Blurred

Just got finished with a rough cut of the film. I made some notes and will continue to refine it. Just sent a copy of the rough cut to Justin Durban so he can compose it. I can't wait to see what comes up with. I still have to have some of the foely and sound effects placed into the movie. Then its off to complete the vfx and color correct it. Wow seems like a lot of stuff to do but I still got plenty of time, least that's what I keep telling myself.
 
Alright the film is uploaded and is now waiting on approval from the judges. I'm not gonna lie I'm a little excited and nervous at the same time. This is my first fest and I'm proud of the work I did, I'm looking forward to the constructive crits from the other fest participants. Good luck to everybody involved :)
 
*spoilers*


First the kudos, I'm watching these in a row and as of this placement on the list, the acting is more organic, not all of it, but the girl more especially seemed "real" and not recited. I also liked the "type" screenplay-come-to-life device you used. Was it a thriller? I can't say that it was. Felt more like a forced try at a thriller. The only tension I felt was when they both passed out, however, with as many times as she banged his head, physically impossible for someone to get up in a hurry. That did not seem believable. The ending as expected. No surprises there.

So I liked your device and her acting.
 
Charli said:
*spoilers*


First the kudos, I'm watching these in a row and as of this placement on the list, the acting is more organic, not all of it, but the girl more especially seemed "real" and not recited. I also liked the "type" screenplay-come-to-life device you used. Was it a thriller? I can't say that it was. Felt more like a forced try at a thriller. The only tension I felt was when they both passed out, however, with as many times as she banged his head, physically impossible for someone to get up in a hurry. That did not seem believable. The ending as expected. No surprises there.

So I liked your device and her acting.
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Thanks Charli for the input.

I was aware with the timing of the character getting up from that beat down, but then again I had to ask myself about how far to stretch this besides what you are watching are Benji's recollection of the events leading up to him writing the screenplay. Sooo I guess in reality what we could've seen was different during the forest chase.

Thanks for crit though :)
 
First, let me get the bad stuff out of the way. I hate any film references in movies, whether it's actors or screenwriters. And the 'it was all a dream' endings kind a piss me off. And last and most importantly, that was a ridiculously long action block. Action blocks should never be that long. :) But seriously I liked it, I felt the tension from the girl. The guy first came of cheesy scary, but then you could think he's a bit unhinged and willing to do this. Overall good job.
 
Chris_Keaton said:
First, let me get the bad stuff out of the way. I hate any film references in movies, whether it's actors or screenwriters. And the 'it was all a dream' endings kind a piss me off. And last and most importantly, that was a ridiculously long action block. Action blocks should never be that long. :) But seriously I liked it, I felt the tension from the girl. The guy first came of cheesy scary, but then you could think he's a bit unhinged and willing to do this. Overall good job.
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Thanks Chris

Hey what can I say I'm an action kinda guy :)
 
Good effort John. Overall I thought his character was good. I liked the little script come to life elements.
 
Blurred! The mind of the author - that psychological perspective of the artist who must experience that which he seeks to create in fiction. This is a conventional formula that can really work if you build up a nervous tension to the moment - to the character's decision as it were -to carry on with that darkest of deeds. Murder. The point also, is that its not really because the artist needs to 'know' what murder feels like that he decides to do so - it is because of all kinds of dark/siniter/freaky tendencies, fetishes and issues which I think, if we could have seen more of - or felt suggested would have made the impact of his actions and motives more exciting - more real.

The glass of juice was just too convenient, a litlte simple, for something that represents such an intense 'urge' for a would be madman seeking deep suited answers in the act of murder. It makes his intellectual reasoning (amidst the fx shots) while our girl fights unconsciousness, seem a little blithe/naive. It doesn't carry the same gravitas as it might if we really felt the true nature of the atrocity this man means to carry out.

So it comes across as perhaps a little uncertain, neither light/entertaining with dark humour, or genuinely horrific. I think a deeper reflection of the motives of artists, and the nature of murder itself, the horror of fulfilling the urges that lead those to kill/ rape / to fantasise on carrying out such actions - would bring greater authenticity.

An enjoyable work though and you certainly have my respect with your entry.
 
lawriejaffa said:
Blurred! The mind of the author - that psychological perspective of the artist who must experience that which he seeks to create in fiction. This is a conventional formula that can really work if you build up a nervous tension to the moment - to the character's decision as it were -to carry on with that darkest of deeds. Murder. The point also, is that its not really because the artist needs to 'know' what murder feels like that he decides to do so - it is because of all kinds of dark/siniter/freaky tendencies, fetishes and issues which I think, if we could have seen more of - or felt suggested would have made the impact of his actions and motives more exciting - more real.

The glass of juice was just too convenient, a litlte simple, for something that represents such an intense 'urge' for a would be madman seeking deep suited answers in the act of murder. It makes his intellectual reasoning (amidst the fx shots) while our girl fights unconsciousness, seem a little blithe/naive. It doesn't carry the same gravitas as it might if we really felt the true nature of the atrocity this man means to carry out.

So it comes across as perhaps a little uncertain, neither light/entertaining with dark humour, or genuinely horrific. I think a deeper reflection of the motives of artists, and the nature of murder itself, the horror of fulfilling the urges that lead those to kill/ rape / to fantasise on carrying out such actions - would bring greater authenticity.

An enjoyable work though and you certainly have my respect with your entry.
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Wow that was truly an epic review! I see what you are saying and I agree with your criticism. I just had problems carrying it out more plot and character development in such a short time frame, but I completly get what you are telling me tha film was lacking in some areas. Maybe I just caved and rushed the story a bit too quickly, I will take this and build on it. Thanks for the review :)
 
Lawrie really nailed it and put it better than I could.
A few things, have her show the effects before she's told she's drugged.
On the plus side, you created a certain mood that seemed to work and I liked the lead in this. Pretty natural.

Sound was low but that could be the upload. There's been a bit of that going around.

Look forward to your next flick. Interesting story premise by the way.

MAH
 
I have to agree with Lawrie about the water. That was a little too "meet cute" for me. There's something to the super short movie that's the same as the super short story. You have to pack a lot into a little box. I tried with "Ring, Ring" to mixed results (story wise - as in "too much" packed into six minutes). But I think this could have worked in six minutes. You could revisit, turning your magnifying glass on your main character. I'd rather see him unsure of the act. If he actually committed the murder (and I have to admit that I wasn't sure if he did, or if that was also just a dream, at the end), I feel like he would be less smug. Or maybe smug isn't the right word: less "comfortable" with it. I'd've liked to see his emotional arc played out more precisely. The leap to committing the crime and the repercussions - even if he enjoyed it.

And to be honest, I would have loved to see the characters flipped. An murderous woman exploring those tendencies and taking on a guy - someone bigger than her - would have added some texture you don't see everyday.
 
Hey John, I cant add too much to what's been said here but I agree with most of what's been said.

However, I will also add I loved the intro titles, and I actually liked the chopping from screenwriting to reality. It just gives the film some punch and sets up expectation that can be contradicted or fulfilled (if that makes sense). You write his intentions and we get to see how that plays out. You could have SO much fun with that :)

I love your idea that a screenwriter has to experience something before he can write about it. Its almost like a direct reflection the old adage 'write what you know about' ....I think as an idea it's a great one, and would really benefit from exploring that concept much deeper. I just think it deserved more than the standard chase through the woods, as that's been done a lot of times.

So while I didn't think it was a perfect film, the core idea is good and well worth re-exploring in the future.
 
Michael Anthony Horrigan said:
Lawrie really nailed it and put it better than I could.
A few things, have her show the effects before she's told she's drugged.
On the plus side, you created a certain mood that seemed to work and I liked the lead in this. Pretty natural.

Sound was low but that could be the upload. There's been a bit of that going around.

Look forward to your next flick. Interesting story premise by the way.

MAH
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Thanks MAH

A lot of good things I've been getting was that the mood was set well. I guess I got that down and I just failed to pull the trigger. Will work on this. Yeah the sound was a bit low. It freaked me out cause the master file wasn't like that. Thanks for the Crit! :)

tomten3000 said:
I have to agree with Lawrie about the water. That was a little too "meet cute" for me. There's something to the super short movie that's the same as the super short story. You have to pack a lot into a little box. I tried with "Ring, Ring" to mixed results (story wise - as in "too much" packed into six minutes). But I think this could have worked in six minutes. You could revisit, turning your magnifying glass on your main character. I'd rather see him unsure of the act. If he actually committed the murder (and I have to admit that I wasn't sure if he did, or if that was also just a dream, at the end), I feel like he would be less smug. Or maybe smug isn't the right word: less "comfortable" with it. I'd've liked to see his emotional arc played out more precisely. The leap to committing the crime and the repercussions - even if he enjoyed it.

And to be honest, I would have loved to see the characters flipped. An murderous woman exploring those tendencies and taking on a guy - someone bigger than her - would have added some texture you don't see everyday.
Click to expand...

Thanks man. Yeah I'm seeing where the story was coming up short. I think I just played it way to safe with this piece, next time I'll really go out side the box.

Darkline said:
Hey John, I cant add too much to what's been said here but I agree with most of what's been said.

However, I will also add I loved the intro titles, and I actually liked the chopping from screenwriting to reality. It just gives the film some punch and sets up expectation that can be contradicted or fulfilled (if that makes sense). You write his intentions and we get to see how that plays out. You could have SO much fun with that :)

I love your idea that a screenwriter has to experience something before he can write about it. Its almost like a direct reflection the old adage 'write what you know about' ....I think as an idea it's a great one, and would really benefit from exploring that concept much deeper. I just think it deserved more than the standard chase through the woods, as that's been done a lot of times.

So while I didn't think it was a perfect film, the core idea is good and well worth re-exploring in the future.
Click to expand...

I heard you re did Negative Image from a short that you had made. The more I look at this short film and hearing everyone's response it's one film that I will remake in the future. I wanted to use the distorted reality effects to show how he was truly losing touch with reality. Again the mood was set I just didn't pull the trigger. Thanks for the input man. You rock :)
 
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