at the park - a BROTHERS TUTTLE film

[gabrielflorit]

hmmm.... i don't buy the little girl approaching a stranger and then, of all things, asking for candy????? wtf??? that just begs to be made fun of, the whole "never approach strangers, don't take candy from strangers...."

the little girl is lit so brightly it makes the background seem green screen.

i don't buy the couple's acting. flat delivery, no credibility.

great backlighting on the couple, makes them really stand out.

the passerby's responses to the couple's questions are more believable than the couple's acting.

"i can't lose her, i can't!" ???? what parent losing a child would say that?

the woman chasing the bum scene looks comical because of illogical music choice.

aaaaaaaaaaah. sad, strong ending. overall good writing, but hampered by poor performances. nice camera work, a little bit too much light on some of those park shots.

 

[dvpixl]

then again, I coudln't have seen the impact of the ending if it wasn't for the mom's constant rampage dialogue.

overall, beautiful images. looks like you really took care of it.

 

[Wild Imagination Films]

The lighting detracts from the overall look of the film. Highlights in the soccerball and too much light where there should have been shadow. Also, I thought the little girl asking the bum for candy was a bit too much of a stretch.
I applaud your endeavor though. It shows a scale often not attempted.

 

[Ted Arabian]

Hey Guys! Loved your film. I really thought that you did a great job here.

I found it a little comical that the girl would ask a bum in the park for some candy. I initially was thinking that this was going to be some reverse-cliche! But, as the film was nearing the end, I know why this scene was introduced and I thought that it really set-up for a great ending.

I loved the energy and tension you built in this film. The pacing was great.

The shots seemed a bit inconsistant in lighting and some scenes just seemed too dark.

As for the ending, what a great job on the accident!!! Wow! I didn't see that coming (and neither did he!). Very nice.

I thought that actors did a nice job. Everyone was natural and believable.

I liked your film. You guys did a great job!

Oh! And Herman's score works great in your film!!!

Big kudos to you all!

 

[jeremytuttle]

hmmm.... i don't buy the little girl approaching a stranger and then, of all things, asking for candy????? wtf??? that just begs to be made fun of, the whole "never approach strangers, don't take candy from strangers...."

Your right, what mom would have not told their kid to never talk to strangers?... we'll this mom would have not told her. We wanted to kinda of do the complete opposite of how a kid would act if they haven't had a proper up bringing and believe me I've seen it. It's not until the kid gets themselves in trouble when the parent realizes they should have told them what not to do. I think we may have failed showing how bad of a mom she was. Maybe her constantly ignoring her child wasn't enough and we should have worked on her tone and dialogue towards her more not sure.

the little girl is lit so brightly it makes the background seem green screen.

I assume you mean the shot where Jarred (the old flame) comes and says hi to her. Yeah, that ones bugs the crap out of me. I'll work on that.

i don't buy the couple's acting. flat delivery, no credibility.

Ouch, I didn't think they were that bad but maybe they chemistry wasn't all there. Not sure.

[quote}
great backlighting on the couple, makes them really stand out.
[/quote]

Thanks

"i can't lose her, i can't!" ???? what parent losing a child would say that?

One that is telling herself that. She finally realizes how crappy of a mother she is and if she loses her she would fail completely as a mother.... but maybe it was little over the top.

the woman chasing the bum scene looks comical because of illogical music choice.

aaaaaaaaaaah. sad, strong ending. overall good writing, but hampered by poor performances. nice camera work, a little bit too much light on some of those park shots.

Thanks for the comments. I appreciate them. We are still very new to this and anything helps us get better. Thanks.

 

[jeremytuttle]

then again, I coudln't have seen the impact of the ending if it wasn't for the mom's constant rampage dialogue.

overall, beautiful images. looks like you really took care of it.

Thanks dvpixel, we tried.

The lighting detracts from the overall look of the film. Highlights in the soccerball and too much light where there should have been shadow. Also, I thought the little girl asking the bum for candy was a bit too much of a stretch.
I applaud your endeavor though. It shows a scale often not attempted.

Actually the soccerball stuff was natural light , but I agree that maybe the mood at the time could have used a little more darkness, we didn't have any scrims or flags. As I said early the lighting was a pain, aargh. Next then we do, hopefully it will be in an controlled environment. I'll hit on the girl asking bum candy idea a little more in Ted's review.

Thanks for the comments.
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[jeremytuttle]

Hey Guys! Loved your film. I really thought that you did a great job here.

I found it a little comical that the girl would ask a bum in the park for some candy. I initially was thinking that this was going to be some reverse-cliche! But, as the film was nearing the end, I know why this scene was introduced and I thought that it really set-up for a great ending.

In away it may have been an attempt at a reverse-cliche. We went back and forth on this idea. Would a little girl ask for candy from a complete stranger? Well, back when I worked in a video store I couldn't believe the things kids would do when they were not properly "parented" (if that is a word), The idea really is meant to hit the audience with that fact that Erica is a bad parent and may have never told her child what to do with strangers, it's not until there is a problem where she realizes she should finally act like a parent and then she explodes and tries to compensate for her terrible parenting when she goes missing. I think we didn't convey this message well enough and should have worked on Erica's tone and actions toward Abbey more but we also didn't want it toataly not believable when she freaks out.

I loved the energy and tension you built in this film. The pacing was great.

Thanks, I really appreciate that.

The shots seemed a bit inconsistant in lighting and some scenes just seemed too dark.

I know man, the lighting killed us out there. We would shoot one scene for a maybe two hours and the light would constantly be changing on us. We would try to fake the actors in one direction or the other but it still just didn't work. Note to self, don't shoot an outdoor movie in the winter, we were working with little time and little equipment to make it look right.

As for the ending, what a great job on the accident!!! Wow! I didn't see that coming (and neither did he!). Very nice.

I thought that actors did a nice job. Everyone was natural and believable.

I liked your film. You guys did a great job!

Oh! And Herman's score works great in your film!!!

Big kudos to you all!

Thanks Ted, I really appreciate it. Like I said we are pretty new to this stuff (especially drama) and it's nice to do this and learn and hear what you guys have to say. I really dug your guys' movie, by the way.

 

[KOVAROVA]

I take my daughter to that park all the time!!

you shot it well. good work. best of luck with it.

 

[jeremytuttle]

REVIEW: AT THE PARK

Wow, two of the same kinds of rocks in this fest. Though I'd have to say this one weighs a bit more.

It's amazing how Where Silence Falls and At the Park end on the same beat. Almost literally. But how is yours separated from Norms? Easy: You showed me the character that was going to be blamed in the beginning. I was introduced to ALL key players and didn't have one dumped on me at the last moment to bring a story together. I do like your version of the story, it seems as though it's on a slowly inclining path even though the pacing wants to be move quick.

Your lead is pretty much beat over the head with her own assumptions, and it works well. She remains the focus of the short, which is where I seem to get lost in a lot of these here fest shorts.

How on earth did ya do the aerial shot? I totally get what you were going after there, and I think it works to a degree.

I get lost in a bit of the framing. On example would've been when the guy first comes to meet with the mother, and they bend over to speak to the young girl but she's out of frame. On the very first watch I went "Wait where's the girl?" Also, the voices all sounded like they were inside instead of outside. I'm in headphones, so I heard it well.

Overall, I liked this one. It presented the conflict a little late in the game, and I felt like it could have been shortened all around through the writing process, but I think it works for what you're going for.

Don't worry about the fact that yours is similar to another. The presentation is still different.

Thanks Kholi, I appreciate the comments. I agree with some of your framing comments and maybe we will take a look at different angles, maybe an over the shoulder would have worked better.

The audio is another issue that bugs us a little. We were surrounded by two freeways so there was a constant thundering noise around us. We tried to EQ it and just ended up as a constant hum. The only audio we ADRed was the final fight sequence with yes was indoors but before and after that it was all live recording.

One thing I would really like to do next time is rehearse more (a lot more) to weed out the lines that maybe don't work etc but due to people's schedules are rehearsals were take 1 and 2 .

 

[iSTy]

i was not impressed with the mother being so 'non-commital' with her daughter, why did she take her daughter to the park in the first place, if she wasn't going to play football with her or whatever?
When she was sitting on the mat and chatting, she didn't even keep an eye on her daughter as she went running off, what kinda mother does that?
I'm sorry, although the ending was good and the shots were pretty kewl, i really didn't 'buy' the beginning.

 

[jontuttle]

i was not impressed with the mother being so 'non-commital' with her daughter, why did she take her daughter to the park in the first place, if she wasn't going to play football with her or whatever?
When she was sitting on the mat and chatting, she didn't even keep an eye on her daughter as she went running off, what kinda mother does that?
I'm sorry, although the ending was good and the shots were pretty kewl, i really didn't 'buy' the beginning.

Thanks for the comments. Every bit helps us grow.

They were really going to the park so the mother could meet up with an old flame. Our intent was to show how distracted she was by the guy that she paid little attention to her daughter. The point was to make the mother 'non-committal but perhaps we could have been a bit more subtle. Maybe we tried to beat people over the head with it.

We are glad you liked the editing and the shots. We are happy for the feedback.

 

[david jerome]

I thought it was awesome guys. I can't believe you are new to this. The images were beautiful. I thought the actors were really good actually. I had a feeling about where it was going and I think that is probably because we might think a little bit alike. I have a couple of similar stories in my vault of story ideas. Again, you guys have some serious craft going on and the story was twisty just like it should be. Brothers Tuttle rule.

david jerome

 

[J.R. Hudson]

Everyfest, there is one film that stands out for me and it is the one that simply captures my attention and brings me into a make believe world and I forget I'm watching a film in the first place

I am not through all of the films just yet, but this is the current leader for me. The talent was perfect, the sound was great, the score had a personality and was alive, the editing and use of light was awesome.

I loved everything about it. The framing and compositions could be more polished but I think that'll come in time. These fests aren't about the cinemaphotography or technical achievements made, but about the art of telling a sotry through film.

So far, this one has my top vote.

Bravo guys !

 

[Aaron Marshall]

I felt like the homeless man could have been in more of a confused panic around the fight with the boyfirned. He was like some secret agent punching that man in the face. Was the boyfriend really a necessary character? I think not. The way the bum grabbed the jacket made me think, "oh great he's a perv". I would have left him more innocent, maybe even slightly mentally retarded. The ending would have been more tragic, and the running made more sense. Everyone did a pretty good job. These critiques are minor.

The score had some great enhancing moments. I think it pushed the story along well. The sound design with the truck, and just the look of the truck was great.

 

[jeremytuttle]

I thought it was awesome guys. I can't believe you are new to this. The images were beautiful. I thought the actors were really good actually. I had a feeling about where it was going and I think that is probably because we might think a little bit alike. I have a couple of similar stories in my vault of story ideas. Again, you guys have some serious craft going on and the story was twisty just like it should be. Brothers Tuttle rule.

david jerome

No David, you rule. I watched your movie again and I couldn't believe how funny yet sad it was at the same time. Thanks for the complements though. If it's comedy fest next time I seriously think we need to collaborate on something.

 

[RebeccaD]

Nice job on this one! It is one of the standouts in my book and has a similar theme to ours in that someone is falsely accused in regards to the loss of a child. Nice twists and well-done acting!!

 

[jeremytuttle]

Everyfest, there is one film that stands out for me and it is the one that simply captures my attention and brings me into a make believe world and I forget I'm watching a film in the first place

I am not through all of the films just yet, but this is the current leader for me. The talent was perfect, the sound was great, the score had a personality and was alive, the editing and use of light was awesome.

I loved everything about it. The framing and compositions could be more polished but I think that'll come in time. These fests aren't about the cinemaphotography or technical achievements made, but about the art of telling a sotry through film.

So far, this one has my top vote.

Bravo guys !

Wow John, that means a lot coming from you. I agree with your comment on the framing and cinematography and hope to get better at it. Herman's score was very unique and I really liked it. I think it added some character and life (like you said) to it. Thanks again. I need to watch yours again (I've watched it twice all ready) before I could even begin thinking of reviewing it. If your movie meant what I think it meant, I really dig it.

 

[jeremytuttle]

I felt like the homeless man could have been in more of a confused panic around the fight with the boyfirned. He was like some secret agent punching that man in the face. Was the boyfriend really a necessary character? I think not. The way the bum grabbed the jacket made me think, "oh great he's a perv". I would have left him more innocent, maybe even slightly mentally retarded. The ending would have been more tragic, and the running made more sense. Everyone did a pretty good job. These critiques are minor.

The score had some great enhancing moments. I think it pushed the story along well. The sound design with the truck, and just the look of the truck was great.

You may have a point there with the homlessman and to be honest I think we had that feeling a little more with the original recording but in ADRing it kind of lost that confusing. I'm not sure if mental ill would have helped but I think more, quicker accusations and denials may of made it more believable. Just so you know we made him ex-military so to make the punch a little more believable like he was naturally reacting more then thinking about it. Thanks though Aaron, I appreciate your comments (I really liked your HeroFest entry). By the way I thought your score for Eighteen Seconds was great (I think you did it), it was subtle yet emotional and worked great with the short.

Nice job on this one! It is one of the standouts in my book and has a similar theme to ours in that someone is falsely accused in regards to the loss of a child. Nice twists and well-done acting!!

Rebecca, wow I couldn't believe how similar. Thanks for the comments, I haven't got around to telling you guys what I thought but I'll just say I thought you were amazing... but I'll gush about you on your thread.

 

[ignatius]

Hi guys, well, let me first start off with the fact that my 10 year old daughter (who has watched all the shorts with me!) has chosen At The Park as her favorite. So there's one vote. I think it's a great attempt. Yes, you have some issues that people are brow-beating you with, but overall, you kept us watching and that's sometimes all that counts. I liked the score and the sound (yes, you can kind of hear the "room" in the ADR work, but it wasn't distracting), I liked the lighting - shooting in natural light like that is a monster *****, which I know all too well. The acting is fine, I think where you run into trouble is the characters, but that just takes some more practice, some more writing skills, that's all. Because you have responded to critiques, I understand that the mother was intended to come across as more of a "bad mother" - a concept I like and think you should try again, showing a character that just isn't "right". I think to portray this "bad" mothering, it would have been better to show her absent-mindedly dishing out fistfuls of candy to keep the kid quiet! And yes, the bum could have been a bit better drawn, but only if you had more time to tell the story. I think this could be developed into a longer, more intense flick that really deals with the issues you were bringing up. I kinda didn't buy the bum running off without trying to verbally defend himself more. In fact, I wonder if he wouldn't have offered to help look for Abby, based on his character. This'll piss you off, but it bugged me that the actress's hair kept falling in her face. The shot of the bum picking up the sweater is downright creepy and with different music would have been almost unbearable. The profile shot of the mom showing the photo to the guy sitting under the tree is great and the strings at that point are awesome as well. The sequence where the mom is turning in place to look and can't see her daughter could have used, IMO, a reverse POV, something evoking her view and the fact that the girl is nowhere to be seen. And while the helicopter shot itself is cool, I feel it doesn't quite work because of all the trees - we can't really see the park as intended. The finale is great, the actress and bum in the street, they're great, the blood is perfect, it all worked. Anyway, all moot points. Overall, I think this was an excellent exercise and you've already learned the most valuable lessons from it and I would love to see whatever you make in the future.

 

[RomanJaquez]

This one is on my top list,
I crushed blacks in the picture works very well with the relationship between the characters. The cinematography is just plain beautiful. Great job.

You actors are also good... they put up a good performance. The costume, the set, the props it all made real... well orchestrated.

The area where I recommend improvement is in the dialogues... for instance the mother was narrating how she felt... the writer could have indicated to the actor to show it. There is a popular phrase in screen writing, "show don't tell".

I liked this movie... I would like to see more of your work.

Best regards,