Michael Carter
Veteran
One of my clients is a big global PR firm - found this on her desk during an interview. She said it's legit.
Nikon Imaging
Tokyo, Japan
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Nikon today announced the shipping dates for their new 4K cinema camera.
"This will be a game changer for the digital cinema market." said Toshihuri Nakamagi, Vice President of Customer Relations. "We've been sitting on this technology for quite some time, but internal problems have had us continually ignore the cinema market. Sure, we occasionally do clean HDMI or a decent IQ, but we scatter that tech among different camera bodies and focus on stills. But an internal audit pointed out that our market research team had many cases of Changku Wan - literally "thumb in the ass disease". In fact, our R&D team had several instances of "fist in the ass", and one engineer had been trapped up to his elbow for several years."
A regimen of exercise and high-fiber diets has led to the Nikon C-1000, which will include 4k Raw recording to 60 fps, 2.5k Raw up to 120 fps, and a host of other features in a cinema-style form factor. "We're just doing Raw or Prores to SSD, what the hell" Nakamagi added. "SSDs are cheap and the market doesn't want H265 - they're just transcoding anyway. All these years of trying to shoehorn video from 20-plus megapixel sensors - we just engineered a 4k chip to skip all that resizing horsepower waste and still deliver that nice Nikon image, with a global shutter and zero moire, and 14 stops of DR. Ain't no thang, really".
Street price is expected to be just under $3000 US. Canon Imaging was quick to respond, stating that their R&D group had engineered a way to convert focus helicoid grease into an industrial lubricant slippery enough to "pull a firmware engineer's freaking SHOULDER from his ass - we'll have exciting cinema news soon".
The Nikon C-1000 is expected to ship in fall 2015.
Nikon Imaging
Tokyo, Japan
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Nikon today announced the shipping dates for their new 4K cinema camera.
"This will be a game changer for the digital cinema market." said Toshihuri Nakamagi, Vice President of Customer Relations. "We've been sitting on this technology for quite some time, but internal problems have had us continually ignore the cinema market. Sure, we occasionally do clean HDMI or a decent IQ, but we scatter that tech among different camera bodies and focus on stills. But an internal audit pointed out that our market research team had many cases of Changku Wan - literally "thumb in the ass disease". In fact, our R&D team had several instances of "fist in the ass", and one engineer had been trapped up to his elbow for several years."
A regimen of exercise and high-fiber diets has led to the Nikon C-1000, which will include 4k Raw recording to 60 fps, 2.5k Raw up to 120 fps, and a host of other features in a cinema-style form factor. "We're just doing Raw or Prores to SSD, what the hell" Nakamagi added. "SSDs are cheap and the market doesn't want H265 - they're just transcoding anyway. All these years of trying to shoehorn video from 20-plus megapixel sensors - we just engineered a 4k chip to skip all that resizing horsepower waste and still deliver that nice Nikon image, with a global shutter and zero moire, and 14 stops of DR. Ain't no thang, really".
Street price is expected to be just under $3000 US. Canon Imaging was quick to respond, stating that their R&D group had engineered a way to convert focus helicoid grease into an industrial lubricant slippery enough to "pull a firmware engineer's freaking SHOULDER from his ass - we'll have exciting cinema news soon".
The Nikon C-1000 is expected to ship in fall 2015.