My script was the best!

lawriejaffa

lawriejaffa

Veteran
Yep thats right you gimps - i rule... i rule MANKIND!

No seriously, i thought it might be a little fun to say a bit about our favourite scripts our hehe 'best scripts' as it were (hence title - see how ironic it was - how it all works *ahem*) so we can discuss and compare in an upbeat - constructive and fun way - no nasty stuff!

It goes without saying that I enjoyed all the scripts - but i think for me one of the big standouts was 'Another Man's Dame.' For me it was probably because it managed to fuse a challenging futuristic concept with a noir perspective (that i personally find appealing) so succesfully - with some tongue firmly in cheek. It was a script that worked on several creative levels.

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You was also a favourite of mine, firm noir detective work going on there - a liked the charm of the Mersey Mabel, the dark comic twists of ten tumbles.

There were NO scripts that were totally appalling in my book, and i think its to our group achievment that we all managed to produce scripts with such great individual merit.

I think its okay for us to talk about our fav scripts - and to discuss (we're all mature postiive guys eh!)

There were a few that would be great fun to produce too, Trigger Finger is up there with its great action sequences and adult comic/gangster vibe. Glass Leopard had a lead i was convinced was a cynical looking Harrison Ford! I could quite honestly see him there strapped to the chair!

DarkElastic had a character named after a french cheese (which will be a requirement in the next scriptfest you wait and see!)

Candy had an ending that would require an ennio morricone score - yep! Those are my positive musings (I'll muse about the other scripts too in painfully cringe inducing subsequent posts!) What about you guys - general thoughts and comparisons!
 
It is tough to pick only a few favorites. I really can't say that there were any that were bad. Some had a few minor flaws that are going to be easily fixed in rewrites. Of course there were some that were a case of just too much story trying to be crammed into ten pages. However, even the overly ambitious ones I thought worked and told a full story. I admit that I am guilty of both counts with my entry.

I am going to single out a few that I would like to see produced purely on the basis of their visual merits. After all, film is a visual medium.

Wooden Kimono
Callaghan had such a detailed vision worked out as to the editing and camera blocking that he needs to produce and direct this thing ASAP.

trigger finger
I could totally see John Woo, Luc Besson, or the Wachowski bros. getting excited about directing this. It would also make a cool comic book too.

ABOARD THE MERSEY MABLE
Shipping is interesting and not something you see done much in film. And who doesn't want to see Natasha doing her sexy dance in the wheelhouse?

X-Elixir
For a first script this is really great. Who doesn't want to see a one-liner spewin' American GI with a name like Buck shred some Nazi zombies?

Furious Factions Strong Reactions
This one was very complicated for ten pages, but Ghalied made it work. Lots of characters and I just need to see Walter, the leader of the Congolese mafia standing out the top of his cars sunroof with his Uzzi ready for action like some conquering general ready for war.

LOVECRAFT
This one is a great blending of film noir with supernatural horror. The SPECIAL POV scene that allows Lovecraft to see the true identity of Mr. Green is worth the price of admission alone.

FUN PALACE
A demented tale set in an abandoned amusement park / Chuck E Cheese-style joint. That is all I need to know.

Red Rope
It had a dark and foreboding atmosphere that was chilling but realistic as well. The opening dream was very vivid and nostalgic feeling, and counter-pointed the ending nicely.

Ten Tumbles and a BOOM
This one was very original in its interpretation of what noir is. That ending needs to be put on film or HD for us all to see. Below is a simple re-inactment.
:evil: :nads: :shocked: :violent5:

Not to say that the ones not mentioned wouldn't be visually stimulating. They would be. These above were ones that just popped into my head. Not any type of definitive list at all.

And you are completely wrong lawriejaffa, but The Man From Tomorrow was obviously the best entry. :-Laugh(DBG):
 
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lawriejaffa said:
Yep thats right you gimps - i rule... i rule MANKIND!

No seriously, i thought it might be a little fun to say a bit about our favourite scripts our hehe 'best scripts' as it were (hence title - see how ironic it was - how it all works *ahem*) so we can discuss and compare in an upbeat - constructive and fun way - no nasty stuff!

It goes without saying that I enjoyed all the scripts - but i think for me one of the big standouts was 'Another Man's Dame.' For me it was probably because it managed to fuse a challenging futuristic concept with a noir perspective (that i personally find appealing) so succesfully - with some tongue firmly in cheek. It was a script that worked on several creative levels.

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You was also a favourite of mine, firm noir detective work going on there - a liked the charm of the Mersey Mabel, the dark comic twists of ten tumbles.

There were NO scripts that were totally appalling in my book, and i think its to our group achievment that we all managed to produce scripts with such great individual merit.

I think its okay for us to talk about our fav scripts - and to discuss (we're all mature postiive guys eh!)

There were a few that would be great fun to produce too, Trigger Finger is up there with its great action sequences and adult comic/gangster vibe. Glass Leopard had a lead i was convinced was a cynical looking Harrison Ford! I could quite honestly see him there strapped to the chair!

DarkElastic had a character named after a french cheese (which will be a requirement in the next scriptfest you wait and see!)

Candy had an ending that would require an ennio morricone score - yep! Those are my positive musings (I'll muse about the other scripts too in painfully cringe inducing subsequent posts!) What about you guys - general thoughts and comparisons!
Click to expand...


Look if you are just going to name every screenplay no one will feel special. Oh, wait you didn't name my screenplay. :furious3:Damnit! You Fool! :crybaby:You must not understand my genius!!! :grin:
 
LOVECRAFT
Ah Lovecraft! Yeah well i mean a lot of folk really loved Lovecraft - Yep now that definately ranks among the better almost sin/city biblical comic book type confrontation!

Interesting H P Lovecraft is an incredible author and of course you reference the name more as a style/theme than anything particular to his mythos fictional world (albeit the insect like villain does hint at the more cosmic/alien nature of his occult horror.)

I liked it - that was one of the scripts i was reading when i was way too high on coffee - with eyeballs burning like fire (in other words one i could not appreciate right away.)

Scanning over it again it is rich in delicious dark texture. If i were you i'd tap into more Lovecraftian influences (rather than the tried and true biblical good vs evil.) As that is sooooo yankee doodle dandy that its a little contrived (yours isn't!!) But i think developing along the line of your insect baddy (and the idea that heaven ain't exactly heavenly) is definately going along the rick track (in my 'personal' taste based opinion!)

So are you going to produce that bad boy?

Now Scarred Cross too explored a similarly Christian based definition of good and evil too, (within a small selection of scripts entered into this comp) so its important to expand that theme i think? What do you think?


Oh and heck how could i forget 'The Man from Tomorrow' - I was reading that while a friend of mine was er getting a little too excited i think watching Basic Instinct - I turned in fact just in time to see the famous Michael Douglas ass in the moonbeam shot (the one where he clenches his buttocks while walking in slow motion.) Suffice to say this crude insertion of a somewhat surreal and perhaps even disturbing image knocked my concentration off. Which was terrible given that this particular script (like any with interesting plots and twists) then required a second reading. I certainly had a Blade Runner style world playing in my head - or at least a cool techno-punk concept. That script could be produced into something very stylish - in fact, if there was ever a script in the competition that would benefit from a trendy French director it would be that. Now of course other folk will have totally different visual takes based on the same script!

Wooden Kimono
I'll borrow this font lol since you went to such effort hehe! Wooden Kimono IS a good script and it got its fair share of raves - but this was one of those scripts where its not the quality but the type that challenges ones taste. I like twists but anything that feels too radical (ie anything that makes me think i 'concieved' the world in vain) ranks me a little! I gave this a good rating and heck any fair critic has to bare in mind the difference between good writing and personal taste! It certainly hooked me in - and i was reading/enjoying as i went.

Then the ending!!! I blame Jodie Foster actually, its her fault - that and the movie Contact. I remember sitting through it somewhat sceptically - and then FINALLY we get to see the alien world, and its just a podgy middle aged git going 'yep... this is the first step...' RUBBISH! And did it just end? DID IT? Nooo... IT went on for 40mins or something, where every character then decided to examine why the film didnt have its cool ending (why the magic alien travelling machine didnt work) - elongating the audiences sense of bitter dissapointment.

Now Wooden Kimono wasn't like that - its ending was more like a guy who with some concentrating towel smacks you in the er... 'testimonials' Some may like a bit of literal S&M but not me! Of course fortunately myyyy script provided an ending that everyone enjoys... kids, teachers, scout leaders etc (well actually...)

//

Just noticed its down to a rating of 3!!! My goodness, so somebody has ALREADY rated the thread a 1!!! Give us a chance lol
 
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lawriejaffa said:
Don't Say I Didn't Warn You was also a favourite of mine, firm noir detective work going on there
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Cheers!

I think my top five were X-Elixer, Lovecraft and The Man From Tomorrow, Solstice, Candy and Valor. I know that's 6, but I liked them all so much I couldn't really pick one to omiss.

That's not to say of course that the others weren't good - there was not a single script that I thought was even remotely bad - it's just that those are the ones that stand out to me the most!
 
themightyshrub said:
Cheers!

I think my top five were X-Elixer, Lovecraft and The Man From Tomorrow, Solstice, Candy and Valor. I know that's 6, but I liked them all so much I couldn't really pick one to omiss.

That's not to say of course that the others weren't good - there was not a single script that I thought was even remotely bad - it's just that those are the ones that stand out to me the most!
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hey thanks... your story kinda reminded me of mine, some similar character types and locations.

good luck to all! :thumbsup:
 
Excellent quality of scripts this round. All interesting and fun to read in their own way. I think my favorite was LoveCraft just because of the idea and concept. Lots of potential there.

Great work on all of them, and congrats to everyone!
 
My top three were X-Elixir, Solstice and Ten Tumbles and a Boom with honourable mentions for Ned's Three N's, The Glass Leopard, Oh, To be Old Again: From the Files of Nash Cooper and The Man From Tomorrow.

I tend to read quite quickly so the ones generally lean towards are the scripts where the story jumps off the page but I could have probably mentioned all of the scripts. The level of writing (and reviewing) was very high.
 
themightyshrub said:
Cheers!

I think my top five were X-Elixer, Lovecraft and The Man From Tomorrow, Solstice, Candy and Valor. I know that's 6, but I liked them all so much I couldn't really pick one to omiss.

That's not to say of course that the others weren't good - there was not a single script that I thought was even remotely bad - it's just that those are the ones that stand out to me the most!
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thanks, heather! :) i also wanted to wish everyone good luck! terrific writing and great entertainment! i loved it!
 
The Callaghan Top 5

1. Wooden Kimono
2. Ten Tumbles and a Boom
3. The Glass Leopard
4. Candy
5. Angelo's Girl


Note: There were 3 or 4 others that just barely missed the cut.
Additionally, there were some that I really, really dug -
but I felt they didn't stand on their own feet (as a complete story).
Because I'm all about the story, I had to penalize them slightly.
Otherwise, they would have been right there with the top Callaghan picks.

EDITED TO ADD:
Likewise for a few that I thought were quite good, but felt they weren't strong ambassadors from the Kingdom of Pulp
(so I couldn't, with a clear consciousness, rank them at the very top.)
END EDITED MALARKEY

There weren't any bad scripts (a fact I was frankly surprised to find).
Cheers all around
-emot7.gif
 
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lawriejaffa said:
Interesting H P Lovecraft is an incredible author and of course you reference the name more as a style/theme than anything particular to his mythos fictional world (albeit the insect like villain does hint at the more cosmic/alien nature of his occult horror.)

I liked it - that was one of the scripts i was reading when i was way too high on coffee - with eyeballs burning like fire (in other words one i could not appreciate right away.)

Scanning over it again it is rich in delicious dark texture. If i were you i'd tap into more Lovecraftian influences (rather than the tried and true biblical good vs evil.) As that is sooooo yankee doodle dandy that its a little contrived (yours isn't!!) But i think developing along the line of your insect baddy (and the idea that heaven ain't exactly heavenly) is definately going along the rick track (in my 'personal' taste based opinion!)
Click to expand...

I was thinking something similar after reading it. He could infuse this with all kinds of cool Lovecraftian creatures from the various mythos that old H.P. created. And not that he would have to just transfer one of the creatures from the old stories. Think of Alien, both the creature and its overall cold and desolate tone. It is very Lovecraftian in its basic nature. Obviously, once it was actually conceptualized, H.R. Giger's design sort of took center stage.

What I am attempting to say is that one could take the basic elements of what made Lovecraft's monsters Lovecraftian, and add additional elements to make them into new entities.

lawriejaffa said:
Oh and heck how could i forget 'The Man from Tomorrow' - I was reading that while a friend of mine was er getting a little too excited i think watching Basic Instinct - I turned in fact just in time to see the famous Michael Douglas ass in the moonbeam shot (the one where he clenches his buttocks while walking in slow motion.) Suffice to say this crude insertion of a somewhat surreal and perhaps even disturbing image knocked my concentration off. Which was terrible given that this particular script (like any with interesting plots and twists) then required a second reading. I certainly had a Blade Runner style world playing in my head - or at least a cool techno-punk concept. That script could be produced into something very stylish - in fact, if there was ever a script in the competition that would benefit from a trendy French director it would be that. Now of course other folk will have totally different visual takes based on the same script!
Click to expand...

Damn you Micheal Douglas. Why do you always have to be cramping my style? He's always on my heels trying to get a role in one of my films. Chill out Mike, I'll find you a role here soon. And lawriejaffa, look on the bright side, at least you weren't subjected to Dennis Franz's naked rump from NYPD Blue.

Seriously, that is hilarious. Thank you for giving it another try after that interruption. Maybe now I'll have to add a scene where Barlowe struts across his apartment naked with only his fedora on. A little something for the ladies in the audience.

As for the style, you got it when you said a French director could do something with this. I was partly inspired by the heady French sci-fi / noir Alphaville, by Jean-Luc Godard. I love the whole retro sci-fi look and feel. I was thinking of going the retro route for the future scenes, sorta like I was writing it from the perspective of a sci-fi scribe from the 40's or 50's. Of course Blade Runner is also a great film, one of my all time favorites. You can't sit down to write a sci-fi / noir and not be somewhat influenced by it, whether consciously or subconsciously.

themightyshrub said:
Cheers!

I think my top five were X-Elixer, Lovecraft and The Man From Tomorrow, Solstice, Candy and Valor. I know that's 6, but I liked them all so much I couldn't really pick one to omiss.

That's not to say of course that the others weren't good - there was not a single script that I thought was even remotely bad - it's just that those are the ones that stand out to me the most!
Click to expand...

Thank you for the compliment. I'm humbled to be in with the others you listed.
 
ghalied said:
Callaghan, I've been dying to find out what your favourite line(s) of the competition is.
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The Callaghan Top 5

#1
"I was just wondering why you didn't bring the girl who taught this chump how to hit."

#2
"I guess that depends on how much they like killing, and how much they like beer."

#3
“I guess I tend to think of myself a bit more Seinfeld than Gandolfini.”

#4
"...which is all well and good. They whisper sweet nothings into your ear. We're not so bad, just misunderstood."

#5
TIE:
"To you time travel is some magic fairy dust crap. But to someone like myself, it's just like taking a shi*. Once you do it enough, it becomes routine."

-and-

"Lick it, love it, ladies”​



You asked for it, you got it (Toyota) :beer:
 
Sweet. A line from my script made the Callaghan TOP 5.

I'm going to throw out some of my favorites. Please note that this is not a definitive list at all. Just some that popped in spontaneously. And I'm going to be a cheeky bastard and see if you can guess which ones each line comes from. Original authors of the lines listed below, please don't bogart all the fun and tell us "it is from my script."

1. That old chair has waited a long time for just such an.... opportunity.

2. Mister, there are sharks in this water. They're everywhere.

3. Did you say size twelve? I love a man who wears a big boot.

4. This is the wife! Can you believe it? I didn't order her online or anything. I went over and got her myself. She doesn't speak English too good.

5. Come on Viv, if lumpy down there in the garbage can knows then it's not much of a secret now is it?

6. Did like you said... squeezed its little neck till its eyes popped out like red knotted rope.

7. Do I look like the kind of guy who's worried about how he's going to feel in the morning?

8. Yeah, I'm eager for either one of those dames to polish my bayonet over in dream land.

9. It'll be a walk in the park. Duck soup.

10. Well color me impressed. You certainly realize that, if you run with the big dogs, sometimes you have to lift a leg.

Answers are hidden below in the blank space. Highlight the area below to reveal them.

1. Another Man's Dame
2. Solstice
3. Ten Tumbles and a Boom
4. Valor.
5. Angelo's Girl
6. Red Rope
7. Don't Say I Didn't Warn You
8. X-Elixir
9. Wooden Kimono
10. Furious Factions Strong Reactions
 
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i think this thread is evidence that the suspense is killing us! :)

good luck everyone!

:Drogar-Smoke(DBG):
 
jasonthewho said:
Nektonic, I might have to steal the colorful title you gave my film for its thread... It's too awesome...
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Go ahead. Steal away.

Oh, and since we were talking about Micheal Douglas a few posts downwind, I forgot to mention a not too well known Douglas film that would qualify as a neo-noir... it is called The Star Chamber. I got it for like 3 bucks at Circuit City the other day. You should all try to give it a rent if you can. Its from the 80's but is pretty good. And don't worry, as far as I remember he isn't naked in it anywhere.
 
lawriejaffa said:
i think for me one of the big standouts was 'Another Man's Dame.' For me it was probably because it managed to fuse a challenging futuristic concept with a noir perspective (that i personally find appealing) so succesfully - with some tongue firmly in cheek. It was a script that worked on several creative levels.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the nod.

And per yours, I have to say when I saw how your title worked it's way into the story, I felt it was quite brilliant. The big payoff and the title delivered on a silver platter!!

This fest was amazing. Truly great stories and hard to pick even 5 without going back and re-thinking - 'but wait ...' and then starting all over.

Technical merit was at an all-time high, creative storytelling even Hollywood would do well to aspire to, and great camaraderie in the threads.

And best of all, the twists.

Hats off to all.

aw
 
alex whitmer said:
And per yours, I have to say when I saw how your title worked it's way into the story, I felt it was quite brilliant. The big payoff and the title delivered on a silver platter!!
Click to expand...

Yeah, the way the title on Red Rope was revealed was really great.

alex whitmer said:
This fest was amazing. Truly great stories and hard to pick even 5 without going back and re-thinking - 'but wait ...' and then starting all over.

Technical merit was at an all-time high, creative storytelling even Hollywood would do well to aspire to, and great camaraderie in the threads.
Click to expand...

Hollywood better watch out. We're nipping right at their heels like an angry pack of wild Shelties.

alex whitmer said:
And best of all, the twists.
Click to expand...

M. Night is crapping himself right about now.
 
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