JENNY - by Hawk Teflon

[4100xpb]

This was quick, but I think it could have been quicker still. There seemed to be lots of little odds and ends that didn't advance the story such as the backpack (okay, I'll let that one slide), and the mouthwash thing before he tucks her in. Maybe I just missed it, but to me it just seemed to fill time. I really liked the lighting on the lead during the opening scene, it set the mood really well. Some nice moments, but overall this one felt a little flat to me.

 

[Marlon Ladd]

Excellent work! You had some really nice cinematography in here and you and A did a really good job pulling this off. You've been doing alot of comedy recently and it was good to see you tackle some drama and you did it well. As others have said, kudos for getting two films done and they're both quality films. Keep on doing your thing.

 

[Anthony Todaro]

I really liked the setups a lot in this. Some very interesting angles and seamless cuts. The call could be shortened and just as potent. Great fake website and close on screen of the computer. The music felt a tad sentimental to me and took away from the story’s actual somber sentiment. Maybe consider a simpler arrangement? I think seeing more of his pain under that false happiness could be a good adjustment. Going from a casual laugh then him glancing at the sonogram and choking up to show his dilemma.

There is some deep drama here. Good work overall. Bonus points for no lights and doing it nigh solo.

 

[MrFluffy]

I enjoyed this but felt that too much time was taken up with the phone call and website.
Nice camera work and an interesting story. Well done.

 

[Hawk Teflon]

Hey guys, sorry for the delay on the responses here. My parents came into town for a week to meet their first granddaughter, and I had no access to a computer. I tried replying some on my phone, but it was hard to remember what I was replying to...

How did your wife feel about the storyline?

This was pretty good. Very different from your other entry. I liked most of the shots as well. Good work for using what you've got.
I got the ending quite clearly. I can see him making that choice at that specific time. Tough though.

Would be nice to hear some outside noise for the exterior stuff.
Tough to pull off two entries, let alone one. Nice work.

Not sure if we'll see you next fest with the new baby here now.
Hope we do.

My wife wasn't the biggest proponent for this storyline, but she was a trooper. "At least no one dies" was probably her first thought.

I agree on the exterior noises. I need to work on that!

You'll definitely see me in upcoming fests. The feedback is awesome, here!

This was quick, but I think it could have been quicker still. There seemed to be lots of little odds and ends that didn't advance the story such as the backpack (okay, I'll let that one slide), and the mouthwash thing before he tucks her in. Maybe I just missed it, but to me it just seemed to fill time. I really liked the lighting on the lead during the opening scene, it set the mood really well. Some nice moments, but overall this one felt a little flat to me.

Thanks for checking it out! I was hoping the mouthwash bit would push the feel to "Oh time has progressed some" ... I didn't have an external shot before that scene originally, and I needed something to pull it together. I guess I missed that mark. You live and learn. Thanks for the critique!

Excellent work! You had some really nice cinematography in here and you and A did a really good job pulling this off. You've been doing alot of comedy recently and it was good to see you tackle some drama and you did it well. As others have said, kudos for getting two films done and they're both quality films. Keep on doing your thing.

Thanks, Marlon! Yeah, I'm much more comfortable with comedy than serious stuff, but I need to get out of that mode, you know? Thanks again!

I really liked the setups a lot in this. Some very interesting angles and seamless cuts. The call could be shortened and just as potent. Great fake website and close on screen of the computer. The music felt a tad sentimental to me and took away from the story’s actual somber sentiment. Maybe consider a simpler arrangement? I think seeing more of his pain under that false happiness could be a good adjustment. Going from a casual laugh then him glancing at the sonogram and choking up to show his dilemma.

There is some deep drama here. Good work overall. Bonus points for no lights and doing it nigh solo.

Thanks, Anthony! I agree. I wish I hadn't rushed everything from the computer room on. It played out at the right speed in my head, but on the timeline it was a bit short there.

Yeah, the lighting was tough, but not impossible! Thanks!

I enjoyed this but felt that too much time was taken up with the phone call and website.
Nice camera work and an interesting story. Well done.

Thanks! You would HATE the version before this one, ha ha! The website took up 15 seconds. I sat there ... bored. Thanks for checking it out!