Obsession - M&J Productions (Directed by Matt Girard)

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girard

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This is a thread for my DVXUSER ScareFEST 2011 submission "Obsession." This is my first time submitting a video into a film festival so any and all feedback would be appreciated and helpful for next time.
 
SPOILER REVIEW: Do not read further until you have watched the short.

The good: I think you did a pretty good job compositing on this, man. Kudos on that. I also think you did pretty decent carrying the story with one person. That's SUPER hard to do. Also, good music! Your composited self seemed lit pretty correctly, as well. That's VERY impressive. People botch the heck out of that by moving light sources.

The not as good: The acting was a little stiff. That can really make or break a scene. I would also have liked to have heard a little of the music he was listening to. Just a bit faded and distorted. I can't say I understand the tea kettle, either. What did that have to do with anything? Mostly, though, I would work on audio. It was a little hard to hear at times. OH, I would liked to have seen the bad version of the guy start his swing downward with the knife then cut to black a frame or two before it hits.

All in all, be proud of this, and take what I say with a grain of salt. Any of the critiques you get here will really just be to help you in the future.
 
REVIEW!

Alright so I enjoyed this one, and for what seems like a one man band (and a woman for a couple takes) you did a good job.

What I liked - You did a great job with making everything look natural and making it feel like both of you were in the room. I liked the ending shot, it was creepy, and I actually like that we didn't see him kill.......him?(haha)

What I didn't like - the tea kettle completely removed me from the story and as far as I can see didn't really serve a purpose. Some of the acting was a little forced but hey we've all been there, and again I would imagine you had a lot on your plate. Story-wise it was nice and simple which is good. However, it seems like we are to assume this is the first time he has had this vision or ghost around, since he says he doesn't know him. If I were to see someone who looked exactly like me, then I throw something at them and they disappear......I would be going crazy, I definitely wouldn't calmly sit back down to do my homework. Also, some kind of acknowledgement that they are essentially identical would have been nice as I feel like that would come up if that were a real situation. Also, some audio stuff.

All in all this was good and especially for doing everything yourself I believe. Also, you still had over 3 minutes to work with, I definitely think you could have expanded this as well. Definitely an accomplishment in itself to get something into the fest. Congrats, good work!
 
Color seems very warm. I see he was surprised the clothes on the bed were missing. I had to back up the film to see that, as the clothes left on the bed was not something that was pointed out. Maybe if he folded them or diid something with them so they were memorable. Talking to himself afterwards - no need. Then the kid in the red shirt shows. Aren't they both the same person? Okay - missing clothes is a surprise, but a ghost isn't? The 1:41 'stay back" acting - didn't work well nor did the steam kettle cut. His mom at 1:55 sounds like she is reading lines. So he doesn't tell his mom, and goes back to homework after being attacked? Light on the ghost face has no basis. Well cool ya did a scare flick. Might want to work on storytelling.
 
Very good effort here. I have to agree with most of the above comments, so I won't repeat them. Thank God for all the great AE tutorials out there & I can tell you did a LOT of work on this one.
Work on the story, rehearse and make sure everything helps move the story forward....and welcome to the best film community on the web!

Cheers. Looking forward to your next entry.
 
Dude sees a vision clear enough to talk to it and throw something at it and he just calmly goes back to his homework? I can see you were working some effects out and that's cool, every short should be a lessen. As for the dialog, moms was bad...like sci-fi channel bad. MOM "I was about to leave for work, at the hospital", SON "You liar, I know you are stripper!", that's about the only way that line would work. :) Just read the lines out a loud and it'll will help. I'm looking forward to your next one!
 
Not sure what to really say about this one. Good splitscreen/monster mouth VFX test at best?

Was this for Scarefest or supposed to go in another thread on the board? I'm kiddin. Yes I know it's for scarefest because I saw the DVXuser leader at the opening. :)

So, technically I see we are still learning some cool tricks and I applaud you for finishing an entry and submitted. You are definitely a few steps ahead of the game.

Let me ask, What is story you are trying to tell? A young boy who doesn't want to do his laundry and his evil twin is coming to haunt and eventually kill him? Have the friggin' red shirt clone kill the yellow shirt and get it over with. Then have him do the laundry like his mom asked, finish his homework, take the dog for a walk, take out the trash and THEN plot his next ill-minded adventure and killing spree. At that point, introduce a blue shirt clone that plots to kill red shirt. Then have a black shirt representing everything that is evil and him fight against yellow, blue and red shirts. At least that would get the film going somewhere instead of a knife cocked and ready to jam and ending with a smash cut to black.

Think a little further on your next entry and really drive our imaginations on your next entry. I know you can do it.

/j
 
Firstly, welcome to the fests, glad you entered your first film. You got some cool shots in here, particularly the final shot with the alter ego holding the knife.

What you need for future films, story wise, is cause and effect. You showed us the (special) effects, but what caused the boy to have an alternate personality? A simple solution would be showing the kid do drugs at the beginning, or have him falling asleep, or taking prescription meds... just something to cause the effects we see in the movie. But you did a good job lightning and editing, I look forward to your next entry.

PS Glad you used some of my music!
 
The good start, it's only 2 minutes and 46 seconds long :2vrolijk_08:

Which means that you didn't make a short of 6 minutes, just to have 6 minutes. So in a way that's good.

I don't know over there but if I see suddenly someone in my room I don't think I would just "go with the flow"....And not be surprised or scared.
Well...Maybe... I might be able to ask for 2 more spirits/ghosts so we could play a game... Ghosts would have a hard time with me...

We see a knife, nice, so some suspense is going to come...

The doorknob is gone... I think I didn't see that the first time... I replayed it because I was wondering how it comes he just didn't open the door...
The second time I saw the doorknob was gone, but because now I know it, I will keep seeing it... It's a long explanation... Situation where you didn't find something and it was just in front of you... Well that kind of stuff...

"Jonathan, why are you on the four ?" ...Aaaah ok FLOOR...

The last sound , just before the end titles... I recognize from somewhere...

The story itself is not bad, it's a "simple" situation but great movies are "simple" stories. But as said before it needed something more.

You do had some good shots, the light was ok. At least not to dark.

If you would take the same story, but with the things you learned now, I think it can become something good.
 
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