Matt Sconce- Stricken

TheatreGuy said:
Sorry about that Jack, I had some initial thoughts that I wanted to post before I let a second viewing alter my opinion on some facts that I had observed.
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not at all ... it just looked like fun talking that way so I wanted to try too.

You know...
Inga: Werewolf!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Werewolf?
Igor: There.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What?
Igor: There, wolf. There, castle.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way.
Igor: I thought you wanted to.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, I don't want to.
Igor: Suit yourself. I'm easy.

and I agree
it's a fine looking film and quite an achievement

 
LOL! Classic movie!!!

********

Matt, this is quite an achievement as Jack just stated. I hope that you don't mind me speaking so frankly. I see so many powerful elements in you film.

If you are open for discussion, I would love to know what the red room is all about. It's Sarah's bedroom... I figured out that. But why is there a red light eminating from it? It's there before and after the father hacking in the tub scene, so I don't make a connection with that element. I would love to know.

I do have more comments (and they are picky) if you want them. I am only taking this time to "hit" so many points because I feel that you have a firm grasp on filmmaking and my feedback, whether it is valid or not, can only make you better.

I think that your film is outstanding in craftsmanship.

Again, congratulations.

Very fine work!

Ted
 
TheatreGuy said:
The "doctor's office" seems unnatural. Too bare and stark....

The doctor's line, "take your medicine" seems like it is accidently cut-off. Very abrupt. (I can understand if Sarah was cutting him off, but it sounds like you chopped it off in post.)
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The office was unfortunate. I just should have gotten a location like a lawyers office or something with the leather chairs, book shelves, etc. I expected this place to be like that as it was a counselor's office, but when I got there, I realized it was a white room, with little chairs! :crybaby: Oh well. I made the best out of it, and although, I did not deaden the room (which caused large sound isues later) It worked for the short.

You are right about the sound. What a horrible cut. it is supposed to be Sarah cutting him off, but what I should have done is had the camera switch to her as his line kept going and trailed off as she stepped on it...Live and learn.

TheatreGuy said:
The fight/struggle between the father and the doctor is too short/whimpy. (I understand that this is an accidental death, but I would love to have seen a bit more camera coverage, in particular c/u on the two hands wrestling with the knife.)
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It is funny, most people feel the same way on the forums. I had never though it seemd whimpy or that an old guy (He is younger in this flashback) could not beat the father. I have met strong old guys and adrenalin does crazy things. It was eye opening to see that it took people out of the story. I need to pay more attnetion to this in the future.

TheatreGuy said:
The red light in the hallway confuses me. I accepted it the first time. I don't know why it is there in the second and third time.
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I put it there for two reasons. It set the mood of freakiness, and it came from the bedroom which was feature when Sarah is haunted by nightmares, and where we first get a glimpse of evil in her eyes.

TheatreGuy said:
The restaurant scene is wonderful!!! I would change the young waitress friend's line/action. Her "excuse me" seems too formal for someone who rushes to the aid of a dear friend who has just passed out.
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I tried to put myself in this position. If I had a friend who fell over, (there were probably ongoing incidents like this with Sarah) I would still be professional to the clients, by at least excusing myself. Maybe that is just me though.

TheatreGuy said:
My initial reaction to the film was that I thought that it was well done but I did not like the film because I thought that it was incomplete.
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:crybaby: :crybaby:
It was not the full story, but I thought the story I told was complete. Girls is having nightmares of the past, remembers events that caused them, is Stricken by the same insanity at about the same age as her father was, and ends up being like him. Sorry you did not like the film, but thank you for the honesty. :crybaby: :crybaby:

TheatreGuy said:
I don't like the fact that Sarah's dad is brutally hacking his wife to bits. (If in fact that was his wife.) I would loved to have had some flashes of what led to this. If it is a joy killing, I don't buy it. The guy obviously was with his wife for quite some time to have this 8-9 year old child. Perhaps the person in the tub was not the wife. Maybe the dad and young Sarah live alone and she caught him in one of his moments as a serial nut-job. I just don't know. It doesn't seem to be covered or explained.
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People snap and especially when they just lose it. My concept was that there was a family ilnness of the mind that hits at a certain time of life. The father had the insanity hit him at a certain age (perhaps he had nightmares and visions as well, but that is assumed) so it does not matter how long he had been symptom free, as you see at the end, when it hits you, you do not care who is your friend. I originally did not plan that the woman in the tub was the mother, but a lot of people thought it was, so I kind of just excepted it was. It makes it more traumatic I think.

TheatreGuy said:
The story just felt unfinished....
...I have to say that I want a more rounded and complete story.
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It was finished for an appetizer. It is a concept movie for a feature, so I want people to say, well what happens next? I can then explain to them that in the feature, Sarah does not kill her friend. She discovers the other side of herself in bits and flashes, and tries desperately to stop herself and save those she loves. With the dead psychiatrist as her compass and inner voice, she finds a way to save them at the end, but she is both hero and villain.

TheatreGuy said:
And CONGRATULATIONS on this work!
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Thanks for your detailed feedback Ted! While it is always hard to hear things that people do not like about your work, it is needed just as much as the good. I LOVED the story, so I am sad, you did not. I makes me feel like I failed, as that was my favorite part of Stricken. I hope other people get it.

Thanks for the encouragement about the cinematography. I pride myself in that.

I definitely would like to hear the other comments you have.

:thumbup:
 
Hey Matt, I hope I wasn't too brutal. I was really trying to offer some comments because I have a feeling that you want to take this far and I see the potential. Really, I do.

I guess it sounds like I don't like the movie. That is not the case at all. I am just missing some of the story elements. I think that film that you presented is outstanding for the craftsmanship. And as an appetizer, I am hungry for more! Seriously!

To touch upon a few facts that you mentioned...

The family illness factor has the possibility for play. Especially in a full length feature. I didn't see it here. Maybe a torment of "flashbacks" as the father glares up from the tub. I don't know. He certainly had a wild look in his eyes. I guess that might speak volumes in itself!

The guy and the doctor struggling didn't bother me by the fact that I didn't believe that the doctor could take him on. I guess I just wanted a tight shot on the two hands and the knife changing directions. (that's just me being picky... I just watched it again, and it doesn't bother me now. I guess I just want a close-up here.)

The red light is freaky and I like it. It just didn't make sense to me that it was glowing when she was a young girl before her father died.

The waitress with her customers bit... It just seems to me that her reaction would be: Look over, see her friend, "OMG" and give the line "excuse me" as she bolts. Again, I am WAY too picky. And I don't often get to talk to filmmakers about their work! :)

I love the idea about Sarah struggling with herself and not killing her friend. That will develop into a nice scene, I'm sure!

Other picky, picky points that I didn't mention...

The girl screams to alert the doctor that something is wrong in the house, but I can't hear the scream over the music.

And the pills in the sink. I don't know why, but each time I see it, I see the stopper closed in the sink and think why? (maybe, and I am serious, maybe you do keep your stopper closed. I've heard of this. But I don't and rarely do find people that do. But I have read this in a Feng Shui book!) I want to see those pills roll around the sink and some of them fall down the drain!

Finally, Sarah's hair is still in the gentle breeze of her father's present AFTER she seems to wake from the vision. Do you know what I mean? It seems like there is a light fan on her during the episode of her fathers presence and then when the knife comes in on her, she seems to wake. When she wakes, I would like to have seen a difference between the hair blowing and not blowing, if in fact that was added for his presence.

Okay, done being picky.

I do have to say that I think very highly of what you have presented us with. As I believe I have said, this is a better story than a lot of what I have seen and it is told so well!

And I am not going to give you anymore props on your cinematography. You don't need it. Just outstanding!!!

I do hope that you understand that I was OVERLY critical on your film. Maybe I shouldn't been so.

It is a wonderful piece of work and I wish you the best success on it!

It has TONS of merit!!!

Thanks for allowing me to critique STRICKEN.

Ted
 
TheatreGuy said:
Hey Matt, I hope I wasn't too brutal. I was really trying to offer some comments because I have a feeling that you want to take this far and I see the potential. Really, I do.
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I appreciated your comments a lot. They have actually helped me figure out something to change, as I am going back to fix that cut in the office and to raise the scream of the little girl on the wide exterior shot.

TheatreGuy said:
And the pills in the sink. I don't know why, but each time I see it, I see the stopper closed in the sink and think why? (maybe, and I am serious, maybe you do keep your stopper closed. I've heard of this. But I don't and rarely do find people that do. But I have read this in a Feng Shui book!) I want to see those pills roll around the sink and some of them fall down the drain!
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I never noticed that!! LOL! It is amazing what you do not catch when you have made the movie. i had no clue the stopper was closed till this moment. :)

TheatreGuy said:
Finally, Sarah's hair is still in the gentle breeze of her father's present AFTER she seems to wake from the vision. Do you know what I mean? It seems like there is a light fan on her during the episode of her fathers presence and then when the knife comes in on her, she seems to wake. When she wakes, I would like to have seen a difference between the hair blowing and not blowing, if in fact that was added for his presence.
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I totally know what you mean. The reason is that the takes of her waking up did not work, and I had to use another take of the first "waking up" that was in her dream. :) I figured, I would be more okay with the wind, than the bad take. :thumbup: :)



TheatreGuy said:
I do hope that you understand that I was OVERLY critical on your film. Maybe I shouldn't been so.
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No, I think it was very helpful, and I appreciated it a lot. The part that made me sad was this
TheatreGuy said:
My initial reaction to the film was that I thought that it was well done but I did not like the film because I thought that it was incomplete.
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(emphasis mine)
and that is just because I want people to like the film, so when you said you didn't like it, I was bummed, even though I knew deep down that some people wouldn't like it.

TheatreGuy said:
Thanks for allowing me to critique STRICKEN.

Ted
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Thanks for taking the time for such in depth critique!! It is VERY appreciated!!:)
 
HA HA! You got me there! (Sorry, I don't mean to laugh!)

Well, I did say that I "did not like the film" but I would like the rest of that sentence quoted as well! "... because I thought that it was incomplete."

I better watch my words!

Seriously, Matt. I miss-spoke. I do like your film! :)
 
TheatreGuy said:
HA HA! You got me there! (Sorry, I don't mean to laugh!)

Well, I did say that I "did not like the film" but I would like the rest of that sentence quoted as well! "... because I thought that it was incomplete."

I better watch my words!

Seriously, Matt. I miss-spoke. I do like your film! :)
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:) :beer: Thanks for taking the time to help. :)
 
Just had the chance to watch this ...Man this was good!!
I didn't want the 10 minutes to end , I guess I was hoping for another 10 .
Is there a 20 minute version in the works ? Re-DVD .
If so sign me up .
Ian
 
arielman said:
Just had the chance to watch this ...Man this was good!!
I didn't want the 10 minutes to end , I guess I was hoping for another 10 .
Is there a 20 minute version in the works ? Re-DVD .
If so sign me up .
Ian
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HAHA! Actually a 120 minute in the works. the feature ideas rock for this. HVX (maybe 2) + Paid everybody=cool movie. Most acting roles would be recast though, probably through SAG, unless I believe the actor could pull off the feature.

I might be able to buy 2 HVXs and a complete Mac Setup soon as my wife and I got a message on our phone tonight from a contest we entered 2 months ago, saying they had good news to tell us. They evidently called yesterday also. The Prize is a 2007 H2 Hummer in the contest, so if we won, we sell the Hummer, pay off debt and UPGRADE EVERYTHING! :) :) I'll let you guys know what is up when I find out tomorrow.
 
I just watched the trailer. Really nice. Loved the music building into a climax. But I have to be honest. This is a long trailer for a 10' film. You used some shots that didnt actually reflect the meaning of the quotes in the trailer, I know what you were trying to do but I think using only material from the 10' movie is limiting the final quality of the trailer. Maybe go back to the unused footage and dig up something from there or shorten it. But with the feature's material in hand you can pull a really great trailer. I am just not sure that it works at 1.46 now. And you gave too much away and I dont like when trailers do that. The beginning is great, with the past that comes to haunt you. But the shots of the people in the diner, then the grandpa, then the car, then again back and forth in the storyline, seemed like you tried to fill in the 1.46 with what you got. IMHO of course all of the above.
Music rocked (again!).
 
VersuS said:
I just watched the trailer. Really nice. Loved the music building into a climax. But I have to be honest. This is a long trailer for a 10' film. You used some shots that didnt actually reflect the meaning of the quotes in the trailer, I know what you were trying to do but I think using only material from the 10' movie is limiting the final quality of the trailer. Maybe go back to the unused footage and dig up something from there or shorten it. But with the feature's material in hand you can pull a really great trailer. I am just not sure that it works at 1.46 now. And you gave too much away and I dont like when trailers do that. The beginning is great, with the past that comes to haunt you. But the shots of the people in the diner, then the grandpa, then the car, then again back and forth in the storyline, seemed like you tried to fill in the 1.46 with what you got. IMHO of course all of the above.
Music rocked (again!).
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Cool! Good to know! I will have to tweak it more! :)
 
msconce said:
HAHA! Actually a 120 minute in the works. the feature ideas rock for this. HVX (maybe 2) + Paid everybody=cool movie. Most acting roles would be recast though, probably through SAG, unless I believe the actor could pull off the feature.

I might be able to buy 2 HVXs and a complete Mac Setup soon as my wife and I got a message on our phone tonight from a contest we entered 2 months ago, saying they had good news to tell us. They evidently called yesterday also. The Prize is a 2007 H2 Hummer in the contest, so if we won, we sell the Hummer, pay off debt and UPGRADE EVERYTHING! :) :) I'll let you guys know what is up when I find out tomorrow.
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Congrats Matt when you win the Hummer and good luck with the feature !
I'll be watching .
Ian
 
Matt this looked fantastic and I really enjoyed it.
You also created a great dreamy mood and feel.
There's a feeling of Americana here. Was A History of Violence an influence in the production design? Diners, classic cars and uniformed waitresses are fertile territory.
I liked the way you moved us forward and backward in time throughout the story with ease.
Careful in doing inserts or small one liners with actors that the actors feel like these snippets are a part of a scene.
SPOILERS FOLLOW ...


I thought some of the grandpa lines withe the pills and when she pulls out the knife were perhaps a little stilted because of this.

I also wasn't exactly sure what happened in the end and what all the parts mean. I get that she is haunted either by her father or what her father did, but not sure how that connects to the final images and the abrupt ending.


But I liked all the relationships, the story, and the look and feel of this a lot and I think the music helped bump it up to another level and made it feel epic and cinematic.

nicely done sir :thumbsup:
 
Jack Daniel Stanley said:
Matt this looked fantastic and I really enjoyed it.
You also created a great dreamy mood and feel.
There's a feeling of Americana here. Was A History of Violence an influence in the production design? Diners, classic cars and uniformed waitresses are fertile territory.
I liked the way you moved us forward and backward in time throughout the story with ease.
Careful in doing inserts or small one liners with actors that the actors feel like these snippets are a part of a scene.
SPOILERS FOLLOW ...


I thought some of the grandpa lines withe the pills and when she pulls out the knife were perhaps a little stilted because of this.

I also wasn't exactly sure what happened in the end and what all the parts mean. I get that she is haunted either by her father or what her father did, but not sure how that connects to the final images and the abrupt ending.


But I liked all the relationships, the story, and the look and feel of this a lot and I think the music helped bump it up to another level and made it feel epic and cinematic.

nicely done sir :thumbsup:
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Thanks Jack! I appreciate the review. The story is that her Father was stricken with a mental illness at a certain age and that it runs in the family. She is haunted by visions and flashbacks as he was(the feature would explain this) and then, at the same age, she is stricken by the same mental illness that causes her to go psycho. Thanks for the info on Actor one liners. I need two cameras so I can film these things happening at the same time so the actors can do the whole take.

Hmm, I did not think of A History of Violence. I can see it a little though.

About the hummer...I did not win it. :-( I spun a wheel and won a trip to disneyland with my wife and I though, including air fare, so that is cool. The Hummer sure would have been nice though.
 
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