"vodou"

Dr. Strange is not a comic book reference. I don't read them. He's an actual professor of Archaeology and Religious Studies. I stole his name. ;)

I didn't describe the lecture hall because, well...it's a lecture hall. They're all the same to me and I didn't have any room left.

Sorry about the lengthy dialogue. It's a likely side-effect of loving Shakespeare to much. :2vrolijk_08:
 
Several criticisms that I agree with. Great subject though, wished there had been more depth on it, although I guess that's hard given the length. Every so often a Haitian body is washed up in the Thames, a victim of voodoo cults, always thought there was a fascinating story in there somewhere.

I'm ashamed to admit I didn't follow the ending, even though it was fairly clear he was going to become a victim somehow or other. Your flashback/forward to the lecture hall suggested to me that he lives on zombified, since that was the discussion- is that right or completely wrong? I'm a little lost...

Liked it though.
 
Redcloak said:
Several criticisms that I agree with. Great subject though, wished there had been more depth on it, although I guess that's hard given the length. Every so often a Haitian body is washed up in the Thames, a victim of voodoo cults, always thought there was a fascinating story in there somewhere.

I'm ashamed to admit I didn't follow the ending, even though it was fairly clear he was going to become a victim somehow or other. Your flashback/forward to the lecture hall suggested to me that he lives on zombified, since that was the discussion- is that right or completely wrong? I'm a little lost...

Liked it though.
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Yes, the rewind to his discussion of the punishment for those who talk and the VO "Aren't you worried about the consequences?" was supposed to suggest that. I'm sorry that wasn't clearer. I always think I'm being too obvious, but that's not what I hear. Thanks for reading and critiquing!
 
Redcloak said:
Every so often a Haitian body is washed up in the Thames, a victim of voodoo cults, always thought there was a fascinating story in there somewhere.
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Now see, that right there is what makes a writer. While the rest of the world shudders and weeps, the writer sees the art in it.

Hands down, there is no better career choice!

alex
 
Wow, I really did betray a certain callousness there huh?

I guess if the world was shuddering and weeping I'd be less interested in it as a story maybe. I think the world ignores it as a rule, that's another reason for it being so interesting.

And I should point out to the author that because it started with 'v' it was the last script I read in a day when all I did was read the scripts, so there's a good chance that it was perfectly clear and my brain was just fried...
 
Redcloak said:
Wow, I really did betray a certain callousness there huh?

ha...not for me to say, since I did take a lot of it from real-life circumstances. So, I would have to be callous as well, and...well...yeah, that sounds about right. ;p

I guess if the world was shuddering and weeping I'd be less interested in it as a story maybe. I think the world ignores it as a rule, that's another reason for it being so interesting.

And I should point out to the author that because it started with 'v' it was the last script I read in a day when all I did was read the scripts, so there's a good chance that it was perfectly clear and my brain was just fried...
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I know what you mean. I had to stop after about 13 or so scripts last night.
 
Redcloak said:
Wow, I really did betray a certain callousness there huh?
Click to expand...

Not callousness, but rather an ability to turn tragedy into compelling human stories.

On the flip side I have noticed a disturbing trend with news writers waxing poetic with gory - and unecessary - details when reporting facts (lies?).

''Blood was everywhere. The wailing of grieving families echoed off bullet-pocked walls. A child's shoe lay forgotten in a gutter, blown from its innocent victim.''

Ugh! Please. Samuel Clemens you are not, nor ever will be.

No, not callous, but rather a critical eye that can find meaning in the worst and best of all things human.

a
 
good first script, rachel. really good. the technical stuff will come with knowledge and practice, so don't sweat the formatting this time...

great subject matter - i can tell you did your homework, but i suspect you didn't really consider it "work", now did you?

so you kind-of telegraphed the fate of the curious doctor. it's hard to cram well-placed foreshadowing into only six pages, so an easy fix would be more pages!

i wanna read the next draft, ok?
 
Sure thing, Preston.

And yes, I did do my homework...and then took out 14 pages and called it "script." :2vrolijk_08:
 
Well I found this very intriguing. Dialect and dialog were really good, although you need to break up the long stuff. Long dialog? Add in a description line. Long description line? Add in some dialog. Break it up like a middle school fight. I fail to see how this is Sci-Fi related though. All and all one of my favorites so far. Good job.
 
STYLZ said:
Well I found this very intriguing. Dialect and dialog were really good, although you need to break up the long stuff. Long dialog? Add in a description line. Long description line? Add in some dialog. Break it up like a middle school fight. I fail to see how this is Sci-Fi related though. All and all one of my favorites so far. Good job.
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I totally agree. Though I don't have a problem myself without the lengthy dialogue's, it felt a little akward in mine. I wanted to shorten it, but it was hard to do so without deleting relevant information.

As far as the Sci-Fi relevance, I was leaning a little more toward the "broad/Twilight zone" spectrum, I suppose. Zombies are sorta Sci-Fi, right?

Thanks so much for the critique, STYLZ. I appreciate it. :dankk2:
 
STYLZ said:
I fail to see how this is Sci-Fi related though.
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It was sci-fi enough to be the subject of an X-file episode, so it's sci-fi enough for me :)

I really liked your script. You already know that I absolutely LOVE the topic... and so refreshing after so many people went the alien route (though I do love a good alien film and I am enough of a Star Wars fan to name my dog Jedi).

I agree that your dialect is spot on. (I just said spot on). And I love how the doctor's arrogance led to his demise, despite his supposed expertise in the subject area.

I know length requirements is an issue, but more visual descriptions of other vodou (is that the official spelling?) rituals would have brought the creepiness and the awesomeness to a whole new level. ;)

Nicely done! You are a very talented writer! :)
 
Vodou is the original spelling. Voodoo is an Americanized version...or Britishized then Americanized...whatever. Anyway, thanks a bunch, jamie!

Dangit, I still can't figure out the selective quoting. grrrr...
 
This story kinda reminded me of a mini "The Serpent and the Rainbow"


There were a few story issues for me, it seemed hard to follow in a few places, but the story is still solid. I enjoyed reading the dialog . The Dr. Strange name didn't seem to do it for me either.

For a first script, this is far beyond average. I still have the first script I wrote. I read it now and laugh at how horrible it is. I just hope not too many people are laughing at the one I submitted to this fest.

If that is your first script, you are indeed talented. Good job!
 
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