Ava - MojoTrancer

Also, when casting yourself try to put yourself in a part you fit. You weren't dark enough for the pathological role you cast yourself in - in fact, you looked kinda sweet. Writer-actor-directors have it tough in this regard - get a person you trust who knows you well, and bounce it off them for a sanity check.
Thanks for making a film, I liked watching it, and keep shooting (I know you will)!
 
penfever said:
Also, when casting yourself try to put yourself in a part you fit. You weren't dark enough for the pathological role you cast yourself in - in fact, you looked kinda sweet. Writer-actor-directors have it tough in this regard - get a person you trust who knows you well, and bounce it off them for a sanity check.
Thanks for making a film, I liked watching it, and keep shooting (I know you will)!
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I cast myself because I knew I would show up ;)
 
penfever said:
Also, when casting yourself try to put yourself in a part you fit. You weren't dark enough for the pathological role you cast yourself in - in fact, you looked kinda sweet.
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I actually liked that. It helped it seem kinda sweet at first, and then became more shocking when it turned very dark.

And, y'know, that kind of character, to be effective, has to be able to build trust, both in terms of the victim in the film and the audience. I thought he worked well.
 
Thanks, Z B. I'm always hesitant to be in stuff. It makes directing a bit harder. This time it was matter of convenience. And considering we had to do our VOs all over three different times in 4 days, each time on short notice, I'm not sure we would have finished in time if someone else had been playing Zane. I was lucky enough that Bobette was so flexible with her time.
 
Yeah, in general I wince at the idea of a director starring. That's an awful lot for one person to carry on their shoulders, and it seems like it can't help but affect both roles. However, in this case I think the way the film was structured (i.e. the montage shots and the voice over) made it much more workable.

Tangential note: On "A New Tomorrow", we bandied about the idea of having our director, Jim, play the lead as well. I'm confident in saying that getting Mike was the single best decision Jim made on the film.
 
Cool...at first I thought that this was going to be another 'repair a broken android robot-mate storyline' that we are seeing over and over on here, but then there were some original elements too...she was a real person prior and he was a murderer, etc.. Wow...I bet focusing the story on that part of it, would've put it over the top for me as far as creativity and originality. I think some of those scenes would've been much better with additional lighting here and there....maybe that was the effect you were going for. I'm not a huge fan of the narrative...I like more dialogue and acting, etc... my theater background comes out...heh.

Cool job...liked the concept once it got going.
 
I enjoyed this film. I loved the shot of the woman on the bed starring blankly. That was creepy and almost hitchcock-esque. Great job! I felt what you were trying to communicate with that story.
 
Wow. Tip of the hat to you Mojo. I really liked this film. I think that your voice over was excellent and didn't realize it was you playing the role until I read it here on the board. I have to say the voice over/montage concept gave the film a very intimate feel. Like were sneaking into this private conversation between lovers.

Was not expecting the line "Then why did you kill me?" It caught me off guard. I also loved the transition between her slapping her hand at the camera into your hand pulling away from the camera, revealing all the blood. Wow. Great work!
 
angrynerdrock07 said:
Wow. Tip of the hat to you Mojo. I really liked this film. I think that your voice over was excellent and didn't realize it was you playing the role until I read it here on the board. I have to say the voice over/montage concept gave the film a very intimate feel. Like were sneaking into this private conversation between lovers.

Was not expecting the line "Then why did you kill me?" It caught me off guard. I also loved the transition between her slapping her hand at the camera into your hand pulling away from the camera, revealing all the blood. Wow. Great work!
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Thanks much!

It was pure dumb luck that Bobette and I ended up doing similar things while shooting our respective "bug out" scenes. I was able to use this to good effect in editing.
 
MojoTrancer said:
It was pure dumb luck that Bobette and I ended up doing similar things while shooting our respective "bug out" scenes. I was able to use this to good effect in editing.
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Man I love those crazy accidents!
 
I haven't read anyone else's review so forgive me if I repeat anything anyone else has said...

Ava – Well the male voice reminds me of Vince Vaughn, but what hurt me on watching this was the sound. You can hear the static come in and out, just this harsh noise that really pulled me out of the experience. Overall I enjoyed the story, and I liked the acting. I thought your editing was solid and the story kept me entertained, but the sound really kept me from getting engrossed in the story. It was a nice mystery unfolding and I thought you did a great job. The only thing I would say is that the sound just hurts it. Good job.
 
Hi Mojo,

As I'm going through all my sharing of notes, you're next on the list ;)

I like your cinematography, and the editing seemed fairly natural to the story, but I have to say I'm not a big fan of all-voice-over pieces. The music was good, seemed a good fit to the story, but the VO was a bit echoey, or hollow sounding.

I thought the blood looked good, it didn't look fake at all, but you did have some FX issues (already mentioned in others replies). It really only stood out (to me at least) in the shot of her wrist with the hole/wires in it.

I liked how the genius shot played off the dialogue at that part... but wasn't super crazy about the pan shot.

Last but not least, and it could well be just me... I thought the story was a bit confusing... could just be I'm overthinking it. I was clear she was a robot he found and fixed, but then the killing thing threw me and raised too many questions. Was the garbage thing a lie? Was she a person, then a robot that was thrown away? He killed her and turned her into a robot? It just threw me.

I liked that your idea was on the dark side and original... I would have loved seeing and hearing more interaction between them instead of all in VO.

Thanks for sharing your film with us! I don't mean my criticisms to sound all bad... I wasn't at all bored watching it, or looking at the clock for it to end. I think you and the actress portrayed the roles well. But there's always room for improvement, right?

:)
 
EditPhish said:
Hi Mojo,

As I'm going through all my sharing of notes, you're next on the list ;)

I like your cinematography, and the editing seemed fairly natural to the story, but I have to say I'm not a big fan of all-voice-over pieces. The music was good, seemed a good fit to the story, but the VO was a bit echoey, or hollow sounding.

I thought the blood looked good, it didn't look fake at all, but you did have some FX issues (already mentioned in others replies). It really only stood out (to me at least) in the shot of her wrist with the hole/wires in it.

I liked how the genius shot played off the dialogue at that part... but wasn't super crazy about the pan shot.

Last but not least, and it could well be just me... I thought the story was a bit confusing... could just be I'm overthinking it. I was clear she was a robot he found and fixed, but then the killing thing threw me and raised too many questions. Was the garbage thing a lie? Was she a person, then a robot that was thrown away? He killed her and turned her into a robot? It just threw me.

I liked that your idea was on the dark side and original... I would have loved seeing and hearing more interaction between them instead of all in VO.

Thanks for sharing your film with us! I don't mean my criticisms to sound all bad... I wasn't at all bored watching it, or looking at the clock for it to end. I think you and the actress portrayed the roles well. But there's always room for improvement, right?

:)
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Thank you for your honesty and good criticism. I appreciate you taking time to tell me what you thought of it.

My opinion is that the voiceover stuff is a mixed bag. Some people are really digging it. Other's aren't.

I am still kicking myself for the effects issues, but we just plain ran out of time.

I'm glad you liked the cinematography. I don't think I will be happy with my films though till they look like MacGregor's stuff. Adding to my frustration was the fact that I had a Letus35 adapter but wasn't able to use it because I didn't have a step down ring for it. I had originally bought it to use on my GS-150 so I forgot to order the step-down ring prior to shooting. I think that would have improved the look greatly. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

I'm glad you like the story. The basic premise is he salvages this android and repairs her. He keeps her and tries to mold her into what he wants her to be. But she has her own desires (being free). She says she was a person because she had all the emotional qualities that make us what we are. Its her declaration of sentience in a way. so he turns on her and destroys her again. Then he's haunted by what he did. Kind of a Tell-tale Heart thing.
 
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MojoTrancer said:
I am still kicking myself for the effects issues, but we just plain ran out of time.
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I know the feeling ;)

MojoTrancer said:
I'm glad you liked the cinematography. I don't think I will be happy with my films though till they look like MacGregor's stuff.
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...that makes two of us! LOL

MojoTrancer said:
I'm glad you like the story. The basic premise is he salvages this android and repairs her. He keeps her and tries to mold her into what he wants her to be. But she has her own desires (being free) so he turns on her and destroys her again. Then he's haunted by what he did. Kind of a Tell-tale Heart thing.
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Ya know, I had the "memory" thing written in my notes, but had scratched it off... I originally thought we were dealing with a haunting memory, but then something led me away from that... not sure what though. I'll have to watch again :)
 
angrynerdrock07 said:
I think that makes all of us actually. LOL!
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Sometimes all it takes is for someone to raise the bar. Once you know something is possible, then it's just a matter of making it happen :)
 
I liked it- i found that it was very unique. It kept me watching and had a very tweaked out ending. the images separated from the dialogue contorted the whole essence of time from the piece. It was good- one of those that sticks in your head for a bit...seriously...eeerie...
 
Mojo,

From a writing standpoint, I'd say the VO may have tested the limits of the "exposition" line, but never actually crossed it. In truth, I feel this is one of those few cases in which excessive VO not taboo (along with hard boiled detective noir.) Needless to sat - it worked for me, my man.:thumbup:

Your dialog I'd say was respectable throughout. You did have, however, a couple of beautifully written exchanges in there...
The likes of which I would have loved to have heard more of.
The one that stands out above all others:
"So I am a thing to you?"
(beat)
"Ah, you're a precious thing to me...how's that?"

Cheers:beer: on a nice little film that you should be proud of.
 
I like that you used sci-fi to tackle some troubling psychological issues, particularly the intersection of love and possession.

As has probably been mentioned, there were some sound issues (his dialogue has a distinctly different ambient hiss than hers). The clean sound of the score actually made it more apparent.

A few of the early shots hung too long; we weren't yet far enough in the story to be haunted by what we were seeing, so the shots needed to be a little more dynamic, or perhaps change a little more frequently. In particularly, I'm thinking of the shot of him at his computer keyboard, just before the fireplace shot. A bit too long with no new visual information there.

I liked the build of the disturbing imagery; I think you really found your footing once things turned dark. However, I found the line about knowing she could love because she could hate a little on-the-nose. Perhaps arrive at that point a bit more subtly. Your message is inherent in your story, you don't need to over-sell it by directly stating it. I know Sci-Fi hates to be subtle, but you've got enough, you could safely depend on subtext a little more, I believe.

Overall, a troubling film, which means an effective one.
 
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