The Banker's Agent

I'll leave all the other critiques to everyone else and just comment on the dialog. What century did this come from? Did you lift a lot of it from Shakespeare? It was just way weird for a modern piece.
 
It does say in the super quick credits that it's adapted from Dumas' 'The Count of Monte Christo.' I can sorta see it, but yeah, it's not inspiring me to spend too much time thinking about it. So I'd chalk it up to an experiment in cross-time period filmmaking?
 
Ah, I couldn't read those superfast credits, but that makes sense. I couldn't imagine anyone now a days writing like that.
 
Chris_Keaton said:
I'll leave all the other critiques to everyone else and just comment on the dialog. What century did this come from? Did you lift a lot of it from Shakespeare? It was just way weird for a modern piece.
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My criticisms: This was part of them. The dialog was "old fashioned" sounding and didn't fit the time period of the film. It was confusing and distracting to the overall story. I wasn't a fan of the location or set design either... it just didn't work well for me. The small and cheap desk inside what looked like a typical but empty middle-class house didn't make the rest of it believable. Some of the acting was stiff and the Agent himself was hard to hear and understand. The girl running made me laugh, and I know that wasn't your intention... when she runs into the parking garage, the huge "Early Bird Special" sign really ruined the mood completely.

My compliments: I hate being critical without something positive...
I did enjoy your use of music to build suspense... you did a good job with that. Your use of the book was a good one, and I found the diamonds mostly believable.

I think making an effort to do one of this fests deserves a pat on the back no matter the outcome! JTyner and I certainly don't rise to the level of films like "The Rook" or "Recurrence" though we hope to one day and it's the critiques that help. I hope you can take my criticisms in the spirit of helpfulness.
 
Not sure what to think. The dialogue threw me.

Some great moments in there, particularly with the daughter and son.

The visuals of the office didnt work for me, so once you got outside of it things got better. I really liked that one shot at the end of the letter burning in front of the candles wafting with smoke. Absolutely beautiful!
 
Knowing this was adapted from a text written in the late 1800's, the dialogue itself didn't throw me so much. We've seen this sort of thing before, taking the affectations of another time and placing it in a contemporary setting. BRICK is a good example of this: a modern story with dialogue colored by the conventions of classic film noir. Maybe it's the execution of the dialogue that is really the issue. What would happen if you put these words in the hands of great actors? Anyway, I thought the pacing of the editing was a positive and the music was used to great effect. Looking forward to what you do next.
 
The foreboding music fit the story. However I am still confused who the agent represented. Maybe the father made a Faustian bargain to get the 3 month extension. In which case the agent would be the Devil's representative (Mephistopheles) coming to claim his payment...
 
Very good effort. Like others, the dialogue threw me a bit. Acting might have been a little stiff, I felt it the most from the son.
There were some very nice shots throughout and the score really helped overall. Set left a bit to be desired but it's not a deal breaker (no pun intended).

Congrats to cast & crew!
 
Zaza - Thanks for the comments. Any stiffness in the acting was most likely due to my directing than the actors themselves. One of the big lessons for me this film was I need to learn how to direct actors better. Time to grab some books. And I agree, Mark's score really made a big difference to this. I'm interested to see his work in your film.

Hitaish - It's not that evil, he actually represents someone from the Father's past. It was tough trying to get the backstory in this in the six minutes, I think this would have benefited greatly from having more time.

Zak - thanks for the encouragement

Shawn - Yeah, the dialogue seems to be throwing a lot of people. Thanks for your comments, that was one of my favorite shots too.

EditPhish - The dialogue choice was intentional, although clearly it seems to have not worked as well as I had hoped. Something I'll remember for the future. Full credit to Mark Blasco for the score here - he did a great job on it.

Chris K - Yes, when I adapted this from the Count of Monte Cristo, I deliberately left the dialogue in the original style.

Charli - thanks for taking the time to comment

Chris M - You probably missed it when the credits flew by at Mach 3, but this was based on a chapter in the Count of Monte Cristo. As far as missing things - a lot of the backstory got cut to meet the six minute mark, so it's not as well explained as I woul like it. Thanks for your comments.

Noel - I assume the more to come will be the bad stuff, of which I know there is plenty. So in the meanwhile, I will bask in your good comment and let you know that comment probably means a lot more to me than you would guess, particularly coming from someone of your esteem. Thanks so much.
 
Sounds like you learned a lot from the process - which is sort of the point of short films. We all want to tell a good story, but every time you shoot a short film you learn something and grow as a filmmaker.
 
Mark, this was a good effort. I'm betting you learned a lot with this one.
Sound is a little off here and there. Try to get a good room tone going so that when people speak it doesn't seem to cut in and out.
Visually is was pretty good. I liked that you weren't afraid to move the camera around and go for those shots.

I can see why some people got a little confused with the way everyone spoke and how modern day everything around them looked.

I think the biggest issue was too much story for the allotted time.
I know I helped you cut the script down quite a bit from where you had it but this story may have been too big.

I really hope you enter the next fest. I see a lot of promise here.
Put the hard work into a much shorter/concise script and I think you'll have a much easier time with it.
I would be happy to help you with some sound design given enough notice as well. Take everything you learned from this and knock our socks off!
 
MAH - thanks again for your help, and thank you for the encouragement. I agree, the biggest problem was too much script for too little time. I don't know if I'll get anything in for the next fest (I can only inflict so much torture on my wife), but I plan on putting in one or two per year. And when I do I'll definitely be in touch on the sound design. Thanks again!
 
On the whole it was pretty wel produced. A bit of work on the sound and closer framing would probably help.

However the dialog just didnt work for me. It was almost a spoof, but not quite. The words said you didnt want it to be taken seriously, but the acting was not ott enough to carry the dialog.

A very worthy effort.
 
I really like the concept here adaptation or not. It’s very relatable subject matter. Some tech issues, but mostly I think the story was too big for the time limit. It would work better stripped down. Less telling and more showing. Two questions: Why didn’t she just call him? Why not spring for real coffee in the pot? It’s a damn good effort and I really was refreshed by the cutaways and intercutting at the end. Nice way to open it up and build some tension. Good job.
 
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