The Things I See
- Thread starter DarkElastic
- Start date
DarkElastic
Well-known member
Thanks for reading and commenting, mate. I would love you to proofread Zaza, as you have a marvelous grasp of the English language :thumbup: :dankk2:
DarkElastic
Well-known member
Thank you very much sir. I WILL take you up on the offer!
Captain Pierce
Veteran
Charli
cool little "title"
Starting with the opening sequence I also would chime in that less is more.
I am not a big fan of a voiceover in which a person states their name and who they are.
I do like however how visually you are but the action paragraphs are too cluncky, I would break up the paragraphs so that my eyes don't strain to read every word.
You can take out the character Maxwell and you would still have the story. So while he is an observer I also feel that he is nonactive which is what a lot of short films do is to have a voiceover to help describe the story.
Where is the monster?
If this is a true monster story, where is the monster? You have the light and the darkness fighting, but where is the monster itself?
I am not a big fan of a voiceover in which a person states their name and who they are.
I do like however how visually you are but the action paragraphs are too cluncky, I would break up the paragraphs so that my eyes don't strain to read every word.
You can take out the character Maxwell and you would still have the story. So while he is an observer I also feel that he is nonactive which is what a lot of short films do is to have a voiceover to help describe the story.
Where is the monster?
If this is a true monster story, where is the monster? You have the light and the darkness fighting, but where is the monster itself?
DarkElastic
Well-known member
In such a short story as this on a theme so big, it was easier to have Maxwell as an observer with VO, in a longer version he would be describing this to someone. Maxwell's purpose is to represent humanity. He is also a man with a gift, but is it a gift or a burden?
In these Fests I do tend to bunch my action. in a longer script where I'm not pushed for space, I would not.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/monster
Above is a dictionary description of a monster. The dark in my story fits in more than one of the Nouns described. This story fits into the monster catagory!
Captain Pierce
Veteran
Technically, the even the Light humanoid could be a monster by the Fests' definition, never mind the Dark. So I certainly don't see a problem there.
Captain Pierce
Veteran
I can't argue with that, and yet... Isaac Brody started this ScriptFest with this quote from Hellboy (and The Hobbit) director Guillermo del Toro:
I certainly think DarkElastic's script has done this.
Also, just to be completely technical about it, there was nothing said about a monster theme; there simply had to be a monster.
And how the hell have I gone from busting DarkElastic's chops to defending him like this?
I certainly think DarkElastic's script has done this.
Also, just to be completely technical about it, there was nothing said about a monster theme; there simply had to be a monster.
And how the hell have I gone from busting DarkElastic's chops to defending him like this?
Charli
cool little "title"
Capt - lol, you're not defending him, you're (as Desi Arnez would say) "esplaining' to me what you've interpreted in this story. You saw monsters I saw 'end of world' so we each interpreted the story differently, is all.
Maybe Dark likes it when you hold up your mighty shield in his honor. I feel we're playing tennis on Wii.
Maybe Dark likes it when you hold up your mighty shield in his honor. I feel we're playing tennis on Wii.
DarkElastic
Well-known member
To end your little argument on my thread, I didn't need Captain's rescue as I already supplied you with a dictionary meaning of the word monster, which my script easily fits and thus threw your statement out before it took any serious hold (thanks for the assist though Captain, much appreciated).
It is apocolyptic, but it also has monsters in it.
You can interpret as you like, but it follows the guidelines.
DarkElastic
Well-known member
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment though.
Charli
cool little "title"
Dark - the 'monster' interpretation to this fest is 'something outside the ecosystem, against the norm' - (by the way, I'm not into arguments but only showing my point of view and listening to yours and others).
You dark forces/light forces were neither dynamic characters or the principle characters. It was like watching the movie 300 and the battle going on was over there.
Maxwell was the central character without any physical action or interaction other than observation (called the "watchers in the bible").
Keaton's story had interaction with a monster so the monster became the dynamic character.
Your fight of monsters is so third person it wasn't the central focus of the story, Maxwell's V.O. was. Get rid of Maxwell and put me IN the story and would feel the monsters more because it's not third person view.
That's really all I am saying that I was too disassociated with your monster.
You dark forces/light forces were neither dynamic characters or the principle characters. It was like watching the movie 300 and the battle going on was over there.
Maxwell was the central character without any physical action or interaction other than observation (called the "watchers in the bible").
Keaton's story had interaction with a monster so the monster became the dynamic character.
Your fight of monsters is so third person it wasn't the central focus of the story, Maxwell's V.O. was. Get rid of Maxwell and put me IN the story and would feel the monsters more because it's not third person view.
That's really all I am saying that I was too disassociated with your monster.
DarkElastic
Well-known member
I can understand that and I totally agree. If I write a feature or extended script for this I would bring these characters together, thus removing that problem. But, as described, they are watchers who have no impact on the proceedings, as what is happening is far bigger than humanity.
It will do for a 6 page script though.
Captain Pierce
Veteran
Okay, perhaps I was overcompensating for giving DarkElastic a hard time earlier when I "raised my mighty shield in his honor," and since I've clearly offended you greatly by doing so, to the point where you had to take a shot at me in another thread, I guess I should apologize for it. And I'll go ahead and apologize to him for further hijacking his thread while I'm at it.