I really dug this one. I thought it was well executed, and I thought the cinematography and effects were very well done. This has already been mentioned, but some shots could use some trimming.
I think the first shot is held too long. I would cut it at sixteen or seventeen seconds. You hold onto it until 20-21 seconds into the film, much too long. I really like the second shot, bullets floating in the air. It's cool.
I like the FBI profiles, but I think you could cast/direct the profiles better. If you look at FBI profiles of murderers/rapists/general scum of the society the portraits tend to look pretty scary. It's like they all have that anti-social personality stare. Not all of your portraits have that. The first portrait has that. I know it's nitpicky, but I like to err on the side of making little details believable.
I love the bullet removal shot. Very very realistic. As already mentioned, it's too long, but a great shot. I think you could jump cut it from him inserting the tweezers to the bullet removal and then the bullet dropped into the tray.
The news footage was already brought up. I think you should reshoot it as an interview between a reporter and the cop. It wouldn't be hard to have the reporter grill the cop about details and have him flustered. The reporter asks about the bullets found at the scene, and the cop could give the standard answer of "no comment at this time."
I think the last part of VO dialogue could use some work. This was already brought up, but this piece is like a trailer. It's a great setup to a longer thriller. As far as tweaking the voiceover I would work on the language. To my ear some of the lines are weak. The line, "Basically I capture the FBI's criminals for the money." stuck out. I think you need to figure out a larger plot and redo the VO. At this point the government is responsible for the brother and father's death. You've made the enemy abstract, the government. The hero can't focus his revenge on an abstract. If you make the focus a person, a big wig in the FBI or the government, you give the hero a specific purpose.
And, here's a story paradox I'm not sure you have the answer to. He's killing people on the FBI's most wanted list for money, but he's anonymous. How does he collect the payment? I don't think you need to reshoot to fix this paradox, you just need to rewrite the VO to focus the revenge and give the story a specific direction. Kill Bill is about Kiddo's search for Bill. Anonymous needs a similar specific goal. It could be a specific former OPs special forces big whig who tried to dissect the hero's brother and father to find out how they tick.
I really enjoyed this and the details, atmosphere, and effects were top notch. I hope you keep working on this, it's got potential to be a very cool cloak and dagger thriller. :kali:
I think the first shot is held too long. I would cut it at sixteen or seventeen seconds. You hold onto it until 20-21 seconds into the film, much too long. I really like the second shot, bullets floating in the air. It's cool.
I like the FBI profiles, but I think you could cast/direct the profiles better. If you look at FBI profiles of murderers/rapists/general scum of the society the portraits tend to look pretty scary. It's like they all have that anti-social personality stare. Not all of your portraits have that. The first portrait has that. I know it's nitpicky, but I like to err on the side of making little details believable.
I love the bullet removal shot. Very very realistic. As already mentioned, it's too long, but a great shot. I think you could jump cut it from him inserting the tweezers to the bullet removal and then the bullet dropped into the tray.
The news footage was already brought up. I think you should reshoot it as an interview between a reporter and the cop. It wouldn't be hard to have the reporter grill the cop about details and have him flustered. The reporter asks about the bullets found at the scene, and the cop could give the standard answer of "no comment at this time."
I think the last part of VO dialogue could use some work. This was already brought up, but this piece is like a trailer. It's a great setup to a longer thriller. As far as tweaking the voiceover I would work on the language. To my ear some of the lines are weak. The line, "Basically I capture the FBI's criminals for the money." stuck out. I think you need to figure out a larger plot and redo the VO. At this point the government is responsible for the brother and father's death. You've made the enemy abstract, the government. The hero can't focus his revenge on an abstract. If you make the focus a person, a big wig in the FBI or the government, you give the hero a specific purpose.
And, here's a story paradox I'm not sure you have the answer to. He's killing people on the FBI's most wanted list for money, but he's anonymous. How does he collect the payment? I don't think you need to reshoot to fix this paradox, you just need to rewrite the VO to focus the revenge and give the story a specific direction. Kill Bill is about Kiddo's search for Bill. Anonymous needs a similar specific goal. It could be a specific former OPs special forces big whig who tried to dissect the hero's brother and father to find out how they tick.
I really enjoyed this and the details, atmosphere, and effects were top notch. I hope you keep working on this, it's got potential to be a very cool cloak and dagger thriller. :kali:
a few questions