personal boring stuff about being

macgregor

macgregor

Veteran
If I could forget her, or at least forget that I was in love with her maybe the pain will go away. As I said I had a girlfriend once that left me in a similar way. It took me 2-3 years to get over it. And I was not even half as attached to her as I was now with this girl. I guess I really throw myself when I know that I've found what I was looking for. But I don´t want to suffer any longer. All i want is to leave her

Sorry for the long boring post.
 
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Welcome to the world of significant life experiences. You won't actually ever totally get over it, but you will be forever changed and will learn to move forward. When someone is biochemically imprinted on you as a perfect match, then you'll feel physically ill for months.
 
Oh man, the Universe can be a b$%ch sometimes. You are right about so many things in your post and it's really positive that you are so aware from the start. The only thing you are incorrect about is your doubt in the ability to find another, again. That is something that will happen, and probably in the least expected time, place, and event. That's why you should always stay positive. You are really right about LA girls. They sure look nice, but for a surprising amount of them... that's about it. Most people, like you and I, who were raised in cultures or communities unlike Southern California, can find an absence in qualities of personality we have come to expect and admire. None-the-less, the city is filled with transplants, thus people from all walks of life are here in plenty. That's what makes it a very cool and interesting city. I'm sure what you are going through, based on your description, is much worse than I have ever experienced... but I've found that during all my 'lows' focusing on career and work has been very rewarding as my focus is 100%. With that said, I had no idea you were in Los Angeles. Welcome man! How long have you been here? As a fellow cinematographer and DVXuser I was a fan of Similo back in the day, and have checked in on your work a couple times since. You're a talented bloke. If you're ever feeling down and want to grab a beer, I'll buy the first round.
 
I agree with what's been said and really, its more of a post for you to express yourself and not so much our responses. It is a low point in your life, but you will be driven to get of your rut, so long as you have a goal. I remember Similo back in the day too - you really are one talented individual. I know its hard now, but keep your chin up and you'll get through this.

Shoot me a PM if you ever need to chat or get something off your chest.

Kegan
 
sorry to hear about your situation, macgregor. the best medicine to heal from something like this is time. you're going to feel crappy for awhile, but over time it won't hurt as much. one of my buddies was in a similar situation as you... he had bought the ring and everything and was going to propose, but she left him. he never saw it coming. the good news is he rebounded and found another woman and is now a happily married family man.

my advice to you is take up a new hobby. maybe something you've been interested in, but never got around to doing. jump in and devote your effort to that to take your mind off things.

or join a fight club.
 
I only know you through your work, Macgregor, but just thought I'd drop a line to wish you the best. Bottom line, a deeply painful situation that will leave you feeling garbage BUT that will allow you to grow and discover what else life has to offer. Again, wishing you well, mate.
Sam.
 
Don't worry, as Ryan said devote your time to your craft (or take on a really tme consuming hobby). that will hav you distracted for the main part of the day. But you have to remember that this shouldn't affect your social life, go out, not to look for a new girl but just to hang out with your friends, I'm sure that, one of those days while you are hanging out you'll find someone that will really revolutionize your feelings. Don't let this affect your life.

Venga animo que seguro que encuentras a alguien que cree la misma o mejor sensacion en ti!
 
don't erase this thread dude. personal journeys need to replace some of the tech stuff here every now and then.

i'm bummed for you though, as i've had similar things happen. hearing you describe yourself, your confidence has taken a huge hit...totally understandable at the moment. But, she is a beautifil girl (i saw SIMILO), and girls like her don't have relationships with mongrols. if they do, it's usually for the wrong reasons. so you can't be THAT bad.

so i guess my point is to say, don't beat yourself to a pulp. your friends in the real world can be of some benefit to you. whether you have 30 friends or 3. your dvxuser commrades won't laugh at you for this either. just stick it out, and let us know how it goes, will ya?
 
Just give it time. There's nothing you can do other than try and get your mind off it. Read dense, heavy books. Watch movies. Take walks. Meet new people...and try not to be so picky. You don't know what you might be missing. My wife wasn't really 'my type' when I first met her. We've been married 15 years now.
 
Ryan Patrick O'Hara said:
\....but I've found that during all my 'lows' focusing on career and work has been very rewarding as my focus is 100%.
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^ +1

what you need now is a distraction.
Travel, sink yourself into work, try something new etc.
Best of luck and stay positive, now is a time to rebuild and regroup and come back stronger.
 
Truly sorry to hear about this, man. There's some really good stuff in the messages here. I would also like to add that you get some sort of notebook or journal or something (a man's diary) and just write out what you're thinking / feeling for a couple reasons.

1.) Once it gets out on paper, it's LESS in your head (don't get me wrong, it's still there, but it really draws the venom from the bite). It also helps to actually get your feelings really thought out and not just jumbled around in your head. These don't have to be formatted nicely, or even complete sentences. I have a notebook an inch and a half thick full of writings about different times in my life that needed to get out of my head so I could move on. Don't hear what I'm not saying. It's not immediate, but it definitely helps. No one told me it would help when I was doing it, but looking back, it really helped me out a lot.

2.) Less important now, but later on in your filmmaking you may need a character that needs these emotions. You'll be able to give that direction to that actor through YOUR experiences.

Another tip for the situation would be to eliminate any songs that were "yours" from your iPod. You don't need to put yourself through that hell.

Praying for you, brother.
 
The only way out is not to find a new girl. Give it time, and then just be content with yourself. Check out www.meetup.com, and start doing social activities with like minded people in your area. You'll end up meeting a bunch of people, some of which will be quality, and maybe even another woman. I found when I stopped looking, suddenly it was like shooting fish in a barrel. If you look like a puppy dog at a buffet table... you're not going to have as much luck.

Consider yourself lucky. She could have left you later in life, and caused much more devastation.

Fair winds and following seas!
 
Been there, Done that. You will get it over it. YOU WILL. I thought I would effing die but when I realized I was good. It was beautiful. A book called "The 7 Habits of highly effective people" Got me through it and changed my life.
 
Time heals. So fill up your time with intense activity - take on a big project that challenges you so hard that you don't have time to even think about anything else. You will meet other girls, but - most important, when you do, don't take out your hurt/bitterness on them... it's not the new girl's fault. Keep an open mind and always give people a chance. You are still alive, you are functioning, you have talent and life is yours to live and make the most of - don't let the ghosts of the past take that away. Good luck!
 
I'm going to chime in here, first of all, we are your family, McGreggy. Pure and simple. We all go through out spit in life, some worse than others, but nothing hurts more than the hurt of love. For the next year I know exactly what you're going to go through, you'll wake up thinking about her, you'll spend the day thinking about her, you'll go to sleep and she's the last thought in your mind.

I lost a really, really close friend once (not the same, but hear me out). We went to movies together, out to eat, even went to see a concert together. She was always a bit temperamental since her dad died when she was young. But I was her friend and she was mine until one day, BAM! through a series of unfortunate events she left. There it was, we were talking in the rain, I had no shoes on, she was mad as hell (unjustifiably so) and said she never wanted to see me again. No hug, nothing, just peeled out in her car and out of my life, in a *snap* like that. It was like a bad "B" movie and she wasn't even the guy! But it still felt like a break-up, even my closest friends all said the same thing.

Maybe your girl wasn't one who had mood swings, but she definitely wasn't sure about things which puts those of us who are "sure" in an unstable position.

I'm not going to tell you to go out and get social. You are GRIEVING. Social activities is the last thing to do. I am going to tell you not to drink yourself drunk. Don't do drugs to numb yourself.

Only way to get through pain is to feel it. Best advice is to WORK. Keep busy. Spend less time alone "thinking" and get busy on projects that keeps you moving. It won't make the thoughts of her disappear, but the day will come that one day you won't have a single thought about her.

It took me a year to get over my good friend to where I had that one single day that went by and I did not think about her at all. I'm way over her now. That was years ago. I really don't like making friends with women. They hurt me, not my guy friends. Women are just that way.

Work, eat (and I know you don't want to, but you must, eat rice if anything, get energy in the body), drink water to not get dehydrated and fatigued. I know you don't want to go to movies, you don't want to go out, you don't want to do much of anything.

So work. That's what I did, until the pain went away.
 
macgregor said:
Innocent, inspiring, cute but not hot, creative, cheerfull, 20-28, short hair... It took me a life to find her, not sure i can do it again.
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One phone call in Las Vegas can get one to your door in half an hour! :D

Richard J. Johnson said:
Been there, Done that. You will get it over it. YOU WILL. I thought I would effing die but when I realized I was good. It was beautiful. A book called "The 7 Habits of highly effective people" Got me through it and changed my life.
Click to expand...

Seriously though, there are a bunch of us who have gone through this. Believe me you WILL get through it even though is seems like that's it. Give yourself some time, there are some really good ideas in this thread. I thought I would die...worse pain I've ever felt...couldn't sleep or eat...I feel your pain.

But, I will say, be thankful (and if you have faith) and know there's always a reason things happen. You might not see it now, but you'll know one day.

I won't go into my sad story, but married my first love and had two beautiful daughters...I've now been divorced for 12 years and have been paying my Ex ever since (do you have any idea how many cameras I could have bought, films I could have produced, etc...)! Instead, I get to pay for my Ex, her unemployed boyfriend and my daughters.

I've since met some wonderful people and have a great support group of loved ones.
I personally enjoy the single life, you can do what you want when you want...and best of all I can invest in films like I did yours!

YOU are one extremely talented person...so be bummed for a bit...but pick yourself up and keep on keeping on!:D

...life goes on.
 
I'm going to send you a PM... full of funny anecdotes about women who broke my heart, that it took forever to get over... or so it seemed. As I had similar experiences a few times over... I eventually started to get numb to it... not in a bad way though. Those experiences have shaped me, how I view myself, and how I treat women... all for the better. I have much better relationships now, then I ever did... by raising my criteria for a mate, yet lowering my expectations... and growing to like myself more then I used to.

You've got a few clues in your opening post... which tells me you may be going through some of the same stuff that I have.

The anecdotes are short, and sweet, yet I'd hate for one of my ex's to stumble across this post... and see something personal, and insulting towards them... however, they'd deserve it anyway... and honestly... get ready to laugh. Check your PM. I've been through some sh*t... and I assure you that one day you'll actually be THANKFUL for this whole experience.
 
Wow! Gods have pain too?? High on my personal list of the Uber-Talented, your posts are always eagerly sought out. Sure wasn't expecting this one. So this life **** happens to even the special ones. . .

Time heals all wounds is a ridiculous mean ugly cliche that harbors a germ of truth. These wounds do not heal, but do ever so slowly scar over. Our gait's a little different, our psyche irreversibly altered, pains dull but never disappear. Hopefully they are altered and offset with future joys and wonderment not yet known. Grief is one big fat mother ***** of an emotion, highly caustic to the soul. Understand it is inevitable, but also totally selfish. The ability to feel pain is the price demanded for the ability to experience joy.

Understand that you are not alone. The soul does not mend in a day. My first love I lost to drugs. The pain and guilt and loss still visits every single day. The second was ripped from my soul by a drunk driver. She rests more comfortably, still remembered and missed o these many years later. Yet had these things not occured, I would not have my present love and our precious son, almost lost just yesterday in a motorcycle crash.

Life is one huge crazy mother we can sometimes influence but never direct. Cherish the good times, perservere the bad, the next acts about to debut.

Heartfelt Best wishes.
 
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