Joystick Films Presents....."Early Retirement"

im a big fan of your work, but this didn't come off as good as I hoped. I felt the acting was lagging in parts. sometimes even unconvincing. As a viewer, it felt rushd together.
 
Thanks Maran. We jumped in last minute. We shot edited in 3 days, and mark had 24 hours to score it. I will never work like that again. But I'm happy you like my work, that alone makes it worth it.

CHARLI: thank you, I will need it :)
 
Interesting short. I REALLY like the concept of a 'assemble your gun' gun-draw, very cool. The whole betrayed goon thing is pretty well worn, but works to get you into your setup. I had two big problems with the story. 1, I REALLY didnt buy that the gunmen would dare take a sip of anything prior to the other guy. He would have waited for the condemned to drink first, then cautiously taken a sip himself (if at all). 2, I also really didnt buy that the hitman would agree to put his own life on the line like that. You didnt set the hitman up as egotistical enough or anything, there's simply zero motivation for that. On a more minor note, the effect of the whiskey on the guy seems to be more like poison or a narcotic, though then at the end he mentions it's just cheap Scotch. I'm sorry, that little amount of cheap scotch wont affect you at all, especially in that time frame.

I think your place in the finalists is well deserved. I really liked your choice to have them be well dressed older guys. Loved the dolly shots during the assembly. And I just so love the main setup. Congrats!
 
Hey man, congrats on placing in the finals! Forgive me for not posting sooner, I hadn't had a chance to watch this until now.

As I'm sure others have said, I found it hard to believe that this guy could be tricked that easily. I'm not a "professional" by any means, but I know that if I were going to go kill someone, I wouldn't let my target try and talk his way out of it... Or give him his gun... Or drink anything that he's not drinking.

On the story level, I had a hard time identifying with either of the characters. Never knew who was "the good guy" and who was "the bad guy" or why I should care if either of them lives or dies by the end. It's an important part of any story that we be given a reason to care about the protagonist and this usually ties into the theme or moral of the story. Otherwise what are we left with when the show's over?

There were some excellent shots in the film. Loved the dolly shot and pans during the assembly scene. I also really dig the idea of an assembly draw - never seen that before! May I ask what was the motivation to shoot the film in black and white?
 
Shawn Philip Nelson said:
Interesting short. I REALLY like the concept of a 'assemble your gun' gun-draw, very cool. The whole betrayed goon thing is pretty well worn, but works to get you into your setup. I had two big problems with the story. 1, I REALLY didnt buy that the gunmen would dare take a sip of anything prior to the other guy. He would have waited for the condemned to drink first, then cautiously taken a sip himself (if at all). 2, I also really didnt buy that the hitman would agree to put his own life on the line like that. You didnt set the hitman up as egotistical enough or anything, there's simply zero motivation for that. On a more minor note, the effect of the whiskey on the guy seems to be more like poison or a narcotic, though then at the end he mentions it's just cheap Scotch. I'm sorry, that little amount of cheap scotch wont affect you at all, especially in that time frame.

I think your place in the finalists is well deserved. I really liked your choice to have them be well dressed older guys. Loved the dolly shots during the assembly. And I just so love the main setup. Congrats!
Click to expand...

Thank you shawn. We jumped in last minute and rushed some things and I forgot to shoot tyhe scene where the older guy took a sip too. The glass was what was laced not the scotch. I knew I would take a hit on that one. But I take the blame for that one. Not shooting that reverse killed me.
 
Mike Manning said:
Hey man, congrats on placing in the finals! Forgive me for not posting sooner, I hadn't had a chance to watch this until now.

As I'm sure others have said, I found it hard to believe that this guy could be tricked that easily. I'm not a "professional" by any means, but I know that if I were going to go kill someone, I wouldn't let my target try and talk his way out of it... Or give him his gun... Or drink anything that he's not drinking.

On the story level, I had a hard time identifying with either of the characters. Never knew who was "the good guy" and who was "the bad guy" or why I should care if either of them lives or dies by the end. It's an important part of any story that we be given a reason to care about the protagonist and this usually ties into the theme or moral of the story. Otherwise what are we left with when the show's over?

There were some excellent shots in the film. Loved the dolly shot and pans during the assembly scene. I also really dig the idea of an assembly draw - never seen that before! May I ask what was the motivation to shoot the film in black and white?
Click to expand...

Thanks for checking it out mike! They were both bad, and that is something I wrestled with.

I think the shot selection had a lot to with your review. I literally had 3 days to shoot and edit the movie and if I would have had longer the audience would have saw a different angle. My head was all over the place and we forgot some very important scenes that would have changed a lot. But I'm glad you liked it man.
 
Congrats Rich. I said you had a solid short here when I first saw it and I'm glad that you made the finals. If you can turn this out in such a short time, think of what you can do with a bigger timescale and planning. I loved the short and I'm still waiting for the sequel to 'the puppeteer'!
 
What Darkline said. Also, Rich, I have done many entries at the last minute. It's almost like cramming an entry in should be a separate judging, it is a feat all itself.
good work per usual man.
 
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