Caged by MrKilloran

[MrKilloran]

First off:

I hope that's your dog...and he knows you're just playing...but I have to say this scene really turned me off to the point of stopping the film.

Zaza I'm glad you brought this too my attention and I am incredibly sorry if this upset you so much, I underestimated how off-putting this would be. She is my aunt's dog but I wind up taking care of her more than my aunt so she's like my second dog. So let me just say OF COURSE, of course she knows we were just playing, I would never intentionally want to treat a dog so horribly and I understand if no amount of apology can condone for my actions. Regardless of time constraints I should have developed a better idea and no excuse can be given. Those involved, including myself, were certainly upset and all I can say is that right after the scene was finished we immediately let her out, apologized, complimented and pet her, gave her some treats, played with her, did everything basically in our power that we could think of to make sure she understood we were just playing.

I saw her earlier today, not caged of course, and she is doing just fine, she was happy to see me so I hope that means I haven't scarred her for life.

In no way had I intended to offend anyone and thank you for going back to finish the film. Your concern is a valid one and I most certainly wont be repeating this action again in the future, once again I apologize.



With that being said, in regards to a more technical matter:

Video was messed up and looked interlaced. Other than that...very good job!

It's been mentioned by everyone so far, there was interlacing. Also the tape was corrupted somehow, just couldn't get rid of it all. I talked to a friend earlier today who explained to me how I could clean up the interlacing, and as for the corruption he told me it would be wise to invest in a head cleaner.

- Jon.

 

[Bryce A]

Tape Corruption! So ominous. Frightening really. Anyway, yeah, I can agree with zazacast a bit on the dog. Though I did think the dog had more of a 'what the f*ck' look than scared or frightened (AND i did see some tail wagging, but once again wtf tail wagging). my dog gives that look to the tv all the time. I'm sure it was fine, but it did give me pause. But no worries. I'm sure the dog relished her/his revenge when (annoying-ass) vet boy got stuck in his 'cage'.

 

[Mile Bozicevic]

Keep up the good work & lets hope you don't decide to work with children anytime soon!

I lol'd. :grin:

I also have a dog but I guess that scene could be pulled out only by someone who loves animals. I couldn't do it like that though.

Head cleaning is a good idea, though consider what tapes you've been using etc.
As far as I know, it's recommended to use ONE brand constantly, or REGULARY switching between ones.

Having one brand used for a long time and THEN switch to else results in corruption (not neccesarily, and I haven't proofed myself this, but when I think a little bit, it may be true).

 

[MrKilloran]

Keep up the good work & lets hope you don't decide to work with children anytime soon!

I lol'd. :grin:

Funny guys lol :grin:

Thanks for watching, I really appreciate the input on my film. I take everything to heart and try to improve. I'm already looking forward to the next fest :thumbsup:

 

[ZazaCast]

Funny guys lol :grin:

Thanks for watching, I really appreciate the input on my film. I take everything to heart and try to improve. I'm already looking forward to the next fest :thumbsup:

You're a good man Jon! It pays to have a sense of humor in this business...:beer:

 

[pauly_the_hitman]

Interesting concept, I would have made the dog a really mean SOB.
Pauly

 

[Danielleus]

Hey,

Just caught the flick. I liked the use of B&W and some of the early shots. Actually, I liked many of the shots. Some of the shallow focus stuff is great. The acting by the dog, kid, and old woman were fine.

The story left me a little cold, however. I thought you used a lot of time to tell kind of a short story. Much more time could have been used to develop the story and the characters. And I know you were going for a Twilightzone feel (with the narration and music, etc.) but I thought the earlier narration just gave the whole plot away. And that's a hard balancing act to do to be witty and foreshadow the end without giving it away so kudos for trying.

I know you had one film fall through and this had to come together pretty quick so great work getting something good. The music and the shots I really enjoyed, I just thought the story and characters needed a little more.

Little more time in prep next time, huh? Can't wait.

 

[stinkpot]

Good Twilight Zoney story you have. You have several shots that I like but many of them were too close (imo) for this story. I would liked to have seen a couple of establishing shots when changing locations (not that I have any in my movie but you know )... I know you shouldn't have to spell it out for people but I think it would have worked. Good story telling!

:beer:

 

[MrKilloran]

I'm sure the dog relished her/his revenge when (annoying-ass) vet boy got stuck in his 'cage'.

Interesting concept, I would have made the dog a really mean SOB.
Pauly

Unfortunately we couldn't get the dog to scrape a screwdriver across the box, no opposable thumbs... we worked something out though: :violent5: (dogs with flamethrowers ... always a good idea:thumbup

:grin: Thanks.

Little more time in prep next time, huh? Can't wait.

Definitely, I'll be sure to get my shi* together next time.
Glad you enjoyed it. I'll be sure to put some more focus on character development/story for next time and try not to give away the end so quickly.

You have several shots that I like but many of them were too close (imo) for this story. I would liked to have seen a couple of establishing shots when changing locations (not that I have any in my movie but you know )... I know you shouldn't have to spell it out for people but I think it would have worked.

If you have some time could you tell me which shots worked for you?
I'd just like to know.

I would have liked some establishing shots too but wasn't sure where or how I could work them in at certain spots. For instance in the beginning it could have worked to have a shot outside the car in front of the house before going to the phone conversation but I felt that later on in the cage it was best to stick close and create a really claustrophobic feel to the whole thing. Plus, it was really tight in that box and hard to get any big wide shot.

Thanks guys, appreciate the input.
- Jon

 

[stinkpot]

If you have some time could you tell me which shots worked for you?
I'd just like to know.

I would have liked some establishing shots too but wasn't sure where or how I could work them in at certain spots. For instance in the beginning it could have worked to have a shot outside the car in front of the house before going to the phone conversation but I felt that later on in the cage it was best to stick close and create a really claustrophobic feel to the whole thing. Plus, it was really tight in that box and hard to get any big wide shot.

Thanks guys, appreciate the input.
- Jon

Jon. I quite liked many of your close up framings such as his first few bites of food from the tray and the tight OTS when the old lady comes to the door. Also, I dig the lighting inside the house.

* SPOILER BELOW *

As for establishing shots maybe a wide on the entire house or when he is walking to or from his car. In my opinion, this would give a more "open and free" feel to the scene before he is trapped. I don't think you would need any wider shots in the box because you want to have that "closed in" feel which you captured very well.

Again, good flick man.

:beer:

 

[MrKilloran]

As for establishing shots maybe a wide on the entire house or when he is walking to or from his car. In my opinion, this would give a more "open and free" feel to the scene before he is trapped.

You're absolutely right, establishing shots in the opening and adding some more space would have been great for contrast later on in the story. :dankk2:

 

[John LaBonney]

I always find it hard to write bad characters that do sick and disgusting things; people have a tendency to look at me like "what's wrong with you, you're twisted." I have to tell them "please, don't confuse me with this character." Watching the dog being taunted is certainly disturbing, but I wouldn't equate you with the actions of this character.

I think this film has an interesting concept and agree you could probably tell it in a shorter amount of time (although you're already a full minute under the fest limit). I like the dog's voice when turnabout becomes fair play (or is that supposed to be the lady's voice?)

One thing that's missing for me is how he gets trapped in the first place. I don't think the viewer needs a full explanation, far from it, after all it's Twlight man, but the transition is a bit too abrupt for me.

Looking forward to your next short.

 

[MrKilloran]

One thing that's missing for me is how he gets trapped in the first place. I don't think the viewer needs a full explanation, far from it, after all it's Twlight man, but the transition is a bit too abrupt for me.

A short scene with a dog-catcher reversal of sorts perhaps?

Can't wait for the next fest

 

[leteeci]

Wow!!

I like that one!!!

Very Twilight-ish; story, pre and post narration, and score also!!

I liked the photography very much..

Congratulations,

:beer:

 

[MrKilloran]

Thanks for watching and the great feedback, letecci!

Glad to hear you enjoyed it:beer:

 

[Dick Campbell]

good keeping with the theme and obviously a lot of hard work here. story just didn't click with me.

 

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

I have to say, being a dog owner... that scene really bothered me. Yes, at points the dog looked fine, but at other points the dog looks legitimately freaked out. That bothered me.

Aside from that, more coverage. Lots more.

Still, the twist at the end is very TZ. Nice job on that.

Cheers,

Mike

 

[alex whitmer]

Have to mirror Mikes comments on the dog. I had a hard time watching it once, and couldn't do a second.

As for the twist, I think just seeing the dog at the end wouold have made the point. The voice is a little cheesy to me. Maybe seeing the try slide in with a dog's paw.

Some missed opportunities, but an enjoyable TZ concept.


aw

 

[MrKilloran]

I have to say, being a dog owner... that scene really bothered me. Yes, at points the dog looked fine, but at other points the dog looks legitimately freaked out. That bothered me.

Have to mirror Mikes comments on the dog. I had a hard time watching it once, and couldn't do a second.

Again, sorry it bothered you, can't say much else at this point. Lack of sleep makes for poor decisions and I am well aware there were other ways I could have done it... now. So would I do it differently given the chance? Of course! However at the time I made due and I wanted to make this kid look like an animal, a monster, to show that he's the one that should be caged.

The voice is a little cheesy to me. Maybe seeing the tray slide in with a dog's paw.

Cheesiness, sometimes can't be helped, just comes across that way. Wasn't factoring that in when I made it just figured: "Well, the dog is gonna talk and instead of being mean to the kid, its gonna want to play with its new pet as a sort of reversal." It was intended to create a more humane quality than anything.

If I had slid the tray with the dog's paw I feel that it would have let the cat out of the bag too soon and I think it would have taken a lot of story away. As an audience you're not supposed to know till the end who has him in the cage. Granted, I've heard the narration did give it away, but still I like to think there was some suspicion if it was man or animal keeping him locked away.

Thanks for your feedback I appreciate it!:beer:

more coverage. Lots more.

Thanks, I'll be sure to work on that. I'll try to have a script next time too should make the process a lot easier.

 

[Jack Daniel Stanley]

I liked the low angle hard light in the black and white.
Scoring was pretty good.
A simple morality tale like a lot of Twilight Zone episodes.

I could tell the dog was wagging it's tail etc. I would have considered shooting from inside the cage, this would let you do two things 1) you could be meaner, I could tell you were holding back a bit. 2) might have a nice symetry since you shoot from inside your cage at the end. Then I would cut shooting from inside the dog cage with very tight closeups of the dog and more scared or aggressive sound fX. I would never condone the harm of animals for artsake but if there's anythint that the dog hates that has to be done for it's own good - ears cleaned, a bath, medicine, nails clipped, now would be the time to do one of those things and get closeups of the dog.

V.O. was a little painful in the mix - sounds like it's really boosted in the 3 - 4 K range? Maybe you were going for a vintage V.O., but stings a bit.

Liked the look and the simple Twilight Zoney morality tale.