Apropos - A Hawk Teflon short

Thanks for the votes of confidence guys.

I DO want to take this moment to say thanks to Marlon. He saved my butt more than once on this, stepping in when we were suddenly empty handed, and coming in with a great attitude about it as well. So Marlon, thank you!
 
Grats on getting in Hawk. Marlon can be a character so I'm looking forward to see what he comes up with.

Should be a good fest man. Zaza and AJ, Shawn , Matt Harris, MAH, man.

Good luck guys.
 
Comments to come later...but I have to say, I don't know who you had originally cast for the male lead, but I'd be thankful he backed out because Marlon knocked it out of the park!
You now owe him BIG TIME.

Look for my comments here later tonight.....

Here it is later, much later & I've had a chance to watch on the big screen!

Really great job Hawk. This is by far the best I've seen from you so far, you should be very proud. Marlon steped-up and pulled through for you.
I'll follow your lead:

Spoiler:
Likes: loved the opening and figure that was all AF100 and it's beautigul SloMo. Good set-up to the story. Marlon's acting was very believable... I hope you directed him to make it so.:) Good shots & angles throughout. Liked the score and sound design...oh...and you make a good lookin' corpse! (didn't see you blink) Liked the twist.

MEH: Quite a difference in look from the opening scene to the bathroom, threw me a little at first. I figure you were goping for that 'green' look? The female lead was a little weak to me & the gag...not so much. For some reason the make-up on the inside of Marlon's collar bugged me (I know, I'm wacked). Score was good, but too loud at points. I still think you could have gotten the slider in the bathroom...worked great in "ROM"!:thumbsup:

This is all nit-pickin' ... because it was very well done!
 
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That was a good one. I watched it 3 times so far. I'm becoming a bit of a Marlon fan now. As far as crits go, a couple of cutaways looked liked the CC was a bit off. Minor and probably just me.

I liked how the story played out too. I'm happy with that one. Thanks for entering.
 
Nice opening. Slow mo, MOS start. Smart move when shooting in a public place.


Nice switch. Great atmosphere.


Then storytelling...a monologue. Flashback would've been good there instead.


LIttle bit of echo on 'so you think i killed him'.


It's engaging, I'm wondering what the ending holds. Glad you eventually showed a flashback or some insight.


Scream to black, nice.
I liked it.


The actor's did a great job. Nice take on who's the villain.


Overall it starts nicely with a movin' and a shakin' then it kinda hits a speed bump with an elongated monologue. Maybe another device...flashback?


Only one sound issue with the girl's dialogue, maybe the mic was a bit far away.
 
Hands down, one of my favorites. Marlon just did a fantastic job, especially since he had to carry the entire film.
Spoiler:
. Very nice twist, we all expect him to be the villain and he’s the hero. No real big complaints. I think you might have worked in some longer and tighter shots of Marlon during his monologue. It got a bit static in the middle. Maybe a POV from the girl’s hands in the water up to Marlon’s CU. The cut to the side shot of his face jumped a bit – it probably should have been a shot of the right side of his face – as it is, it sort of crosses the line. Minor nit-picking as Marlon’s performance swept right over everything.
Liked the scream to black. I was hoping we’d hear her scream as that gag wasn’t going to do much!

Excellent job all around, you aced this one.
 
Wow, Marlon just blew that away. I loved the twitch in the eye. A guy really on the edge. He was so 3d that it made the victim seem a little 2d.
Production values were fantastic. I loved the start good call on setting the scene. Would have liked a little twist at the end, but thats just me.
Well done to everyone.
 
Technically, this is much improved from your last fest entries, it's great to see you and everyone getting better each time.


Storywise, I’m afraid I’m going to be pretty tough on this. The main character seems interesting. I’m not sure whether to like him or not until late, which is good. However, he just sits around and talks. What is his goal? Avenge his buddy’s death is the obvious answer, but what obstacles does he face to do this? What does he overcome? Who is his antagonist? There isn’t any obstacle to his goal - even seducing the girl is effortless (which it probably is for Marlon).
Spoiler:

Furthermore, what does he gain if he avenges his friend? What does he stand to lose if he doesn’t? From what I can see, all he’s gaining is some self satisfaction. He’s lost his best friend already and the cops are nowhere in sight, so there’s no apparent jeopardy he’s in – he obviously won’t get tricked by this girl, so what danger does he face?

I’m not sure what you were trying to put forward with this piece, so I’m not sure where to suggest looking for improvement. Were you trying to look at the moral dilemma of this guy who caught the girl who murdered his best friend? Or after the suspense of him tracking down the killer and having the killer in his hands? Or something else entirely? I'm not sure, so all I can offer is the general stuff - you've got an interesting character, give him a clear goal, an obstacle, and something to win and lose.

Twists and reveals can be great, but without sufficient story behind it, it just feels like you’re playing a trick on the viewer. We think he's the bad guy, but then he tells us he's not. Don't tell us what happens, let us discover and unfold the truth as we follow the story along.

That said, you got a great performance from Marlon. Kudos to the directing and acting. The character really is interesting, and it was good to see him brought to life. Thanks for putting this in Hawk, and I look forward to seeing your next entries.
 
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There's not much i can add that hasn't been said already. It seemed that there were a few shots where the CC didn't match. I didn't like the lack of sound design in the beginning as it felt to me like a music video, i felt a lot more comfortable once the sound design came in. I thought her performance was a little on the weaker side and the dialogue got a little repetitive in some areas .e.g. he mentioned her having feeling or lack of feeling in her hands about four times, when he pricked her finger and it moved all he needed to say was something like 'perfect' as we can see she has feeling.

What i liked was Marlon's performance, i enjoyed staying on him for the monologue. I thought it was a brave choice holding on him without cutting to a flashback and i thought it paid off. I liked the flashback sequence that came in toward the end, it had a very interesting look. I also thought the score complemented the film nicely and was cringing when he put the razor blade to her wrist. Good job.
 
Many thanks to all of you for aLL of the compliments and criticisms. I really do appreciate all of it.

@Zaza, the guy we had playing that part originally was in the military and had the service type tattoos on his arms. I really like that look. But, as you can imagine, when I "had to" use Marlon instead, I was NOT disappointed at all. AND I KNEW Marlon could nail it. The other guy, I had NO clue on. So to be honest, I was a little relieved when I heard the other guy couldn't do it and Marlon was coming. He hadn't said yes yet, which is why I wasn't very relieved at the time!

@Gord, I'm hoping you didn't have to watch it 3 times because you didn't understand it. I had to do that with Akira when I was 12. It was a long, awesome Saturday of "WTF did I just watch?"

@Mobie, Yeah, we tried ADR'ing the "So you think I killed him," but it was so far out of place that it stuck out even more. Had to go back to square one on that one. I wasn't excited about it.

@taylor, thanks for the vote of confidence, man. I appreciate it.

@MrFluffy, thanks. Yeah, Marlon really made this what it is (unless it's bad, then blame me:grin:)

@4100xpb (what does your name mean?!), Thank you! If anything, I just want to hone my skills to get better and better. I guess I could tell you about the backstory we created with him, but that would seem to much like i'm trying to defend my piece I think. It's quite possible we built too much story OFF screen and not enough ON screen.

@Matthew, again thank you! I definitely see what you're saying about the repetitive nature of it, and cutting that down some.

Many thanks for checking it out, and even more so for commenting. I'm learning more and more with each of the comments.
 
.....But....but...Marlon was so pretty (no homo) why'd he have to kill her

all jokes aside that ***** had to die and Marlon's eye twitch said that ***** was gettin hers!




Oh it was a movie...oh. hmm, I bought it!

Great job guys.

And a side not to you OKC guys...the band that did my title song is up in your neck of the woods (Anti-Mortem, my cousins band) they play at Brickhouse all the time (at least i think its brickhouse...maybe bricktown...dunno)

GREAT FILM! no complaints except to make Marlon less handsome next time (again...no homo)

Rogan
 
Your lead was great - best performance of the fest in my opinion (is there a best actor award? - perhaps there should be?).

Spoiler:
I felt a little let down that what I thought was going to happen actually happened and there wasn't anything hidden from me. Not that every short has to have a surprise at the end, but I would have liked to have something more - not much, but a little.

The only technical glitch that I noticed was the crossing the line when he reaches for his phone around 3:43 - you go right to left and it was a tiny bit jarring. Could be just me though as I haven't seen anyone else mention it.


Thanks for sharing this - I really enjoyed it.
 
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