Rodney V. Smith
DVXFest Promo Guru
all done and uploaded. phew! made it in time. Now time to prep for the next short in 2 weeks time..
"ANNIVERSARY" a film by Rodney Smith
- Thread starter Rodney V. Smith
- Start date
Mark Harris
Pain in the ass
Jeeze dude, I'm going to sleep for two weeks!
ANNIVERSARY -- SPOILER ALERT!!
Aye aye! Someone from Atlanta! The fact that you're puttin' together stuff in GA (my hometown) just says that you have enough drive to do it where you're at... instead'a like me? Havin' to move to LA and stuff. Can't wait to come back home.
I'll REALLY start off the review by sayin' that there's a decent eye behind the camera. Like all of us, with more practice your overall image in the future's going to be great. I think that the overall story has a proper, fitting tone but may suffer from execution.
There really are some great visual moments here. Specifically the vehicle scene and the telephone by the dock scene. There's a decent amount of care taken in framing and shot selection throughout of course, but these two stood out to me. Could be the natural lighting? I'm not sure. I can't tell, however, if the adapter's shortcomings are a distraction to the entire package when image is concerned. It's not your fault, the grain and soft edges really distract me. Not as a DVXuser, but as an audience member. It's an unfortunate thing but there are areas, as stated, where the framing and tracking beat out those buzzing artifacts.
And on buzzing, I think that I didn't MIND the choice in scoring/sound? I'm not sure if a lot of hits/strikes or music cues made sense. For example: The rise in music during the descent at the staircase. That was out of place, to me, but perhaps not to others. Also, and we all know sound is such a huge pain in the rear when on a budget, some of the dialog audio sampling sounded off and further distracted me from the viewing experience. Do you think that the sound scheme could stand a remastering? Do you think that the overall score may be a bit too "dark" in conjunction with the story and tone?
On about the story. It's hard to do. Not only in six minutes, but in ninety as well. I'm sure others are gonna say this but... I saw it coming from the second scene in the hallway. As soon as he started beating on the door it was called. What I'm getting at is that the story itself feels (to me) a bit hashed. This could be a number of things, though and it's hard to lock down why it doesn't work for me. It could be that it's really taking itself too seriously? It could be the on the nose dialogue, the dead giveaways (neighbor's appearance, phone call, loneliness throughout). It may sound bad to say, but, I feel like it takes itself so seriously that it actually becomes a bit comical by the end. In fact, I was expecting him to turn around to his wife actually sitting at the table. The punchline being: Everyone else is really crazy. It's not to say that it didn't happen. It's so serious about itself, though, and I think that the execution in that fashion is what's hurting it.
Along with that, it's much too long for the payoff. I think that you had the end of your short when the neighbor came over. If the beginning didn't give it away, that surely did. The rest of it drags on toward an obvious ending, although the montage visuals weren't bad. It's hard to know what's too long or even too short, and others may not agree but I feel that it's a bit too small for it's clothes if that makes any sense.
I can't really say too much about the acting. I mean, on a low/no budget basis supremely great acting is hard to find! Even in LA. The actors seemed to have done what they could with the dialogue. I always think that it must be odd for actors delivering lines to chairs and such. =P
All in all I think the effort is definitely apparent. Not a lot of us would go out to shoot in front of a grocery store, either! I know I'd be afraid to. Keep at it! I'll have to meet up with ya when I visit home again.
Thanks for exhibiting. Grain of salt, here.
Aye aye! Someone from Atlanta! The fact that you're puttin' together stuff in GA (my hometown) just says that you have enough drive to do it where you're at... instead'a like me? Havin' to move to LA and stuff. Can't wait to come back home.
I'll REALLY start off the review by sayin' that there's a decent eye behind the camera. Like all of us, with more practice your overall image in the future's going to be great. I think that the overall story has a proper, fitting tone but may suffer from execution.
There really are some great visual moments here. Specifically the vehicle scene and the telephone by the dock scene. There's a decent amount of care taken in framing and shot selection throughout of course, but these two stood out to me. Could be the natural lighting? I'm not sure. I can't tell, however, if the adapter's shortcomings are a distraction to the entire package when image is concerned. It's not your fault, the grain and soft edges really distract me. Not as a DVXuser, but as an audience member. It's an unfortunate thing but there are areas, as stated, where the framing and tracking beat out those buzzing artifacts.
And on buzzing, I think that I didn't MIND the choice in scoring/sound? I'm not sure if a lot of hits/strikes or music cues made sense. For example: The rise in music during the descent at the staircase. That was out of place, to me, but perhaps not to others. Also, and we all know sound is such a huge pain in the rear when on a budget, some of the dialog audio sampling sounded off and further distracted me from the viewing experience. Do you think that the sound scheme could stand a remastering? Do you think that the overall score may be a bit too "dark" in conjunction with the story and tone?
On about the story. It's hard to do. Not only in six minutes, but in ninety as well. I'm sure others are gonna say this but... I saw it coming from the second scene in the hallway. As soon as he started beating on the door it was called. What I'm getting at is that the story itself feels (to me) a bit hashed. This could be a number of things, though and it's hard to lock down why it doesn't work for me. It could be that it's really taking itself too seriously? It could be the on the nose dialogue, the dead giveaways (neighbor's appearance, phone call, loneliness throughout). It may sound bad to say, but, I feel like it takes itself so seriously that it actually becomes a bit comical by the end. In fact, I was expecting him to turn around to his wife actually sitting at the table. The punchline being: Everyone else is really crazy. It's not to say that it didn't happen. It's so serious about itself, though, and I think that the execution in that fashion is what's hurting it.
Along with that, it's much too long for the payoff. I think that you had the end of your short when the neighbor came over. If the beginning didn't give it away, that surely did. The rest of it drags on toward an obvious ending, although the montage visuals weren't bad. It's hard to know what's too long or even too short, and others may not agree but I feel that it's a bit too small for it's clothes if that makes any sense.
I can't really say too much about the acting. I mean, on a low/no budget basis supremely great acting is hard to find! Even in LA. The actors seemed to have done what they could with the dialogue. I always think that it must be odd for actors delivering lines to chairs and such. =P
All in all I think the effort is definitely apparent. Not a lot of us would go out to shoot in front of a grocery store, either! I know I'd be afraid to. Keep at it! I'll have to meet up with ya when I visit home again.
Thanks for exhibiting. Grain of salt, here.
Michael Anthony Horrigan
More Cowbell Pictures
Hey.... not bad. I know this was a late entry.
The voice work seemed off in various spots. ADR?
The camera work was well crafted thoughout, very good work.
I have to say that the outcome was quite obvious about halfway through. The scene with the neighbour really told me what was coming.
The acting wasn't bad either.
Nice entry.
Cheers!
The voice work seemed off in various spots. ADR?
The camera work was well crafted thoughout, very good work.
I have to say that the outcome was quite obvious about halfway through. The scene with the neighbour really told me what was coming.
The acting wasn't bad either.
Nice entry.
Cheers!
RyanT
Veteran
Not bad man, as said before the acting was pretty decent. Even though I sort of knew the what was going to happen at the end of it all, I felt like you did a good job creating tension at the end with your use of jump cuts and the score.
As much as the whole focus, outta focus thing may have worked for you at times, it really drew me out of the story the rest of the time. Chances are this is because I do a lot of AC stuff, but then again, I dunno. My best advice for you is to find someone to help you operate the camera. It's a two person job once you start rockin' the adapter.
Even with that though, you managed to get some great shots. It's funny almost. While watching your film, seeing the guy outside by the creek, I was whisked away back to me shooting my film. Very similar frames and situations (sorta kinda). Great minds think alike I guess!
I guess these are all sort of little details compared to this point. The fact that I knew what was going to happen sort of made watching the rest of the film not as much fun as it could have been. Like Michael was saying, the scene with the neighbor was just a bit too telling of what was going to happen. You could have even showed Sarah a few times and get away with it being all "in his head".
Did you do ADR for some of this? I noticed the sync was a little soft at times.
Anyways, good job man. You're doing pretty good on the shooting end, just gotta work on the story aspect and you're golden. Haha, yeah...easier said than done, I know.
Yeah, wooooo. Lovefest.
As much as the whole focus, outta focus thing may have worked for you at times, it really drew me out of the story the rest of the time. Chances are this is because I do a lot of AC stuff, but then again, I dunno. My best advice for you is to find someone to help you operate the camera. It's a two person job once you start rockin' the adapter.
Even with that though, you managed to get some great shots. It's funny almost. While watching your film, seeing the guy outside by the creek, I was whisked away back to me shooting my film. Very similar frames and situations (sorta kinda). Great minds think alike I guess!
I guess these are all sort of little details compared to this point. The fact that I knew what was going to happen sort of made watching the rest of the film not as much fun as it could have been. Like Michael was saying, the scene with the neighbor was just a bit too telling of what was going to happen. You could have even showed Sarah a few times and get away with it being all "in his head".
Did you do ADR for some of this? I noticed the sync was a little soft at times.
Anyways, good job man. You're doing pretty good on the shooting end, just gotta work on the story aspect and you're golden. Haha, yeah...easier said than done, I know.
Yeah, wooooo. Lovefest.
Gohanto
Veteran
Apparently I'm duller than the average dvxuser, I didn't see it coming till he brought the plates out. Nicely done, one thing I would've recommended was getting tighter shots during his yelling over the phone at the end. Then you could've released the tension built-up by cutting back to the wide as he goes back into denial. Overall though great job, nice camera work, and you got a good performance from your actor despite the natural difficulty in it.
Ted Arabian
Member with Ladder
Hey Rodney, Just watched! Nice job!!!
You have a real nice feel behind the camera. I loved the shots. Framing and camera movement were always on the mark.
The story was an interesting one with a twist I didn't see coming (until he get home with the groceries). I thought that the "conversation" with the guy outside the house (btw, one of my favorite shots!) gave too much away. I knew immediately from that point forward the ending of the film. And maybe that is what you wanted and that is okay. I would like to have been baited just a bit longer to really feel the full effect of your ending.
Performances were pretty good. I liked the guy until the ending. I wanted to see him go farther with his breakdown performance. I mean, that phone would have been smashed to pieces after that last phone call. But I know that we can't afford to buy new phones for every take, LOL. Just could see him going farther with this, though.
The music was a bit too much for me. At first, I was confused by it at the lake. Afterwards and in hindsight, it made sense. But I still feel that a less of a "horror" soundtrack could go a long way in telling this story.
I especially loved the cooking sequence. Great footage and editing there! And the meal looked damn yummy, too!
Great job on your film!
I hope to see more of your work in the future.
Congrats,
Ted
You have a real nice feel behind the camera. I loved the shots. Framing and camera movement were always on the mark.
The story was an interesting one with a twist I didn't see coming (until he get home with the groceries). I thought that the "conversation" with the guy outside the house (btw, one of my favorite shots!) gave too much away. I knew immediately from that point forward the ending of the film. And maybe that is what you wanted and that is okay. I would like to have been baited just a bit longer to really feel the full effect of your ending.
Performances were pretty good. I liked the guy until the ending. I wanted to see him go farther with his breakdown performance. I mean, that phone would have been smashed to pieces after that last phone call. But I know that we can't afford to buy new phones for every take, LOL. Just could see him going farther with this, though.
The music was a bit too much for me. At first, I was confused by it at the lake. Afterwards and in hindsight, it made sense. But I still feel that a less of a "horror" soundtrack could go a long way in telling this story.
I especially loved the cooking sequence. Great footage and editing there! And the meal looked damn yummy, too!
Great job on your film!
I hope to see more of your work in the future.
Congrats,
Ted
smashedburrito
Well-known member
I really enjoyed this film until I started to figure out the twist, from that point on it seemed to move too slow.
I thought your actor did a nice job of keeping character. That is not an easy role to act.
Also I really enjoyed the moment you had when he said "You can hate me just please don't ignore me." That was a really nice moment there.
My advice is to start really getting into the camera part of this forum and learn as much as you can about composition and things like that. You are on the right track, but if yous tart picking up things here and there then you will really step ahead.
Good job man.
I thought your actor did a nice job of keeping character. That is not an easy role to act.
Also I really enjoyed the moment you had when he said "You can hate me just please don't ignore me." That was a really nice moment there.
My advice is to start really getting into the camera part of this forum and learn as much as you can about composition and things like that. You are on the right track, but if yous tart picking up things here and there then you will really step ahead.
Good job man.
kurtmo
Eats with 2 Fists
Cool camerawork. Liked the framing. Thought the story unfolded well. Liked the slow reveal as the film progressed. At one point I felt an “oh, know”. Great when you can transmit that feeling.
One nit, something behind the logic of who’s actually calling our man makes me wonder if there is a logic hole here.
Nicely done!
One nit, something behind the logic of who’s actually calling our man makes me wonder if there is a logic hole here.
Nicely done!
Rodney V. Smith
DVXFest Promo Guru
Thanks Kurtmo and everyone else for the reviews and critique. All very valuable and I'm taking notes here.
Keep the comments coming. I'm still watching the movies here between frantic bouts of work. So many to watch....
The phone actually only rang once in the entire movie. That was deliberate, and while the audience might assume it was on vibrate... well it was only in his head.
Keep the comments coming. I'm still watching the movies here between frantic bouts of work. So many to watch....
Robbie Comeau
Como's back. back again
Just checked out your film.
At first, I thought what the hell? The score doesn't match this movie, and all we can see is the main character. Why can't we see his friend? OR he girlfriend? Then it pieced together.
The score DID turn out good (although I felt it was, TO scary)
The story was neat, and I didn't know what was going on until JUST before the phone call.
Really, a cool story here man. The shots were great, as well as the CC.
Hope to see more form ya!
Robbie
At first, I thought what the hell? The score doesn't match this movie, and all we can see is the main character. Why can't we see his friend? OR he girlfriend? Then it pieced together.
The score DID turn out good (although I felt it was, TO scary)
The story was neat, and I didn't know what was going on until JUST before the phone call.
Really, a cool story here man. The shots were great, as well as the CC.
Hope to see more form ya!
Robbie
jpsheets
Well-known member
Sorry my friend, your out of focus shots which was the case for the majority of the movie took me right out of it. Dialogue was bad, and the story line was predictable. Sorry, seen this way too many times. Nothing original here. Sorry to sound so harsh, score was good.
Chris Messineo
Veteran
Unfortunately, I saw the ending coming from a long way away. I think the music didn't help, in that it tipped your hand that something was up.
Some of the shots were lovely, but as others have mentioned there was a little too much that was out of focus. Also, I found the spots on the lens very distracting.
Some of the shots were lovely, but as others have mentioned there was a little too much that was out of focus. Also, I found the spots on the lens very distracting.
Brian Parker
Well-known member
There were some good elements to the execution. Some good shots, some good acting, some good montages (the kitchen scene). Maybe we could have had the big reveal midway or a more deceptive buildup and used the rest of the film for a deeper resolution. I could see where you were going with this and I think it's both a good and bad thing but overall I think it was a good job.
Matt Harris
Veteran
Hi Rodney, theres some good stuff here. Im glad you went psychological creepy on this!
Theres a great movie called SESSION 9 and it uses the same twist that you did,
so i did see it coming. However THAT movie had other elements to distract the viewer from figuring it out. Because you did a short and theres only 1 character, this is tough to pull off. but i have a solution on how to make this work better:
when the dude is on the phone, do a VO from the dead girlfriend. so we actually hear her. that way we think she's alive throughout the movie, and then when she turns out to be dead it'd be more effective.
the guy is psychologically mind-dekcuf so it would make sense he would hear her voice. what do you think? easy fix i say.
Theres a great movie called SESSION 9 and it uses the same twist that you did,
so i did see it coming. However THAT movie had other elements to distract the viewer from figuring it out. Because you did a short and theres only 1 character, this is tough to pull off. but i have a solution on how to make this work better:
when the dude is on the phone, do a VO from the dead girlfriend. so we actually hear her. that way we think she's alive throughout the movie, and then when she turns out to be dead it'd be more effective.
the guy is psychologically mind-dekcuf so it would make sense he would hear her voice. what do you think? easy fix i say.
Bryce A
Well-known member
You know, I figured the ending when he was talking to her at the door in the beginning. I have no clue why, but that's just what happened. I liked that you were going for all those shots with the extremely shallow depth of field. Just need to work out that adapter of yours and get those shots in focus!
Rodney V. Smith
DVXFest Promo Guru
These replies are main for clarification, not excuses, adn I hope you're reading them after you've seen the movie.
The out of focus shot were actually stylistic, to show his state of mind. i wanted to try to communicate on a visual level about his state of mind. I purposely did that in terms of handheld shots as well, going from tripod shots to eventually more handheld as his mental condition worsened. He's not in focus and he's definitely not stable. Maybe this story telling technique worked for some of you, maybe it didn't.
Defcon, I'm glad you called it. You got it perfectly: the movie was intended to be psychologically creepy and I hoped that the creepy music and my choices in angles, etc would communicate that by the end fof the movie.
It's hard to know sometimes without a test audience about which parts work and which don't.
I originally had a voiceover. Now I really wish we also had heard Sara, just to throw everyone off to the fact that she isn't there... Oh well, choices we made... now just gotta fix them.
The out of focus shot were actually stylistic, to show his state of mind. i wanted to try to communicate on a visual level about his state of mind. I purposely did that in terms of handheld shots as well, going from tripod shots to eventually more handheld as his mental condition worsened. He's not in focus and he's definitely not stable. Maybe this story telling technique worked for some of you, maybe it didn't.
Defcon, I'm glad you called it. You got it perfectly: the movie was intended to be psychologically creepy and I hoped that the creepy music and my choices in angles, etc would communicate that by the end fof the movie.
It's hard to know sometimes without a test audience about which parts work and which don't.
I originally had a voiceover. Now I really wish we also had heard Sara, just to throw everyone off to the fact that she isn't there... Oh well, choices we made... now just gotta fix them.