Script Available for Free

G

ghalied

Active member
Hi All

I've written a script specifically for this fest (it's attached) with the idea that I need to get myself writer credits. So check out the script if you're in search of a story - it's 6 and a half pages and basically needs two locations and 6 actors (no extras) so it shouldn't be that hard to produce if it interests you.

Let me know if you plan to use it so that I can remove it from here. (Or just comment on it, I always value feedback)

G.
 

Attachments

Last edited:
Not a bad story. I was definately entertained. I laughed in spots as the story continued to unfold and unfold. A very good and professional writing job. I saw where you spelled "gambolling" and I didn't know if that was intentional or just mispelled. Anyway, a nice comedy here. It's really funny how the parents just act like the whole thing is just no big deal.
 
Ha ha, "gambolling" is definitely a typo... uploaded the corrected pdf. Thanks for that. I'm glad you liked it.
 
Last edited:
The first three pages is awkward exposition followed by a minute of the kid trying to break down a door, and the rest is a family explaining the scheme to the son. Shouldn't he figure it out on his own?

Maybe you can make it so that the kid thinks he sees his father everywhere, only to find out he's alive all along. Or better yet, maybe you can change the perspective to an insurance investigator who is trying to figure out what's going on, then after he leaves, reveal it to the audience. You can have the insurance guy casually reveal the statue of limitations (why would the kid know this, by the way?) before he leaves.

I'm also having trouble with character motivation. Why would they keep this info from the kid, even if this does take place in a goofy, irrational universe?

I think also that you can cut the first scene with the Goth Girl character, since she's only there for the joke at the end, and it gives the impression that the film is going to be about something else. You might as well make her a neighbor girl who simply shows up at the end. And... if the kid were in on the gag, it would give him a motivation for going along with it.

You should remember the first rule of short films: waste no time.

I really do like the last gag with the suit of armor, though.
 
Why do they keep this info from the kid? (though he's +-15) That's exactly the point. Insincerity and other absurd ways we have of dealing with death are part of the parody. The fact that we use what should be a tautological term like "sincere condolences" is commentary on society.
 
ghalied said:
Why do they keep this info from the kid? (though he's +-15) That's exactly the point.
Click to expand...

At no point does the film even approach saying this, therefore, it's not the point.

In fact, the parents *tell* the kid, rather than he finding out. This is especially odd considering that the parents don't seem to have any qualms about finally telling him. There is no indication that they were really invested in maintaining the secret. Wouldn't it make your point if they tried to keep it a secret long after he obviously knew about it?

ghalied said:
Insincerity and other absurd ways we have of dealing with death are part of the parody.
Click to expand...

No, that's you simply hanging a lantern on it.

I mean, you've laid out this notion of an absurd scheme, which totally works, but then you lay on top of it this nonsensical notion of hiding it from the kid. There is no establishment to that idea, since the methods used to hide it seem perfectly normal.

And FYI, this is not a parody or satire of anything. It has no comment of any kind. It's a clever notion for a sketch comedy, which is good enough, you don't have to claim any higher purpose for it.
 
I can honestly say the idea for the story came from thinking about some of the absurd reactions I got from people after someone close to me passed away when I was young. True its not a parody on the whole (I just went with the flow when writing it) but all the major changes I'm leaning towards are the ones that lead back to the original train of thought. I just feel that it would lead to a more solid piece. I'm not saying your point of view is invalid (in fact I welcome and appreciate it), I just wanted to let you know where I was coming from.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top