"The Water's Edge" - NJ Film School

4100xpb said:
Thanks to you and your students for submitting this Chris. I don't know what you did differently this time, but this is a big step up from your class's last entry (can't remember the title, the undercover cop film). I loved Jerry Broome. He gave tremendous life to Jack and was a lot of fun to watch. This was shot beautifully, and has the best use of colour I've seen I think in any of these fests.

As a bad guy looking out for his innocent brother, he's an interesting character too. I would love to have known just a little bit more about him. I like the nice, simple goal, but I also struggled with the believability - why would a man like Jack bring his brother to a deal like this? That said, while I saw it coming, I loved Tommy as the inadvertent antagonist. He adds tremendous heart.

I'm picking on stories this fest, and you had one of the stronger ones, but I think it could have been stronger still. My main issue with the film is I don't know what is at stake or what jeopardy Jack is in until the very end. Without knowing what's at risk, I don't invest myself into the characters as much as I would like.

The stakes are there, but by concealing them until the end leaves me waiting to see what happens rather than anticipating what happens. The main way this comes across to me is how you juxtapose the cop running through the woods with the two brothers. I see the two different events, but with no context about how the two relate, all I can do is wait for the two to finally connect.

By revealing more of both parties motives earlier on, I think you could drive up the suspense level. Instead of thinking thinking 'I wonder how and when these two lines are going to connect,' I''m thinking ‘what’s going to happen when the cop with the cash meets with the kidnapper trying to hide his brother.’ That is a juicy dilemma that would have me living in anticipation of the event.

This is something I struggle with a lot in my own stories - how much to reveal and when. It's never an easy answer. Apologies if it seems I'm coming down heavy on this, this film was one of the best for me, I just would love to see it taken that next level. Congratulations to you and your students, you did a great job.
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I'm digging all your reviews. I love that you are focusing on story. I consider myself a screenwriter first and I love storytelling.

I totally get what you're saying about stakes. I tried to create tension through the intercutting and the mystery of what is unfolding, but I understand how that might not work for everyone. Sometimes with a short like this, it is hard to get the balance just right.

Thanks again for your thoughtful review. I'm really glad you liked it so much.
 
Chris_Keaton said:
I liked this. The twist was nice and not overly expected. I think the ending might've had more impact if the guy didn't have a big bawling fit, but just stood confused, maybe even trying to wake his brother up because he doesn't really know about death. Overall great job.
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Thanks a lot, Chris.

I appreciate your take on that final scene. We had the actor play those first moments after the gun shots in a state of confusion and then, when the realization hit, so do his tears. Maybe my editing is too quick during the first part.

Anyway, thanks again, I'm happy that you liked it.
 
This was a solid entry. I'd give plenty of praise to Kevin for giving that role his all... it's an emotional risk for an actor to go that way... having to let go of inhibitions and self-conscious analysis. Jerry was also good... both of these guys were very believable in their roles. Frank didn't really get a chance to get going in there... but he looked to have potential as well.

Spoiler: SPOILER and Critique
I've started watching (and re-watching) the entries with my favorite cans on... HD600's... to be sure I don't miss any dialog or soundtrack... but they are brutally revealing. In this film... it still sounds pretty good... the only thing I may have done differently, r.e. the sound...the gunshots at the end could have trailed out a lot longer... a sustaining crack and echo through the woods as the shot lands on Tommy's horrified face would have been awesome. Through the HD600's the gun shots ended very abruptly.

I also agree that Tommy's crying escalates almost too far... but that's not to say it's bad... that DOES fit the character and the story, but it really steals the show... that's just an opinion of course, more of a finesse comment then a critique. Finally... I think everybody could have been more dirty... especially the cop... who, if he was running this whole time... should be at least as sweaty as Jack... who had to wipe his face.


Please take the critique as it's intended... for the value of honest opinions only... and not to break down what is a really good short. This is another entry that gets high marks from me. I'm intrigued by your actors and expect they could sustain a much longer and more involved story.
 
MattinSTL said:
This was a solid entry. I'd give plenty of praise to Kevin for giving that role his all... it's an emotional risk for an actor to go that way... having to let go of inhibitions and self-conscious analysis. Jerry was also good... both of these guys were very believable in their roles. Frank didn't really get a chance to get going in there... but he looked to have potential as well.

I've started watching (and re-watching) the entries with my favorite cans on... HD600's... to be sure I don't miss any dialog or soundtrack... but they are brutally revealing. In this film... it still sounds pretty good... the only thing I may have done differently, r.e. the sound...the gunshots at the end could have trailed out a lot longer... a sustaining crack and echo through the woods as the shot lands on Tommy's horrified face would have been awesome. Through the HD600's the gun shots ended very abruptly.

I also agree that Tommy's crying escalates almost too far... but that's not to say it's bad... that DOES fit the character and the story, but it really steals the show... that's just an opinion of course, more of a finesse comment then a critique. Finally... I think everybody could have been more dirty... especially the cop... who, if he was running this whole time... should be at least as sweaty as Jack... who had to wipe his face.

Please take the critique as it's intended... for the value of honest opinions only... and not to break down what is a really good short. This is another entry that gets high marks from me. I'm intrigued by your actors and expect they could sustain a much longer and more involved story.
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I love your critique and I really appreciate your sound expertise.

I wish I had a better gun shot recording - that echo would have been cool. Also, I can't believe we didn't think to dirty up the man more. Excellent suggestions.

Thanks again and I'm so glad you really liked it.
 
This was really fantastic, beautifully shot and performed. While the characters' relationship was pretty simple, it felt right to me for the length of the work. I would agree that the crying might have gone on for one shot too many.

[spoiler] One thing that did pop out to me is that I didn't know that the villain had also been killed until the medium shot at 4:44 I believe where the brother kneels down next to the body. I didn't know if this ambiguity that the men shot each other vs the villain shot the cop and won was on purpose or not. It worked for me either way.[/spoiler] (also sorry I didn't hit the right spoiler tag haha)
 
Chris Lukeman said:
This was really fantastic, beautifully shot and performed. While the characters' relationship was pretty simple, it felt right to me for the length of the work. I would agree that the crying might have gone on for one shot too many.

[spoiler] One thing that did pop out to me is that I didn't know that the villain had also been killed until the medium shot at 4:44 I believe where the brother kneels down next to the body. I didn't know if this ambiguity that the men shot each other vs the villain shot the cop and won was on purpose or not. It worked for me either way.[/spoiler] (also sorry I didn't hit the right spoiler tag haha)
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Thank you for your great review.

That's cool that you dug that moment of ambiguity. During pre-production, one of the crew members suggested that we shoot the gunfight from Tommy's perspective - playing out as much as possible on his face and keeping the audience in suspense. It's nice to hear that it worked for you.

Not to worry about the spoilers - I think most people watch the film before reading any comments.
 
Hey Chris. I don't have a review but I was focused on the actor the whole time and the story. Mostly on the actor. He kept my attention and didn't notice anything else so I guess that's good.

Crits: I didn't notice any actor:names credits in the first page of the thread. I thought your actors did a great job. So, who are they?
 
Gord.T said:
Hey Chris. I don't have a review but I was focused on the actor the whole time and the story. Mostly on the actor. He kept my attention and didn't notice anything else so I guess that's good.

Crits: I didn't notice any actor:names credits in the first page of the thread. I thought your actors did a great job. So, who are they?
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Thanks a lot - I'll let the actors know you liked them. They are:

Jack - Jerry Broome
Tommy - Kevin Bohl
The Man - Frank Briamonte
 
Great work on the edit, Chris. The vivid colors, especially the green, made scenes look amazing. And the score just flowed so well with the film. It was a great experience working with you again.
 
First thought too was "Mice and Men" which is a compliment to this short. The chemistry between the two actors, STELLAR BABY! God I've been waiting to see a solid interaction between actors and here you brung it! The setting was L-U-S-H lovely.

While the running/cop could be reworked, it still worked. The first close-ups were 'exactly' where they needed to be. I said to myself, "Finally, someone knows when to close-up at the right moment!" I love the "We're the bad guys" and the angle you filmed the character from the back as he gave Tommy assurance it's was okay.

I wish you had smoke/fire when the guns went off. That seemed made-up sound effects so it didn't look real. A little more blood on the Jack would have been in order. The crying was not quite as overdone I think as before stated.

This is what I'm talking about. Good story. Good direction. Good settings. Chris - in a word, YAHTZEE!
 
Charli said:
First thought too was "Mice and Men" which is a compliment to this short. The chemistry between the two actors, STELLAR BABY! God I've been waiting to see a solid interaction between actors and here you brung it! The setting was L-U-S-H lovely.

While the running/cop could be reworked, it still worked. The first close-ups were 'exactly' where they needed to be. I said to myself, "Finally, someone knows when to close-up at the right moment!" I love the "We're the bad guys" and the angle you filmed the character from the back as he gave Tommy assurance it's was okay.

I wish you had smoke/fire when the guns went off. That seemed made-up sound effects so it didn't look real. A little more blood on the Jack would have been in order. The crying was not quite as overdone I think as before stated.

This is what I'm talking about. Good story. Good direction. Good settings. Chris - in a word, YAHTZEE!
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I love Yahtzee! Thanks for the tremendous review - it means a lot to me.
 
Hey man great film. I loved the cinematography. Cool story. It did remind me more of Sling-blade then Mice And Men. But I did enjoy the performances and the locations far better then the story itself. Nice job one of my favorites this round. =)
 
pauly_the_hitman said:
Hey man great film. I loved the cinematography. Cool story. It did remind me more of Sling-blade then Mice And Men. But I did enjoy the performances and the locations far better then the story itself. Nice job one of my favorites this round. =)
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Thanks a lot.

I love "Sling-Blade" and "Of Mice and Men", so if reminded you of those - that's awesome!
 
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