"The Unassumed"

[mentatDUKE]

Lee, I liked this. Your villain was really creepy. I like that you made him essentially unstoppable. Teleporting away from bullets, etc. The fight coreography was well done and felt very energetic and real. I don't see too much of that around here. Good twist at the end and cute actresses.

 

[Marlon Ladd]

Lee, I liked this. Your villain was really creepy. I like that you made him essentially unstoppable. Teleporting away from bullets, etc. The fight coreography was well done and felt very energetic and real. I don't see too much of that around here. Good twist at the end and cute actresses.

Thanks, Mentaduke. I watched your film to and I'll be going to your thread pretty quick.

Yeah, the girls were off the chain, huh?

 

[Brandon Rice]

Hey, watched your film... the villan was pretty creepy. I would be very scared to face off with him. I didn't get the ending though... is the guy the one who killed everyone? Was he fighting his alter-ego? Some of your shots in this were good... it didn't have much depth to the lighting though...

Thanks for the watch! :thumbsup:

 

[Maximus]

Good job! This is the kind of film I enjoy on a Saturday night, kicking back with some popcorn and just goin for a ride. I liked your main actor, he was kind of geeky like a grown up version of Erkel, and clearly in over his head. The killer's mask was cool and creepy. I was rootin for Erkel when he went into the house, that was all very good. When the killer grabs him and Erkel starts the kung fu - man, my boys who were watching it with me - started cheering excitedly, that was fun stuff! We hoped our hero was gonna pull off an upset. The shooting stuff was very good and imaginative. I always liked how in Blade Runner, Deckard shoots at Batty point blank, and Batty is too fast! Kewlll!

Anyway, the twist at the end didn't work for me. Came outta left field, the tone was totally different than the previous four minutes. An upbeat ending woulda been nice.

I didn't like the B&W freeze frames (2:28 for example). It seemed like a "Look at what I can do!" moment. The Music and sound were good.

Look forward to your next film.

 

[Marlon Ladd]

Hey, watched your film... the villan was pretty creepy. I would be very scared to face off with him. I didn't get the ending though... is the guy the one who killed everyone? Was he fighting his alter-ego? Some of your shots in this were good... it didn't have much depth to the lighting though...

Thanks for the watch! :thumbsup:

Thanks for the review, Brandon. Yes, he was fighting his alter-ego and that just wasn't conveyed very well, because I really had to cut, cut, cut it down to 5 minutes and it kind of took away from the ending.

I had to cut out one scene when the guy first gets in the car and beats on the steering wheel, because he's mad his alter-ego got the best of him again. Then, there was supposed to be a scene at the end when the main character's at the gas station throwing away evidence and runs into a woman - a new friend - and they decide to go get coffee. That's when the audience was supposed to find out (through her, because she heard it on the radio) that the police had found (yet another) dead girl's body. He's a serial-killer that has been going on a spree and they keep finding the bodies, but don't know who's doing it. So, at the end, you see that he has seemed to have found him another victim. And of course she would never have any idea, because he's so, "unassuming."

Thanks again though for the review. Good feedback. I appreciate it.

 

[Marlon Ladd]

Good job! This is the kind of film I enjoy on a Saturday night, kicking back with some popcorn and just goin for a ride. I liked your main actor, he was kind of geeky like a grown up version of Erkel, and clearly in over his head. The killer's mask was cool and creepy. I was rootin for Erkel when he went into the house, that was all very good. When the killer grabs him and Erkel starts the kung fu - man, my boys who were watching it with me - started cheering excitedly, that was fun stuff! We hoped our hero was gonna pull off an upset. The shooting stuff was very good and imaginative. I always liked how in Blade Runner, Deckard shoots at Batty point blank, and Batty is too fast! Kewlll!

Anyway, the twist at the end didn't work for me. Came outta left field, the tone was totally different than the previous four minutes. An upbeat ending woulda been nice.

I didn't like the B&W freeze frames (2:28 for example). It seemed like a "Look at what I can do!" moment. The Music and sound were good.

Look forward to your next film.

Yep, Maximus, the ending was way more abrupt than I would have liked. When I finished the first rough cut it was 7 minutes, 46 seconds. I had to cut alot and there was so much stuff in the beginning and it was so good, I had to leave it, so in the end, the ending suffered. There was supposed to be alot more and it's like I was telling Brandon, there was a shot where "Erkel" gets in the car the next morning and beats on the steering wheel and then drives off. Well, when you see the dead girl, that's when you realize that his alter-ego got the better of him again. That's not how the original story was, but I was going to cut it down to that, but there just wasn't enough extra seconds to put it in.

Thanks alot for the review though. I appreciate the feedback and glad you guys enjoyed it. I get tired of people in horror flick getting killed easily by the crazy killer, so I wanted a character that if he was going to go out, to go out fighting like crazy! Oh, and the freeze frames (BW) were to save time and segway to the next scene, because I had to cut it down.

 

[Justin Kuhn]

Some good work here. The first sequence had a nice creepy tone, the rolling bottle sound got to me. When he bails out of the room with the dead chick in it, firing randomly, I had an lolz moment, don't know if that's good or bad Part of that is probably because he gags a bit, then shoots. It would seem like a realistic reaction if it weren't for the fact that he doesn't do it immideately as a panicked reaction, but delays it. The fight sequence was impressive, we don't see a lot of kung fu here, and the knife from the sleeve was pretty slick.

The bad news. I wasn't really sure what was going on with the end, I mean I got that he killed her (I guess...? was my thought), but it came out of left field for me. The sound effects gave it kind of a cartoony feel, but that was sort of fun so maybe it's what you were going for. Another thing, lighting might be something you want to work on. In any case, good work, and keep it up!

 

[Marlon Ladd]

Some good work here. The first sequence had a nice creepy tone, the rolling bottle sound got to me. When he bails out of the room with the dead chick in it, firing randomly, I had an lolz moment, don't know if that's good or bad Part of that is probably because he gags a bit, then shoots. It would seem like a realistic reaction if it weren't for the fact that he doesn't do it immideately as a panicked reaction, but delays it. The fight sequence was impressive, we don't see a lot of kung fu here, and the knife from the sleeve was pretty slick.

The bad news. I wasn't really sure what was going on with the end, I mean I got that he killed her (I guess...? was my thought), but it came out of left field for me. The sound effects gave it kind of a cartoony feel, but that was sort of fun so maybe it's what you were going for. Another thing, lighting might be something you want to work on. In any case, good work, and keep it up!

Thanks for the feedback, Happy. Yep, it's like I've been saying, the ending was rushed, because I had to cut it down to the 5 minutes, so I'm not surprised people have questions about that.

With the lighting though, which parts didn't work for you and what might you suggest?

 

[J.R. Hudson]

I really enjoyed this film.

You seem to have the chops needed to be a filmmaker. Your shots did not feel wasted albeit for a partial moment in the car in the beginning I felt could have been cut down and tightened

What really delighted me was your attention to audio layers. The majority of the filmmakers in this fest don;t seem to get that Audio is your friend; not just a score, but foley and FX. I loved the wind, the crickets, the thunder ...

I liked the payoff; his own bad dreams are what drives him to be the madman he is.

You had some nice compostions as well and I felt that I could turn it all off and watch only visuals and comepltey get what was going on; another rarity in these fests.

I'd like to see more work from you. I think you have some talent.

Well done !

I laughed hysterically when he started popping off his gun inthe bedroom. That was great.

 

[Marlon Ladd]

I really enjoyed this film.

You seem to have the chops needed to be a filmmaker. Your shots did not feel wasted albeit for a partial moment in the car in the beginning I felt could have been cut down and tightened

What really delighted me was your attention to audio layers. The majority of the filmmakers in this fest don;t seem to get that Audio is your friend; not just a score, but foley and FX. I loved the wind, the crickets, the thunder ...

I liked the payoff; his own bad dreams are what drives him to be the madman he is.

You had some nice compostions as well and I felt that I could turn it all off and watch only visuals and comepltey get what was going on; another rarity in these fests.

I'd like to see more work from you. I think you have some talent.

Well done !

I laughed hysterically when he started popping off his gun inthe bedroom. That was great.

Thanks, J.R. Didn't quite know what you might say here. I read some of your critiques (you really killed a couple of them) and was kind of waiting for you to hit my thread, wondering what you might say.

Glad you enjoyed it the film though. You seemed to get it all. He was battling with himself in the dream. I was also trying to show a different (more realistic to me) side of a would-be victim (the security guard). Like what would you do in that situation if you had a gun? Fire a couple of shots to hopefully scare the sh*t outta' somebody trying to kill you and then don't just get killed, fight to the death! Thanks for the review.

 

[Justin Kuhn]

Thanks for the feedback, Happy. Yep, it's like I've been saying, the ending was rushed, because I had to cut it down to the 5 minutes, so I'm not surprised people have questions about that.

With the lighting though, which parts didn't work for you and what might you suggest?

Well on the exterior sequence my main suggestion would be to gel your lights towards a bluish white color, more like moonlight, because what I see reads more as Home Depot lights. Also you show the streetlight, so you can motivate light coming from that direction--but it looks like everything is coming from the porchlight instead, I guess, which doesn't entirely make sense because of the way the whole street is lit up. Motivated lighting seems like an issue for most of the film.

A lot of your character's shots could have used some backlight to help separate him from the background. For instance, when he runs inside the house, your DP could have used that streetlight as an excuse to hit him with a bit of backlight from the top right. I would have used the streetlight to motivate most of his backlight in the exteriors.

Another thing--eyelight. What I'm talking about there is that glint you see reflected in the eyes in some (most) movies, it gives the character some more life. He could really used some in the shot where he loses his glasses. I try to make that a rule for closeups in particular. It doesn't take much either, the eye is an extremely reflective surface--so don't overdo it, just enough to get that reflection. It looks like you did achieve that in some of the shots, so good job.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. I would reccomend that you/your DP study films that have a look you want for your film, deconstruct their lighting, (where is the light coming from? Where is it supposed to be coming from? How many lights were used?etc) then try to recreate it. Also, get a gaffer.

Hope that helps.

 

[Marlon Ladd]

"Motivated lighting." Hmmmmm. I've heard that before. It makes alot of sense. There were no Home Depot lights (even though they can do the job too sometimes). The eye being reflective is really a new one to me. I've never really thought of that concept like that. If I achieved it in the film, it wasn't necessarily on purpose. I'll definately look into it. All good suggestions! Thanks, HG!

 

[Justin Kuhn]

No problem!

 

[Marlon Ladd]

Happy, I've already done alot of research and found a bunch of info. on how I want and need to light my scenes for my next feature (which will be a horror flick). It has all become more crystal clear based on your suggestions. I'm really going to experiment and master my technique to better reflect my style.

Thanks again, because I'm a continuous student of the game.

 

[Justin Kuhn]

Just glad I could help. Keep practicing!

 

[cinealma]

REVIEW:
Nice little film. Defintitely engaged me throughout. I definitely like the idea of the guy fighting with his "alter" maniacal self, but I think it doesn't work well within a cat nap in a car. What I mean is, it's more interesting if this internal struggle takes place in some kind of alter reality, something a litte more (or little less depending) than just your average sleepy time dream.

The film sounded great. I too really liked the shot of the bottle rolling in the street.

Good job! Can't wait to see more from you.

FILMMAKER-TO-FILMMAKER:
Lock that camera down! The opening montage of shots looked handheld, so it kind of gave a sloppiness to what were otherwise beautiful shots.

Ease up on the jarring cuts. Because you used some quick flash frames to move time forward, I wasn't sure if the killer was dodging bullets because he was teleporting/Matrix-like quickness or if he was walking and you were showing a compressed amount of time.

Ok, so here's the "what I would have done" stuff, which only means I liked your film a lot and so that always tends to get me thinking as a filmmaker:

The girl in the "dream" should have been the same as the one he kills in the end. Because you established the location in the dream and for real as the same place, it would make more sense. Like he's been stalking her or watching her or...

Shot in the garage is out of place (this film is this guy's POV all the way). Rip it out.

An easy way to fix the ending... cut to a shot of the mask peeking out of the bag next to him on the seat of his car as he drives off from the house.

I mentioned that I didn't care for the dreaming thing. One thing you could have done was make that internal struggle thing happen inside the mask, like when he puts it on, this stuff goes on in his head.

The change in character from the "Erkel", as you put it, to the roll-on-the-floor, Kung Fu action dude didn't quite work, even if it was supposed to be only a dream. Just kind of struck me as, WTF? Why didn't you just call the whacko out when he was standing out in the street in front of your car?

Anyway, sorry, I'll stop now.

Again, good job!

Cheers!

 

[Marlon Ladd]

REVIEW:
Ok, so here's the "what I would have done" stuff, which only means I liked your film a lot and so that always tends to get me thinking as a filmmaker:

The girl in the "dream" should have been the same as the one he kills in the end. Because you established the location in the dream and for real as the same place, it would make more sense. Like he's been stalking her or watching her or...

Shot in the garage is out of place (this film is this guy's POV all the way). Rip it out.

An easy way to fix the ending... cut to a shot of the mask peeking out of the bag next to him on the seat of his car as he drives off from the house.

I mentioned that I didn't care for the dreaming thing. One thing you could have done was make that internal struggle thing happen inside the mask, like when he puts it on, this stuff goes on in his head.

The change in character from the "Erkel", as you put it, to the roll-on-the-floor, Kung Fu action dude didn't quite work, even if it was supposed to be only a dream. Just kind of struck me as, WTF? Why didn't you just call the whacko out when he was standing out in the street in front of your car?

Anyway, sorry, I'll stop now.

Again, good job!

Cheers!

First off, John, I want to thank you for watching and reviewing my film. I'm glad you enjoyed it and took the time to write the review and make suggestions.

1) Now that I think about it, yeah, I can definately see how that could work.

2) That's a good idea and one that I did think about, but since it was a
different girl being killed I needed to make sure the audience knew that.

3) The mask peeking is also a good suggestion - There's a shot of the security
guard getting in the car pissed off and beating on the steering wheel. Obviously
upset and then he drives off. A great shot and prelude to showing the dead
girl, but alas, time and cutting it down to the 5 minutes was a factor and I just
could not fit it in no matter what I did. Also, initially (we didn't get to shoot
everything and some stuff didn't fit, because of the time limit) the security
guard was supposed to leave the house and go to a gas station way out and
dump some of the girl's bloody garments in a dumpster and while there, meet up
with a new female associate that wants to date him. He was then to find out from
her in their short conversation about the police finding yet another dead girl's body
and then I would have showed the girl dead in the house and the audience would
have figured out then, that he was the killer.

4) Him putting the mask on is also not a bad suggestion that would have
been creepy as well. That definately would have been alot simpler to do.
Now you tell me! LOL.

5) Well, somebody else called him "Erkel" before I did, so I just went with it.lol
But, it's not that he all of a sudden turned into a bad a@@, but yes, he
was scared and frightened for his life and when faced with extinction he
decided to fight like he had never fought before rather than just give up.
Since he was armed security, he did have some level of training (not that
it's necessarily to that extent). I just wanted to show that if face to face
with that kind of situation, I think somebody's (this character in particular)
going to fight and maybe gather some strength like they never have
before and not just go out like a. . .well, sucka'. LOL. Then also, he didn't
know the guy was a whacko killer until he saw him actually in the house
and the girl dead. Sometimes even though the signs might be there, you
choose not to see them until they're forced upon you.

Anyway, like I said, you had some very good suggestions and I'm really loving all the feedback right now (it's all been good so far - keeping fingers crossed on that), because I do feel like it's helping me grow and giving me different ideas about how to improve my craft. That's why I really dig this forum, because there are so many talented and creative minds here. So, Filmmaker-to-Filmmaker, thanks again, John. I appreciate all the feedback.

 

[andoguru]

Hey leenewton,

I like the story. The internal struggle of a killer. I didn't know it was going to end that way and that's good.

I think this could be trimmed down a bit. There was too much at the start before stuff started happening. Though a lot of the shots and what was in them was cool, there was just too many of them. We didn't see the bad guy until almost 2 minutes in.

You shot composition was mostly very good. I liked a lot of the effects you did like the bad guy dodging the bullets. The gun shots sound effects were good too.

A part that was a little confusing is why the guy was so scared of the bad guy, I mean he has a gun. I guess I can see him be alittle scared, but it seemed like he was terrified.

I think you probably could edit this down and make it a bit tighter and it would play better. Don't let a 5min limit influence how long you want to short to be meaning you don't have to fill up the time...just use what time you need to tell your story and get out of there.

Overall good job. I enjoyed it.

Laters,
Ando

 

[Mark Harris]

I thought this was really interesting. I thought the actor gave a good performance and the story was pretty well done. I'm sure there are things you can improve on, but it seems like your instincts are pretty good already, so I'm sure you'll keep getting better.

I read what Happy was saying about the lighting, but I actually thought this stark, sort of off-putting lighting only added to the film. It put me just a little off my guard and made me wonder what I was really looking at. Somehow, that lighting felt disturbing to me. Frankly, it felt like a choice to me. So if you go to film festivals with this, SAY IT WAS A CHOICE. They will think you a genius.

Interesting little film. Good work.

 

[Marlon Ladd]

Hey leenewton,

I like the story. The internal struggle of a killer. I didn't know it was going to end that way and that's good.

I think this could be trimmed down a bit. There was too much at the start before stuff started happening. Though a lot of the shots and what was in them was cool, there was just too many of them. We didn't see the bad guy until almost 2 minutes in.

You shot composition was mostly very good. I liked a lot of the effects you did like the bad guy dodging the bullets. The gun shots sound effects were good too.

A part that was a little confusing is why the guy was so scared of the bad guy, I mean he has a gun. I guess I can see him be alittle scared, but it seemed like he was terrified.

I think you probably could edit this down and make it a bit tighter and it would play better. Don't let a 5min limit influence how long you want to short to be meaning you don't have to fill up the time...just use what time you need to tell your story and get out of there.

Overall good job. I enjoyed it.

Laters,
Ando

Hey, Ando. Thanks for checking it out. Glad you enjoyed it. The beginning was slow paced, because I wanted to show that the guy was out there alone on a stormy night with all kinds of things to be weary of and somebody wandering the street is just 1 of sooo many things that could creep somebody out.

The reason why he was still very cautious even though he had a gun was because everything was so weird. He couldn't tell what this huge guy was doing and if that was a mask or was some kind of ghost or devil or or if there was just 1 guy/thing/monster or what. So, not knowing what to think, that gun provided little comfort. For example, if you had a gun and you were all alone in a dark alley you still wouldn't feel totally safe, because danger can come from anywhere and in many different forms. Also, this strange person just sliced and diced that girl so fast it wasn't humanly possible - so, yeah, he was terrified.

I definately hear you on the time constraint thing (cutting it down), but in actuality there was more of the story to be told and I actually had to cut in down.

Anyway, I appreciate the good feedback and again as I put in your thread, I thought you're movie was excellent.