Salvation

I really enjoyed it. I loved the contrast of the Teddy bear and the father on the couch. You did a great job. The title was excellent as well as the end credits. I really want to see what you come with the next time around.
 
Creepy and dark. I think a little color correction to darken the scenes a bit would really have amplified the tone.

I really liked it!
 
Nice film! Good pacing. Powerful story.

I agree with the comment about the color correction. That would make a big difference. I felt that the daughter would have been younger and think the film would have been even more powerful if she was younger and hearing "Daddy, why?" from a child instead.

You also might want to consider cropping and adjusting to a 2.35:1 aspect ratio. I think this film could look pretty nice in that ratio. Or something in between.

Overall, Good work!
 
I really enjoyed it. I loved the contrast of the Teddy bear and the father on the couch. You did a great job. The title was excellent as well as the end credits. I really want to see what you come with the next time around.
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Thanks Richard, we really enjoyed making this, and can't wait to start another.

Creepy and dark. I think a little color correction to darken the scenes a bit would really have amplified the tone.
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Nice film! Good pacing. Powerful story.

I agree with the comment about the color correction. That would make a big difference. I felt that the daughter would have been younger and think the film would have been even more powerful if she was younger and hearing "Daddy, why?" from a child instead.

You also might want to consider cropping and adjusting to a 2.35:1 aspect ratio. I think this film could look pretty nice in that ratio. Or something in between.

Overall, Good work!
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Thanks for the comments. I was concerned with being to heavy handed with the color correction,
so I tried to use a light touch. The first edit was way to dark after cc, and it looked awful.

I agree the daughter would have worked better had she been younger, but I just assumed she was close to her daddy.

Again thanks for all the comments and critiques. I was afraid to post this among the stellar films that I see here each fest.
But I know the only way forward is to continue learning, and heeding the advice that more experienced film makers are willing to give.
 
Really good job man. Thanks for posting it and dont worry the only way you get better is to have people watch and critique your films. I have to say the story was good it had good flow and i felt sorry that the father had to be in that situation. The only thing i can critique about is:
1. I wish the girl would have been younger, it puts a more of a stressfull story if the girl is younger.
2. The end where he shot himself i would either have liked to see some special effects or maybe a end shot of him up against the wall with brain matter and blood. Or maybe even pull the trigger and boom nothing. Now he has to live witht he fact that he killed his daughter.

Overall great job man cant wait for the next fest to see what you come up with.
 
Though this is not the most technically impressive film in the fest, I think it is quite effective. Good story telling and feeling and I liked some of your ending audio. The overall soundtrack was not my favorite but it still worked. The teddy and the gun... great juxtaposition of significant objects.
 
First of all, Congratulations for getting your first short done. That’s not an easy task and you did a good job. Very dark feel to it. I also agree the effectiveness of the film would have been so much higher with a younger girl. But no biggie.
The story was fine, not my sort of thing but you did a good job. The sound was pretty good, and the ambient score underneath really helped sell the style and colour tone of the film.

Acting was alright – the guys voice wasn’t bad, I know you were playing to the low key, depressed kind of tone but it reminded me a little too much of the south park montages where they have soft piano music and that kind of V.O (Not your fault, damn south park for doing it too many times that it stuck in my head). The girls line “What kind of life is this” was kind of weird, seemed very forced (odd eye movements too) though I did like what you did next with the Father not having sound there... I almost think it would have worked better with like a wide shot of the two having a no-sound argument, that line just really threw me out for a second.

Memorable Moment
The fade to black and the shot of the sink with the running water. I liked that a lot, it stuck out for me.

Overall solid first entry. Congratulations, and I definitely look forward to seeing what you next. Keep going!
 
Thanks for all the comments and feedback. Looking at it now, I can see so many things that could have been improved upon. A younger girl definitely would have helped, but you work with what you can get.

The South Park reference is classic, and I can see that now. :)

Again thanks for taking the time to comment, it is all helping.
Looking forward to the next fest.
 
Story: The story was very bleak. Made sense though and it wasn't confusing at all.

Acting: The acting was average, not bad though. Good job.

Technical: I liked the way you shot the film and the opening with the news clip was done fairly well. Sound was an issue for me since I could tell when someone was going to speak before they uttered a word, mostly the VO. This was thanks to the hiss coming in and out.

My advice for this would be to add some background room noise so it's not so apparent. That and cleaning up the dialogue a bit would help.

Great job for your first film though, I mean that. Keep at it for sure. You have some talent and it shows.

MAH
 
Michael Anthony Horrigan said:
Story: The story was very bleak. Made sense though and it wasn't confusing at all.

Acting: The acting was average, not bad though. Good job.

Technical: I liked the way you shot the film and the opening with the news clip was done fairly well. Sound was an issue for me since I could tell when someone was going to speak before they uttered a word, mostly the VO. This was thanks to the hiss coming in and out.

My advice for this would be to add some background room noise so it's not so apparent. That and cleaning up the dialogue a bit would help.

Great job for your first film though, I mean that. Keep at it for sure. You have some talent and it shows.

MAH
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Thanks Michael, I have been looking forward to hearing your comments. I should have caught the hiss in the VO, don't know how I missed it except maybe I was too concerned with the edit.

Really appreciate the feedback and the encouragement.
 
Chris, I was finally able to check out the film. Very solid first entry. I think you really are working on developing your own style and that's something alot of filmmakers don't have. I've seen quite a few first time entries that were not so good in terms of technicalities, but yours was solid. Keep practicing and entering these fests and I see you getting better and better.

BTW - I really dug the ending credit sequence. There were some little things in here that show that you have a creative mind. Good job. So glad you entered.
 
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Congratulations on making your first short film. Careful - they're addictive. :)

I like this. The repetition of "Daddy why?" was so simple, but effective. I especially liked the first time she said it - when we couldn't see either of them. It was haunting, as was the music.

Well done and best of luck in the fest.
 
ditto with what Chris said. These darn DVXfests keep drawing me back in. But I learn something new each time and I hope that the feedback you are getting helps you in the future. And after saying that, I feel stupid because I can only agree with the suggestions that others have given so far, a younger girl and a stronger sound design would help the impact of this film.

The other only thing that I can suggest for you in the future is to focus your film on the most important part. For this particular short, I think there would be some tremendous opportunities for drama when he goes in to shoot her. Close-ups, crying, can I shoot her? no i cant, yes i can. etc. Like when Simon Pegg has to shoot his own Mom in Shaun of the Dead. A brilliant dramatic turn in a british romcom (with zombies).

Keep it up!

*edit - nice riot gear effects. I own that pack too!
 
This was a nice little short. The intro was great, I like the premise a lot. There is a strong story in there, with a tremendous amount of drama. You could have taken this several ways, and did quite well with the direction you chose.


I wish there was more emotion in the “Daddy, why,” line, it came across really flat. I agree with other posters that a younger child would have tugged at the heart a lot more. The lead-up to the father shooting his daughter was good, particularly the intercutting between the two. I think that could have been stretched a little longer to build up the tension further.

Similarly, I would have liked to have seen the father struggling more with what he’s done. We see the daughter appear in his mind, but we don’t see much if any reaction from him. Because of that, when the end came I wasn’t convinced he had reached that point.

There was a periodic audio bloop (for lack of a better word) going on during the beginning and again partway through the film. I’m not sure if it was intentional, but regardless I found it distracting.

[FONT=&quot]Technically, the work was good. The lighting was nice, camera moves were good and you had some nice angles. You used shallow DOF shots to good effect. I really liked your sound effects, particularly the water and the muted gunshots. Thanks for taking the time to put this up.[/FONT]
 
Ben Sliker said:
The other only thing that I can suggest for you in the future is to focus your film on the most important part. For this particular short, I think there would be some tremendous opportunities for drama when he goes in to shoot her. Close-ups, crying, can I shoot her? no i cant, yes i can. etc. Like when Simon Pegg has to shoot his own Mom in Shaun of the Dead. A brilliant dramatic turn in a british romcom (with zombies).

Keep it up!

*edit - nice riot gear effects. I own that pack too!
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Ben,
Thanks for taking the time to look at my film. Great ideas you have there, wish I would have incorporated some that in story. Hindsight is 20/20, but everything that has been posted is helping me in so many ways.

Oh year, Riot Gear rocks!

Thanks again to everyone for commenting. I truly appreciate all the feedback. That was the main reason for entering the fest, and felt it was a great opportunity to learn from others that share the passion for film making.
 
My critique for Salvation
The story:
I think the idea was pretty cool. The story was executed with power! Great job

The acting:
The lead did pretty good, as well as her daughter. LIke everyone else here, I do agree that if she was younger it would've had a greater effect. However, she pulled it off and did a good job.

The camerawork:
Nice tight shots and creative angles.

The editing:
The fades was very dramatic.. editing was solid. Good work

The sound and music:
While the sound was crisp clear, I think it came in and left abruptly. The suggestion above is a good one - try adding ambient noise. I really liked the music as it contributed a lot to the story.

Overall impression:
This was your first entry?? Wow! Pretty cool!

My favorite shot:
screenshot20100310at717.png
 
Sometimes I miss a few sounds... like the gun handlings.

The gunshots you used...I find them "less real"... I know that a gunshot heared from out of a room with a closed door would sound as it was
a gunshot heared from out of a room with a closed door. But you don't always have to follow the rules. Now it was a little exaggerated.

As I understand the story, he has betrayed himself ?

The editing and framing are good though.

Some nice sound design things also but maybe some more could have helped.
 
first film!!! big time congrats!!

i think your lead did a solid job, especially with his VO!

liked some of your shots too - well done!

story- i think its a tough sell for me since i can't imagine having to shoot my daughter under any circumstance - i know your story is telling me that there is this virus that will end the world but - still. is she sick with it? what does it to people? is she suffering ? even with no avail. cure and with the world burning there still has to be that reason which would make him do it. i think i need a lot more here before he goes and does it. without it i don't like this character at all. and with that- i don't really care when he blows his own head off.

I'm only thinking " out loud" with you here. i think this film is terrific for a first film!!

make another one, will you!!
 
The gunshots you used...I find them "less real"... I know that a gunshot heared from out of a room with a closed door would sound as it was
a gunshot heared from out of a room with a closed door. But you don't always have to follow the rules. Now it was a little exaggerated.

As I understand the story, he has betrayed himself ?
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Dre83
Thanks for taking the time to check out my short. I can see what you are saying, I have a limited sound effects library and tried to make the best of what I had. I am sure a talented sound designer could have done wonders.

He betrayed his daughters love for him, out of his love for her. He couldn't bare to see her suffer. There was another scene that I cut from the very end, where a news announcement is made that I cure had been found. I thought it made the film a little hokey.

. i think i need a lot more here before he goes and does it. without it i don't like this character at all. and with that- i don't really care when he blows his own head off.
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Hoz,

I am in total agreement with you. That was my biggest concern, that he comes off looking more like a heartless SOB, instead of a father who is torn apart by his daughters sickness. I actually edited two versions of this and the other was a comedy, believe it or not. We should have added a couple more scenes showing his struggle, but live and learn.

i think this film is terrific for a first film!!

make another one, will you!!
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Planning on it! Just waiting for the official next fest idea!

Thanks for all the comments!
 
I really wanted to know what he said in reply to "What kind of life is this?", especially since we see him reply, we just don't hear him.

My favorite part was when after he cocked the gun, the sound design was just heartbeats with editing that went along well. Also liked her appearing to him various places to say "Daddy why?"

The problem is that I was asking "Daddy why?" as well. I don't think his decision making process was clear enough for us to really care. If we understood why he had to do it, it would be heartbreaking, instead we don't really get emotionally involved.
 
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