Apropos - A Hawk Teflon short

Great short here. I like the twitch in the eye, that really sold it.
Only two issues. One was the sound was low and a little hard to hear him. Two, when he says be quiet, she wasn't talking or trying to talk so that didn't really fit.
I really liked the flashback grading. Nice work.
 
This was a really successful short Hawk, nicely done. I watched it 3 times, enough to notice that you recycled the bathtub for the flashback - lol.
But seriously, kudos for using slow motion. I never do, and after the fact I always wished I had. Marlon nailed that performance, easily some of the best acting in the fest.
I'm not sure why the audio was so low though. It wasn't hissy or anything, and I know he was talking low like a whisper, but I really had trouble hearing his voice in the mix. You might want to throw a compressor or limiter on his voice and boost it a touch. I love love the first shot of Marlon in the doorway, sick lighting! In fact, all your lighting was really nice. Great green color correcting, it fit perfect with the creepy revenge genre. The girl's makeup was cool, and her messed up mascara came to life with the crushed blacks of the cc. Looked really pro.
This will be a highly rated short for me, for sure. Great job.
 
That's odd that the sound was low. I edited with headphones the whole time, and everything was hovering around the -9 mark. Weird. I'll go back and check it again tonight on my timeline. Thanks for the heads up.

@ Dustin, thanks! I really appreciate it! (and yeah, it's Bricktown ... pretty much the only thing to do out here when the Thunder isn't playing, and they play right beside that area anyway).

@Lynch, yeah, I know exactly what you mean about crossing the line. I wasn't excited about using that angle there, but my choices were very limited.

@Matt, actually all of the flashback scene was shot in a completely different location. There was no flashback in the original short because we just wanted to keep it simple, but we realized that we needed that in there. It was shot last minute in a completely different location (city, even).
 
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Hey Hawk....Nice film.. Acting was good...I like it overall.
The shots of Marlon from the tub POV were outstanding. Perfect image!

I didnt care for the bluer cc when the camera switched to the girl in the tub though. I thought the sound was a little low as well.

Great Job.
 
my bad, i thought it was the same bath tile on the wall behind your head in the flashback, not that it matters either way.
by the way, great effect on the flashback, is it the "scrape" plug in? I did flashback's the exact same way in a short i did a few years back. Then i went and rewatched Bourne Ultimatum and they did the same flashback style! Were you influenced by the Bourne flashback look or is that a coincidence?
 
No, no plug-in. Just threw it in After Effects, blew it out a little, and created a composited layer above it to streak the whites. Oh, and more CC toward blue than green to pull it as separate from the rest of the video.

Ha, yeah, I guess the tubs do look alike.
 
very nice, great flashback style. and go watch the end of bourne ultimatum, the flashback looks the exact same, even the blue, so you made a hollwood quality flashback as far as i'm concerned!

as for the audio, i think what you need to do when your main actor is talking very soft, is you have to mix his voice as the loudest thing in the audio mix. everything else, music, sfx, need to be tucked under the voice. not a big deal, just mentioning it.
 
Spoilers...
Nicely shot and effectively acted by our kidnapper, with our actress maybe being a little disconnected to the emotional gravity of her situation (it isn't easy when your in soaking water) and perhaps scarred by a supernatural amount of mascara! (Way way too much!) This little thriller seemed fairly predictable at first, (anything starting with someone struggling is an archaic cliche in short films) however, this did make the twist element all the more surprising (and it caught me off guard!) So in that sense i was entrapped haha!

Now the direction the narrative takes with the revelation (and darker past) of our supposed victim begins to incite a little suspense in the audience. I watched it thinking ooh... is something crazy maybe going to happen ie. will the tables perhaps be turned. Whether they are or are not - to bring such a story to a sufficient close is notoriously difficult. Does it become camp with our sly lady doing her lipstick smile at the door as she departs our male victim... or with the enigma of her past raised... do we just well... get no twist or continiation of the revelation.

The later often ensures the cliche of the first, but the inability to deliver on the enigma ultimately holds this film back. We're left where we started and the hook that spikes our interest is left unspent. Its like being a middle aged man looking into the dissapointed face of your third wife while your twist dangles impotently over a plot hole.

Its not devastating for the film, but it leaves it slightly forgettable - capable, well produced, well acted, but its missing the killer blow that makes its delicious, cruel, and scarily memorable. As a point I couldn't help but notice overall just how almsot every filmmaker missed the boat on villain fest really. There were barely any memorable villains created - instead fairly tired formulas were brought out to roost, instead of inventive villainous characters.

Anyway a decent film bro!
 
There is so much that I love in your film here.

Let's start with Marlon. He was really fantastic. This is an incredibly challenging part. I found him to be chilling, natural, and he brought a depth to the character that was intriguing.

I loved the opening montage. Really professional and slick.

Your angles in the bathroom are awesome. I even dig the strong color choices. And those first close-ups of the girl in the water are phenomenal!

But there are two things that don't work as well for me:

- The length of that monologue is tough. I wish there was more of a give and take between the man and the woman. I wish she could talk, beg, argue, and threaten.

- I just don't quite believe that twist/backstory for the woman. She has killed 7 military men and made each look like suicide - why? I think it simplifies what could be a much deeper story. Why couldn't she just be responsible for the death of his one friend. Give this story a bit more ambiguity and I think it becomes much more powerful.

Anyway, your technical skills here are awesome. One of the best looking entries in the fest. I enjoyed it a lot and it was really cool to see Marlon lay it down like that. Well done.
 
ZazaCast said:
Comments to come later...but I have to say, I don't know who you had originally cast for the male lead, but I'd be thankful he backed out because Marlon knocked it out of the park!
You now owe him BIG TIME.

Look for my comments here later tonight.....

Here it is later, much later & I've had a chance to watch on the big screen!

Really great job Hawk. This is by far the best I've seen from you so far, you should be very proud. Marlon steped-up and pulled through for you.
I'll follow your lead:

Spoiler:
Likes: loved the opening and figure that was all AF100 and it's beautigul SloMo. Good set-up to the story. Marlon's acting was very believable... I hope you directed him to make it so.:) Good shots & angles throughout. Liked the score and sound design...oh...and you make a good lookin' corpse! (didn't see you blink) Liked the twist.

MEH: Quite a difference in look from the opening scene to the bathroom, threw me a little at first. I figure you were goping for that 'green' look? The female lead was a little weak to me & the gag...not so much. For some reason the make-up on the inside of Marlon's collar bugged me (I know, I'm wacked). Score was good, but too loud at points. I still think you could have gotten the slider in the bathroom...worked great in "ROM"!:thumbsup:

This is all nit-pickin' ... because it was very well done!
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I didn't realize you'd edited this to add comments. Actually, everything in slow-mo at the beginning (coffee shop) was shot on the t2i and t3i. It was really crowded in there and though we had permission to shoot there, we had to keep it low key. So it was all handheld, and on the dslr's.

Ha! Ok, ok. I'll use the slider in my next entry, even if it's supposed to be a stagnant shot the entire time. :grin:

Yeah, I need to go back and check my audio levels apparently.
 
lawriejaffa said:
Spoilers...
Nicely shot and effectively acted by our kidnapper, with our actress maybe being a little disconnected to the emotional gravity of her situation (it isn't easy when your in soaking water) and perhaps scarred by a supernatural amount of mascara! (Way way too much!) This little thriller seemed fairly predictable at first, (anything starting with someone struggling is an archaic cliche in short films) however, this did make the twist element all the more surprising (and it caught me off guard!) So in that sense i was entrapped haha!

Now the direction the narrative takes with the revelation (and darker past) of our supposed victim begins to incite a little suspense in the audience. I watched it thinking ooh... is something crazy maybe going to happen ie. will the tables perhaps be turned. Whether they are or are not - to bring such a story to a sufficient close is notoriously difficult. Does it become camp with our sly lady doing her lipstick smile at the door as she departs our male victim... or with the enigma of her past raised... do we just well... get no twist or continiation of the revelation.

The later often ensures the cliche of the first, but the inability to deliver on the enigma ultimately holds this film back. We're left where we started and the hook that spikes our interest is left unspent. Its like being a middle aged man looking into the dissapointed face of your third wife while your twist dangles impotently over a plot hole.

Its not devastating for the film, but it leaves it slightly forgettable - capable, well produced, well acted, but its missing the killer blow that makes its delicious, cruel, and scarily memorable. As a point I couldn't help but notice overall just how almsot every filmmaker missed the boat on villain fest really. There were barely any memorable villains created - instead fairly tired formulas were brought out to roost, instead of inventive villainous characters.

Anyway a decent film bro!
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Hey, thanks a lot for checking this out and taking the time to comment. I really do appreciate all of the feedback. While you lost me on the wording of some of your comments (old man, third wife), I do follow for the most part and you make strong points. Points that I'll really look into for making future projects better. Seriously. Sorry it didn't quite hit the mark for you. Maybe next fest, eh?
 
Chris Messineo said:
There is so much that I love in your film here.

Let's start with Marlon. He was really fantastic. This is an incredibly challenging part. I found him to be chilling, natural, and he brought a depth to the character that was intriguing.

I loved the opening montage. Really professional and slick.

Your angles in the bathroom are awesome. I even dig the strong color choices. And those first close-ups of the girl in the water are phenomenal!

But there are two things that don't work as well for me:

- The length of that monologue is tough. I wish there was more of a give and take between the man and the woman. I wish she could talk, beg, argue, and threaten.

- I just don't quite believe that twist/backstory for the woman. She has killed 7 military men and made each look like suicide - why? I think it simplifies what could be a much deeper story. Why couldn't she just be responsible for the death of his one friend. Give this story a bit more ambiguity and I think it becomes much more powerful.

Anyway, your technical skills here are awesome. One of the best looking entries in the fest. I enjoyed it a lot and it was really cool to see Marlon lay it down like that. Well done.
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Much appreciated, Chris! I have to agree that Marlon really made this come alive (I'm just hoping he doesn't realize his talent so much that he starts charging :grin:).

Yeah, looking back, I wish we'd done more back and forth between the two. It was part of the original plan, but once on set, things changed a little.
 
Hawk Teflon said:
I didn't realize you'd edited this to add comments. Actually, everything in slow-mo at the beginning (coffee shop) was shot on the t2i and t3i. It was really crowded in there and though we had permission to shoot there, we had to keep it low key. So it was all handheld, and on the dslr's.
Click to expand...
So... where...or did you use any AF100 footage at all?

Ha! Ok, ok. I'll use the slider in my next entry, even if it's supposed to be a stagnant shot the entire time. :grin:
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A little motion in some of those 'stagnant' shots wouldn't have hurt. You know there are all kinds of shots you can get with a slider...pushes...pulls...vertical reveals, etc. not just horizonal slides! :beer:

Yeah, I need to go back and check my audio levels apparently.
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It's tough to get it right for so many different systems...these films are watched on everything from high-end home theatre systems to a laptop.
 
Marlon's entire monologue looking up at him is the AF100. So is the wide of him pulling her out of the tub and over his shoulder of her looking at him.
 
Yep. I'm pretty sure all of the other shots were either the t2i or t3i. Now, also understand, that I had very little experience with the AF100, and I've shot a ton on the t2i.
 
I just wanted to stop in and congratulate Hawk on a job well done. As filmmakers we all know what we're up against trying to make a movie happen and with his back against the wall, he made it all work out great.

Thanks so much to all the dvxusers for all the compliments and critiques on the film and my performance. Glad you guys liked it - means alot!

@ ROGAN - Your post had me crackin' up, man. LOL!

Oh, Hawk you might wanna' thank Bell in here somewhere too. I think you owe her your second born or something like that. :grin:
 
You're right, Marlon. Immediately apologies for that. "...and a big thank you to the wonderful Bell for putting up with us." Really. We had her in a tub for upwards of 5 hours, freezing. THEN got some ADR on a different day from her (that we actually didn't even use), THEN had her for the flashback scene. So yes, thank you, Bell.
 
Hawk Teflon said:
You're right, Marlon. Immediately apologies for that. "...and a big thank you to the wonderful Bell for putting up with us." Really. We had her in a tub for upwards of 5 hours, freezing. THEN got some ADR on a different day from her (that we actually didn't even use), THEN had her for the flashback scene. So yes, thank you, Bell.
Click to expand...

I wondered about that.

For PHANTOM we had our lead actress falling into the non-heated pool when it was fairly frigid out, but we shot her scenes fairly quick, no where near five hours! So kudos to her.

Great performance by your lead and overall a solid entry.
 
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