The Upload - Darkfader
- Thread starter darkfader
- Start date
macgregor said:
Well,
they are young scientist, who are using the lab after hours and thier kinda of rebels. I didn't feel like beating everyone over the head with the white lab coat thing. We wanted to experiment with them being hip kinda like flatliners you know.
Darkfader
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wcs
Well-known member
The soundtrack was pretty good. I thought the music was well used.
My major complaint is that the middle section (right after she gets fried) is unfocused. The scene plays up the "are we responsible for this girl's injury" yet the ending is all about "hey, she's in the computer... that's strange". Basically, I think the ending doesn't provide any sense of closure to the questions posed.
The girl's acting was a major issue. Everyone else was passable (nate was actually pretty strong), even if it seemed like they didn't know their lines completely.
The cinematography ran the gamut. Mostly I'd say I was put off by the excessive use of filters. Did you vaseline the lens for the opening shots? It felt unmotivated. And the double-exposure look during the freakout was just an annoyance. I'd also say the cinematography in the elevator was a bit too over-the-top (contrasty red with low angle - too 'supervillian' for my liking).
In the beginning the audio wasn't great, but afterwards it evened out. It wasn't distracting, so good job on that.
In the end you got across your script is a reasonable way, so I commend you. These are mainly technical quibbles. You're pretty good with pacing, just need to work on story and controlling those urges to overstylize.
My major complaint is that the middle section (right after she gets fried) is unfocused. The scene plays up the "are we responsible for this girl's injury" yet the ending is all about "hey, she's in the computer... that's strange". Basically, I think the ending doesn't provide any sense of closure to the questions posed.
The girl's acting was a major issue. Everyone else was passable (nate was actually pretty strong), even if it seemed like they didn't know their lines completely.
The cinematography ran the gamut. Mostly I'd say I was put off by the excessive use of filters. Did you vaseline the lens for the opening shots? It felt unmotivated. And the double-exposure look during the freakout was just an annoyance. I'd also say the cinematography in the elevator was a bit too over-the-top (contrasty red with low angle - too 'supervillian' for my liking).
In the beginning the audio wasn't great, but afterwards it evened out. It wasn't distracting, so good job on that.
In the end you got across your script is a reasonable way, so I commend you. These are mainly technical quibbles. You're pretty good with pacing, just need to work on story and controlling those urges to overstylize.
EditPhish
Well-known member
Hi Darkfader,
Overall I liked your concept, but there were some weaknesses for me that caused the story to become a bit skattered.
Your opening titled sequence was great... liked it a lot.
But the bad chroma key/greenscreen stuff following was a no-go for me. It's kinda a pet peeve I have, but I really don't like bad greenscreen. It takes me out of the story completely. The phone scene the dialogue was really awkward.
Attention to detail is really important... for example, the helmet seemed pretty decent, but the warehouse setting wasn't selling it to me. I can't put my finger on exactly why, but it just didn't seem "scientific" or "computer-tech" -like. Another example is the phone # on the piece of paper isn't what he dials.
The music/sound was okay... music fit the story, but the volume was weird in spots (like when they are talking about testing the thing before scrambling their friend's brain).
I thought you had some framing and editing issues. Some shots were held too long, some cut too short... and some were framed with too much headroom, and some with not enough. Some of the lighting was good, but some shots we flat or too dark (with not enough highlights to make out details).
I hope my comments don't come across as too harsh... I did REALLY liked the end... and the whole concept of the story itself... but getting there was a tough ride and a bag of little mistakes that took the story off path from where the cool ending finally got us.
Thank for sharing your film...
Overall I liked your concept, but there were some weaknesses for me that caused the story to become a bit skattered.
Your opening titled sequence was great... liked it a lot.
But the bad chroma key/greenscreen stuff following was a no-go for me. It's kinda a pet peeve I have, but I really don't like bad greenscreen. It takes me out of the story completely. The phone scene the dialogue was really awkward.
Attention to detail is really important... for example, the helmet seemed pretty decent, but the warehouse setting wasn't selling it to me. I can't put my finger on exactly why, but it just didn't seem "scientific" or "computer-tech" -like. Another example is the phone # on the piece of paper isn't what he dials.
The music/sound was okay... music fit the story, but the volume was weird in spots (like when they are talking about testing the thing before scrambling their friend's brain).
I thought you had some framing and editing issues. Some shots were held too long, some cut too short... and some were framed with too much headroom, and some with not enough. Some of the lighting was good, but some shots we flat or too dark (with not enough highlights to make out details).
I hope my comments don't come across as too harsh... I did REALLY liked the end... and the whole concept of the story itself... but getting there was a tough ride and a bag of little mistakes that took the story off path from where the cool ending finally got us.
Thank for sharing your film...
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EditPhish said:
Your comments about the green screen were right on the mark, I wasn’t exactly thrilled with the green screening either and we only had two hours before being kicked out of the where house because the venue was not secured so what you see is what we only had two hours to do and I agree about the girls acting. Therefore under the time constraints posed I was very happy that we were still able to pull something off to submit. However, I do have to disagree with you about the sci-fi part. It is modeled after ghost in the shell or tons of movies that play on the digitizing of human memory and it's not to far from fiction so watch out. Thanks for the comments; we are student filmmakers with much too learn. Every comment counts.
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wcs said:
Thank you for your honest critique. I wish we would have had more time in the where house we were in, this whole piece was rushed due to the owner only giving us about two and a half hours to shot this entire project. So if some of the cinematography looks rushed. It's because it was. However we were still happy with the overall composition. We also wanted to provide kinda of a cartoon sort of look which is the reason for a lot of the overstilizing, but that's just a personal preference. Thank you for watching our piece and for your comment, they help us to grow.
Darkfader
Norm Sanders
Script Wrangler
This was a cool idea, and I liked the ending the best. The assistant doctor guy was the best of the bunch, with regards to acting ... seemed pretty real and delivered the lines very well.
At first I didn't care for the FX, but again, near the end they really seemed to improve and I dug them.
Dialogue was expository in spots, so not high marks on the script, but still a good story idea, though it's familiar.
Least favorite was the greenscreen at the beginning ... could have used some mask/feathering to help it blend more vs. the pixel/hard edges it had.
Good job to your team on seeing it through and having some fairly strong elements to it throughout.
At first I didn't care for the FX, but again, near the end they really seemed to improve and I dug them.
Dialogue was expository in spots, so not high marks on the script, but still a good story idea, though it's familiar.
Least favorite was the greenscreen at the beginning ... could have used some mask/feathering to help it blend more vs. the pixel/hard edges it had.
Good job to your team on seeing it through and having some fairly strong elements to it throughout.
Blaine
Mr. Hollywood
You have an interesting idea. The beginning is too talky (exposition) and since you need to get right into it, tell me the theory...bang...then we're into the story and can watch how it unfolds with disastrous concequences. There's really no need to hide what he's trying to do because your story is about how he does it and how it goes bad. As far as acting, my issues were with the girl. She seemed unnatural in her delivery.
You've explained the warehouse situation so I won't say anything about that. Locations are so very important to sell the story.
I enjoyed watching, thanks for entering it.
You've explained the warehouse situation so I won't say anything about that. Locations are so very important to sell the story.
I enjoyed watching, thanks for entering it.
Envision said:
Thanks, we have already learned a lot by participating in the festival which is the first festival we have participated in. We are definitely new comers to the area of filmmaking and it's comments like yours that help us to refine our skills. Thanks again everyone for all the helpful remarks.
Cheers,
Darkfader
Blaine said:You have an interesting idea. The beginning is too talky (exposition) and since you need to get right into it, tell me the theory...bang...then we're into the story and can watch how it unfolds with disastrous concequences. There's really no need to hide what he's trying to do because your story is about how he does it and how it goes bad. As far as acting, my issues were with the girl. She seemed unnatural in her delivery.
You've explained the warehouse situation so I won't say anything about that. Locations are so very important to sell the story.
I enjoyed watching, thanks for entering it.
Your right, I thought about scrapping the entire beginning but I made the song for it so I kinda got attached to it. In fact the beginning was originally not going to have any green screen elements and be more abstract editing but we could no longer get the venue so I tried to come up with something. I know better for next time
Sound and score are quite good.
The girl is the weak link acting-wise in the short. Poor carting.
My bigest gripe was some focus/difusion issues. When the man is on the cell phone either the focus is soft or you've put on a difusion filter. Same thing with the two shot of Nate facing the girl. Or him facing the laptop. That just bugged me. The rest of your shots were sharp so I did'nt understand the "look" if that's what you were going for.
There is some room for tighter editing and the elimination of some clips but that stuff is just personal prefrence.
Overall nice job,
Kip Kubin
The girl is the weak link acting-wise in the short. Poor carting.
My bigest gripe was some focus/difusion issues. When the man is on the cell phone either the focus is soft or you've put on a difusion filter. Same thing with the two shot of Nate facing the girl. Or him facing the laptop. That just bugged me. The rest of your shots were sharp so I did'nt understand the "look" if that's what you were going for.
There is some room for tighter editing and the elimination of some clips but that stuff is just personal prefrence.
Overall nice job,
Kip Kubin
Brandon Rice
Distributed Producer
Ok, finally was able to watch this film. I would say the strongest parts of this film was some of the audio work. The sound and score are well done. I never bought the story though, which I think is due to overuse of "interesting" cinematography, and poor acting. The girl is for sure the weakest of the cast, and I do understand trying to cast something like this is a burden. I most of all though think you should try to be more "traditional" or simple in some of your cinematography. I felt the whole time I was watching like you were trying too hard to make it interesting shots. Anyway, good effort, and I hope to see more work from you in the future!
THX-1138 said:
Thanks about the sound, it means a lot because I did all myself. I also understand your point about the diffision issues. The wearhouse owners only gave us two hours to shoot the whole thing so lighting and cinematography was all over the place which was my reason for a lot of filter use to at least try to make the scenes look a little better and if you would have seen some of the orginal footage you might agree. And yes the girl, she only had like two lines and manage to mess them up royally but, she was there when we needed her and a all around sweet heart too. She had never acted before and it shows. I will work on the focus for next time. I am very excited all of everyones comments has me geared up and ready for the next sci-fi fest. This is the third short film I have ever attempted but I think the fourth time is going to be a charm. Watch out for me at the next fest because Im getting ready
Thanks again for the great insight and complement.
CallaghanFilms
Veteran
darkfader,
Nice little short, my man. I must concur
on the score...it fit very well. The story
was something of an "old reliable" in the
world of Science Fiction, but you were
able to keep my attention, none the less.
The only thing that I noticed was the set
design itself. What came across IMO was
that you found/had access to a nice looking
location, and (saying 'yeah-that'll work) set
up and started shooting. This may have been
the case behind the scenes, but I think that
(as far as the audience is concerned) it should
look as if you had a production designer build
the damn thing especially for you.
Once again, nice job overall...and I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Cheers
Nice little short, my man. I must concur
on the score...it fit very well. The story
was something of an "old reliable" in the
world of Science Fiction, but you were
able to keep my attention, none the less.
The only thing that I noticed was the set
design itself. What came across IMO was
that you found/had access to a nice looking
location, and (saying 'yeah-that'll work) set
up and started shooting. This may have been
the case behind the scenes, but I think that
(as far as the audience is concerned) it should
look as if you had a production designer build
the damn thing especially for you.
Once again, nice job overall...and I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Cheers
Nice little flick. I didn't entirley buy into the story--like the assistant doctor guy, I did wonder "why the bejesus are they letting her do this?"
In terms of acting, I agree with what seems to be the consensus: The lead was all right to pretty good, the other guy ended up sounding the most natural and convincing, and the girl seemed like she was reading lines.
Liked a lot of the look and the sound. I did kinda wonder why this high tech machinery and work environment looked so industrial-revolution (even down to talking about pressure building, like it's steam-tech!) but it was pretty, so I didn't mind.
I would've liked to see more after the end. I know we all have time issues, but (and maybe this is just because I'm a scifi fan) I've seen enough minds-uploaded-to-machines stories that to me that's where the idea starts not where it ends. That may be my geekery unfairly affecting you, though, so don't take it too harsh.
In terms of acting, I agree with what seems to be the consensus: The lead was all right to pretty good, the other guy ended up sounding the most natural and convincing, and the girl seemed like she was reading lines.
Liked a lot of the look and the sound. I did kinda wonder why this high tech machinery and work environment looked so industrial-revolution (even down to talking about pressure building, like it's steam-tech!) but it was pretty, so I didn't mind.
I would've liked to see more after the end. I know we all have time issues, but (and maybe this is just because I'm a scifi fan) I've seen enough minds-uploaded-to-machines stories that to me that's where the idea starts not where it ends. That may be my geekery unfairly affecting you, though, so don't take it too harsh.