The Impossible Race
- Thread starter Troy Ruff
- Start date
Gary Sconce
Veteran
That guy on the left is sure ugly! Say, was this when you filmed the feet on the pole vault pit? I can see something reflected in my glasses but forget what we were shooting...:zombie_smiley: (Age is creeping...._):undecided
No I believe it was when the girls were throwing water on themselves.
:2vrolijk_08:
John LaBonney
Well-known member
Troy:
As a writer that really tries hard when it comes to writing comedy, I enjoyed watching this film. There were so many little quirks and jokes that it was almost too much to take in. I thought the actors were terrific.
I started laughing right away when Floyd let out a "wooo!" when he got out of the car.
As a general observation, when the title cards come on over the freeze-frame of the characters, I think I would have preferred a black-and-white freeze-frame instead of the color treatment that you used, or a simple freeze frame. Also, I think that the type could be timed a little better. It came on a little fast (I'm looking for the feeling that someone is actually typing it on the screen) and it disappeared before I had a chance to soak it in.
Scriptwise, I like the way the characters arrive at the race, sometimes interacting with each other. I also liked that the kid wasn't introduced until the end.
Loved the sequence that introduced Leon Combfield (GREAT character name, by the way, let me know if I can borrow it). Could have had even more water splashing around on the entourage, but the music that goes with that sequence is priceless. All around, great comedic writing. Maybe we could collaborate on a project sometime.
Dynamite cartoony sound design. It made the movie! The sound when Maya River gives Nico the finger, the film camera winder over Leon's intro, Little Man Jay's eye-poke noise at the starting line, "echo!", "rawr!", Floyd's finger walking to the girl on the bench, the bird poo splat, him hitting the pole, and many more. Loved them all! All perfectly used. Have you got a SFX collection of these cartoon sounds, and if so what is it, so I can order it immediately.
I didn't like the shooting of the finger. Perhaps more the compositing of the shot on his finger rather than the act itself. I think it would have been better with just the sound.
I think that the biggest weakness is the shot composition, and that you needed a few more close-ups to use in editing. One thing that I noticed is that when Floyd starts the race and heads to the stands to check out the girl, it's not really that clear he's doing that because there's a lot of stuff going on in that shot as all the characters start the race, and he kind of gets blocked out by Nico.
Great fans in the stands. Reminded me a little of the signs the fans were holding in Dodgeball.
I would LOVE to see more films like this. One of the few I watched repeatedly. I'm laughing more every time.
I can see a tremendous amount of effort went into this movie. Can't wait to see what you come up with next.
John
As a writer that really tries hard when it comes to writing comedy, I enjoyed watching this film. There were so many little quirks and jokes that it was almost too much to take in. I thought the actors were terrific.
I started laughing right away when Floyd let out a "wooo!" when he got out of the car.
As a general observation, when the title cards come on over the freeze-frame of the characters, I think I would have preferred a black-and-white freeze-frame instead of the color treatment that you used, or a simple freeze frame. Also, I think that the type could be timed a little better. It came on a little fast (I'm looking for the feeling that someone is actually typing it on the screen) and it disappeared before I had a chance to soak it in.
Scriptwise, I like the way the characters arrive at the race, sometimes interacting with each other. I also liked that the kid wasn't introduced until the end.
Loved the sequence that introduced Leon Combfield (GREAT character name, by the way, let me know if I can borrow it). Could have had even more water splashing around on the entourage, but the music that goes with that sequence is priceless. All around, great comedic writing. Maybe we could collaborate on a project sometime.
Dynamite cartoony sound design. It made the movie! The sound when Maya River gives Nico the finger, the film camera winder over Leon's intro, Little Man Jay's eye-poke noise at the starting line, "echo!", "rawr!", Floyd's finger walking to the girl on the bench, the bird poo splat, him hitting the pole, and many more. Loved them all! All perfectly used. Have you got a SFX collection of these cartoon sounds, and if so what is it, so I can order it immediately.
I didn't like the shooting of the finger. Perhaps more the compositing of the shot on his finger rather than the act itself. I think it would have been better with just the sound.
I think that the biggest weakness is the shot composition, and that you needed a few more close-ups to use in editing. One thing that I noticed is that when Floyd starts the race and heads to the stands to check out the girl, it's not really that clear he's doing that because there's a lot of stuff going on in that shot as all the characters start the race, and he kind of gets blocked out by Nico.
Great fans in the stands. Reminded me a little of the signs the fans were holding in Dodgeball.
I would LOVE to see more films like this. One of the few I watched repeatedly. I'm laughing more every time.
I can see a tremendous amount of effort went into this movie. Can't wait to see what you come up with next.
John
sfoster
Well-known member
Who was that awesome actor that got shot and rolled down the hill. MAN I need to get a hold of that guy. I think he has a lot of potential! JK Anyways, I agree with a lot of the comments on this film. I think that a little less action would have pointed your eye to what the character was doing in the stadium, however knowing what we had to work with (mainly running out of time to finish) I think it came out great!
jasonthewho
Veteran
Haha, Shane, that was a great fall. Actually though, the finger shooting was one of the few things I didn't like about this short. Despite how over the top the short was, that moment just seemed like one step too far.
I loved all the interesting characters that were created. They all had great looks, personalities, and costumes. I like how their Handicaps and Phobias play a role in the story, but I wish everybody's did. For example, Maya's car phobia/handicap doesn't affect the story at all.
Love the look of the titles. They could have stayed up a tad longer, but I'm sure the time constraint discouraged you from that.
My favorite shots are probably the ones of everybody in line stretching/etc. for the race.
So often comedy shorts don't feel polished, but this one definitely did. Nice work.
I loved all the interesting characters that were created. They all had great looks, personalities, and costumes. I like how their Handicaps and Phobias play a role in the story, but I wish everybody's did. For example, Maya's car phobia/handicap doesn't affect the story at all.
Love the look of the titles. They could have stayed up a tad longer, but I'm sure the time constraint discouraged you from that.
My favorite shots are probably the ones of everybody in line stretching/etc. for the race.
So often comedy shorts don't feel polished, but this one definitely did. Nice work.
Thanks ya I worked hard to make sure all the details I could think of wrere addressed. Thanks for your comments, it helps me grow as a film maker.
Maya's phobia were cars, then she got hit by one. ahahaah I love that part. Im glad you enjoyed.Thanks for commenting on everything, I really appreciate it. We had a ton of fun making this film, and I agree about needing more close ups, I will be putting them in for the final DVD. Also anytime you want to exchange idea on a story let me know, I love comedy. Thanks again for your time to help me become a better film maker.
:grin:
Dustin R. Rogan
Silent Bob's Evil Twin
Sir, I love your kind of funny. I appreciate another comedy guys talents! If we weren't so far away from each other I'd love to colab on an uber comedy! I throughly enjoyed this short and the detail that you put into it! Job well done sir!
Rogan
Rogan
jasonthewho
Veteran
I guess I thought it would be cooler if their phobias/handicaps were all crucial during the race itself. I think that's what I was getting at. Like the way the bird poop does.
sfoster
Well-known member
Like making the girls phobia be water because she has a lion like growl so she's part cat, and he throws water on her. I think she is the only one with a phobia that didn't affect the race. That would be awesome because that would be hydrophobia which is what you get when you have rabies! When she bites him she could have been foaming at the mouth!!!!!
oh ya I see, yes that would have been nice, I will have to watch for that next time. So many things to keep track of
:2vrolijk_08: The first idea was to have the race on the streets like a marathon, and have a car as she is running completely take her out. That would have been nice. :2vrolijk_08:ahahahaha you funny man, I like that, very funny. :2vrolijk_08:
Funny movie, man. It was kind of obvious what the outcome was going to be with the short "bios" for the racers, but I guess you don't watch this type of movie for high drama.
Good job. I liked the use of cartoon sound fx. "Tube Thunk" sound!!
Thanks, for your comments, I love to hear from everyone how they took this film. These types of films you never know how people are going to take it. So Thanks for your comments.
And I love the cartoon sounds to. 
Duff
Well-known member
Overall, nicely done. You really nailed this style.
I do think the bio screens needed to be held longer, which I know you probably cut for time constraints. I think the clips between the bio screens could have been shortened to give a higher-energy pacing to the whole thing. For instance, the van coming down the street before it hits Maya could have been shortened; the shot of Eko's driver running around the van doesn't need to necessarily be continuous, you could have shaved a second or two off here; you could have made Leon's intro choppier and still have achieved the same effect; etc. I may be alone here, but I think there should have been a shorter time between bio screens. I love the style of the bio screens, by the way.
Characterization was great. All of your actors performed well. Audio and music were very well-done. As others mentioned, there was a bit of confusion in the action, such as it not being clear that Ghost ran for the stands at the beginning.
I'd be interested in seeing more comedy from you.
I do think the bio screens needed to be held longer, which I know you probably cut for time constraints. I think the clips between the bio screens could have been shortened to give a higher-energy pacing to the whole thing. For instance, the van coming down the street before it hits Maya could have been shortened; the shot of Eko's driver running around the van doesn't need to necessarily be continuous, you could have shaved a second or two off here; you could have made Leon's intro choppier and still have achieved the same effect; etc. I may be alone here, but I think there should have been a shorter time between bio screens. I love the style of the bio screens, by the way.
Characterization was great. All of your actors performed well. Audio and music were very well-done. As others mentioned, there was a bit of confusion in the action, such as it not being clear that Ghost ran for the stands at the beginning.
I'd be interested in seeing more comedy from you.
alex whitmer
Veteran
Nice slapstick piece. I kept hoping for a twist of some kind, but it remained pretty linear.
Since the girl can brush off getting run over, it would have been fun to see her take out another racer in the good 'ol Roller Derby style. Seems tubby got all the gags.
enjoyed. Had a couple nice laughs.
alex
Since the girl can brush off getting run over, it would have been fun to see her take out another racer in the good 'ol Roller Derby style. Seems tubby got all the gags.
enjoyed. Had a couple nice laughs.
alex
ConspiracyPenguin
Nosey Penguin
That was fantastically entertaining. (Is fantastically a word? I don't care because that's what it was) I loved the little sound effects like the growl and laugh, etc...
When I saw that you live in Fresno, I was pretty excited because I live in Coarsegold and go to the city quote often. I almost fell out of my chair when I saw the actor who played Floyd, because I was in a drama class with him. He is a great guy (and really funny) and I saw him not too long ago at a play in town. Great job and good luck! Very refreashing piece.
When I saw that you live in Fresno, I was pretty excited because I live in Coarsegold and go to the city quote often. I almost fell out of my chair when I saw the actor who played Floyd, because I was in a drama class with him. He is a great guy (and really funny) and I saw him not too long ago at a play in town. Great job and good luck! Very refreashing piece.
Sweet thanks man, I really appreciate your comments. I can learn a lot from all of you guys. Thank you
Thanks this was a ton of fun with Joey on board. He is a great actor and very funny. It would be fun to help each other out with our shorts. Im always looking for more people to network with. I really want to do a feature film. NOW!!! But I need a great script that Im working on and some really good actors as well. I think with the amazing team here in Fresno, ( HyperActive Studios) we can do it.