7D Napkin Wars

Z

Zack Pennetta

Active member
Hey guys! I just finished up a new short titled "Napkin Wars" I shot this in November and just posted it online a few days ago. It was shot on a 7D, with a canon 50mm lens with a redrock shoulder/follow focus rig.

This is my first "production" short, where I actually got a crew together and got actors. It was shot on a zero dollar budget. Feedback is greatly appreciated.

Zack

vimeo.com/19412516
 
Well done... but whoa, was expecting a cute ending! Wasn't what I expected at all! Nice toying with the viewer's emotions. Leaves us wanting to know more backstory.
 
wow, what a perfectly creepy diner server. haha! i love that neither of these two spoke with their voices, and i thought the story was powerful and engaging. you did a nice job casting this, and the two main actors had strong expressions... it carried this film nicely. i do think the lighting was a bit harsh on the main shot... a little diffusion might have been nice (but again, zero dollar budgets are zero dollar budgets...). as for the twist ending, i'm not convinced yet. (spoiler alert) if she was truly poisoned, i feel as though it would have happened sooner. she seemed fine and healthy for quite awhile after taking her last bite, and i felt that you lost a lot of potential emotion in just having her let out a few cute coughs... like she was just choking on part of a french fry or something. make it HIT HARD that she is going to die, and it is all thanks to this manic server who never stops smiling. you have potential here to turn an otherwise cute and playful story into an unsettling, WTF just happened, i-want-to-hide-under-the-covers-until-it-all-goes-away short. feel me? -- either way, nice work here man. keep it up.
 
Technical

Polarizing filter on clock would help next time.
Slight amount of diffusion on the key light on the wide shot 2 shot on the table. They look lit which isn't bad but a little helps so it doesn't look like you are lighting actors. On the MS notice this on the guy. He is more lit than the girl. Looks better in lighting when the waiter steps in because the waiter makes the lighting no so flat.
Girls head is getting cut off a bit on the MS.
On on the over the shoulder MS the guys ear in the out of focus right middle side is weird. Looks like a hot dog standing up. Maybe a step back would have helped.

Short film
Very well done. Looks great for your first.
Pacing is a bit slow on the moving napkin exchange of hands. Ok to do it once but kind of drags.
Girls acting is kind of bad on the choke.
Overall pretty good though.
 
Great flick! Great twist. Loved it.
Some shots, the "shakey cam" was a little too much for me. (at least for this type movie....)
 
I really liked it! The main thing I noticed is that the look and skin color from the wide shot of both of them to the closeup of the girl changed pretty significantly, like the color correction was done differently for each shot, or if there wasn't any correction, the white balance or some setting was changed.
 
It was excellent. Very nice job. Especially with only one (fairly tight) lens.

I agree with Mark above me that the color correction for the girls shots could be a little lighter. Also, I may suggest adding in some contrast into the waiter shots, the look a bit washed out.

May I ask if there was any color correction?
 
Overall I quite enjoyed that. I thought it was sadder during the main part than that of the ending. Might just be me, though.

**SPOILER**
I agree about the girl's reaction to the poison. Seemed odd. I also think that you could have sped up the shots of the later note passing / writing. Not like time-remapping, just cut it a LOT tighter. Show his full writing and passing on one, and her full reply, then MAYBE one more full from him, and then quick bam bam bam back and forth. It got a little long.

**/SPOILER**

I would also liked to have seen more stability in the shots. It's not an intense piece, and I think a (tripod / monopod / slider / etc) would have made a large difference.

Again, I DO like this piece. I thought you did well on the composition of the shots, which is a huge thing!
 
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