Covenant

Dammit I will no longer obey all the script rules cos they suck and are restrictive and prevent epic, rich writing like this from ever getting writ!

You really bring history to life here - the script is emotive, visceral, brutal yet still somehow very dignified. I guess that's the Lawrie touch :)

As others have said, I was torn about the Melville nugget of backstory..On further rumination, I would have to conclude that it's allowed. The dramatic, exaggerated tone and nature of the character (he's got a toy poodle for christ's sake) allows him to divulge this without it being forced or cheesy, and the benefit of seeing how the man came to be the way he came to be far outweighs the potential cons.

I love the ending. You bring the bad guy down. Awesome.

As for a visual reference, I can only tell you that I was imagining, barren, burnt landscapes. Almost lunar. Dusty. Does Scotland come like that? You could always burn a field?

This ain't Braveheart. I wouldn't worry.

Ps may I suggest John Malkovoch for Melville? He would do ever such a good job! :)

Great, great work dude. Your passion for history shows. It's almost like history porn. can I say that? :)
 
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I guess that's the Lawrie touch :)
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Exactly if only there were more pretty female reviewers willing to experiement with the Lawrie touch but all i have is Blaine and his forest like beard... his wise wise grey... beard.

Ah yep in fact I speak to my Cat Jaffa in the same way Melville does to his poodle (hrmph) I think I would film this in Dysart anyway, but id avoid the Rob Roy expanse of land - id try to come up with a depressing small dirty town look akin to Django (but relative to the period here.) Or when epic scapes are used (As they would be) I'd not shoot them straight out the scottish travel brochure if you get my drift.

John Malkovich would be perfect or Eddie Izzard! Oh dear i'll stop that now! Yes you could say it is history porn haha - i mean its romanticised and stylised beyond fact - all artistic license!

Thanks for the feedback Sarah!
 
History porn:

Man: I have come to fix your spinning jenny.

I haven't figured out the rest yet. I'll get back to you.

I'm just trying to ditch the quaint girly vibe. Sorry for hijacking your thread :)

Ah yes dingy town. That works. Grey. Lots of grey. And rain. Lots of rain. And Eddie Izzard with a wiry moustache.
 
Very brutal and grisly. The character of Melville is definitely an interesting one. In some ways I felt like he was a bit too stylized for a historical epic. I thought the combination of the way he talked, his insane violence, and his poodle made him out as a more exaggerated villain more befitting of a comic book movie than something based on actual events (?). That said he was still a very compelling character, definitely the driving force in the script for me.

I think the preacher needs to be fleshed out a bit more. Maybe give him a name and a tiny bit more back story. He definitely had character in the way he keeps going on after Melville does all that mean stuff to him, but he still seems more or less like a stranger to me even at the end...though maybe that's what you want. Melville really takes center stage in this, and I think it'd be interesting to try and make it more balanced between these two.

One minor thing: I thought it was a little silly how the preacher was able to blindly and deafly convey such an elaborate plan by sketching something on a piece of paper real quick, and everyone looks at it, immediately understands, and gasps. I know this works to build suspense, but looking back on it once we know what the plan is it leaves me wondering, how did he draw all that on a piece of paper in 5 seconds?

Good job. I'd like to see it produced, but that'd probably be difficult...
 
Hey there! Well for goodness sake my good friend don't presume a historical epic should be a stoic neo-classical play of respectable historical reflection hehe. One of my big influences for this is the work of agi-pop British Director Ken Russell - and movies like 'The Devils etc'

In a way the UK in particular has always been quite comfortable with very abstract visualisations of historical events in film - surreal - perverse bizarre and so on. If we take an example the like The Devils you would be hard pressed to find many American peers (though they exist, such films like Apocalyse Now for example.) So its not that Melville is not appropriate for a historical epic, but that the direction of a historical epic (in the classical style as it were) would be utterly inappropriate for this script ;)

The sadism of Django Kills combined with The Devils is more where this one is going (not Spartacus :) Its such a blooming shame that the devils is a really hard film to get but i would recommend anyone wanting to explore the stylistic limits of historical story telling that its worth checking out. Here is a very very tame montage of footage from the film.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLgL_P5uacA&feature=related

As an example of Melvilles behavior (with similarities in other weird historical films) we have a beautifully perverse scene where on opposite ends, the Catholic Louis (Sun King) shoots protestants dressed as animals (game) in his palace garden.... yey

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On your other points of criticism I personally whole heartedly agree. The preacher i think could be fleshed out a bit more - I mean i'd like to retain some mystery about him, and he's not necessarily a hero either (he condemns his own community to the civil war too.) But he does need humanity too.

As for the wooden cross thing - i think your right again in so much if we're going for historical stoic narrative of plausible incidents ;) But in this case we are being a little cheeky - taking advantage of absurdities and trauma to make such things possible (ie the wooden cross) But i'll definately consider your advice for the 'plan scene'. As that is a little simple (it might work like that if directed ironically, but definately we dont want an A-Team style villagers building montage hehe) These are things that would definately be fleshed out if i go feature with this concept.

So thank you good sir for your comments and ideas! I'll take them into account!

// Ah what the heck - heres another link to a scene from that movie - the mother superior is obsessed with the local priest ooh er... :P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8Xgm1u_SF4&NR=1
 
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Eddie Izzard would nail the role of Melville 100%. That would be a great thing to see.

Was the name 'Melville' a nod to John Pierre Melville? Perhaps not, but that's something I wondered when I first read it.
 
i like how pleasingly brutal this was. and the poodle was the perfect touch ;)

i agree that maybe an 80 foot cross wasn't exactly realistic over night, but i accept your response (anything is possible in the movies ;) it was still a nice ending with the trojan-horse-style attack. i even liked how melville continued to laugh until he saw his dead poodle...haha

i won't belabor the western vs. scottish period piece point because you have already answered that and, as others have said, the elements are there and could be made even more evident in stylizing...

very hollywood... i was thoroughly entertained. good job! :)
 
Hey there buddy cheers! Yep lol talking about the cross though its not like its er height (and the number of guys with Melville who climb up it) has any particular relevance. If i made this then bet your ass it won't be that high - probably a third height and 20 guys hehe! So I'll definatlely look at that.

Very Hollywood now thats unexpected hehe as this is from a kind of 60s70s spaghetti western/british romantic cinema perspective but Hollywood! What bits spoke to you jamie as a hollywood movie just out of curiousity (as we all derive our own perspectives don't we!)
 
i meant hollywood in a good way... crowd-pleasing... a psychotic and eccentric villain we love to hate, fantastic brutality, drastic situations, a clever ending, justice in the end carried out by an innocent young girl, and interesting history to boot ;) like apocolypto or the patriot... entertaining, satisfying, and educational at the same time... i liked it.
 
Oh sure i didn't presume you meant it in a bad way haha just never in a millions years would see that as a particularly hollywood like ending! (just different perspectives i guess!) I don't mean anything by it of course except as a cute observation!
 
i guess it depends on which hollywood films you watch.. haha... never was one who needs a happy hollywood ending myself... maybe i am just twisted ;)
 
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The amount of detail in this script is amazing.(especially in the violence) You write like you were there, Lawrie. You must have spent a lot of time on research for the script. The villain was great too, not an easy one to forget.

The twist at the end with the girl killing off Melville was the only part that didn't completely work for me. Maybe it seemed too easy to kill him off like that. Living without his poodle would probably be a better punishment for him than death.
 
Hey Frank thanks for the comments! I'll consider that in mind about the girl! I should add that when she bumps the guy off - its not a kind of triumphant scene exactly - but just another turn of the absurd wheel of violence and mayhem. The idea also is that the child herself becomes a murderer - and that Melville (Who does not see her charge) is busy crying his peepers out (welcoming death in his own way.)

Of course part of us wants to see Melville get his comeuppance hehe (but is it worth it should that cause for a young girl to become a murderer? Tainted forever by her act.) Thats the larger question really!

The film Soviet ww2 psycho-darma, 'Come and See' has an INCREDIBLE sequence at the end with a similar (er better) exploration of this idea. If you check out its montage end on youtube you'll see what i mean!

Exactly, see when i am installed as Dictator of Maryland, the way for the American resistance to depose me would be to kidnap my cat Jaffa! Nooooo
 
Amazing work! I'm so impressed on how much emotion and story you have been able to deliver in just these few pages. For me the selling point was the motivation you used for justifying this resistance. It's brilliant. Nothing seems to move people to blood and war faster then the need to protect and fight for their religion. While extremely violent, it works because the story gives the audience what it needs to accept it. This, combined with the symbolism placed throughout ( The poodle, The 80 foot cross) just adds to the overall accomplishment. Again, amazing work here
 
Thanks Mark - you certainly know how to make a guy blush (ooh er) hehe ;) seriously thanks! I'm just glad I didn't get it the wrong way around with an 80 foot poodle and a tiny cross! Now that would have been a story!
 
I`ll give my review without looking at the other posts.

Lawrie, you`ve done it again! :P The setting is great, and I love the way you told a small story, set in a bigger nationwide conflict.

The characters are convincing and really interresting. I like that you put a priest as your main character as a symbol of the good, it helps keep the contrast to all the horrors that are done. Melville could feel one sided, Pure evil, but you show that he cares so much about his poodle, so you show there`s something more to him, and that also tells me something about his backstory. That he cares more for his pet, than for his men.

The story of the Relic fits the setting well and tells of mans greed and lust for wealth, even though horrific events happen all around them.

One thing that I didn`t understand was why Melville took the priest with him. At first I thought he was going to torture him to tell him where the cross is, but then he cuts off his tounge. And why does he leave the town, just to come back later. Was it because the covenant forces took over the town? If so, why did you choose not to show it?

When the priest returns to the village it would normally seem to random, but for some reason here, I believe it. As you said in the script; "It`s a miracle, but somehow he has returned to his parish"

There is some very clever writing in here and the dialogue flows great.
I especially liked this line; It would shock a normal child, but in this age nothing can.
When Melville talks to his poodle about how he was bound to a horsecart wheel, I felt this took me out of the scene a bit. There`s nothing wrong about him doing this, I just didn`t feel it fit that particular scene. I`d rather see how it would work in the scene where he has shot the kid bound to the wheel a little later in the story.

The tone of the script is dark, it flows and most of all consistent so great job.
Structure is also great!

The ending for me was also a bit strange. I just feel it ended a bit quick. The girl hits him in the back of the head with a rock and then boom. done.

But this is all nitpicking. The only real issue I have is that it doesn`t feel like a western. It is a great script and I know you plan to perhaps produce it (you should) but for this fest I think it may be a bit out of place.

But hey, you invented the word haggis western, so who am I to say it doesn`t fit that genre! And I haven`t exactly seen that many westerns either.

But all in all, this is a great script and I would love to see it realized!

Btw. I also don`t think a little girl is strong enough to "cracking his skull like a crumpled eggshell". But then again. I guess it depends on the size of the rock...

Cheers!
 
Hey there mate! Thank you for the feedback mon amie!

Yep takes the priest to find out where cross is, to take prisoners in general etc. OOooh what else the bit about the chap talking to the poodle (somebody else mentioned that) but most havent as an issue. My theatrical back ground hehe loves those asides so its not 'natural' but stylistically i think it works. Its too much fun getting inside the villains head a bit and is intended as a scene (with the poodle) within a scene hehe - rather than a sudden monologue. (It counts as a scene so long as i have a cutaway of the dog right? haha he could go woof)

Yep you see i like the sudden ending because the script is about the futility of war and the corruption it causes. The ending is violent - and seems happy (villain buys it) but at the cost of the kids innocence. The priest is a goodie but think about it - he asks his parishoners to sign up 'onto one side in a civil war!!!' - so he brings the royalists about their heads. So you see there are more shades of grey than you might imagine going on here. Violence is evil, but violence can be served with a noble visage or an evil one its consequences are the same - death.

The extended ending of a girl say running off to the woods, or for follow up text saying 'and so it was that the war would go on etc' is just too hammy for me. Let the last moment be the cracking of a mans skull.

Oh and yes a girl can crack a man's skull (fracture) with a jaggy rock lol (obviously you need to visit Kirkcaldy) :P

About the Western setting - i think the challenge here is that because it really requires a film to create a visual culture as it were of expectation. Ie. a number of films to break a perception - then to read something not set in the wild west can be hard to believe 'is' a wild west story. I mean Blaine and most have got the western elements inserted - but i wouldnt expect most folk too unless they were watching a finished film.
 
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Hi Lawrie! Well, what an exraordinary, outrageous script this is, but Soooo... entertaining.
I don't do 'technical' crits - well not yet - a beginner... later maybe...???
I can comment only on the story and the characters. 'Haggis Western' clearly belongs to you - a new genre(?)
The characters seemed well defined and I found myself drawn most peculiarly to Melville... he must have had such a difficult childhood, poor little dear, obviously mummy didn't care enough for him...
Scriptwise, I think the more you 'exaggerate' this character, the more fun a viewing audience would enjoy him and poodle (give poodle a name) - lending even more of a contrast with ie the beleagered Preacher.
The wee girl polishes off Melville with one smacky bop on the head... Mmmm How would it be if she stumbles over said poodle, hears a tiny squeak, picks it up and finds it is still alive???
This would allow for Poodle 2... the sequel...
Just being silly Lawrie - the script is fabulous, one of the best. Yey...
 
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