"Dad culture"

ahalpert

ahalpert

Major Contributor
I was amused by this column in the NYT about "dad culture" evolving from one generation to the next. What do you associate with dadness for yourself or your own dad?

When I think about my stepfather, who raised me, I think about the way he wielded his grill tongs, padding around the deck in his tapioca-colored apron, as if it were the most natural act in the world. Or the way he turned down the volume on the national television broadcast of N.F.L. games in favor of the local radio announcers, who “weren’t idiots.” Or the way he sought out a maritime museum anywhere we went on family vacation. I’m now a father of two with three years of experience, but if I tried any of those things today, I would hear a little voice in my head, saying “look at the big dad man, dadding it up for his family!”

“Irony has seeped into the felt of any fedora that I have ever owned — not out of any wish of mine, but out of necessity,” the essayist George W.S. Trow wrote in 1980 of his father’s beloved headwear. “A fedora hat worn by me without the necessary protective irony would eat through my head and kill me.”

So many of the signifiers that spring to mind when we think about dads are like this: Dated, or goofy, or vestigial, or naive. Take the riding lawn mower, a relic from a time before climate change made us cringe at the smell of burning gas. Or the Playboy stash, an anachronism of print culture. Or the mechanical wristwatch, an antique you can’t even use to order pizza.

After three years of diaper blowouts and daycare-spawned plagues (ever heard of something called “pleurisy”? Neither had I), I’ve come to see the old dad ways a little more sympathetically, and with some measure of recognition. After all, our dads were responding to the same essential dad conflict we are: the tension between giving your life over to the needs of your family and keeping enough mental space for yourself to stay sane. In that context, the rider mower makes brilliant sense. It’s alone time (“What? Honey? I can’t hear you! This thing’s loud, huh!”) that accomplishes a putatively necessary domestic task.

Still, the touchstones of Boomer dad culture have outlived their descriptive usefulness for younger generations. What, we might ask, is dad culture in 2023? Does it even exist?
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https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/06/16/style/millennial-dad-style-culture.html

I think my biggest visceral association with my dad from childhood was his fat leather brown wallet, comically overstuffed with receipts and all manner of paper scraps he would never need again. I think that's why I use a similar wallet (without a sense of irony), although I try to filter out the useless contents on a regular basis.
 
For my generation the most notable characteristic of our parents was that we were to "be seen and not heard". That was a common phrase used in the parenting of my generation (boomers). It meant that when the adults were talking, we had to shut up, especially at holiday gatherings. That's not to say we couldn't speak or say our mind, but mostly we did not occupy any part of the conversation. We were to go our way and leave the adults alone. The other thing is that we were left to do whatever we pleased in our playtime. We could venture off and do whatever we wanted with our parents having no knowledge of where we were or what we were doing even at the age of say 4 or 5. We had tremendous independence and self-reliance for playtime. The only obligation was to be at the supper table on time. Failure to do so resulted in a spanking. Spankings, which are frowned upon now, were very effective. It only took one or two spankings to get a kid in line. After that, it was simply the threat of a spanking that kept a kid in line. I'd have to say it was a combination of strong discipline accompanied by great freedom and self-reliance.

I thought it was a fantastic childhood when I was a child. I adored my father. When I was in my 50s, my views changed. Being seen and not heard, well, I had no relationship with my dad. None. Sure, we spent plenty of time together, but we never openly communicated about anything. That seems to be somewhat common for my generation. So I had quite a bit of discontent towards my father in my 50s in that regard.
 
Oh, if your father only waited another year, he could have had a Lada.

As to going to restaurants - almost unheard of in my childhood. I can only remember going once as a family and one other time for my parents 25th wedding anniversary. Even simple outings like a hamburger at a fast food place never happened. I don't think that was the norm for most kids at that time. We were the poor family in the area. I have fond memories of the outhouse and the piss pot we used in the house (located in the 'stink room') and only having running water at the kitchen sink.
 
I once read somewhere that, to their children, parents are either ridiculous, annoying or irrelevant. Whichever one your parents were to you, you'll be one of the other two. Cannot vouch for its accuracy.
 
Paul F said:
Oh, if your father only waited another year, he could have had a Lada...
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Ladas (or, Zhuguli, as they were called internally) were already out in 1972. But they were about 7,000 and that was after a ten year wait. Presuming, you were allowed to sign up.

#1 (aka a Kopeyka) from 1976.

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Paul F said:
Here is Ronald Reagan, backing up your story. These sorts of put-downs of the Soviet Union were popular stuff here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I9AdLnjP0M
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The reality was worse - let's say you ordered a certain car type. A decade later, you're told to show up at a state dealership but there's no guarantee that the exact model or color you ordered was going to be there on the stipulated date - you may have ordered yellow, but you may get only red.

On the other hand, those with the certificates of ownership were almost instantly approached by the criminal elements - and often the police - are offered about three times the original price .. or a jail term and nothing of value.

Now, Moskvich 403 was 3,3000 new in 1964 and obviously my dad knew the market in 1972. So, generally, a brand new automobile was about three times its stated price, a 5 year old model about a double, a 10 year old about the original.
 
Andy9 said:
I once read somewhere that, to their children, parents are either ridiculous, annoying or irrelevant. Whichever one your parents were to you, you'll be one of the other two. Cannot vouch for its accuracy.
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Man, my parents were none of those... What am I?

This has induced an existential crisis!
 
DLD said:
In 1972, my dad spent 4,400R on an 8 year old Moskvich 403. His annual income was about 3,500R/Y. I would have preferred a few more trips to restaurant. I was there twice in the USSR. A meal was 15-20R.

https://1cars.org/wp-content/uploads...ch-403-7-1.jpg

An Me-license plate too. But ours wasn't RUS. The same color.

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I love the look of that car. Take that body style and put it on a modern chassis with all the latest features and I'd buy one.
 
DLD said:
Ladas (or, Zhuguli, as they were called internally) were already out in 1972. But they were about 7,000 and that was after a ten year wait. Presuming, you were allowed to sign up.

#1 (aka a Kopeyka) from 1976.

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This one reminds me of the 1978 Fiat 128 I had in the early 80's when I was in college. It was a great car and I liked the boxy look.
 
Doug Jensen said:
This one reminds me of the 1978 Fiat 128 I had in the early 80's when I was in college. It was a great car and I liked the boxy look.
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Ir's a licensed FIAT 124 from 1964-66, It was't exported into the US in the 1970's, it was to Canada for U$3100, which was cheaper than the Civics and the Tercel..
 
A little off topic, but this thread got me thinking about the cars I've owned since I started driving in 1977. Here's my list, but I'm sure I've forgotten about some of them.

1968 Pontiac Catalina
1978 Fiat 128
1975 Chevy Vega station wagon
1963 VW Beetle
1974 MG Midget
1975 Mercedes-Benz 450 SEL
1980 Audi 5000
1990 Cadillac Seville
1991 Jeep Grand Cherokee
1992 VW Jetta
1986 Ford Aerostar
2006 Chevy Uplander
1984 Dodge Caravan
1988 Plymouth Voyager
1990 Dodge Caravan (cargo)
2003 Dodge Caravan
2014 Dodge Caravan
2017 Dodge Caravan
1990 Chevy Blazer
1992 Chevy Suburban
2010 Toyota FJ Cruiser
1996 Toyota Land Cruiser
1995 15-passenger Dodge Van
1988 Dodge Power Wagon pickup
2022 Land Rover Defender 110
2009 Land Rover Range Rover Sport
1988 Isuzu Trooper
2002 Mini Cooper
2016 Mini Cooper
 
My dad let me drive the 403 a little (with him next to me in the passenger seat). I was 13-14 and almost drove it once into a ditch. Not a wise idea or quality driving. I drove it again along a paved country road, with no clear and present danger, at about 15 MPH. My dad did once crash it, however.. October 6th, 1973 - my maternal grandmother didn't survive the result of the collision. Dad broke two ribs. Mom broke a clavicle bone and spent two weeks in a hospital. Dad was charged with careless handling of a vehicle and was fined. (it was probably moms' fault, I wasn't in the car that day). It took him over two years to hand-fix the car, as there were no car repaid places in the country. Dad was a mechanical engineer anyway, so the process wasn't all that complicated. Finding spare parts was. There were no "spare parts".

He fixed it by the summer of 1976 and drove it from the city to our summer cabin (aka dacha) in the country.. The following summer, he drove us to a resort in Lithuania. He sold it to his brother, as we had left the USSR. Dad liked the vehicle, although it wasn't anywhere close to our first American car - a 1975 Dodge Charger SE, that we had bought with 80,000 miles on it for $2,200 in September, 1979 and drove it until 1986. By then dad bought a Ford Mercury Marques Brougham.

Here's one nearly identical to ours.

https://www.bestcarfinder.com/photos...234499_1_l.jpg


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My list of ugly cars:

Pontiac Aztec
AMC Pacer
AMC Gremlin
PT Cruiser
AMC Matador
Chevy Citation
Ford Falcon
Nissan Cube
Ford Taurus
BMW Z3 Coupe
Fiat Multipla
Nissan Juke
Plymouth Valiant
Toyota Previa
Geo Prism
Honda Element
Chevrolet SSR
Suzuki X90
AMC Marlin
Oldsmobile Aurora
Yugo GV
Hyundai Tiburon
 
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