Kai and Gerda

thartley said:
Oh, I really enjoyed this one. (Nice to meet you, Sarah) I prob can't add more than the others have already said.
Click to expand...

Nive to meet you too!

thartley said:
Not sure if it was intentional or not, but at the very end, I thought it was a great move for Kai to put his jacket over his sister. Sort of putting her back "under her sheets" where she could draw at last.
Click to expand...

Ooh clever! I mean...yes...it was intentional...of course it was :)

Thanks DarkElastic!! So so glad you liked it and yep - think the man should get round to this soon enough :)
 
Greetings Sarah,

Amazing. Got me to well up, so I guess I was in love with the characters =).
Such a touching betrayal.

Well written and a pleasure to read. Daniel was a true black-hearted patriot,
I can imagine him dying a slow, lonely death and I love it.
I was compelled by reading your action, I felt is was concise and poetic.

Sorry for the fluff, but I really dug it.
Great job.
 
Last edited:
well I loved the script :D seriously. It was a treat to read.

I was a bit surprised how it managed to get me so emotionally engaged, and I just love the choice of names Kai and Gerda.
Also love the world you managed to build up. And the fact the she draws her mother..

chuckled when Kai repeated what Daniel said.
Nice touch :)

And well written obviously :)
 
Great job Sarah, you've created a very dark but memorable piece.

The world and character's in it all feel real and I really became emotionally invested, superb work!
 
This was really good and very haunting. I like that you didn't tell us about the world you created, but instead chose to show it to us as the story progressed. It really kept me hooked to the script, just waiting to see what happens next. I found myself really hoping that Kai would save Gerda in the end, but I do love the direction you took with this.
 
hey sarah,
i really, really liked your script. read beautifully, and like everyone else, i became emotionally attached to the characters. so much action and characterization in six pages...well done!
 
I just wanted to add somewhat belatedly (i will get to the other scripts guys) that this is such a powerful and deeply traumatising script really.

The mistake would be to interpret this as a meredystopian fictional sci-fi world... sorry guys, its present day reality in half the world as we know... what this script does right that is fascinating is that it turns around the cause of 'honour killings' (perverse versions of tribalism, religion, culture) and places it in the Western secular sensibility. The very response that some might have to this story being so 'alien' or sciencefiction fantasy/ kind of vindicates the stories irony.

That this story actually succeeds in making the reader think on this issue through a different context and perspective is a unique achievement. It's extremely rare too for scripts posted in these contests to explore difficult subject matter like this, and even harder to drive an emotional connection so devastating, onto its reader.

So i'm exceptionally impressed with this one.
 
Thanks so much for the kind words everyone!

Hehe and yep Zaza, he is clearly biased - dont believe a word :)
 
Last edited:
Yes, bias maybe, a little, a tad there Lawrie, but what I want to know, is - "Where's Lawrie's feedback audio?" Okay, so I don't expect him to read outloud each and every script, but oh how we miss his witty banter in tearing out scripts to shreds...
 
Not at all you scumbags - its quite how i feel - its by no coincidence that i have such confidence in Sarah's writings - and i think thats been reflected in her achievements.

That said though - your right ive reviewed this one first!! I would love to do an audio feedback but time is a total killer - however i will get a chance to go over the scripts and provide detailed feedback (eventually) - and yep Charli - there will be witty banter!
 
Finally got around to reading this. Sadly I disagree with others here. It's a powerful story without question and it is well written, but with the ending the way it is I honestly just consider it cheap.

As a writing experiment, I can see the value in writing stories like this. It's a chance to explore sides of humanity that are rarely seen. However I can't imagine why anyone would ever WANT to see a story like this. Just my opinion.

But like I said, on a script level it works great. It's just ending story element that I disagree with.
 
Completely disagree. Why would anyone want to see Sophie's Choice or Schindler's List?
That argument makes no sense to me.

This script is powerful, well written and filled with emotion. Definitely not for the weak of heart.
Definitely not cheap.

MAH
 
Thanks conlan and Mike - you guys rock - to be ranked among your stuff is an honour :)

And thanks for the defense there Mike; I agree of course - surely films shouldn't protect us from the harsh realities and injustices of the world - but expose them. Escapism is nice, and we all want that from time to time, but there's also a place for social commentary, and speaking about issues that make us uncomfortable.

Anyway, that's my two cents.

I'm off to celebrate with a cup of tea and a rice krispie square :)
 
Completely disagree. Why would anyone want to see Sophie's Choice or Schindler's List?
That argument makes no sense to me.

This script is powerful, well written and filled with emotion. Definitely not for the weak of heart.
Definitely not cheap.

MAH
Click to expand...
Agreed Michael - that has to be the most alien and bizarre assessment of a script ending ive read for ages. For a start - cheap is an offensive hyperbole to use. Second to that, this ending and the story is harrowing and challenging - not just for the writer, but for the reader. It doesnt pull punches, but manages to deliver an emotional connection. Yet criticising why anyone would 'WANT' to watch such a story?!? I guess that rules out a whole slate of films that don't deliver cotton candy...

The cheap ending would have been that our young lady escapes, everything is happy, the cathartic ending. This instead was a thought provoking ending at least for me.

It sounds to me that a dose of cinema maturity, in how film can be used to tell meaninguful and powerful messages and expressions, could do you some good. Check out the films Michael recommends hehe, then maybe your hyperbole won't appear so cheap!
 
Wow! Totally missed Gahonto's post the first time. I can understand if a person doesn't like a story or the way it ends, but cheap? There's certainly nothing cheap about this script. The ending is set up well, it's powerful, realistic, emotional, it pretty much strikes every chord.

Film should definitely explore every side of humanity. I'd love to watch this, granted I have a penchant for the dark side of humanity. :evil:

I'd say other stuff, but it's pretty much what Lawrie says and it sounds way more eloquent the way he puts it. :happy:
 
Hehe loves dem words does our Lawrie :)

Thanks so much for your input though conlanforever - I really appreciate your comments!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top