alone...

GageFX said:
Does anyone have any idea what Penguin is going on about?
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I don't even know. Actually, I do, and I feel like a moron. This thread just reminded me. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing since I do need to do something about it. I just don't know what, so I toss out vague statements in hopes that it will make me feel just a little bit better. It doesn't. I sent you a PM, by the way.

hoz said:
...i had this thought the other day that i'd be driving somewhere only to have to stop because suddenly there'd be this mass of people just standing there all wondering out loud about the same things, like as if the world just had enough or something...
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I think I could turn that into a film for TwilightFest :grin:
 
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shhhhhhhhhhh....

:lipsrseal
 
Brandon Rice said:
I want to be married and have a family... the closeness of a relationship like that cannot be replaced on a human level with anything... I am focusing on my career, but tis' tough sometimes, you know.
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Aye aye aye B Masta

Enjoy life; embrace it, embrace yourself. Become so confident and secure with your own person and it'll happen. I swear.

It's taken me 38 years (minus 12) to realize a true connection with someone. I'm involved with someone currently that makes the last 20 years seem like a joke (relationship wise).

I know it sucks sometimes, hang in there.
 
hoz said:
stupid advice on love as it was told to me in one form or another....

keep it simple. think of it this way, right now your girl is out there somewhere thinking the same sort of things you are.
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Actually that's great advice.

-Nate
 
...think of it this way, right now your girl is out there somewhere thinking the same sort of things you are.
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Sadly, she lives in Upper Nonexistanstan and will never have the money to leave so you'll never meet her.

It's all very tragic.
 
ConspiracyPenguin said:
Also, I feel like a dumb ass staring at this MSN window thinking "Should I? Or shouldn't I?" then I reach the ultimate conclusion that doing it would make me an even bigger dumb ass because I didn't pick up the phone. I get so pissed when I answer my own questions and then don't do jack about it...
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You could talk to her about a movie, and then say that you guys should see it together once it comes out. Don't use the word "date" and don't think of it as a date. Just go and have fun.

Transitioning from friend to "relationship" is nearly impossible to do in one step.
 
Transitioning from friend to "relationship" is nearly impossible to do in one step.
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I disagree. I think it HAS to be done in one step otherwise you are still just the friend. Eternally "the friend"; until you flip that switch.

The downside is that the flipped switch often then means "no longer friends".
 
I was much like you once upon a time B-man. Very idealistic, romantic and spitritual (assumption based on your filmmaking choices). I was in love with love... and I got married young... and I got divorced young. When you are young and so caught up in this ideal form of love that exists in your head, you over look a lot of faults, not only in the other person but also in yourself, after all love is blind.
After the train wreck that was my first marriage I spent 7 years alone. I wasnt shell shocked, I just knew better. I was a music producer and the girls around me weren't the marrying kind and I wasn't in a rush this time. One day out of nowhere I met some one that really fit who I am as a person, I didn't realize it at first because, trust me, it takes a while to really get to know someone. And you better really get to know some one before you make THAT commitment. But more importantly, get to know yourself (dirty minds need not comment on this).
 
GageFX said:
I disagree. I think it HAS to be done in one step otherwise you are still just the friend. Eternally "the friend"; until you flip that switch.

The downside is that the flipped switch often then means "no longer friends".
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Case in point - my wife and I have been friends since 8th grade. For a few months a few years ago we spent alot of time together. Finally she had the balls (no she doesnt actually have balls) to say hey are we together or just friends, because its one or the other. She then quickly went into babbling something about because if we are just friends thats great but if its more then we should probably just get married or something along those lines. I kinda forget most of it as I was in the final minutes of making some nice cheese bread and cannot stand burned cheese. We got married 6 mos later. Perhaps a little bit of an extreme version of what Gage is talking about, but it definitely helps if someone just comes out and calls it like it is. Avoids the years and years of wondering what he is thinking/she is thinking etc and all of the but I thought we really had something and she's like oh, no I'm dating Bobby. Not that I've been there or anything...

If I were you, I'd do the hey lets go see a movie thing, then towards the end of the date bring it up (assuming you're still interested in dating her by the end of the movie). Dont get discouraged if she's not interested though. Takes two to tango.
 
Wow.. this is an amazing adventure into the minds of today's young men... Fascinating!

...please do continue... just fascinating!
 
J.R. Hudson said:
Aye aye aye B Masta

Enjoy life; embrace it, embrace yourself. Become so confident and secure with your own person and it'll happen. I swear.

It's taken me 38 years (minus 12) to realize a true connection with someone. I'm involved with someone currently that makes the last 20 years seem like a joke (relationship wise).

I know it sucks sometimes, hang in there.
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Better Eat your Wheaties... and listen to your John_Hudson.
 
GageFX said:
I disagree. I think it HAS to be done in one step otherwise you are still just the friend. Eternally "the friend"; until you flip that switch.

The downside is that the flipped switch often then means "no longer friends".
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As far as I see it, there's two options. The first is continue to be a friend and hope that she'll one day have feelings for you which can happen but is risky and can take a long time. It's a crap shoot. It worked for me once in the past, but it was partly because of her prior bad relationships that she came to me. This isn't ideal.

The other, is to disappear for a while and then come back and put a new spin on the relationship. Change the dynamic. As long as she seriously views you as a brother, there isn't much hope. Be sure it's what you want though because as Gage said, you run the chance of ruining the friendship.

Best of luck Penguin. I've been there but it isn't hopeless.
 
GageFX said:
I disagree. I think it HAS to be done in one step otherwise you are still just the friend. Eternally "the friend"; until you flip that switch.

The downside is that the flipped switch often then means "no longer friends".
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What's your idea of "one step"? I meant one step to mean something physical. I think most girls my age (same age as Penguin I think) would be "weirded out" by a quick move if they've always thought of you as just a friend. My idea of a slow transition would be to slowly show them that you are capable of being more than just a friend.

If they girl has truly never thought about anything more than friendship, you have to get her to consider something before you try to make a move.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because it's only based on my experiences.
 
Drew said:
I think most girls my age (same age as Penguin I think) would be "weirded out" by a quick move if they've always thought of you as just a friend.
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LOL, as opposed to OLD, like me. Safe to say that the girls I date are not a lot older than you. (A big reason I'm still single.) But, to the point:

WHY would they be weirded out? They'd be weirded out if they dont think of you like that. And that is exactly what you need to learn. The longer you are just friends, the more you solidify just friends. Make that move and learn where you stand. If you are only thought of as a friend, best to know it, so you can get the show on the road, OR to move on and fine someone else.


Jeff said:
If I were you, I'd do the hey lets go see a movie thing, then towards the end of the date bring it up (assuming you're still interested in dating her by the end of the movie). Dont get discouraged if she's not interested though.
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Dont "bring it up". Make your move. And I'm not saying to try and mount her in the theater, but you have to make a move that is above and beyond "friend". Simply holding hands. Whisper in her ear and gauge her body language. When you went to whisper, did she turn towards you because she thought you were going to kiss her, or did she turn away because she thought the same?

In the end, you need to know where you stand. Learn it and move on. Dont take it PERSONAL if she doesnt feel the same. It's not a nice feeling, but there are a billion dudes out there, just just happens to be interested in someone else. Think about all the chicks you are not interested in. Do you think they should all be butthurt that you dont like them?

Learn what's up and move up or move on.
 
Also, I feel like a dumb ass staring at this MSN window thinking "Should I? Or shouldn't I?" then I reach the ultimate conclusion that doing it would make me an even bigger dumb ass because I didn't pick up the phone. I get so pissed when I answer my own questions and then don't do jack about it...
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AHHH! BREAK, STOP. You are about to commit the single most stupid move you could. NEVER ask a girl out online. Anything short of personal is stupid and shows you are A) afraid. B) socially awkward.

People all to commonly think that with the advent of technology, asking people out online is okay. I know a few people - in their 20s even - who think they are in a relationship because they started dating online. They talk about dating. And have "sex" via SMS or AIM. Tell me that isn't strange?

If you want to make an impression with her, talk to her in person. Give her a call and ask what she is doing this week. Then precede to mention getting coffee. Why coffee?

Well this is exactly why. Girls sometimes are intimidated by dinner. Honestly this is nice after first meeting. Not for the first meet up just you and her. Dinner, if something goes wrong you are stuck there for the remainder of dinner. Since you can't really leave. And dinner is expensive.

Movies don't work because there is no interaction between the two "datees". You might get a hand hold in there, maybe if there is a mutual feeling and the movie is kind enough to offer a romantic or touching scene. Handholds don't happen when a guy gets his head chopped off by a chain saw. There is no talking aside from the minutes before previews start. Or small comments in the film. If you don't like it, or she doesn't like it. You both are miserable. And when leaving, there isn't much to do aside from. "Nice seeing you. Thanks for the movie..."

Coffee works because...there are more options than just coffee. There are snacks, there are other beverages. It is centered around communication and talking. If it goes wrong, you can easily get out. After coffee, have something else planned in the event she wants to do something after. If she has some interest in you, she will pretty herself up a little bit. You do the same. Don't wear your Bud Light shirt and painting shorts out. Dress up a little.

Best place to go. First kiss on the first date. The single thing that really shows interest (unless your drunk). Can be really touching, or a disaster.

I can go on, but dinner calls. Maybe I need to write that book. "The Friend Zone and how to Avoid it"
 
GageFX said:
Safe to say that the girls I date are not a lot older than you
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Just make sure they are older than Penguin...

GageFX said:
Dont "bring it up". Make your move. And I'm not saying to try and mount her in the theater, but you have to make a move that is above and beyond "friend". Simply holding hands. Whisper in her ear and gauge her body language. When you went to whisper, did she turn towards you because she thought you were going to kiss her, or did she turn away because she thought the same?
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Yeah thats probably an even better idea. Girls inherently lie when they talk anyways. Yeah so dont listen to me... never was exactly good at this anyways. But I did figure it out so there's hope for you yet OPP.
 
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