DarkElastic
Well-known member
Tagline - When darkness arrives, the hunt begins again.
Last edited:
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- Why can't this guy have a name? Why can't he just pass out?
- Why can't the wife have a name. Reading She after She can get annoying.
Right, that's it, he's now called Chris Keaton and his wife is called Edna Keaton!
Bill, thank you for taking your time to read and review. Most of what you said I totally agree with, but I disagree with your final statement of it reads more like a short story. Yes there are areas that give emotions, but there aren't many and nothing the next draft wouldn't fix.I like the setting. Very isolated and lonesome."He sways with dizziness as the motion is too fast for his hurt head." You don't have to give us a reason for the dizziness. It's implied.The putting green should be its own scene. It is a new camera location."The Man searches the interior of the Shed for another being." This is inside information. The viewing audience will not know why the man is searching."begins to struggle a large RIDE-ON LAWNMOWER into front of it". Is he moving the lawnmower in front of the door? How does the Man lock the board across the window? Nails? Tape? Be specific.Capitalize your sound effects and remove the parentheses.The dream montage is a separate scene.The switch in POV from the Man to reality is confusing. So the man is a vampire? If so, then the wife and kids are vampire? Or werewolves? Your script reads more like a short story. You tell us what the Man is thinking, but the viewing audience will not be privy to this information. Focus on what we see and hear.