NEED HELP ASAP! Directed First Scene and Its Awful

for starters, i had to watch it three times before i realized that the reason for the soft focus was the money in the foreground. i'd have filled more of the frame with the money.
and maybe have done a super-slow slider move, lift or pull out on it to make it more interesting.

not sure why you go from locked off to hand-held. and do i see an attempted steadicam shot in there as well?

the drapes, wall and comforter patterns as well as the wall color are all WAY overpowering (distracting) and compete with your composition for attention

the faux-baby-bump looks way fake. especially when she smushes it ; )

id say the acting is probably the best part of this scene : (
 
00:01-00:17 appear out of focus. When the actress comes in and sits on the bed she is in focus.
I am not a sound guy. It doesn't sound right to my ear, but sounds more like a small room issue, but fixable in post.
00:34 is shot from low for a power position for the male? The female head is actually higher though it is cut off. (conflict)
00:51 The male actor is facing and talking offscreen and it appears the 180 rule is broken.
The zipper shot in the end - function? Represent finality?
The acting, not the best in the world, but not bad either.
Enertainment wise it is a one minute long spouse fight that nobody wants to hear as we've all been there.
I would recommend getting over it as fast as possible and moving on to something more cinematic.
Explain why he is leaving, her get pissed off and leave.
Good luck. Hope this helps a little or gives you other quick ideas.
 
Okay. First, thanks for the reply!

The focus on the money is clearing not working to start. I agree, I think the room is way overpowering and when I reshoot it will be somewhere much less styled.

The baby bump is lousy but it's all I have to work with. I'll have to be more mindful of it and obviously not let her smush it.

Everything but the first shot is handheld and I like that much more. Next time Im thinking all handheld, no locked down shots. I like the intimacy and movement.

Very helpful though, especially about the room - you're dead right.
 
Sunk99 said:
00:01-00:17 appear out of focus. When the actress comes in and sits on the bed she is in focus.
I am not a sound guy. It doesn't sound right to my ear, but sounds more like a small room issue, but fixable in post.
00:34 is shot from low for a power position for the male? The female head is actually higher though it is cut off. (conflict)
00:51 The male actor is facing and talking offscreen and it appears the 180 rule is broken.
The zipper shot in the end - function? Represent finality?
The acting, not the best in the world, but not bad either.
Enertainment wise it is a one minute long spouse fight that nobody wants to hear as we've all been there.
I would recommend getting over it as fast as possible and moving on to something more cinematic.
Explain why he is leaving, her get pissed off and leave.
Good luck. Hope this helps a little or gives you other quick ideas.
Click to expand...

Yeah the money is supposed to be in focus and the background soft. Clearly didnt work very well.

The sound I could use some help on. I've got a shotgun mic plugged into a H4N. Thats all I've got, and its all me, no sound guy :(

You're right at 51 about the 180degree rule. Could fix in post but I'm reshooting anyway...

Thanks a bunch for helping!
 
Everything but the first shot is handheld and I like that much more. Next time Im thinking all handheld, no locked down shots. I like the intimacy and movement.
Click to expand...
not to pick nits, but 0:55-1:05 also appears locked off.

and as far as hand-held goes. it can be great unless its self-conscoiusly done and just looks "swimmy" which some of this does.

another thing i'd keep an eye on is the height of the camera. you have an eye-level shot, then youre looking down at them, then suddenly youre looking up from the floor. for this scene id keep your eye level as near constant as possible, unless there is some compelling reason to change - like looking down into the bag or something.
 
wgzn said:
not to pick nits, but 0:55-1:05 also appears locked off.

and as far as hand-held goes. it can be great unless its self-conscoiusly done and just looks "swimmy" which some of this does.

another thing i'd keep an eye on is the height of the camera. you have an eye-level shot, then youre looking down at them, then suddenly youre looking up from the floor. for this scene id keep your eye level as near constant as possible, unless there is some compelling reason to change - like looking down into the bag or something.
Click to expand...

yeah thats the same shot, just cut back to it

agree on eye level. the swimmyness was not intentional, that rig gets heavy!
 
that rig gets heavy!
Click to expand...
thats another thing to consider. every new-to-the-game DSLR shooter is conditioned to think that they need some kind of big-ass "rig"
yeah, a rig can help you with stabilizing a shot. but if you WANT the hand-held look, and youre not actually using a bunch of external accessories like a follow focus or mattebox, in many cases they are simply not needed. and as in this case may get in the way or simply add undesireable weight.
 
Lots of good tips above. Here is my .02

What about shooting this as he is trying to get into the car to leave? The space of the bedroom just feels so relaxed. The way she sits on the bed, the weird warmth of all the purple. That space just seems to suck all the tension out of what is supposed to be a tense scene. If this was shot at night as he is trying to drive away you could have a much more "tense" environment. Pregnant girl outside in the cold and dark, the car he is fleeing in is right there, you could end the scene with a door slam or screeching off as opposed to the zipper which feels kind of flat.

Good luck and Good on ya' for shooting and cutting a scene together! That's further than a lot of people get!
 
wgzn said:
thats another thing to consider. every new-to-the-game DSLR shooter is conditioned to think that they need some kind of big-ass "rig"
yeah, a rig can help you with stabilizing a shot. but if you WANT the hand-held look, and youre not actually using a bunch of external accessories like a follow focus or mattebox, in many cases they are simply not needed. and as in this case may get in the way or simply add undesireable weight.
Click to expand...

excellent point, i'll definitely try to strip down when i'm handheld
 
Yoyodyne said:
Lots of good tips above. Here is my .02

What about shooting this as he is trying to get into the car to leave? The space of the bedroom just feels so relaxed. The way she sits on the bed, the weird warmth of all the purple. That space just seems to suck all the tension out of what is supposed to be a tense scene. If this was shot at night as he is trying to drive away you could have a much more "tense" environment. Pregnant girl outside in the cold and dark, the car he is fleeing in is right there, you could end the scene with a door slam or screeching off as opposed to the zipper which feels kind of flat.

Good luck and Good on ya' for shooting and cutting a scene together! That's further than a lot of people get!
Click to expand...

Thanks!
 
All good advice...but that room... it's crying out for a makeover. I was so distracted by the mis-matched colors & patterns I had to watch it a few times to take the scene in. That is one busy room.
I too missed the money in the opening shot. I did notice that when she touches her 'baby bump', her hand seems to go right into it!

Along with the above comments, lighting is key, it looks a little flat to my eye.
 
I would recommend blocking out your whole scene using a digital camera ( even a pocket camera works for this ) to create a photo-storyboard BEFORE shooting anything with a video camera. If you can create a photo-storyboard that has strong images ( graphic, well lit, etc... ) that effectively tell your story, then it`s ready to be used as a guide for your video shoot. Acting, dialog, and camera movement will also have to be sorted out before you are ready to shoot.

Your audio is ok, but it sounds like the mic is too far away from your actors ( you may need to use hidden lav mics ), and it distorts a little when your actor shouts.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top