Too Late To Cancel

Robbie, first rule of writing is this: write what you know. There is SO much in here that is based on speculation or "wouldn't it be cool if..." kind of thoughts, that it boggles the mind.

The good: you shot it well and quite interestingly. Very good. You used what you had. Got inspired and went out and shot something using only what you had available.

Good move and bad move.

You wrote a story that was way beyond your limited experience level and needed a lot more human reaction that neither you or your very capable actor had experienced. You may think you can relate to how it feels, but you don't have the slightest clue. This shows on camera from the very demeanor of Matt to his reactions to the news of the baby.

You woe-fully miscast Matt here. He's meant to play the pretty boy roles, the thugs, the action hero.. not the every man role that everyone can relate to. This script was written for an older character who has actually gone through life and has things to regret, mistakes he's made.. things that would weigh heavily on him and drive him to the poitn of suicide.

One does not wake up one morning and decide to kill oneself. It is a a gradual process, a breaking down of everything, total loss that is heart and soul breaking. This shows physically and mentally.

All of your visual indicators were all wrong. Yes I know you gave Matt an hour's notice. You should have given him a month. You certainly had the time to give yourself a month and find the right actor for this. The right actor would have brought so much humanity to it that we would have been heartbroken for his loss.. we would have felt it and bought into it completely and lost ourselves to the inevitable conclusion. You literally cast a BOY to do a MAN's job and that does disservice to you both.

Take a look at your script next time and before you convince yourself of how brilliant it is, do some research. Break the script down, and for every action and reaction there, ask your self "Why" and "How". Everything that is there is done for a reason and has a past behind it. This is part of character and script development and forms a more complete story from this process. You are able to answer the questions and fix the "I don't know" bits, by going out and asking other people who may have been through a similar situation.

"how do you hire a hitman?",
"can you afford a professional hitman, or have to resort to a thug who might or might not botch the job and rob you blind?",
"how hard is it to find someone who will take money to kill you and be able to finish the job",
"do hitmen really give a time frame for the murder?"
"how do people really react when they get news of their baby?" (believe me, it's not all smiles.. i believe "oh ****" is one of the most common utterances in the situation, and that's not always coming from the guy)
"how much does a person lose before they resort to suicide?"
"what mental state will someone be in once they've made the decision?"

All good questions to ask.

Next script, next movie, ask all of those questions, find out who your character is and why we should care if he lives or dies, and then if its an emotional role, give them a week to go over the role and discuss it with you, where you;re both understanding where the character is comign from, and more importantly what his journey is.

Filmmaking is more than pointing a camera and yelling action and you've shot enough of these shorts that you need to be delving into what makes a good film, what ties it all together.

It's a hell of a lot more than about how pretty your pictures look.

Good luck to you next fest Robbie. I think you're going to hit it out of the park and surprise us next time around, since you have shown tremendous growth.
 
Sorry, it's been pointed out to me that you didn't write the script for this. However the questions I raised still stand, and those are important ones you have to ask yourself aas a director and get your writer to do rewrites. If he refuses, scrap the project and move on, or hire another writer. Anything else is a bad reflection on you.
 
I second Puck's advice. Some of these things really do need to be considered before the project even gets off of the ground. The topic of hitmen has been turned inside out by almost every indie filmmaker under the sun (I've even tampered with it a bit and still want to, although it's a VERY different approach to the single hitman style of Leon), and a LOT of questions need to be brought to attention.

When I was working on it, I did an immense amount of research in an attempt to keep everything realistic and believable, seeking out every detail to utilize in order to A) make a compelling character that people care for, and B) portray it as something that actually happens.

This is a writer's job: researching endlessly and knocking out an endless amount of pages. It doesn't end.
 
Thanks for the big review Rodney. I totally get where you're coming from. Same with Lawsuit Boy.

Research is key I'm starting to understand, and every fest/film I make, I learn something to do for the next film/fest.

Now for the next fest, my goal is to do a lot of research. Done!

Robbie
 
Research the hell out of it and then wow us with your skillz. You know you got the skills, so now it's time to refine them. Whatever you make you can be sure I'll watch, and the shorter my review is, the more I LOVE it. :grin: One of these days Robbie, you'll get a review from me that's just one word, and you'll understand...
 
Well, it's obvious that I like your other entry with Kegan much more. :)
This one seemed thrown together as you have already admitted to.

The visuals are fine and the acting is decent. I just needed a better story.
And maybe a little calmer camera movement. I know that you were trying to create tension but it didn't really work for me here.

MAH
 
puckthemad said:
Research the hell out of it and then wow us with your skillz. You know you got the skills, so now it's time to refine them. Whatever you make you can be sure I'll watch, and the shorter my review is, the more I LOVE it. :grin: One of these days Robbie, you'll get a review from me that's just one word, and you'll understand...
Click to expand...

Incredible, or amazing?

Robbie
 
I haven't read thru the postings on this thread. But this film was really well made I thought. The kid was good. Not great but good enough to keep me enaged. good job on this one.
 
Drat, I try REALLY hard not to read comments before I post my own, but when I clicked on the last page to post mine, there's Puck's HUGE comment, and I just had to read it cuz I respect so much what he says, as well as how he says it.

In fact, he pointed out things that I don't even need to comment on, so I'll simply second him on it, and point out what I DID like about this instead. :)

I LOVED some of the framing & camera movements in here .... VERY well done. My favorite being when we'd get a fresh close up of his face, with an incredible focus on his eye, coming out of the slow frame rate/web cam effect ... gorgeous.

The concept was cool too! Just, as Puck, Lawsuit, and probably others have pointed out ... the material has to fit the capability of the talent, not just in their actual ability, but in their believability in age, experience on life, etc.

I INSTANTLY recognized Justin's music in there, as I've listened to his works SO much (when I was in national sales & traveling, I'd litterally leave the laptop running all night with his music playing over & over in the BG).
 
so i'm sure it's all been said by now, but i just finished watching this film, and i must say - i enjoyed it, from a technical perspective. well shot; looked good, sounded good. i didn't quite buy that he was suicidal, but i'm sure you've heard that in the reviews.

oh, one more thing - the title. not the best choice, once he said 'hitman' or whatever, that kind-of blew the ending right there. i would change it for sure, if you're going to show it anywhere else in the future.

good job, nice skills. :beer:
 
Oh, and I must add myself, that I literally JUMPED at the very ending with the gunshot & glass breaking....for whatever reason, the tension had built up enough for me, that it caught me off guard.
 
Norm Sanders said:
Oh, and I must add myself, that I literally JUMPED at the very ending with the gunshot & glass breaking....for whatever reason, the tension had built up enough for me, that it caught me off guard.
Click to expand...

Me too! That was a very effective ending.

I really didn't buy the acting in this one though - nothing about this guy suggested that he was actually depressed. Some art direction and hair/make-up work would have gone a long, long way in helping too.
 
good film! the story idea is good, didn't believe the actor much though but he sure did have a lot on his plate, from suicidal to learning he is a new dad, he had to hit the whole enchilada.. that said it must've been something else to act this whole film out. he didn't look suicidal, his confession to tape didn't sell me, although i think you did a great job in filming it. he got a bit better towards the end and i liked how you filmed the tension too.

good job!
 
I like the concept, but the elements are really familiar. Suicide is up there with rape to me, such a simple way to try and find an emotional connection. Child birth, chicks named Sarah, I don't know. The talent did really good in the emo segment, his video confessional, but once the intensity built up, he was an empty canvas. Keep going at it though, I look forward to seeing more from you.
 
I liked both of your entries. I think really that the films all around were well done in all senses. I don't think that they are top notches, but I found they had a good quality, especially the story telling and I enjoyed them. Compliments :beer:

Susanne :bath:
 
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