Dessert by Rod Thompson

RodThompson

RodThompson

Veteran
Of course I'm doing another one!

No real logline for this one, but if I had to summarize, it would be: WTF LOL.
 
I'm a little miffed. My original was was saved on my computer at work and is now gone. I rewrote it to the best of my memory, and am uploading now.
 
What, I'm the first to comment?

Rod... this was very entertaining. I liked the story and I can see the music cues really moving this along and adding to the comedy. I kept wanting to see this in a Mexican restaurant with a Mariachi band...now THAT would be funny!

All in all....really good work and I loved the final payoff...classic!
Cheers!:thumbsup::thumbsup:
 
Fun script. I thought that the entire situation was quite outrageous but that's obviously what you were going for. Could be really fun to watch play out.

The music cues were quite funny.

Cheers,

MAH
 
I'ev recently discovered The Vitamin String Quartet, so about halfway through the script, I was like...yes! So thats where the music came from.

Thanks for the reads! I'm back at work, so I'll make sure "you's twos" get my first reads.
 
Fun, funny and easy to read. The string quartet was great.

Good, snappy dialogue, it sounded natural and flowed well.

Well done.
 
So the two married folks are cheating on each other, okay. The music in the background seemed
a bit too obvious to me and considering the time frame, no way they could have gotten off all
of that music within six minutes. I didn't really feel like I got to know the characters,
but more or less read about them. Setting was good.
 
Essentially, I wanted the music to serve as a playful backdrop, so they never even really finish a song. It's more or less a series of well known song intros to set the scene. It's a lot like Tom and Jerry, or a Loony Toons episode where the music is up and down depending on what's going on. No real pace, but instead a quick series of ups and downs. :Drogar-BigGrin(DBG)
 
Okay, I realize we're judging scripts here, and I don't want to get into the whole "should the script be producible" argument again... but the (presumably unattainable) music cues bother me. I'm not saying they're not well-chosen and funny :), but they bug me a little given that this scriptfest is at least somewhat tied to the filmfest, and the filmfest rules have a pretty strict copyright rule. (And yeah, I know I'm the one who argued against inventing rules recently :D, so I don't want to make a big deal about it.)

That aside, I enjoyed the script; the dialogue is enjoyable, as is your writing style (even if it does approach overkill a time or two :) ).
 
Two things make this work for me: dialogue and the music cues. I'm not sure which I enjoyed more. Kinda brilliant in an absurd and comedic way. Impossible for the entire songs to play out in the span of the scene, sure...but I could TOTALLY accept them as the emotional undercurrent of everything.

Would love to see this one produced, but good luck on the music rights. :D

Well done!
 
Alright. I have to admit I didn't like this the first time around. It was probably all the screenwriting rules that were broken. Like named music (which I didn't mind so much), but the flowery prose was killing me. We got the point from the basic descriptions and the great dialog. We didn't need hips that could melt butter on the 3rd of January stuff. Keep that for the writing you get paid for.
I must say on second read I enjoyed it much more. My faith in you has returned. :)
 
Hi Rod, just read your script.

Positively, the dialogue is good and the idea that the married couple are both betraying each other is excellent. I can see the music working and I understand how you wanted to utilise it for mood.

Style though, it was all over the place. When you kept it simple, it worked great, but as soon as you tried to get poetic (maybe) you lost me. For example - "The man is beyond nervous, and displays it like an emotional IMAX." This stuff isn't really needed and the script would have worked better if you kept it simpler.
I was a bit confused that he was on a date with a 40 year old and was married to a 20 year old, him being 40 also. In my mind, having the ages reversed would have worked better and have both the husband and wife be seeing younger people.
It was a good, fun script overall though, so well done.
 
In the beginning, as in my first feature-length, I stuck strictly to the rules and conventions. No use of well known songs. Slugs and Actions should be crisp and to the point. Characters should evolve…

Then I read HEAT, and then Lethal Weapon, and Usual Suspects, and on and on and I started finding that compared to the unproduced scripts I had been reading from fellow amateurs, these scripts were alive. I could see the world, and taste the air of the setting. With amateur scripts, everything was cookie-cutter by the rules, and there was no memorable flare.

I’m not saying that rules should be ignored, but when I write, I’m not writing to JUST tell a story. I’m writing to consume the reader. Of course those songs wouldn’t be feasible for an indy short (Oh, and I didn’t mean you would hear the entire song, by the way, just memorable snippets), but did they bring this world a little bit more to life. Yup.

I may never option another script as long as I live, but as far as writing them, I just don’t think I could ever truly abandon my style of writing without losing some of makes a story so vivid. Chris mentioned “a body that could melt butter,” and while flowery, I think it portrays a better image of the character than “...(20s), attractive. Borderline slutty.” Maybe I’m just snacking on brain tumors…lol:2vrolijk_08:
 
Hey Rod, Anthony here, nice to meetcha!

Here are my thoughts.. Could have used more visual action. IMO the slugs should always reflect a place first and foremost so the linear statements, can be handled in the action if need be. Watch out for the big bad publishing companies on your music, but you know this.

I like the use of music to help with the narrative. I thought that was pretty dang smart actually, good work on that. But, like charli, I felt the time constraint would have made that many songs, less then plausible. Maybe axe a couple and leave the really strong ones?

Loved the line -- "You must be Houston" Cold as ice!!! Loved it.

Thanks for making me want Tiara Misu, I'm trying to watch my oafish figure... jeez...

Good job.
 
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