Dissonance - a j.r. hudson reel

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Barry_Green said:
There's a tad of a Mod Squad, me and John H. and David Jimerson. And Jeremy Ordan's not too far away, over in Charlotte.

I don't really know anyone else down here though.


I live 2 hours away from you all.

I live in Eden North Carolina but i work and school in Greensboro, North Carolina
 
Really love the shadowy faces against a bright, blue sky. (1:47) There's something "eternal" about that moment.

Also, bravo on a tough subject. Heavy territory.:beer:
 
John, nice job I really liked your film and was engaged the entire way through. It had the most unique look of any film in the fest I have seen so far. The acting was good. Really good by the father in the bed, okay by the girls on the bleachers and just good by the main character. Great story and dialogue. The one thing that really struck me as odd was the differences in color and "look" of the film. When it was on the father pitching it looked almost 16mm like a flashback or for a second I thought the pitcher was already dead and the kid was just imagining him but then when it cut to the ladies in the bleachers it looked like standard dvx footage. This sort of confused me and pulled me out of the script at times. I wished the whole film could have that 16mm old look to it because it was unique and I wish I knew how you did that. Maybe this was intentional and I need to watch it a few more times to get it.
Very complex work. Wonderful audio which in my opinion is the most difficult part of film making.
 
John, I haven't read a single post in this thread because I just wanted to give you my own opinion, not influenced by the opinions of others. I really hesitated to post this at all because a lot of it is negative but I know you really listen to criticism and learn from it so here it is:

In the opening sequence, I thought it was an odd choice to pan the man's voice slightly right. Made the equilibrium of the shots unbalanced.

Colors were grossly mismatched and it compromised my belief that father and son were actually talking to each other in the same moment in time. Your lack of OTS shots or any kind of two-shots added to this distance.

The father's voice seemed to have a slight drone in the background and was jarring to me.

The ambience of these scenes seemed off as well. The only people I could see where the father, son and two women. The sounds suggested there was a lot more going on. While this might have been the case, your sound should have more closely matched your locked shots.

The acting seemed a little stiff. Particularly in the shot were the two women are talking on the bleachers. The pause after "...looks so happy" felt awkward.

I liked the way you shot and framed the "...it's your brother" scene through the fence.

When the man takes the cell phone and walks away slowly, I'm expecting to hear a little dialog...at least a "hello"...it never came.

Love the composition when the man gets the news on the cell with the two women in the background. Nice push in on the woman too....really added to the emotion of that moment.

When we go see the sick father, he appeared a little sinister to me. Lit like Marlon Brando in the Godfather. His dialog seemed a little too wistful and poetic to me. It didn't seem like the way someone would actually speak. The exchange between both of them seemed off and not believeable.

Lighting on the man at the end of the bed in hospital seemed fake. Like he is in front of a blue screen projection. Completely does not match the surroundings. I've seen this kind of color mix many times before but the warmer light is usually mirrored somewhere else in the scene to ground the character.

No two-shots again kept a distance between the characters for me.

The sick father's voice goes from middle to pan right again and it's really distracting. It makes the viewer too aware of the edit when what you are trying to do here is convey the same moment in time. No need to veer away from a middle position in the sound spectrum. No room presence in the sick father's voice made it sound like he wasn't part of the room. There was a different ambience to the son's voice.

When we go back to the field after the father's death. The young kid did not seem to react when his own father keeled over on the field. He didn't seem shocked (even in silhouette) or even moved. He also seemed unmoved in the hospital. Again, you chose that sinister "Godfather" lighting which repelled me from the character instead of feeling empathy. The mom and son also seemed at a cold distance.

Maybe there are smarter people out there than me but I didn't really get the point of the story. I thought it had some good potential but maybe the constraint of the timing made it difficult to explore what seems like much more complex subject matter.

I hate to be so negative but I did want to comment because I took the time to watch it. Don't be hard on yourself, just keep learning. I believe you can make a great film down the road but, in my opinion, this is not it.

EDIT: I read another post where you explain the father and son not sharing frames so there's no need to repeat it here. Nothing in the execution of the script gave me the impression that this was imagined. Sounds a little convoluted, but that's just me....
 
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Unlike a few others, I didn't have any trouble understanding the story: I realized as soon as we were back in the baseball field, at the end, that the main character was dying and that the events preceding it were actually his "dream" or journey on his way to death. His own reconciliation with his father. I like this concept a lot (a la Jacob's Ladder but far less harrowing). But I can also see why some might be left wondering. Maybe it could have been clarified a little bit with some sort of close up in the hospital, on the eye, and then match it to his eye in the baseball field. That might connect the two places and "the mind's eye" is often telegraphed by adding close-up of a character's actual eye. And maybe the young boy's POV of his dad collapsing, and the POV of the women in the bleachers also watching and shocked at the collapse. That way we would really be more likely to question whether the preceding events (the cell phone call and visit to the hospital) actually happened. Because we're obviously right back where we were at the start of the film. But like I said, I understood what you were going for and it delivered that message to me. If you even have a good close up from the ball field, you could just fade from hospital to that close up, start the heartbeat right away, then cut to the more distant shot of his collapse. If you have any other POV's of the collapse that could be the son's, and/or the wife's reaction, you could add it here.

I'm going to only talk about story, since that's what matters to me most, and also most comments in these fests tend to be about sound and image. Plus, I really liked the look and sound of this short for the most part.

I'll go out on a limb and say that the short would be even better if the first exchange between the women on the bleachers was cut out--cut the part about James being happy out there on the field with Jarred. I think it's misplaced, in story terms, only because this movie is actually about James's perspective. Imagine that we go from the boy's hit, and James's line "that was a single" right to wife approaches the chain-link, "Honey. Phone." I don't need the women's first lines and I don't need to hear the phone ring. Especially in a short which is actually taking place in a "dream state," I think the more that things are suggested rather than pointed, the stronger it can be. Your actresses are pretty and seem like good actors, but they don't add to James's story. They distracted me. They distracted me from the throughline, and potentially confuse your ending--because this is all about James's journey and his POV. When his wife says "Honey. Phone," well that is from his POV, as opposed to the conversation on the bleachers which isn't something he could hear. I don't think sound even travels that well in Heaven. ;-) Yes, in Heaven I suppose James can see everything. But I'm an earthling watching with my earth-bound story expectations. This is all debatable of course. But I really think you should try to watch it without this short conversation. I think losing it will add to the film, rather than detract from it. Your prettiest shot is the wife approaching the cage anyhow. I'd continue in this vein, cutting out the last look from his wife as her friend consoles her. If we're James the whole time, it remains truer to your intention of this being jis dream/journey. I really liked the ambulance sirens which suggest the crisis without having to be told "someone's hurt."

I'd also cut the last shot of James walking toward his wife to get the phone (before he gets there). You have his POV/our POV/his POV/our POV/his POV/our POV. It's one switch too many for me. That's an editing point, not a story point, I admit.

Last suggestion: I think it's stronger if you cut the pull-back from James in the hospital bed. I assume he's dead. And the dream state I've just experienced is underlined for me better if he's dead. All I need to see is wife and son standing at the end of the bed to know he's gone (maybe with a flatlined heart monitor sound). Right now it sorta looks like he's pretty healthy and his family just isn't talking to him. If they're not talking and just staring, I'm going to assume he's dead.
 
Thanks Zak ! (LOL)

And thank you Disjecta and sean.

I appreciate your commentary and see exactly where you're coming from.

-

sean

Duly noted but already axed the footy from my hard drive; I'm done with this project.
 
John,

I just wanted to drop by and give you a pat on the back for this film. Despite its shortcomings there is something about this film that distinctly sets it apart from others. I don't know why but for some reason I get a sober, yet uneasy feeling like if I were watching "Mystic River". It has that Clint Eastwood feel about it.
 
John, this was my last dramafest entry to watch, thankfully it ended with a good film. I love the subject matter so I'm immediately attached to the characters. Your actors all gave solid performances for the most part. I think it was well casted and directed in that regard.

From a story perspective, I feel like I'm missing out a little, not because of the film's shortcomings, but because I don't know what it's like to be a father. I feel like there's a much deeper theme/idea being presented which I cannot yet understand. BUT I know it's there!

I admire the approach you took with the film; you weren't afraid to let the beats breathe and yet it didn't drag in any way, good pacing (good editing!).

The music works effectively and creates a very mysterious mood which I feel supports the film well.

I really enjoyed your film, thanks for letting me end the fest in good taste!
 
i too liked your film a lot. i lost my dad at a young age and i too am a young father so this film touched on a giant subject in my life. i thank you for taking it on in such an honest way. there was no cheese or cheap gimick used. i really appreciated and enjoyed that.

you nailed the man's walk through the hospital. awesome stuff. i felt like i was there too. hospitals have this smell to them, don't they? i like that you used so many different sounds to get us there. inside of that place. thank you for working so hard to put me there. you got me there.

i also really liked the ball field scene at the end. i saw the father drop to the mound but i think the boy swinging the bat alone would've been almost better. he had a really good screen presence. and theres nothing sadder than seeing a boy having to go it alone without his dad. there is a lot of potential there in that scene. i think that one had the most punch in it. much more than the scene at the hospital bed.

the movie is what the movie is and you should never have to explain any choice you make, that is for us the viewer to think about for ourselves, BUT, since this is a really cool place to ask and discuss our movies, i will go ahead and ask anyway, so if i could ask you one thing it would be why you kept the people at arms length? ( and sorry if this was already discussed previously in this thread, i didnt read all the pages ) this is where i wanted the man to reach out to his dad, and for his boy to reach out to him. i understand the old man is kinda himself, but even there, i still want them to reach out for each other.
i did with my dad and we never really previously hugged. i held his hand and never really let go for that entire week...
anyway, i digress, i just wanted to thank you for going after a terrific subject matter.. i made a rather inane flick myself in comparison. thanks for inspiring me to go deeper...
 
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