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The audio was funny at the beginning and very noticeable when they talk. I did not particularly like the lighting or the sound effects. The script had a good idea for a thriller, but the filming was lackluster. I was not given a reason to care for or root for the female actress. I was just thinking to myself, "ok so he's going to drug her and do something evil, possibly kill her. Why do I care? Is this a good person? How do I know she doesn't rape children in her free time?" Ok that’s a bit harsh but really I wasn't scared for her until the end when she is tied up because I realize good or bad she is still human. Good editing, the section right after he drugged he was entertaining visually, and I liked how the ending was left open to our imaginations. It could have been better if there was more establishing the girl as a good person. Look forward to seeing more of your work.
 
The first of the writer films I’ve seen. This is a very solid entry. Your lead was solid, the camerawork was on the ball, and the editing was really well done.
The only gripe I have with this is the sound design. I’m sorry to say it, but they are really lacking, especially compared to how well the rest the film is put together. A bit more effort there, and I think this would have been a contender.
I think the editing is what really stood out for me. I really liked how desaturated it so much for the chase scene through the woods. And all the transitions were seamless. Well done with this entry, thanks for putting it in.
 
filmcritic said:
The audio was funny at the beginning and very noticeable when they talk. I did not particularly like the lighting or the sound effects. The script had a good idea for a thriller, but the filming was lackluster. I was not given a reason to care for or root for the female actress. I was just thinking to myself, "ok so he's going to drug her and do something evil, possibly kill her. Why do I care? Is this a good person? How do I know she doesn't rape children in her free time?" Ok that’s a bit harsh but really I wasn't scared for her until the end when she is tied up because I realize good or bad she is still human. Good editing, the section right after he drugged he was entertaining visually, and I liked how the ending was left open to our imaginations. It could have been better if there was more establishing the girl as a good person. Look forward to seeing more of your work.
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I just checked the audio, are you referring to the typing at the beginning or the talking? My file looks fine something might've jacked during the upload which seems to be affecting a lot of people. Thanks for the crit. :)
 
4100xpb said:
The first of the writer films I’ve seen. This is a very solid entry. Your lead was solid, the camerawork was on the ball, and the editing was really well done.
The only gripe I have with this is the sound design. I’m sorry to say it, but they are really lacking, especially compared to how well the rest the film is put together. A bit more effort there, and I think this would have been a contender.
I think the editing is what really stood out for me. I really liked how desaturated it so much for the chase scene through the woods. And all the transitions were seamless. Well done with this entry, thanks for putting it in.
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Thanks man

Yeah I had to do the sound design myself and it was a learning experience to say the least. I will work on that though. Thanks for the crit
 
I had some trouble understanding the dialogue at the beginning - It got better as it went along. Fun film to watch!
 
really cool look throughout. but I think I missed something. needs another viewing. I'll do that tonight
 
I thought that this was shot and edited together nicely. The visual effects were good – they worked with the story instead of distracting from it (the distorted perspectives). Pacing was good, and I thought the chase scene into the woods was handled well. I don't like to critique sound with these kinds of things because you never know if it's an issue with the compression or what...the audio on this sounded a little echo-y, like the mic was too far from the actor's mouth. The dialogue was decent, but there a couple of lines that seem forced, but not too bad and overall it worked. And the acting...well, we work with what we get (if you've seen my entry, you know what I mean). I liked the fact that used an actress who looked like someone you'd see everyday instead of the typically favored “babe”-type; it lent the movie a more appreciable quality and allowed the audience to sympathize with the characters more. All told, I enjoyed this – good job!
 
I thought this was a really good story and I like how you incorporated the writing with the actual story. I also liked how the woman almost got the villian. Would have been kind of nice if she did. There are a few problems here and I think the two that stand out the most are the audio and the sound effects. The dialogue audio is out of sync bigtime. At least on the video I watched. The sound effects did not sound realistic enough either. Even the initial closing of the front door when the girl comes into the house didn't sound real. Those two things are very fixeable though. I also thought the actors did a convincing enough job. The lighting was okay except for the last outdoor shot. It was really dark. I also thought the camera shots were fine as well. Oh, one other thing I just thought about. Her slamming his head looked kind of fake. You might need to re-edit that and add some more powerful sound effects to make that part pop. Anyway, all in all, a pretty good short!
 
Good entry, i really like the device of the writer writing the story vs the actual action. great title sequence! what i want to know is: how did you do the "day for night"?
It was really believable as night. Just a blue filter or what?
 
Brian P. McQuilkin said:
I thought that this was shot and edited together nicely. The visual effects were good – they worked with the story instead of distracting from it (the distorted perspectives). Pacing was good, and I thought the chase scene into the woods was handled well. I don't like to critique sound with these kinds of things because you never know if it's an issue with the compression or what...the audio on this sounded a little echo-y, like the mic was too far from the actor's mouth. The dialogue was decent, but there a couple of lines that seem forced, but not too bad and overall it worked. And the acting...well, we work with what we get (if you've seen my entry, you know what I mean). I liked the fact that used an actress who looked like someone you'd see everyday instead of the typically favored “babe”-type; it lent the movie a more appreciable quality and allowed the audience to sympathize with the characters more. All told, I enjoyed this – good job!
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Thanks man, yeah my sound guy way twisting the mic back and forth between dialouge I noticed it during the take and told him to focus on one character at a time. The audio got a little better after that. Thanks for the crit I'm reading some more screen writing books to work on my dialouge.

Marlon Ladd said:
I thought this was a really good story and I like how you incorporated the writing with the actual story. I also liked how the woman almost got the villian. Would have been kind of nice if she did. There are a few problems here and I think the two that stand out the most are the audio and the sound effects. The dialogue audio is out of sync bigtime. At least on the video I watched. The sound effects did not sound realistic enough either. Even the initial closing of the front door when the girl comes into the house didn't sound real. Those two things are very fixeable though. I also thought the actors did a convincing enough job. The lighting was okay except for the last outdoor shot. It was really dark. I also thought the camera shots were fine as well. Oh, one other thing I just thought about. Her slamming his head looked kind of fake. You might need to re-edit that and add some more powerful sound effects to make that part pop. Anyway, all in all, a pretty good short!
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Thanks man, the sound of the door closing was the actual door, meh can't win them all I guess. I do agree with you on the sound design but the audio dialouge isn't that far off I don't think. The typing is off, I totally see that but I can't tell if the dialouge is off especailly "Big Time" if it is though, it might be only a matter of frames. Will work on my sound design though for my later projects. Thanks for the Crit :)

2062ad said:
really cool look throughout. but I think I missed something. needs another viewing. I'll do that tonight
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Watch as many times as you want my man :)

Matt Harris said:
Good entry, i really like the device of the writer writing the story vs the actual action. great title sequence! what i want to know is: how did you do the "day for night"?
It was really believable as night. Just a blue filter or what?
Click to expand...

Well I took the footage into after effects and used Colorista 2 to desaturate the footage, then I turned the exposure and the highlights down. I then added a Power Mask around the actors and basically made a spot light on them. Then I went into Magic Bullet looks and used the Hue control and cooled the look down then lowered the opacity by 20% and bam Day for Night. I was really worried about those shots. I'll post some bts as soon as the fest is over to show how I did it.
 
helluva process dude, so when i go to do day for night footy one day, can i email you the files? no but seriously thanks for that process, i will be trying that out.
 
The bad news is I'm merely repeating from others of course: Audio, acting, sfx show potential but need improvement and for being "drugged" the girl had an awful lot of stamina.

The good is that the back and forth between action and intention was well edited and paced. You have some good shots and you've put together a nice little short it just needs more work. I liked it, Nice job :beer:
 
Advice for making the finals. Sound was your enemy. Theres some good elements throughout. Intensity, thats the word we needed more of through the chase. Another factor to me that I think also effected your chase was overall I felt the shots were a bit unmotivated. I think you need to use the camera more to help tell the story. As an example when she goes in the house and he offers her a drink its a high head and shoulder shot of him. Something as simple as making this wider and then slowly moving the camera in through out the shots until she faints could add a lot to the visual storytelling.
 
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