Critque my short.

Adam J McKay

Adam J McKay

Veteran
Hey guys posted it up a while ago but no one really gave me any feedback.
I know what I think is wrong and or could be improved, I just want to know what you guys think.


Side note: I learned the importance of quiet locations while filming this, as well as not giving you actors free booze.

http://www.vimeo.com/1223155

let me know,
thanks


Here is another older video I would also like people to check out.
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=KVroHiYIvqI
 
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cute, acting was pretty weak along with the story, but some good camera work for the most part, a film can only be as good as the story though.

best of luck,

Jon
 
For a 1 minute short i cant really complain about anything.

It looked good, the acting wasnt the greatest but it wasnt terrible.... It didnt really have a story but it was only a little over a minute so i can forgive it.

Really cant think of much else to say its a solid short.
 
Not bad. I liked the end. I think you could have edited differently to build the tension progressively so the audience knows that the situation is about to boil over. As it stands, it's seems more like one arguement after another and you don't know that it's building to the climax. Maybe some music or percussion could help build the tension also. I'm just learning myself.
 
That was the trailer? When are you going to shoot the movie?

As trailers go, it was pretty good. The music was great. I like tango. The screen direction on the bartender was wrong -- the first time you cut to him.

But aside from that it was so so. The acting was okay for a funny skit. The girl could've been a bit more ... flashy, but it wasn't about her, it was about the guys doing the tango. Was that what the movie was about?

I could write more, but what's the use; are you going to make the movie or what? LOL
 
Since you're asking... I really have to dig for comments. The actual 'story' (which I don't understand what you were getting at?) is :47. That's not a lot of time to develop anything. I don't even know why the girl was in this? I like some of the camera work & I believe you said it was a multi-camera shoot...so good job.

Other than that...just a silly little...for lack of a better word...nothing?
I was one of those previous viewers.
 
no it wasnt a trailer, it was just a random short we did one evening. All was well until people started getting a little tipsy and there was way to much noise in the bar to continue shooting, since we wernt paying them anything we had to make due with the regular patrons. It was a good learning experience, as all the shorts are, but I appreciate the feedback. I have another short im currently working on for Cinefest. I am hoping that it turns out much better. But thanks for your opinions.
 
The editing was poorly done. Try not to go cut, line, cut, line. Let the audio from the next line lead the cut and give it motivation. It feels clunky otherwise.

Good lighting and angles and such though.
 
I thought the image quality was great, angles were relatively uninteresting and the camera movements seemed unmotivated, it didn't sound veyr "full" (the background dialogue seemed tacked on), acting was artificial. You should have done more with the angles and the actors themselves to make the build to the challenge to tango more noticeable, it just seemed rather sudden. I think it would have been more effective with a smoother introduction of the music, and a few more quick shots of the tangoing.

It was a funny idea, and again I thought the lighting and visual quality worked well for it.
 
I agree with the editing, my partner in crime was the one who edited this short and you should have seen the first cut.... It was our first time with 2 cameras so he had a ton of footage to choose from which resulted in waaaaay to many cuts, I still think it has too many, and some useless cuts. I am please with all the feedback though, thanks. The next short I have written will be done Mariachi style. It is kind of a personal short for me so I am going to be doing pretty much everything. I should have it up in a few weeks.

Thanks again for the feedback
 
Well, 20 seconds of credit for a 49 second short seems a bit excessive.

It looks like you basically shot a joke. It wasn't really a story per se, but a quick joke. The acting was okay, nothing special, but not bad. Same with the camera work. The biggest problem is that it wasn't particularly funny. The ending didn't take me by surprise.
 
I am going to post up one of my older comedies. I have had a lot of mixed reviews about it. I will start a new thread for it when it's posted.

And yes it was more of a joke then a story. So was the filming of it.
 
like the others have pointed it: it was more of a filming of a joke than a movie. Your camera work could have been a lot more intentional on the angles and closeup to build the tension as the story progressed.. but instead we saw alot of wide angles and 2 shots. The angle on the bartender was very wrong and his introduction could have been done a little better. Still it got a laugh out of me.

Move on to the next one and keep cranking them out.
 
Yeah, I'd like to see the dialog build a bit more once tango is mentioned.
"You wanna tango, tough guy?"
"Maybe I do!"
"Oh, okay, well why don't we go outside and tango!"
"Why DON'T we?!"
Then they both jump to their feet, knocking their stools over, and rush each other- BAM! And into their arms in that tango pose.
 
Can Scanner said:
Yeah, I'd like to see the dialog build a bit more once tango is mentioned.
"You wanna tango, tough guy?"
"Maybe I do!"
"Oh, okay, well why don't we go outside and tango!"
"Why DON'T we?!"
Then they both jump to their feet, knocking their stools over, and rush each other- BAM! And into their arms in that tango pose.
Click to expand...



Ya I most deffinately needed to develep that a little bit more, I wish I would have shot/edited it so it brings the viewer into the situation a little bit more.

Anyone check out the other short? http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=KVroHiYIvqI
It's ... well its an honest attempt.
 
interesting little short. Definitely had some good shots in it. The music REALLY got on my nerves after a while though, almost to the point where i almost turned off the clip... but I persevered.
 
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