"The Sequence" - pastywhiteboy

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pastywhiteboy

Well-known member
Well, here's the thread for "The Sequence".

Check out the short - leave feedback, criticism, or just whatever the heck you want to leave!

I'll go ahead and apologize in advance for the small titling as I know that won't be very readable with the smaller web compression.

Thanks and enjoy!

-pastywhiteboy
 
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Good grief, that was dark! :) I enjoyed it, though.

High point:
Great voiceover - props to both script writer and male lead.

(Very Minor) Low Point:
Slightly repetitive music that was maybe a little too upbeat...?

Good stuff. I'm going to watch it again.
 
Hey jaustere, thanks for the comments. Just wanted to check on something - dark in what way... lighting or just depressing?! I know several of the scenes in the short have pretty low lighting, which I was debating if I needed to adjust the gamma to better suit the web compression since it was tailored more for DVD output. I certainly want people to be able to see everything that's going on, but of course the dark scenes were necessary to the script, so we didn't want to just boost the lighting.

Sorry if it was depressing for you!

thanks again,
-pastywhiteboy
 
Sorry pasty, I should have clarified that. No, the lighting was great. I was referring to the mood of the piece. Very dark and kind of depressing, but I am assuming that's what you were going for! It definitely worked.
 
So the film starts up, and we see the door with the light.
My first reastion was "ok, now we *finally* get a good old basic sci-fi..

Then the logo came up.


And I was very happily supprized. What a really good and well done peice!
I loved the dolly shot above the stalls.
good stuff :)

- Mikko
 
Thanks Mikko, I appreciate the comments. Really glad you enjoyed it! Yeah, the overhead stall shot actually took quite some time to get down, but it turned out quite nice.
-pastywhiteboy
 
I thought that was a really good film. The writing, directing, acting, and especially the music were very well done. Nice job.

So far this and similo are my favorites.
 
Weston said:
I thought that was a really good film. The writing, directing, acting, and especially the music were very well done. Nice job.

So far this and similo are my favorites.
Click to expand...

Thanks Weston! We certainly had a tough (but fun) time coming up with an idea that we didn't think others would have anything similar to, and that would hopefully be pretty original. I'm glad you enjoyed the film!

-pastywhiteboy
 
I really enjoyed watching this. You had some good camera work. I liked how you lit it, too. The music complemented the story. The VO was okay, didn't knock me out, but fit well and kept things moving. My only real criticism was with your main actor. He did a good job but he just felt TOO YOUNG for the part. I'd like to have seen someone ten years or so older and it would have been spot on for me. This is one of the last shorts I have gotten around to watching in the first screening folder. It was well worth the wait.
thumbsup.gif
 
This was a very solid film, I liked many parts of it. You're one of the few people with a transparent and effective usage of VO on this forum. IN this film, the distanciation makes sense because he himself doesn't understand whats happening, plus the narration is posthumous (I think?).
I wasn't crazy about the choice of music - the meandering piano detracted from the mood of the killing sequences, in my opinion. There needed to be some sort of sonic distinction between reality and waking-dream.
With the exception of the parking-lot, the locations were well-chosen and the shots effectively placed. Nice use of open and closed framing as well, going from small items to finallly reveal the entire scene.
I liked it, make more like it. Hopefully not as sad, tho.
 
I liked this a lot. The music matched the mood and the VO lines were read very well. Opening and closing with the same shot was smart and effective. Plus, it's always good when a short film can use multiple locations. Nice work.
 
This one I enjoyed -- and coming from someone who just shot a movie in which someone gets their head blown off, I really like your effects. Especially coming over the stalls like Penfever said -- beautiful stuff.

Did you use electrical conduit for that? That's what we do our stuff on.
What's your dolly run on?

--evan
 
I dug the music, I dug the visual style. All I would ask is for a nice muzzle flair added to the shootings, and then you'd be gold.

Now, I can't speak for everyone, but I think we first understand that he's not in control of what he's doing when he drops the wineglass in the gallery. Therefore, I didn't need the first instance of "I'm awake, I see what I'm doing, but I can't stop it." Too on-the-nose, and though some may argue it improves by repetition at the end, I think it has more oumph being said for the first time at the end.

Actually, you may not even need the VO during his cigarette lighting, where he speculates as to the source of his problem. We know he doesn't understand and is searching for answers, because you've also shown this visually: he's dismantling the phone, he's collecting clippings.

The V.O. regains its footing with "A wife, two kids, and a dog..."

You could strengthen a few things, perhaps. Maybe another example of his sudden loss of control, like the wineglass. Something a person in control of his facilities wouldn't normally do. Like, before he shoots the man on the couch, we see him suddenly "drop" something else. Like leave his running car at a stop light, for example.

Lastly, I'm not as immediately clear as I'd like to be regarding whether he willfully killed himself or was murdered by command, but the V.O. (which I *do* like), during his suicide tells me that he's being controlled into doing this. In fact, the spark we see on the phone has triggered this act. If so, we might need something more to associate this spark with the phone of earlier. The rewind is nice, but it's so stylized, we're not sure what we're being told. We're distracted. So, perhaps a sound? A musical que? Something that happens ech time he's called. Something to remind us a little more concretely and instantly. Maybe even flashes of him just answering the phone in those earlier instances (just the answering part). That might tie it all together.

Lastly, I'd like to see him *start* disassembling the phone, or at least see the case, the shell, the skeleton, anything to make those peices clearly part of that phone. Then you won't need the lines "How do they control me through the phone?" It'll be understood, and that'll make it more rewarding to the viewer.

Also, I enjoyed your opening shot. :)
 
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Kaz, penfever, abraham, wilderworks... thanks for the comments! I appreciate what all of you have said and am glad that the film is being enjoyed. I'm out of town until tomorrow night, so I have very limited internet access, but I'll try to give some more detailed responses to some of the points that have been brought up.

Thanks again for the comments and keep 'em coming!

-pastywhiteboy
 
Pastywhiteboy,

Really excellent... I enjoyed this A LOT.

Great opening shot... love the lighting.

Your cinematography overall was wonderful... love the way you frame the shots. The lighting was really well done as well. Excellent music that fit the story perfectly... and good sound.

The gun shots/FX/blood were top-notch. Truly believable. Well done!

We've seen a lot of shorts with some kind of narration, and while some pulled it off, some didn't. I really don't like having movies explained to me while I'm watching them (either in type or in voice-over) -- but with yours, the narration is a natural fit... his thoughts and nothing more.

If I HAD to come up with any nitpicks it would be that somehow, and I don't know why, but the closeups of the eyes didn't look like the same character to me. I think it may have been the lack of the glasses? The only other one was I wasn't quite sure how he got blood on his hands in the second shooting... a very small detail, but one that did cause me to ask the question.

Thanks so much for sharing an excellent film. It was certainly "darker" than many of the other entrys, but that is what made it stand out as different. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it.
 
I just finished watching and I have to say this is one of my favourites so far. The lighting, camera moves and angles were very well done. I also thought the music and the VO fitted perfectly. Excellent!
 
I really liked this film, and it had a great concept, and you told the story very well visually! This will be in my top 10. Really enjoyed it! Some of the dream sequence shots were a bit dark, that's my only critique. Other than that, loved it! Good work!
 
The Sequence

The Sequence

Pastywhiteboy,

You know how to shoot.

You did alot of the things I like to see in films, strong camera work...excelent sound recording, well paced editing.

That being said most of my critisicisms are minor but I thought I should mention them.

I thought the guy getting shot by the SUV could have been better acted. He did'nt die right away and he did'nt seem to be too suprized to be shot, out of the blue.

I thought you had one dolly shot too many, The Art Gallery. Maybe if you started tighter on him and needed to reveal he was in an art gallery but it looked like a dolly move because you had a dolly not because the shot needed it. Obviously that's a personal prefrence thing, you're shots not wrong that's just how it hit me.

Oh yea, great dolly moves! Perfect and smooth! What did you use for those?

All your CC was top notch. The chance of "looks" was perfect.

Nat Shermans was a great art direction touch. Far more photogenic than the Marlborros my actor chain smoked throught the shoot.

Did you use a 35mm adapter to shoot? If you did, would you mind saying which one and what lenses you used?


We'll you've got one of the best. Thanks for the quality film to watch and comment on.

Kip Kubin
 
HOLY CRAP, PASTY! Who are you and where did YOU come from?!

This film just flat our ROCKS! I just got done watching/judging A BRIEF CASE, and had stated that only 2 films had 10's for Cinematography ... yours just got added to the elite, making it 3 on my list now. SIMILO, A BRIEF CASE, and THE SEQUENCE.

Yours is also the only one I've given a 10 to for lighting. Superb, really.

The weakest area for me, though still above average, was the score. It didn't WOW me like everything else did. Some say I shouldn't notice the score, but I want to notice everything and love it all together ... while it worked well, it just didn't WOW me.

Camera, WOW (dolly work was AMAZING). Lighting, WOW. Acting, big props on it, but there's not much traditional acting for my tasts (zero delivery of dialogue - VO doesn't count for acting in my opinion, though the VO was awesome). Script was great ... very dark & cool. Sound design & FX were spot on as well.

This scored near the VERY top, overall. I'm hoping it's simply an alphabetical thing, as to why yours hasn't rec'd as much attention yet, as it's certainly due.

Oh, and lastly ... loved your intro company logo ... but the titles could be just a WEE bit bigger.
 
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