(vomit) - Milkman Max Productions

This one was a pleasant surprise. I found myself laughing from minute one. The way they talked between the doors had me rolling. I thought everything was well done, light hearted and simple. This is a good example of how characters drive a story. This had no crazy effects, lighting, camera angles and yet I was drawn in. You can take these high marks, "Yeah you can take it right to the bank"

Spoiler

As to the vomit reference that a lot of people didn't quite seem to get, this was my take on it. He met the perfect girl, she was everything he could ever hope for, and all he did was throw up in the privacy of a bathroom. He pretty much called it off for something she probably would never know about. I think its just showing the oddness of the character and how he threw love out the window for something so minute.
 
Thanks for the comments everybody! I wanted to respond to a couple things.

First, I agree with some of the criticism about the ending. We could have made things more clear at the end for sure...it's a little foggy and can be confusing on why he vomited or how/why the girl would even know that he vomited.

But just to clear things up, I think the movie is being "over-thought" a little. It's pretty simple. The main character is just a weird guy who over thinks things. We never say the girl broke up with him or that she even knows that he vomited, but in his own mind the date was a failure. He's just freaking out and being weird.

This is actually part of a web series we're creating and we decided to turn one of the episodes into a short film. It's much more subdued and the comedy isn't as outrageous as the web series, but I think it works.

I also agree that I need to invest in a shoulder rig. The 5D can be pretty jittery.

But we had fun with it and I hope everybody enjoys it!
 
Good stuff. Loved the guys characters and interactions. The different setups outside the bathroom were a great addition. I want to learn to "wall sit" like that - cool.
 
Finally, now that they put up the mirror site I could actually "hear" the short. Though I do think the audio was off a bit. I loved the friend and how he kept changing positions in the hallway. The "tent" at the end was fun. Both actors breaking the "fourth wall" was funny too. I don't understand the title or the concept of vomit, but the film was okay not to. It's not top drawer filmmaking for me, but it was mildly entertaining.
 
Charli said:
Finally, now that they put up the mirror site I could actually "hear" the short. Though I do think the audio was off a bit. I loved the friend and how he kept changing positions in the hallway. The "tent" at the end was fun. Both actors breaking the "fourth wall" was funny too. I don't understand the title or the concept of vomit, but the film was okay not to. It's not top drawer filmmaking for me, but it was mildly entertaining.
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What do you mean you don't understand the title or concept? What is there to get?
 
So he "vomits" doesn't really explain why a girl would leave. Uh, girls date guys who vomit all the time cuz they've had too much to drink. I've seen guys hurl at parties. Seriously, didn't get her motivation to leave and with that gut of his, can't imagine he was over sensitive to anyone dipping every food group. Now if she had drunk a cup of ketchup like the world class gymnast Olga Korbut, that would I understand.
 
Hey Charli, it's the guy with the gut.
Right now, I'm preparing my gut for the next film we shoot by consuming mass amounts of food. Wait until that release, my gut will be the size of your ego.
(Poking some fun back at you)

In all seriousness, nowhere in the film does it state that the girl "left" the character or that the character was even "together" with her. This film was based upon a personal story of mine and yes, I vomited all over a restaurant bathroom due to her dipping everything in dressing. Dressing to me is like feces to others, I can't stand the sight or smell of it and I vomit when I'm near it. What's so hard to get about that?

This was a "bad date" story where the character vomited at the end. In the character's mind, vomiting on the date made him never want to see her again. Total embarrassment, whether she knew it happened or not.

Not everything in film is done to have a point or to be creative, sometimes simple things are the best things. This was simple and people are over-thinking the film entirely.
 
This was a fun, quirky comedy.

Love the relationship and banter between the two guys. Very natural. My favourite shots were in the restaurant.
The dialogue was great, very well written and acted.

I think had he made just one little reference to how much he is disgusted by dressing, everyone would have got it.
As is I still think it works quite well. We don't need to know every detail and can figure out that he was sickened by it.

Nice work on this. I enjoyed it quite a bit.
 
@loafdaddy - I'm a screenwriter so I poke holes in the story. If one person sees a hole and no one else does, then you can toss that out the window. But when several people have the same "I don't get it" thought, then yeah, there's something wrong with the story. You can poke, it's all good.
 
First of all, i wrote the script, just as a preface to all that comes after this.

Second, thanks for all the feedback. First thing I've written that's been in a contest so a pretty big learning experience for me. I'm glad everyone that's posted about it enjoyed it at least to some degree. It's a fun, silly comedy that really shouldn't be analyzed too terribly much.

But, i do want to address the "why" question regarding the vomiting.

In the film, the protagonist states "you're missing one crucial detail"
it CUTS to a big bowl of dressing.
the girl then states she puts dressing on everything
the guy in the hall states "you didn't" implying that there is some shared knowledge between the two that dressing = vomiting (or at least SOMETHING bad that's about to happen.)
Protag says "Yep, i did"
Cut to the vomiting.

I really don't know how we can make it any clearer that he puked because of the dressing, without coming out and saying it explicitly which is lame. Does anyone really think a line where one of the characters states in some form "he puked because of the dressing" would work at all? Maybe it could be clearer, but i think it's there.

As far as the state of the relationship: we, as audience, don't really know what happened after the vomiting. As said by someone above, the reaction the protagonist is based on his embarrassment of the situation. While this also could be clearer the line by the guy sitting in the fort makes it clear that hope is not lost. He says something to the effect of "if the girl is as cool as you say, she'll understand." That says that 1) she is aware of the vomiting....probably....and 2) that he believes the relationship could continue.

Also, the protagonist ends the film with the question "why would she want to be with a vomiter?" Again showing the relationships undecided status. Essentially, after the actual vomiting, the conversation is all about what might happen next. It's unexplained on purpose, because like the audience, they don't know.

The story the protag is telling his friend in the hall (recapping the date/night out) ends with the vomiting. The story of the film ends with the question about the relationship that is, at least in the protag's mind, up in the air.


Just as a side note, referring to someone's "gut" is in somewhat poor taste, no?
Beyond that, using a gut as some sort of reason that he wouldn't vomit because of food is sort of weird and nonsensical.
 
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I poked at his gut, he poked at my ego. I think that was quid pro quo as it were. You were the one who cast a guy who was less than skinny and he has problems with food? That in itself is not really plausible. Loafdaddy, meant no offense.

When you have to "explain" the story (as I have done in the past during a script fest) then know you did not write a story that worked. It's really that simple. Most audiences aren't going to think much about "dressing" dipping. Maybe vinegar or some weird food group, but not dressing. It wasn't gross enough for the audience to really "believe" that was an issue.

It's all in the writing. It wasn't good writing.
 
would hate to see this thread shut down because the participants can't keep from insulting each other. stop this garbage now. if you can't comment in a constructive, professional and civil manner... don't comment. this is not to say I'm asking for people to sugarcoat their feedback. not at all. this is saying, do not pepper your words with insults.

now, where were we...
 
Charli, give us 1 star and move on. We've got a contest to lose.

Here's a picture of me right before WORLD DOMINATION!
167954_1535549195763_1445820506_31178651_3847049_n.jpg
 
Charli said:
I poked at his gut, he poked at my ego. I think that was quid pro quo as it were. You were the one who cast a guy who was less than skinny and he has problems with food? That in itself is not really plausible. Loafdaddy, meant no offense. .
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Your theory that a guy who is "less than skinny" can simply NOT have a problem with food is what is actually implausible. He has an issue with dressing and it made him sick. If that's really what you're going to harp on then, well, go ahead. That is NOT a plot hole, that is your own bias being brought to where it doesn't belong.

Charli said:
When you have to "explain" the story (as I have done in the past during a script fest) then know you did not write a story that worked. It's really that simple. Most audiences aren't going to think much about "dressing" dipping. Maybe vinegar or some weird food group, but not dressing. It wasn't gross enough for the audience to really "believe" that was an issue.

It's all in the writing. It wasn't good writing.
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THe only thing i explained was that he threw up because of the dressing, and subsequently that i felt we did a more than adequate job of showing (in the writing) that that is why he vomitied.
Anything else i pointed out was merely mistakes people were making by assuming the girl had "broken up" or otherwise left him Those things, as you will notice if you watch again, are not there.
He threw up because he didnt like dressing. Again, if you really needed him to see something more "gross" to "believe" he would throw up, i think you're again bringing in too much of what you would want in a particular film rather than what the film really is. To me you're essentially looking at Mt. Rushmore and saying, "Well that's fine, but where is Santa Claus?"

Okay, i'm done. I've already repsonded more than i really cared to.
 
One more thing as I felt I've only truly responded to the small amount of slightly negative feedback, which is unfair and kind of silly:

I cannot tell you how glad I am that most of the viewers that took the time to post had mostly postive things to say. The feeling i got from the comments is that it was an enjoyable, goofy comedy, which is all we wanted it to be. We had fun and hoped the audience had fun watching it.

Thank you and thank you again for taking the time to watch it and let us know we made you laugh (since we can't hear you ourselves).
 
The acting was the best part of this for me. It felt like they were really talking to each other, rather than reading lines. I got drawn in by their discussion. That said, it just didn't make me laugh.
 
@han - I actually gave you more than 1 star. Like I said, breaking the 4th wall and the guy in the hallway was funny.
 
I don't think this was intended for outright belly laughs, it was more of a "performance piece" in a quirky indy "dating gone bad" comedy. I rated it high, for it's relaxed cadence.
 
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