Thanks so much Rodney. I did learn a lot. I am already doing test shoots for the next short film project. I have a script, actors, 3d Modeler, music, title sequences, and some crew. I'm so ready to use what I learned on this one and do better next time!!! Cheers Buddy!
"That's When I Knew I Was Going to Die..." - a Short film by HHL
- Thread starter HHL
- Start date
Thanks so much Rodney. I did learn a lot. I am already doing test shoots for the next short film project. I have a script, actors, 3d Modeler, music, title sequences, and some crew. I'm so ready to use what I learned on this one and do better next time!!! Cheers Buddy!
Chris_Keaton
ScriptFEST Mod
I don't know who this Murdoch is, so maybe I'm missing something. I get the feeling there is more to this than what we've seen. I did think it looked good and of course the music was good. I just wish I knew what was going on. 
I don't know who this Murdoch is, so maybe I'm missing something. I get the feeling there is more to this than what we've seen. I did think it looked good and of course the music was good. I just wish I knew what was going on.
You have NO IDEA Chris!!! lol
So hard to put something out there KNOWING that NO-ONE will have a CLUE what is going on!!!! lol
I had to choose between not entering at all....or just putting what I had ready and graded out there. (Less than 1/4th of the movie, BTW)
I had wwwaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy to much time/footy to tell the story. (10 min without the last 3 scenes) So....I had to CHOP it, grade it, and call it good. (Even though it was soooo BAD)
....if only I had started with a good script in the FIRST PLACE!!!!!!
(Any ideas where I might get some help with that?) :2vrolijk_08:It also couldn't have hurt if I had more than 2 weeks to complete the project!!! (so funny)
Last edited:
Sunk99
Well-known member
What'd he hit the stick/branch at :28 for? Odd cut to the library - I expected her voice to continue explaining in a V.O. Showing lots of disjointed book text - I don't understand. The footage at 2:29. Her body position. I think that is the third time with the exact same position to where it looks like a clip repeated. The cut from the library to her sister at 2:40 - I'm lost. Not their house okay (don't expect the audience to know where they live) - door opens, the girl screams. What? I don't understand - sorry. Acting was fairly good. Cine was good.
You nailed it on the head. Doesn't make sense...incomplete. TRUE'DAT. (No sarcasm...) I ran out of time because I started too late. I submitted anyway for the experience and I learned a lot. Thanks for taking time to give feedback. Cheers!
Matt Harris
Veteran
HHL, I'm glad you stuck with it and entered something, it always helps getting feedback. You did have some great shots with your nifty little Sony and anamorphic lens,
and i'm glad you nixed the interrogation scene. Your library scene was strong! next time, just keep it simple. You got a "legend", a haunted house, your daughters starring in the movie... all you needed was to have them find the "legend" in the library, then have them walking through the woods, they find the house, something scary happens, they run, and their dad saves them. Something like that, you know what i mean? Keep is simple! And I wanna see more lens flares when you rock that anamorphic lens. I love me some lens flares.
and i'm glad you nixed the interrogation scene. Your library scene was strong! next time, just keep it simple. You got a "legend", a haunted house, your daughters starring in the movie... all you needed was to have them find the "legend" in the library, then have them walking through the woods, they find the house, something scary happens, they run, and their dad saves them. Something like that, you know what i mean? Keep is simple! And I wanna see more lens flares when you rock that anamorphic lens. I love me some lens flares.
Edgen
Veteran
So, watching the film about a girl in a library is probably as brutal as it is to actually sit in a library.
I kept saying.. "Surely, they are going to get to the point and just skip the books and shelves and racks and books and back to headlines back to shelves..."
and then "Shelves and books and more racks and protagonist thinking... Solving something? Studying? Big finals?"
I'm not sure if there were some shots. "or a few couple 4-5 scenes" missing, but the story ended as clearly as the film started. Which, If you would have ended the film of the guy running out with a bat and a girl screaming, that would have at least been an uber short film that was interesting.
I realize from your opening post you only had 18 days from deadline. that's fine and all. I just encourage you to really think about what a short film is and how to tell it. I see where you were going. (or at least I see where you were trying to go). But so much is missing that it just doesn't make for a cohesive story. Maybe I missed some important lines in those books? Maybe there was a perfect connection and explanation to the mystery that got cut?
I encourage you to keep at it and explore your editing room floor. shave some fat down to a skin and bones and take a step back and ask yourself... "Will others outside my thoughts know what i'm trying to place on screen?"
lookin' foward to your next entry.
/j
I kept saying.. "Surely, they are going to get to the point and just skip the books and shelves and racks and books and back to headlines back to shelves..."
and then "Shelves and books and more racks and protagonist thinking... Solving something? Studying? Big finals?"
I'm not sure if there were some shots. "or a few couple 4-5 scenes" missing, but the story ended as clearly as the film started. Which, If you would have ended the film of the guy running out with a bat and a girl screaming, that would have at least been an uber short film that was interesting.
I realize from your opening post you only had 18 days from deadline. that's fine and all. I just encourage you to really think about what a short film is and how to tell it. I see where you were going. (or at least I see where you were trying to go). But so much is missing that it just doesn't make for a cohesive story. Maybe I missed some important lines in those books? Maybe there was a perfect connection and explanation to the mystery that got cut?
I encourage you to keep at it and explore your editing room floor. shave some fat down to a skin and bones and take a step back and ask yourself... "Will others outside my thoughts know what i'm trying to place on screen?"
lookin' foward to your next entry.
/j
Charli
cool little "title"
I'll give you props for using the library as a location. It was so long though in getting something going. I felt like I was reading a book, but unsure why. I know you didn't have much time, but one thing you can't cut is the story. In the end, I didn't get it. Again, kudos for library location which to me is better than an interior of a house. Just wish I could say I understood it or liked it. Next time, give yourself more time.
Three Billion Seconds
Active member
Very nice angle at library entrance and wide shot of library.