"Lot 6a" - Shaun Patrick/The Giff

Visually engaging.

Who's the monster? You did a great job executing the "monster" in this fest. The concept of "who's the monster" is a very clever and original idea. Maybe a little shorter, and it'd be nice to get to know the two characters a little more in the beginning.

The visual effects are unbelievable.

It's awesome. There ya go.

Now. Perfect.
 
Great to see another entry from you! I was expecting a comedy, as that's what I've always known & enjoyed your work from, so it was with mixed feelings that I watched this, as it was refreshing to see you explore a different emotion, but then I was bummed because I was wanting comedy! :)

Nonetheless, a solid entry, and I REALLY dug the performances. My only quip with this would be on the monster end of things ... hoping to have seen a little bit more of the guy's face, or something after the strike with the baseball bat ... because I feel we were built all the way up to that moment, but never really got to experience what we were building up to ... even if it would have been perhaps more of a horrified look on the lead's face to convey what he was seeing.
 
Norm Sanders said:
Great to see another entry from you! I was expecting a comedy, as that's what I've always known & enjoyed your work from, so it was with mixed feelings that I watched this, as it was refreshing to see you explore a different emotion, but then I was bummed because I was wanting comedy! :)

Nonetheless, a solid entry, and I REALLY dug the performances. My only quip with this would be on the monster end of things ... hoping to have seen a little bit more of the guy's face, or something after the strike with the baseball bat ... because I feel we were built all the way up to that moment, but never really got to experience what we were building up to ... even if it would have been perhaps more of a horrified look on the lead's face to convey what he was seeing.
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Thanks for the comments, Norm. I hope all is well! Hopefully, I'll have some time to watch "The Tell" in the next couple of days. I'm sure you bring the awesome.

--

Sorry to disappoint on the comedy end of things--was trying to do something different. Based on a lot of the feedback, there are a lot of simple ways to improve the ending. Definitely some VFX can be added on Dave to make him seem more monstrous to Ben. Also, I think intercutting the radio announcement with Dave's audio at the very end will make Ben's tension a little more tense.

Thanks for the feedback.
 
mobiledeli said:
Visually engaging.

Who's the monster? You did a great job executing the "monster" in this fest. The concept of "who's the monster" is a very clever and original idea. Maybe a little shorter, and it'd be nice to get to know the two characters a little more in the beginning.

The visual effects are unbelievable.

It's awesome. There ya go.

Now. Perfect.
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Thanks for the kind word, mobiledeli. I love that you dug our interpretation of the monster.
 
Charli said:
While I felt the tension of the one individual I didn't really think this fell into the monster category, but maybe instead a twilight zone category.

The distress felt real, so good job for the actor, but I didn't feel there was enough story in the film itself.
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Thanks for the feedback, Charli. With the monster end of things, I definitely feel it falls into the guidelines outlined by Jason and Larry. We were trying to do something a little different.

With the story, as you know with these contests, it's a fine line between how much story/character development you can fit into six minutes. We'll definitely keep this in mind as we tweak the cut.


Chris_Keaton said:
Liked the feel and look of the piece, but the monster aspect seemed tacked on to me. We pay so much attention and care to the guy suffering from head trauma that I thought the radio alerts were in his head. Otherwise good job.
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Thanks for the feedback. Like I said, I think we were trying to do something different with the idea of the monster. With a little VFX, I think David can be made to be more monstrous but I think the tension of the film is created by concentrating on Ben's confusion and not on the monster. Still I think there's room for tweaking.
 
Michael Anthony Horrigan said:
Interesting. I too found the look/sound very irritating but I'm guessing that's what you were going for. I also didn't think the toss of the ball was that deep in the woods.

Still, the movie sat with me a bit after viewing and I think with some polish and following some of the helpful suggestions already suggested that this could be quite good.

Not to say I didn't like it as is, because I did. I'm actually off to watch it again for another look.

MAH
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Thanks for the feedback, Michael.

I've been kind of disappointed by all the irritating visuals/sound feedback. I definitely think it's a valid point but I think it's made the film easy to dismiss.

What saddens me is that I think the craft of what went into creating the look and feel of the film is being overlooked. It wasn't a random decision--a good portion of the effects were created optically while shooting. Plus, I think we really tried hard to make sure the audience was oriented with clean shots throughout the final sequences.

Still, I can only defend what's on screen and the feedback has definitely been interesting.
 
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Blaine said:
Shaun, thanks for sharing this one. I have to agree with the others that the effect got to be grating after a while but I'm not sure that's a bad thing. It seemed to play into and give credence to Ben's paranoia (brought on from the head injury?)

I had the feeling that Ben began to see Dave as a zombie BUT when he got within sight that it was all in Ben's head. I like those kind of stories and I liked this. Simple, yet effective. You make the most of minimal locations...just like you did on "Brains".

Good job.
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Hey Blaine, thanks for watching. I always love the minimal locations because you can just concentrate on the visuals and storytelling. No reason to complicate things in a 6 min short.

I definitely agree with your interpretation of the film.

Hope all is well!

Shaun
 
I don't want to say what's already said. I think we know the monster or face could have been shown more. Perhaps have other 'zombies' emerge from the forest. You have an empty lot with two characters. empty. secluded. alone. then, those characters are attacked by a multitude of others?

I enjoyed the performance of the lead. The guy probably held a grudge too long, but that could have ben cut down in the edit and the 'monster vision'. :)

looking forward to your next entry!
/j
 
Edgen said:
I don't want to say what's already said. I think we know the monster or face could have been shown more. Perhaps have other 'zombies' emerge from the forest. You have an empty lot with two characters. empty. secluded. alone. then, those characters are attacked by a multitude of others?

I enjoyed the performance of the lead. The guy probably held a grudge too long, but that could have ben cut down in the edit and the 'monster vision'. :)

looking forward to your next entry!
/j
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Thanks for the feedback, Edgen. I can't wait to watch yours.

While I think Dave can be more monstrous to Ben--Dave is a monster to Ben only.
 
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You pulled off an interesting little gem here. My only complaint is how long we experience the acid trip with the main character. Cut that down to half. I did like how you messed with the viewer by editing back and forth to the 'bat swinging' main character in a neutral and batting position. You made me unsure how it was going to turn out. Good job.
 
Hey Shaun Patrick! Long time no see.

The short looks great and the visual storytelling is seamless.

I like that you stick to a single unified idea - you set it up, present it, and pay it off, all with efficiency and restraint. A great short shouldn't be a feature film compressed to a few minutes: it should be a single event. A moment of decision. Shorts have their own language and structure, and I think this is a good example of their proper shape.

One point of debate is how monstrous the "zombie" should be. I think that the thrill (and the central point) is the uncertainty: is he a monster, or is this a delusion? Unfortunately, at present, the "zombie" is on screen long enough that I conclude that he is NOT a monster. I think you should tip the scale slightly back toward monster - without tipping it all the way. Perhaps show him slightly less frequently, or for less time. Perhaps obscure him more in shadow. Perhaps intercut quick flashes of him walking more like a zombie, or a few frames of him looking monstrous. Just enough - not too much. Keep the question unresolved, and unresolvable.

Secondly, people are complaining about the "over use" of the "effect." I think this is ridiculous. This "effect" isn't an effect - it's the central event of the movie - it's what the movie is about. It communicates the fractured and warped point of view of someone with a head injury. Complaining that it's "over used" is like complaining that they overused the animated characters in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. It's not a gimmick or a trick - it's the core storytelling tool. This criticism stinks of someone either groping around for something negative to say, or simply missing the point entirely.

My only real criticism would be that the radio announcer is a bit too monotone for my taste. I am a frequent NPR listener, and so, I know they can be dry. However, I listen to NPR in California, where we regularly hear announcements of evacuations for wildfires and such. There is a bit more urgency and importance to their tone at those times - a little excited delight. They love making those announcements, sounding concerned but stern. I think slightly more oumph in that performance would play better for me.

That's it! Again, solid movie. And yeah, more comedies dude. Then we can all vote you down for being just a silly comedy. ;-)
 
Sprocketboy said:
You pulled off an interesting little gem here. My only complaint is how long we experience the acid trip with the main character. Cut that down to half. I did like how you messed with the viewer by editing back and forth to the 'bat swinging' main character in a neutral and batting position. You made me unsure how it was going to turn out. Good job.
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Thanks for the kind words, Sprocketboy. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
 
Hey this was pretty good. Your vfx were really good. So was the sound mix and acting, as well as camera work!
 
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One of my favorites. It looked and sounded great! The music reminded me a bit of the original NOTLD... that funky 60s electronica.

I was kind of hoping that what we were experiencing through Ben's eyes, was his transformation into a zombie. At the climax David is revealed to be human, and Ben is now fully zombified.

I don't get the title. Name of the parking lot I'm guessing...?

Great job!:beer:
 
Maximus said:
One of my favorites. It looked and sounded great! The music reminded me a bit of the original NOTLD... that funky 60s electronica.

I was kind of hoping that what we were experiencing through Ben's eyes, was his transformation into a zombie. At the climax David is revealed to be human, and Ben is now fully zombified.

I don't get the title. Name of the parking lot I'm guessing...?

Great job!:beer:
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Thanks for the thoughts, Maximus. Glad you dug it. The title refers to the name of the parking lot.

The idea about the zombie transformation is really cool--definitely an interesting direction to take it in.
 
ramsaur said:
EDIT: Going to re watch this one and try to understand more of what I did not understand.

Overall everything else was really good. The acting was pretty good, the camera work was great, I love the 5D, the effects were great and a good choice of music.
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Thanks for watching, Ramsaur. I saw your post before you edited, so I'll hold off on answering the questions until you're able to watch again.

I agree, the 5D is great. It was a lot of fun to shoot with--I really like the form factor--and the post production wasn't as bad as I expected. Location sound recording sucked but we won't make some of the same mistakes again the next time.

Still need to watch both of your entries. Work has been busy but I'll have feedback by the end of the week.
 
Shaun, I think you had a solid short concept here and one that you wouldn't get you in too far over your head. I do like the approach, telling a story from a distorted POV that's an active participant throughout and I really think that you accomplished the effect that you were trying to pull off.

Namely, in the bits and pieces of content where your character flounders around with the baseball bat, using it as a crutch to stand. It really showed there, I thought those were interesting shots.

Furthermore, I think the tone struck is great and mostly consistent. Tone is a pretty difficult thing to accomplish, honestly, and takes serious fine tuning before, during and after. On the subject of tone, I did get the sense that I was lost on why these two were angry at each other from the get go.

They started off annoyed, it looks like, and progresses swiftly. Again, like most shorts, no need to establish emotional connections in six minutes. I don't know if there was a reason to have these two out on each other, though. Maybe to give a reason to have the baseball flung at his face? Although, the batter looks away anyway, so I'm not sure if that's a reason either.


Maybe it's so that, after the poor guy got beaned in the head, he would have a reason to get angry and throw the ball? I'm fine with that, however it did come off as forced. In addition to that, there were so many baseballs on the ground, what was the significance in chasing one into the woods when they could pitch several others?

Skipping all the small tid bits, it was quite interesting how you worked a zombie into the fray. Subtle but I didn't see it coming. I honestly didn't know what to expect so that's good as well. I don't know how the end sings to me, not bad or good just "done".

If I had to, or was asked to, suggest anything it would be to cut it much shorter than it is now. Furthermore, in the future (next short or project), maybe feel out the logistics of the situation a bit more, so that they come off as authentic and less forced.

Thanks for showing, man. Great use of the 5D and its strenghts/weaknesses.
 
Kholi said:
Shaun, I think you had a solid short concept here and one that you wouldn't get you in too far over your head. I do like the approach, telling a story from a distorted POV that's an active participant throughout and I really think that you accomplished the effect that you were trying to pull off.

Namely, in the bits and pieces of content where your character flounders around with the baseball bat, using it as a crutch to stand. It really showed there, I thought those were interesting shots.

Furthermore, I think the tone struck is great and mostly consistent. Tone is a pretty difficult thing to accomplish, honestly, and takes serious fine tuning before, during and after. On the subject of tone, I did get the sense that I was lost on why these two were angry at each other from the get go.

They started off annoyed, it looks like, and progresses swiftly. Again, like most shorts, no need to establish emotional connections in six minutes. I don't know if there was a reason to have these two out on each other, though. Maybe to give a reason to have the baseball flung at his face? Although, the batter looks away anyway, so I'm not sure if that's a reason either.


Maybe it's so that, after the poor guy got beaned in the head, he would have a reason to get angry and throw the ball? I'm fine with that, however it did come off as forced. In addition to that, there were so many baseballs on the ground, what was the significance in chasing one into the woods when they could pitch several others?

Skipping all the small tid bits, it was quite interesting how you worked a zombie into the fray. Subtle but I didn't see it coming. I honestly didn't know what to expect so that's good as well. I don't know how the end sings to me, not bad or good just "done".

If I had to, or was asked to, suggest anything it would be to cut it much shorter than it is now. Furthermore, in the future (next short or project), maybe feel out the logistics of the situation a bit more, so that they come off as authentic and less forced.

Thanks for showing, man. Great use of the 5D and its strenghts/weaknesses.
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Thanks for the review, Kholi. I knew you'd bring it.

Really some great observations here.

The two characters are mad at each other in the beginning of the film. There was an additional exchange between the two of them filmed but it was eventually dropped as we neared a picture lock because of poor coverage. We just couldn't get it to work. You do hear audio from that exchange ("Don't hit me, bro") at the very end of the movie. In the cut scene, Dave reacts to Ben hitting a line drive directly at him and Dave's anger is a little more apparent.

Good point on chasing the baseball into the woods with some many others there. With Ben injured, the game is over so you could argue that it's logical for Dave to retrieve the ball since they're not going to play anymore. Plus, it's a good time for Dave to give Ben a little space.

Thanks for the props on the Zombie stuff.

I totally agree with you that it should be shorter and we're already at work on having a new cut ready when the competition is over.

Shaun
 
Really enjoyed this one. Simple, and effective. Good performances that teeter on manic in the best way possible. Love the ambiguous ending.

I started getting weary of the effect, but I think if you are going to cut the film shorter, that will probably fix that.

Great work!
 
Thanks for the kind words, Jason. I think Shawn really knocked it out of the park with his performance. Glad you enjoyed it.
 
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