Sarah Daly
Well-known member
Hurray! My first script made 3d! So excited to see it. Well done Mike!
Out of Gas - Blurred Vision Productions
- Thread starter HCPROD
- Start date
ramsaur
Veteran
Starting off the color correction looks great. Maybe a tad too dark? Then after getting in the car it was just silent. No sound? The dialog throughout the film is low. Can't hear what they are saying. Your music was good but it decided to pop on and off at the points you had it come in and back out. Story? I don't know, I really couldn't hear the dialog points.
Lawsuit_Boy
Veteran
After the first scene between the two characters, when the car is traveling and the camera is surveying the land and sky passing by, it felt very much like some of the work done in Fatih Akin's The Edge of Heaven (which is an excellent film, by the way). The cinematography out on the open roads made excellent use of the rich cloudscapes and yellow/brown terrain. A few shots also reminded me of Deakins' work in No Country for Old Men. Very nice!
The music was well done. A sense of urgency was never far away and it helped, in conjunction with the images, to build a sense of anticipation.
Continuing with sound, the mix was ocassionally soft and made the dialogue a little difficult to discern. But, the dialogue is rather sparse anyway, like the terrain, so what really matters is the images and what's happening in them. I also think that the film could have benefitted from some L cuts in the audio and some smoothing out of the musical transitions from scene to scene. Sometimes they were abrupt, but the images didn't really support the abruptness because when it happened, the audience wasn't really handed anything new to play with thematically or visually. It simply brought the audience back to reality.
My only real concern with the film is something that's always a problem with short short films. That is that since they're so immediate, it is difficult to plant stuff into a film that really gets an audience attached to one character or another. While I didn't feel too detached from the characters or indifferent to them, I had difficulty caring about the male's situation (but that's intended, I think). He's a bit of a typical pompous male, and that, in turn, makes me care a lot about the female character. Unfortunately, we don't get much about the female, so that's discouraging. Also, while the performances weren't bad by any stretch of the word, there were moments of weakness, particularly with the female. Felt like a classic fight against stage fright. Not very severe, though.
I guess it's the writing that didn't quite work for me. The idea is there, but since the dialogue is so sparse, the audience really needs the right combination of words to make this couple's situation intriguing, or even unique, to the viewer. The dialogue tends to reveal itself as reminiscent of many other "on the edge of a break-up" short films. There isn't anything specific to the characters said in the dialogue that really lets us grab onto them. That make sense?
Altogether, the film is well constructed, and except for a few small weaknesses scattered about, I think it's a good entry. Nice work! :thumbsup:
The music was well done. A sense of urgency was never far away and it helped, in conjunction with the images, to build a sense of anticipation.
Continuing with sound, the mix was ocassionally soft and made the dialogue a little difficult to discern. But, the dialogue is rather sparse anyway, like the terrain, so what really matters is the images and what's happening in them. I also think that the film could have benefitted from some L cuts in the audio and some smoothing out of the musical transitions from scene to scene. Sometimes they were abrupt, but the images didn't really support the abruptness because when it happened, the audience wasn't really handed anything new to play with thematically or visually. It simply brought the audience back to reality.
My only real concern with the film is something that's always a problem with short short films. That is that since they're so immediate, it is difficult to plant stuff into a film that really gets an audience attached to one character or another. While I didn't feel too detached from the characters or indifferent to them, I had difficulty caring about the male's situation (but that's intended, I think). He's a bit of a typical pompous male, and that, in turn, makes me care a lot about the female character. Unfortunately, we don't get much about the female, so that's discouraging. Also, while the performances weren't bad by any stretch of the word, there were moments of weakness, particularly with the female. Felt like a classic fight against stage fright. Not very severe, though.
I guess it's the writing that didn't quite work for me. The idea is there, but since the dialogue is so sparse, the audience really needs the right combination of words to make this couple's situation intriguing, or even unique, to the viewer. The dialogue tends to reveal itself as reminiscent of many other "on the edge of a break-up" short films. There isn't anything specific to the characters said in the dialogue that really lets us grab onto them. That make sense?
Altogether, the film is well constructed, and except for a few small weaknesses scattered about, I think it's a good entry. Nice work! :thumbsup:
Ramsaur - Thank you for the review! This is my first short and as such I have never color corrected so your comment means a lot to me! I really wish I had more time to spend on the audio. Due to some technical difficulties I definately ran short on time and think I can do a much better job for the next fest. I appreciate you taking the time to watch it and give me your feedback.
Lawsuit Boy - I really appreciate your review! The audio is the top thing on my list to go back to on this one and work out. I'm glad Mark was able to execute on his character and I agree that I should have done more to put Faye out there. Your review made my day! Thank you for taking the time to watch my entry and provide the detailed feedback.
Lawsuit Boy - I really appreciate your review! The audio is the top thing on my list to go back to on this one and work out. I'm glad Mark was able to execute on his character and I agree that I should have done more to put Faye out there. Your review made my day! Thank you for taking the time to watch my entry and provide the detailed feedback.
Lawsuit_Boy
Veteran
Really glad to hear that! It's my opinion that everyone who enters these festivals deserves some detailed, thorough reviews to help guide them on their journey (or quest) as a filmmaker.
If you have any specific questions or concerns regarding my viewing, or even just film in general, don't hesitate to ask.
Top effort for a first outing then. Totally agree with Lawsuit on those open road visuals, they were stunning.
Solomon Chase
Well-known member
I loved the open road shots as well, specifically the one at 2:00.
I took some notes while watching, but most of the concerns have already been voiced... mainly the jarring cuts, and the audio levels.
Good job, especially for a first short... I'm on my tenth short and still sharpening my skills before I tackle a feature
I took some notes while watching, but most of the concerns have already been voiced... mainly the jarring cuts, and the audio levels.
Good job, especially for a first short... I'm on my tenth short and still sharpening my skills before I tackle a feature
The technical observations made by others in the posts above pretty much cover my own thoughts, so I'll leave those out of this.
I think you had a good general concept, but missed how you could have really made this a better script. I'm not suggesting I have the right or only concept, but here is what I would have wanted to watch.
Here is what is missing for me. The protagonist's personal journey toward redemption or reconciliation. His quest to resolve his inner conflict.
Consider if we started with him out in the desert. In his car - broken down, with the hood up. Overheated. Like him and how he conducts himself in his relationship.
His clothes are already filthy from trying to service the car. He looks out over the desolate landscape - miles from anywhere as we iris to white.
Flashback to the white heat of their argument that morning. He is screaming at her as he grabs his briefcase and storms out the door. She is at the kitchen window as he leaves, sobbing. To white again.
He is driving down a desert interstate - somewhere near Barstow.
Windows are down and he yells the lyrics of some rock ballad over the wind and the radio blaring under him. As he sings, he realizes the song that's playing is familiar for a reason - it is from one of their first encounters. Very close on his face as he makes this connection. He looks at the cell phone it its cradle on the dash. He thinks back to that night as they listened to that song as they watched the stars from the hood of her old car.
Back to the phone. It is set to "Home", ready to dial if he wills it. poo poo that - he won't call her. The car continues down a smaller, even more desolate road marked only by the occassional rock and sagebrush.
In the car, he has finally started to cool off - a bit. What were they arguing about? Bills? He picks up the phone. No service.
Maybe over by the power lines - maybe a cell tower will be close by?
Now, as he decides to leave his car behind and go for help, he is more desperate than ever to reach her.
As heatstroke takes him, he might flashback once more. To something peaceful, pleasant... quiet. Like the gentle wind that is blowing through the dusty, dry plants in the dirt near his head.
He pulls the cell phone through the dirt to his face. No service. Instead of dialing, perhaps he records a voice memo to her as we leave him in a wide shot of the desert. "I'm sorry". Or maybe he tries to sing her their song.
Dunno, but I think you could really explore this character and it could be a fun little short.
Great first effort!
e
I think you had a good general concept, but missed how you could have really made this a better script. I'm not suggesting I have the right or only concept, but here is what I would have wanted to watch.
Here is what is missing for me. The protagonist's personal journey toward redemption or reconciliation. His quest to resolve his inner conflict.
Consider if we started with him out in the desert. In his car - broken down, with the hood up. Overheated. Like him and how he conducts himself in his relationship.
His clothes are already filthy from trying to service the car. He looks out over the desolate landscape - miles from anywhere as we iris to white.
Flashback to the white heat of their argument that morning. He is screaming at her as he grabs his briefcase and storms out the door. She is at the kitchen window as he leaves, sobbing. To white again.
He is driving down a desert interstate - somewhere near Barstow.
Windows are down and he yells the lyrics of some rock ballad over the wind and the radio blaring under him. As he sings, he realizes the song that's playing is familiar for a reason - it is from one of their first encounters. Very close on his face as he makes this connection. He looks at the cell phone it its cradle on the dash. He thinks back to that night as they listened to that song as they watched the stars from the hood of her old car.Back to the phone. It is set to "Home", ready to dial if he wills it. poo poo that - he won't call her. The car continues down a smaller, even more desolate road marked only by the occassional rock and sagebrush.
In the car, he has finally started to cool off - a bit. What were they arguing about? Bills? He picks up the phone. No service.
Maybe over by the power lines - maybe a cell tower will be close by?
Now, as he decides to leave his car behind and go for help, he is more desperate than ever to reach her.
As heatstroke takes him, he might flashback once more. To something peaceful, pleasant... quiet. Like the gentle wind that is blowing through the dusty, dry plants in the dirt near his head.
He pulls the cell phone through the dirt to his face. No service. Instead of dialing, perhaps he records a voice memo to her as we leave him in a wide shot of the desert. "I'm sorry". Or maybe he tries to sing her their song.
Dunno, but I think you could really explore this character and it could be a fun little short.
Great first effort!
e
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Mike Manning
Well-known member
Hey Mike! Congrats on finishing your first short! While watching this film, it became apparent quite quickly that this was a first-time, filmmaking effort from someone who's still learning the craft and creating his own style. I don't mean this in a negative way, and as you've already expressed to me, I'm positive this has been a truly tremendous learning experience for you. Please take in as much as you can from all the wonderful people on this site who offer their criticisms and ideas as I promise you your knowledge will increase exponentially with each film you make.
With that said, here are my thoughts...
Composition - The shot composition in the film left something to be desired. A common mistake among first time filmmakers (myself included) is that the immediate goal is to frame the shot so that you can record the action. And then you get your standard coverage of that action so you can edit it. That's all well and good, but it can be more effective to have one beautiful shot of an action or line of dialogue than to simply "cover" it in a couple of shots. This, more often than not, is solved by employing a DP. It's that collaboration that turns "covering the action" into "composing a shot." This was the kind of film where I imagined some long takes, where we might see the protagonist walking across frame, out of focus in the far distance, as we're focused on a shiny, black scorpion just chilling in the foreground.
Acting - An important part of directing is casting. Once you've found actors to portray your characters, time must be spent making sure your actors are rehearsed, and are comfortable on camera. While your cast got the job done, it felt like they may have benefited from more rehearsal time.
Production Design - One of the most enlightening experiences I ever had was working with a production designer. In fact, not just a production designer, but wardrobe and makeup people as well. There's a lot going on inside a director's head and it's easy for him to overlook something. When you employ people like a production designer, or wardrobe person, it's their job to make sure that what's in the frame looks legit. So for example, when you're hero is lying in the desert due to heat stroke after being in the sun for hours, one would expect that he might be dirty, or sweaty, maybe he'd have removed his shirt and covered his head with it.. etc. etc. Put someone in charge of interpreting these aspects of the and you'll immediately see the effect it as on your film.
And just piggy backing of what Erik said above... and this goes back a little to what I said about composition.... this film relies heavily on metaphor. Not only is the hero's car out of gas... but his relationship is out of gas. Play on that. Use your shots to visually convey that metaphor.
Anyway.. congrats again on completing the film. I look forward to seeing what you do for the next DVXFest!
-Mike
With that said, here are my thoughts...
Composition - The shot composition in the film left something to be desired. A common mistake among first time filmmakers (myself included) is that the immediate goal is to frame the shot so that you can record the action. And then you get your standard coverage of that action so you can edit it. That's all well and good, but it can be more effective to have one beautiful shot of an action or line of dialogue than to simply "cover" it in a couple of shots. This, more often than not, is solved by employing a DP. It's that collaboration that turns "covering the action" into "composing a shot." This was the kind of film where I imagined some long takes, where we might see the protagonist walking across frame, out of focus in the far distance, as we're focused on a shiny, black scorpion just chilling in the foreground.
Acting - An important part of directing is casting. Once you've found actors to portray your characters, time must be spent making sure your actors are rehearsed, and are comfortable on camera. While your cast got the job done, it felt like they may have benefited from more rehearsal time.
Production Design - One of the most enlightening experiences I ever had was working with a production designer. In fact, not just a production designer, but wardrobe and makeup people as well. There's a lot going on inside a director's head and it's easy for him to overlook something. When you employ people like a production designer, or wardrobe person, it's their job to make sure that what's in the frame looks legit. So for example, when you're hero is lying in the desert due to heat stroke after being in the sun for hours, one would expect that he might be dirty, or sweaty, maybe he'd have removed his shirt and covered his head with it.. etc. etc. Put someone in charge of interpreting these aspects of the and you'll immediately see the effect it as on your film.
And just piggy backing of what Erik said above... and this goes back a little to what I said about composition.... this film relies heavily on metaphor. Not only is the hero's car out of gas... but his relationship is out of gas. Play on that. Use your shots to visually convey that metaphor.
Anyway.. congrats again on completing the film. I look forward to seeing what you do for the next DVXFest!
-Mike
Michael Anthony Horrigan
More Cowbell Pictures
I read this script and really enjoyed it. I'm glad that someone was able to tackle it.
For a first timer this was pretty good. Just work on your sound design and take some more coverage while you are shooting. You were able to tell your story within the time limit and you put it together fairly well.
Keep at it, you're off to a good start.
MAH
For a first timer this was pretty good. Just work on your sound design and take some more coverage while you are shooting. You were able to tell your story within the time limit and you put it together fairly well.
Keep at it, you're off to a good start.
MAH
kurtmo
Eats with 2 Fists
Nice job for first time out. I too would comment about the audio levels. The color changes were also very abrupt and some shots were too contrasty. I really liked the shots in the desert. My favorite was the shot of the car and the door opening; very cool. I also wanted your main actor to look hotter and get dirtier as he went along.
Thanks for sharing this one. I do look forward to your next film!
Thanks for sharing this one. I do look forward to your next film!
Wow! That means a lot to me Noel. I really appreciate the comment!
I loved the open road shots as well, specifically the one at 2:00.
I took some notes while watching, but most of the concerns have already been voiced... mainly the jarring cuts, and the audio levels.
Good job, especially for a first short... I'm on my tenth short and still sharpening my skills before I tackle a feature
Thank you sir! I definately have a lot to learn but I'm glad that you enjoyed some of the visuals. I appreciate you taking the time to watch the short and leave me feedback!
Thank you! I definately plan on being in many fests to come. Hopefully with a stronger arsenal next time.
Erik - Thank you for watching my short and taking the time to leave detailed feedback. I agree that I missed some opportunities to go deeper with the characters. I think next time I really need to spend more time focusing on what I need to do to strengthen my characters and maybe help develop more attachment for the viewers.
Mike - This definitely has been a tremendous learning experience. When I got started I knew it was going to be a huge task just from the time aspects of it but quickly found out how much could be easily missed by having such a small crew. I definitely could have benefitted from from having that help so that I could focus on more of the details rather than trying to consume myself with everything. I know if I keep paying attention and learning from others here I will be able to improve on my skills substantially. I also agree on needing to allow adequate time for rehearsal prior to the shoot. We only had one rehearsal prior. Mark and Faye are very talented and definitely could have delivered a polished performance if the time was allowed. I hope to be better off time wise for the next fest as I won't be entering the game so late. Thank you again for taking the time to watch the short and provide the detailed feedback. I have learned so much from the folks on this site and know that I will be continuously learning through each project I embark on.
Mike - This definitely has been a tremendous learning experience. When I got started I knew it was going to be a huge task just from the time aspects of it but quickly found out how much could be easily missed by having such a small crew. I definitely could have benefitted from from having that help so that I could focus on more of the details rather than trying to consume myself with everything. I know if I keep paying attention and learning from others here I will be able to improve on my skills substantially. I also agree on needing to allow adequate time for rehearsal prior to the shoot. We only had one rehearsal prior. Mark and Faye are very talented and definitely could have delivered a polished performance if the time was allowed. I hope to be better off time wise for the next fest as I won't be entering the game so late. Thank you again for taking the time to watch the short and provide the detailed feedback. I have learned so much from the folks on this site and know that I will be continuously learning through each project I embark on.
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Thank you Michael! Your comments mean a lot to me!
I'm glad you enjoyed the desert scenes. The shot of Mark getting out of the car is my favorite as well. The audio really does need some work on this one. I wish I would have had more time to clean it up and get the levels and transitions where they needed to be. I agree I could have injected more reality into it by making his condition worsen as he went along. Definately things to plan for on my next short! Thank you for watching and taking the time to leave feedback!
hoz
Well-known member
congrats on your film! i didn't read all the previous posts so if i repeat something sorry! i loved the shots you got through the windshield of the car. too cool! i think it'd be better though if the lead acted a lot more desperate- how'd he miss that he was running on low gas in the middle of nowhere? he'd have to have one hell of a mind full of something to throw himself into such a predicament. a fight might get him there, but to keep on driving and driving, it'd have to be a FIGHT! he would have to be a lot more "off". would be cool too, if before he starts his walk, he picks up the gas can then looks around and realizes, OMFG, i am way way out here and what chance do i have to get back?!? then he throws the can or something, he is the frustrated type. eh ideas anyway...
good film.
good film.
John LaBonney
Well-known member
As others have mentioned, sound was a huge issue here. Missing sounds, levels, and transitions were a big distraction.
I thought the desert shots were the best. Living in the desert I really miss the greens of the trees, but in this film it was a really good background to shoot against.
I see the parallel between the relationship and the car both running out of gas, but some of the dialog is so quiet that I think I'm missing some of the story.
I thought the desert shots were the best. Living in the desert I really miss the greens of the trees, but in this film it was a really good background to shoot against.
I see the parallel between the relationship and the car both running out of gas, but some of the dialog is so quiet that I think I'm missing some of the story.