The Split

Blaine said:
My problem with this story was the multiple personality. Assuming, of course, that Marcus was the real personality, Jed would have been some kind of coping mechanism created in deep in Marcus' psyche. Marcus would probably not even be aware of Jed, much less know his name. He would, instead, be tortured by the acts committed by Jed, not understanding what was happening to him. On the other hand, Jed would know all about Marcus.

Was the "Good by, Marcus" Jed taking over completely OR was he killing Marcus? I don't think he'd kill Marcus because the Jed personality would not kill himself.

You film was just under 4 minutes which can be commendable but in this case I think less is LESS. Since you had it, I would have liked you to take a little time to show us Jed's character. It would help contrast differences between Marcus and Jed and make us care about the outcome.

(Don't let Ben Sliker see this or he may send John Abbott Mitchell after Jed :happy: )
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-Yeah, I took the approach at an extreme level with them knowing one another. I thought I would have fun with that.

-The "goodbye Marcus" was indeed Jed taking control over Marcus completely. NOT killing him.

-Yeah, the 4 minute runtime was disappointing to me. There was more I wanted to add, but just plain ran out of time. I need to schedule everything better for my shoots, haha.
 
Really good job. I thought you put this together nicely.

You did cross into one of my pet peves though and thats left or right only audio. As soon as I hear it Im thrown out of whatever is going on.

Some of the shots were really, really nice. Have to agree with Blaine on the character development.

Very good piece.
 
First short huh? Nice. Some great camerawork here. Effective color and lighting. Some good acting as well. My issue is the same as Blaine's. Needs more character development.

As it stands though, this is a good short, especially for a first outing. Nice work man!
 
For you first short, this is quite an accomplishment. The photography was great, aside from the darkened corners on the left side of some of the compositions (were you using an adapter? I think so, but not totally sure).

Sure, the character could have used a little more development, but I think you did a nice job with a tired story. Looking forward to more from you.
 
As I'm posting, I'm seeing stuff saying it's your first short? Nicely done, if so!

I think there was definitely room for improvement on the story, most notably to have it go somewhere, instead of just stopping as something is about to happen ... we need resolve, and I don't feel we got it there in the end.

I dug the shots, however ... and the writing was good. Audio could use some work, mostly in bringing up the levels, and getting away from the HARD left or right use of speakers ... going for better balance in the future.

Again, good story line ... now take it somewhere & let us see more of what happens! :)
 
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