up. I had no idea what he was looking at. Also, why are there bolt cutters by the door? That's a hazard that the company could be sued for. The doll in the chair is creepy, but it could have been more so with less lighting poured around it.

Favorite part: Definitely the power out transition.
 
Mobie540 said:
I liked the ending and the villain. Too much setup, 3 minutes in and the guy was still on the phone with not much happening. See if you can cut that by half, it shouldn't effect the story.
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Though I don't usually write anything, projects that I am involved in are notorious for slow starts......someday I'll get past that ;) Thanks for the review!


Hawk Teflon said:
SPOILER REVIEW:

The good: Shots were composed pretty well. I really liked the eye dilating, thump, power out combo. Pretty good reveal at the end. It surprised me. I liked it!

The bad: Primarily, I would say work on recording better audio. Not sure if you used on board audio or not, but it really adds meat to the final product with clear audio. The light was off in his office before he walked out. Watch lighting reflections. They can blow out weird things (like the edges of TVs). The main phone line sounded like a cell phone to me. Cut to the security footage as soon as he looks up. I had no idea what he was looking at. Also, why are there bolt cutters by the door? That's a hazard that the company could be sued for. The doll in the chair is creepy, but it could have been more so with less lighting poured around it.

Favorite part: Definitely the power out transition.
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Thanks for the review! We recorded audio separately, but the location is on the side of a busy highway so that had a pretty big impact. Good call on the reflections, we caught that one on the TV, but our VFX guy didn't have time to fix it before the fest. Yes we will hopefully change the office phone sound, that was something I had brought up before entering but we didn't get around to it. Thanks for the lighting tip for the doll, I think we definitely could have changed that for the wide shot good point! Nice menacing light would have added there for sure.Thanks for a great review!
 
Won't repeat the issues already stated...and other then the slow start, an enjoyable film.
Could have had a little 'darker' feel for more scare-factor. Cute doll!
 
I like this premise of this story,
the location was awesome. (5:08) In a perfect world it would have been nicer to light it with one of those huge lights hanging from a crane... but this is indiewood right?
I liked your choice in actors and they played their parts well.

I thought but there was a couple things that ruined the experience for me. 1) it would have been nice to give some kind of setup for that doll. Some little backstory item in the managers conversation or some picture, then it would have paid off more in the middle and ending, rather than just having a creepy doll, but a creepy doll with meaning.

b) when the killer moved magically that took me out of the moment... it felt like a cheat. Villains need to be smart and powerful, not just have total genie powers. That way it lets the audience believe that our hero has at least some hope in hell of getting out. The magic powers ruined the ending for me as well, I think stronger would have been to begin the shot outside the managers office where our protagonist first heard his manager speakign to the boss, you push through only to reveal him talking to his doll only now we know the killer was him.
 
ZazaCast said:
Won't repeat the issues already stated...and other then the slow start, an enjoyable film.
Could have had a little 'darker' feel for more scare-factor. Cute doll!
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Awesome thanks! I definitely agree. We had a much darker greener creepier color grade, but decided last minute to lighten up on that a little, especially in the office, however it turned out a little too pink and happy in the end :) Thanks for taking the time to review it though, I'm glad you liked it! Yah I plucked that doll outta my personal collection :2vrolijk_08:

Imaginate said:
I like this premise of this story,
the location was awesome. (5:08) In a perfect world it would have been nicer to light it with one of those huge lights hanging from a crane... but this is indiewood right?
I liked your choice in actors and they played their parts well.

I thought but there was a couple things that ruined the experience for me. 1) it would have been nice to give some kind of setup for that doll. Some little backstory item in the managers conversation or some picture, then it would have paid off more in the middle and ending, rather than just having a creepy doll, but a creepy doll with meaning.

b) when the killer moved magically that took me out of the moment... it felt like a cheat. Villains need to be smart and powerful, not just have total genie powers. That way it lets the audience believe that our hero has at least some hope in hell of getting out. The magic powers ruined the ending for me as well, I think stronger would have been to begin the shot outside the managers office where our protagonist first heard his manager speakign to the boss, you push through only to reveal him talking to his doll only now we know the killer was him.
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Hey, thanks for the review.I definitely wish we had something like that.....woulda made my whole night a hell of a lot easier....it's a difficult task to light a pitch black outside with a lowell kit and the closest usable outlet being way down the corridor of storage units. But yes this is indie film so you work with what you get.

Yah Im pretty transparent in my writing capabilities.......they don't really exist :) I like your idea story-wise though. I will try to keep something like that in mind if I am ever forced to write again ;) As far as the powers its kinda a give-take thing. I definitely see where you are coming from, but hey dolls don't come to life either right.....that being send I like that you pointed that out, it lets me know that you looked at it in a deeper sense and I appreciate that. In the end we weren't hellbent on giving him supernatural powers, but it also didn't seem out of place. Thanks for taking the time to write your thoughts down, we all appreciate it!
 
I liked this one, nice ending.

Too long on the front - get to the story faster.
Sound in the office was too hollow and the ambiance changed shot to shot.
The color grading in the office seemed to lack contrast and was too red.
I didn't get the meaning of the tape recorder siting on the chair with no tape in it. What was that all about?
Not enough blood on the body when he's dragged in.

Liked the blood splash effect.
The flying bad guy might be a bit much.
Really liked the ending and the casual talk with the doll. Might have been a better story if the owner was the killer and you dropped the pretense of the guy in black being some supernatural villian.
Solid effort with nice production values considering the limitations of the location.
 
I think the tape recorder was playing "a tape" without a tape in it... Like in "Bruce almighty", where the beeper is beeping and is broken....
 
Am I the only one who notice that big-ass boom box and huge TV on set? I was like thinking, "What kind of office is this?" I like different locations (other than homes) so you got me on the intro. I also not a fan of an actor talking on phone for long periods of time (though I know that's the main part of his job), that actor isn't playing off anyone.

I don't understand the bolt cutters, why use that? Seemed like an odd choice. Also, if someone is after you and you have a "weapon-like" object in your hand, why drop it? I'd take a swing and if that didn't work, I'd toss it at them then run, but to just drop it, uh, no. The costume a bit cheesy, black draped hooded costume you can pick up at any store. Sure the blood splatter looked good, but the death seemed trite.

Best part was the twist ending with the doll, didn't really see that coming. However, in a small office, what's to keep another employee from walking into that back office? There were no locks or dead bolt on the door. So that would mean the other guy has to be there all of the time with the other employee, or keep the doll on his person.

Little details help with not having to explain yourself. A lot of echo on sound. More interaction with characters might have made this a more interesting story. I'll give you kudos for location and twist ending.
 
Charli said:
Am I the only one who notice that big-ass boom box and huge TV on set? I was like thinking, "What kind of office is this?" I like different locations (other than homes) so you got me on the intro. I also not a fan of an actor talking on phone for long periods of time (though I know that's the main part of his job), that actor isn't playing off anyone.

I don't understand the bolt cutters, why use that? Seemed like an odd choice. Also, if someone is after you and you have a "weapon-like" object in your hand, why drop it? I'd take a swing and if that didn't work, I'd toss it at them then run, but to just drop it, uh, no. The costume a bit cheesy, black draped hooded costume you can pick up at any store. Sure the blood splatter looked good, but the death seemed trite.

Best part was the twist ending with the doll, didn't really see that coming. However, in a small office, what's to keep another employee from walking into that back office? There were no locks or dead bolt on the door. So that would mean the other guy has to be there all of the time with the other employee, or keep the doll on his person.

Little details help with not having to explain yourself. A lot of echo on sound. More interaction with characters might have made this a more interesting story. I'll give you kudos for location and twist ending.
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Hey Charli, thanks for taking the time for a review. Just to address some of your points:

Believe or not the boom box and tv are part of the office there and both serve a purpose. The boombox lets you blast cool jams while you work ;) and the tv notifies you when someone checks in at the gate. I wanted the tv to be on and running their system program thing, but in the end I decided it would just be too distracting, but they didn't want us to move that.

The stuff with the bolt cutters I know some doesnt make sense but here is how I saw it. If you are going out to confront some creepy looking guy/possible bum trying to break in late at night when you are all alone, I would imagine you would grab something just in case. What I do understand is that the location of the cutters didn't work for people. I totally get that, but I feel we wouldve gotten the same reaction if he pulled them out of the office, and we didn't want to waste the time (in film) to have him go to a maintenance closet. So, it's something I guess we are hoping people can kind of forgive and not have it ruin the story.

On the second part of that they guy isnt around him when he drops the bolt cutters if you notice. He walks up to the unit and sees a harmless doll, and puts the cutters down. So when he sees the man next to him all he has is the tape recorder, that is what he drops.

I never really thought about another employee coming in, but I think the beginning hints that it is really just a couple employees, and I think entering your bosses office relates back to respect. If the door is closed, you would knock first and not enter until you get the ok. Maybe he puts the doll away when hes not in the office.....I know I wouldn't rummage through my bosses cupboards or drawers.

Glad you liked the ending, and thanks for the tips, even though I kinda defend some of them, there are things within those points that can be worked on so I appreciate taking the time to point it out. Thanks!
 
Hey Bobby, I liked most of what you've done with the film and you have a good grasp of storytelling, good angles, and good pacing for the most part. The biggest hangup I have is with the exposition on the phone. You can cut all of that out and you;d move the story along faster. It's just unnecessary setup that delays the real action. The real story here begins with this dude overhearing the boss planning to fire him. All of the rest is distracting and doesn't add to the tension or character really. Great shot of the creepy character and the editing there was awesome. Absolutely loved how you did that. Yes, the boltcutters were a distraction. It would have been less of a distraction if he's just picked them up from behind the counter. It doesnt matter if in real life he's have to go to the closet to get them: remember you;re not filming a documentary and they could have been back there for any variety of reasons: hell he could have come back from cutting a lock at the start instead of just talking on the phone. That would have been more interesting and more character building, plus given a reason for the props. It;s a slow set up that would eventually pay off.

The magic bit with the villain takes away a lot of the mystery and it would have been more effective to not have shown how he moves around. A quick cut to a front shot would have been more effective. All in all the short was pretty badass and I enjoyed it. Well done dude.
 
Oh I would have loved to have seen the tv on: not distracting at all, just good set dressing. It would have added more the the reality of the office and shown that it was the office in the storage center, rather than some random office you had access to.
 
Rodney V. Smith said:
Hey Bobby, I liked most of what you've done with the film and you have a good grasp of storytelling, good angles, and good pacing for the most part. The biggest hangup I have is with the exposition on the phone. You can cut all of that out and you;d move the story along faster. It's just unnecessary setup that delays the real action. The real story here begins with this dude overhearing the boss planning to fire him. All of the rest is distracting and doesn't add to the tension or character really. Great shot of the creepy character and the editing there was awesome. Absolutely loved how you did that. Yes, the boltcutters were a distraction. It would have been less of a distraction if he's just picked them up from behind the counter. It doesnt matter if in real life he's have to go to the closet to get them: remember you;re not filming a documentary and they could have been back there for any variety of reasons: hell he could have come back from cutting a lock at the start instead of just talking on the phone. That would have been more interesting and more character building, plus given a reason for the props. It;s a slow set up that would eventually pay off.

The magic bit with the villain takes away a lot of the mystery and it would have been more effective to not have shown how he moves around. A quick cut to a front shot would have been more effective. All in all the short was pretty badass and I enjoyed it. Well done dude.
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Hey Rodney Thanks for the awesome review. I know the beginning dialogue was kinda pointless, but i wish I would have thought about coming in from cutting a lock.....If I was starting today I would TOTALLY use that. It would solve a couple problems! Glad you liked the editing in those parts. Also the thing about the TV being on is that it is constantly moving around on a diagram of the premises, so the movement would be distracting and it would be a problem with conitnuity issues if people were paying attention to it. But yes it definitely would help know it is a storage facility, and wouldve added reason for the tv being there. Thanks for taking the time for the review though man! Glad you enjoyed it!
 
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