Brandon Rice
Distributed Producer
You bet Doug. Very good work on this!
"Dead Drop"
- Thread starter dougspice
- Start date
MrSeth
Well-known member
My critique for Dead Drop
The story:
Very engaging story! I was interested all throughout and wanted to see more.
The acting:
Very believable for all the actors.
The camerawork:
Colors were beautiful. Loved the shaky feel - very realistic.
The editing:
Editing is worth mentioning -- very smooth and to the point.
The sound and music:
Sound was clear. Ambiance was great. Music was perfect!
Overall impression:
LOVED the locations you picked out -- truly amazing work.
My favorite shot:
The story:
Very engaging story! I was interested all throughout and wanted to see more.
The acting:
Very believable for all the actors.
The camerawork:
Colors were beautiful. Loved the shaky feel - very realistic.
The editing:
Editing is worth mentioning -- very smooth and to the point.
The sound and music:
Sound was clear. Ambiance was great. Music was perfect!
Overall impression:
LOVED the locations you picked out -- truly amazing work.
My favorite shot:
Hermn8r
Active member
Awesome one here. Good story, and engaging all the way through. Good acting across the board. Great locations. Great visuals.
I really don't have anything bad to say here!
The ending was a surprise and a good way to throw another betrayal in there- one that would shock the audience even in a betrayal fest! So nicely done, there. The only thing I would have liked to see would have been a bit more of a "oh sh*t" reaction as soon as the trunk was opened.
But that's minor!! Nice work!
I really don't have anything bad to say here!
The ending was a surprise and a good way to throw another betrayal in there- one that would shock the audience even in a betrayal fest! So nicely done, there. The only thing I would have liked to see would have been a bit more of a "oh sh*t" reaction as soon as the trunk was opened.
But that's minor!! Nice work!
Matt Harris
Veteran
well doug i have some bad news. your movie is too awesome. its sickening. i really feel
like you have some of the best, most believable cinematography, and ACTING, in this whole fest.
i gotta read what others wrote before i make more comments, but right off the bat i love this short.
you did phenomenal work here.
like you have some of the best, most believable cinematography, and ACTING, in this whole fest.
i gotta read what others wrote before i make more comments, but right off the bat i love this short.
you did phenomenal work here.
dougspice
Veteran
Wow, thanks man. And everyone, again. It means a lot that you all like it so much – especially since I just got the not-very-tiny bill for the tiny scratch we unfortunately got on that BMW. Makes it a little easier to stomach the pain of not paying rent this month!
I think I'll start using "believable cinematography" as a quote in all promotions.
I think I'll start using "believable cinematography" as a quote in all promotions.
Matt Harris
Veteran
yeah, what i meant by "believable cinematography" was this: your short looks like a movie. period.
Alex Jeffery
Well-known member
Doug,
I just got around to watching this, and just wanted to say really great work! I loved the desaturated, raw look. It fit the story really well. My favorite shot is near the end when you start on a wideshot of the black car, and he pulls into the foreground in his car.
If I had any sort of critique, it would be that a few of the lines felt a little awkward (i.e. the "we meet again" line). But overall I felt that your leads were very natural and carried the show.
Congrats on a very strong entry!
I just got around to watching this, and just wanted to say really great work! I loved the desaturated, raw look. It fit the story really well. My favorite shot is near the end when you start on a wideshot of the black car, and he pulls into the foreground in his car.
If I had any sort of critique, it would be that a few of the lines felt a little awkward (i.e. the "we meet again" line). But overall I felt that your leads were very natural and carried the show.
Congrats on a very strong entry!
Nemesis TS
Well-known member
Nice film, like the look and feel of this one. The night shot of the guy didn't work for me, not sure why, was he out of focus? I can't put my finger on it. Just didn't seem to jive with the rest of it. The acting was great.
I thought I saw some latency in some of the moving parts of the image, not sure what its called, and its hard to explain. I was wondering if thats a DSLR thing or a compression thing... Didn't notice it in the other DSLR movies, but this one had the fastest movements it seems.
Great entry I definitely think you will be moving on to the next round. I would like to see the eight minute version, although I'm not sure how much more you could tell with two more minutes. I thought you nailed it in 6.
I thought I saw some latency in some of the moving parts of the image, not sure what its called, and its hard to explain. I was wondering if thats a DSLR thing or a compression thing... Didn't notice it in the other DSLR movies, but this one had the fastest movements it seems.
Great entry I definitely think you will be moving on to the next round. I would like to see the eight minute version, although I'm not sure how much more you could tell with two more minutes. I thought you nailed it in 6.
dougspice
Veteran
There's actually a whole setup to their conversation, two additional short scenes. Those were cut. Those scenes emphasize the theme a bit more and add to the feeling of slow dread. So in that respect I feel like the longer version may not play as well on the internet, certainly. But it is a richer film... or at least it should be. It's sort of rough right now.
Thanks, that's one of my favorite shots as well. It does everything I want it to, very efficiently.
I know what you mean. I felt the line was necessary to help the viewer connect the dots – the first few people I screened it to didn't make that connection. It's a safety net... and like any safety net it makes the high-wire act a little less impressive. We may cut it from the longer version.
Thanks, that's one of my favorite shots as well. It does everything I want it to, very efficiently.
I know what you mean. I felt the line was necessary to help the viewer connect the dots – the first few people I screened it to didn't make that connection. It's a safety net... and like any safety net it makes the high-wire act a little less impressive. We may cut it from the longer version.
dougspice
Veteran
Yeah, I get you... and thanks! Those are good words to hear.
Tom Shortridge
Well-known member
I read it.
dougspice
Veteran
Okay, maybe my question should have been clearer: has anyone read the script who wants to discuss it or has anything to say about it?
Maybe there's nothing to say, but I always find it interesting to read a script after I've seen the movie and try to imagine how it must have looked first off in the writer's mind.
Maybe there's nothing to say, but I always find it interesting to read a script after I've seen the movie and try to imagine how it must have looked first off in the writer's mind.
Doug, well done mate. I was hoping this would be good and it was plain and simple. Well paced, well cut. You used everything to your advantage. Acting was very good, older guy was right on song.
What could have made it better for me? Not much, BUT, I know the theme of this fest, but I still think it went a little too much in the obvious outcome direction. And finally I loved all the lake shots, but the back in the city car shots at points just got too hot.
Really, really well done.
What could have made it better for me? Not much, BUT
, I know the theme of this fest, but I still think it went a little too much in the obvious outcome direction. And finally I loved all the lake shots, but the back in the city car shots at points just got too hot. Really, really well done.
Tom Shortridge
Well-known member
Ohhh.... you wanted to discuss it
I actually really liked the opening scenes in the script, with the delivery of the thumb drive and everything - maybe it's better to get into the story later, as you did (I assume for time)? I kinda would have liked to see maybe more of that, instead, and chopped down the scene between the two guys - it felt sort of expository. How did you feel about the changes from script to screen?
As others have said, good acting, especially from the older gentleman.
Cinematography was nice.
Maybe it's just because of the time limit, but I felt the ending was kind of uninspired. Maybe it's just the nature of the six minute time limit, but when it took four and a half minutes to get past the conversation, there really weren't a whole lot of other places this story could go. And maybe it plays better outside of the fest, which is definitely likely.
That's not to say the rest of the script was uninspired, though - I loved the fact that they communicated through classifieds, and the pickups at the tube were very, very cool. I just wished you'd found a way to end it - or leave it open - that overcame the limitations of the fest.
Commendable work. I still gave it high marks. I just wanted something different for the ending.
I actually really liked the opening scenes in the script, with the delivery of the thumb drive and everything - maybe it's better to get into the story later, as you did (I assume for time)? I kinda would have liked to see maybe more of that, instead, and chopped down the scene between the two guys - it felt sort of expository. How did you feel about the changes from script to screen?
As others have said, good acting, especially from the older gentleman.
Cinematography was nice.
Maybe it's just because of the time limit, but I felt the ending was kind of uninspired. Maybe it's just the nature of the six minute time limit, but when it took four and a half minutes to get past the conversation, there really weren't a whole lot of other places this story could go. And maybe it plays better outside of the fest, which is definitely likely.
That's not to say the rest of the script was uninspired, though - I loved the fact that they communicated through classifieds, and the pickups at the tube were very, very cool. I just wished you'd found a way to end it - or leave it open - that overcame the limitations of the fest.
Commendable work. I still gave it high marks. I just wanted something different for the ending.
Brandon Rice
Distributed Producer
Where did you shoot this Doug?
dougspice
Veteran
Ohhh.... you wanted to discuss it
I actually really liked the opening scenes in the script, with the delivery of the thumb drive and everything - maybe it's better to get into the story later, as you did (I assume for time)? I kinda would have liked to see maybe more of that, instead, and chopped down the scene between the two guys - it felt sort of expository. How did you feel about the changes from script to screen?
Definitely cut for time. Given that we cut about two minutes, there's just no way we could have cut from the conversation scene and still had it actually serve any narrative purpose – cutting into it would actually make it more expository, not less, because you lose the nuances of actual conversation and end up focusing just on plot details... a big no-no in my book.
Overall, though, I'm quite happy with this transition to the screen. There are scenes in there that hardly changed since the original draft, but most of it reflects continual rewrites to reflect casting, locations, etc.
What I did learn about translating this to the screen is that my style of writing – designed to be lean, aggressive, easy-to-read*– actually worked against my interests. The script is just over 6 pages long, and granted the 1-page-per-minute rule doesn't necessarily work out in a short format, but total running time of the entire script as shot runs almost 9 minutes. If I hadn't edited the writing to be so lean, I probably would have had a more direct, realistic idea of the actual running time. So I'll need to work a little more on pacing out my action.
@Brandon – we shot it around Indio and the Salton Sea, El Segundo, MacArthur Park, Agua Dulce, and my apartment.
Rodney V. Smith
DVXFest Promo Guru
Dead Drop
Review: Brilliant. Stunning. Awesome cinematography. A story with a bang. Literally. This will do well in this fest and is designed to exist outside of the fest as well, so can't wait to see where it goes. This is the film that a lot of us wanted to make.
Story: It's a solid story, well told with good dialog. I can't even tell where you had to cut anything. But it was a tight edit and you kept things going consistently. By the end of the first minute we were
intrigued. End of minute two... we were hooked.
Technical: Um... yeah... maybe I need to watch it three more times... okay. Loved it. Nothing felt wrong, nothing was out of place. It all felt right and perfectly planned. I envy you.
Acting: Good solid actors. You couldn't have cast it better.
WrapUp: Solid work all around. You have a solid grasp on your stroytelling skills and on the technical side of things and it shows in your work. This was an awesome piece of work and is up there with my favorites. How can it not be? This film ****ing rules.
Review: Brilliant. Stunning. Awesome cinematography. A story with a bang. Literally. This will do well in this fest and is designed to exist outside of the fest as well, so can't wait to see where it goes. This is the film that a lot of us wanted to make.
Story: It's a solid story, well told with good dialog. I can't even tell where you had to cut anything. But it was a tight edit and you kept things going consistently. By the end of the first minute we were
intrigued. End of minute two... we were hooked.
Technical: Um... yeah... maybe I need to watch it three more times... okay. Loved it. Nothing felt wrong, nothing was out of place. It all felt right and perfectly planned. I envy you.
Acting: Good solid actors. You couldn't have cast it better.
WrapUp: Solid work all around. You have a solid grasp on your stroytelling skills and on the technical side of things and it shows in your work. This was an awesome piece of work and is up there with my favorites. How can it not be? This film ****ing rules.