All Things - R-Squared Productions
- Thread starter Rsquared
- Start date
Brian Parker
Well-known member
Good film Rsquared. It was vey heartfelt and had some sweet moments. My only critique is that the golden color correction was a little strong throughout the short. I'm guessing that the film was based in memory and the choice makes sense but maybe it could be a little more washed out or softer. Other than that, I think it was a sweet and simple story and if you really are new to this, then you're off to a good start. Good job!
Chris Messineo
Veteran
First, I think it's great you decided to do a silent film. I love movies that rely on visuals to tell the story.
Your actual story was very sweet, but it desperately needs some conflict. Conflict can be dramatic or comedic, but without any conflict, the story is a little flat.
Your actual story was very sweet, but it desperately needs some conflict. Conflict can be dramatic or comedic, but without any conflict, the story is a little flat.
Blaine
Mr. Hollywood
I don't think I could have said this any better. I didn't feel any emotion for anyone in this because I didn't feel anything ever "happened."
Michael Anthony Horrigan
More Cowbell Pictures
I was looking for this thread a while back. Glad you made one.
I'm really impressed that you went out and got extras for the church and everything. Well done.
It really seemed like we were following a couple from the beginning to the present state of their relationship. If that was your goal you pulled it off.
Cheers,
Mike
I'm really impressed that you went out and got extras for the church and everything. Well done.
It really seemed like we were following a couple from the beginning to the present state of their relationship. If that was your goal you pulled it off.
Cheers,
Mike
wcs
Well-known member
A couple comments.
Told a story clearly, but didn't really feel the plot.
I see the feather representing the grace of heaven, but you didn't show the intervention of heaven being necessary, you just showed the pleasant results. The plot is "man given book, and many good things happen to him". I get that you wanted to tell a happy story about the great gifts of heaven, but I wish it would have been told in a more exploratory manner. The question would be what are we without grace.
The most famous song about grace:
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see
The poignancy comes from the contrast, the acceptance that we are lost without it.
The frame compositions were pretty good - you didn't have trouble telling the story you chose to tell with your images. And I agree, kudos on getting the wedding sequence together. I think your actors did a good job too.
On a side note, went to college at La Tech for 6 years. Glad to see La (little a) representing.
Told a story clearly, but didn't really feel the plot.
I see the feather representing the grace of heaven, but you didn't show the intervention of heaven being necessary, you just showed the pleasant results. The plot is "man given book, and many good things happen to him". I get that you wanted to tell a happy story about the great gifts of heaven, but I wish it would have been told in a more exploratory manner. The question would be what are we without grace.
The most famous song about grace:
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see
The poignancy comes from the contrast, the acceptance that we are lost without it.
The frame compositions were pretty good - you didn't have trouble telling the story you chose to tell with your images. And I agree, kudos on getting the wedding sequence together. I think your actors did a good job too.
On a side note, went to college at La Tech for 6 years. Glad to see La (little a) representing.
Aaron Marshall
Well-known member
Some of the feather stunts you pulled with this film were impressive. Did you use the same feather throughout the entire film?
Things that you could improve: the color grading was distracting. Everything was yellow.
the typography of your credits was exceptionally bad
In certain scenes your lens was filthy. Get a microfiber cloth and do some cleaning every once in a while.
The feather motif became very old after the 5ht or 6th time. If you wanted to indicate an "angel" spice it up with some bright lights from above
I was impressed by how you gathered up so many people for the wedding scene. When I see that many people together in one place, and directed it seems higher budget. I bet you used a lot of your church members eh? My girlfriend thought it looked like you actually shot at a real wedding, so kudos there.
groovy job, keep at it.
-Aaron
Things that you could improve: the color grading was distracting. Everything was yellow.
the typography of your credits was exceptionally bad
In certain scenes your lens was filthy. Get a microfiber cloth and do some cleaning every once in a while.
The feather motif became very old after the 5ht or 6th time. If you wanted to indicate an "angel" spice it up with some bright lights from above
I was impressed by how you gathered up so many people for the wedding scene. When I see that many people together in one place, and directed it seems higher budget. I bet you used a lot of your church members eh? My girlfriend thought it looked like you actually shot at a real wedding, so kudos there.
groovy job, keep at it.
-Aaron
Zak Forsman
Major Contributor
that's funny, I was upstairs making spaghetti.
Ted Arabian
Member with Ladder
Rsquared, Great job on your entry.
First of all, the images are lovely. Your choice of color is beautiful. And your lighting was very nice.
I absolutely love a story that needs no words to convey it.
However, there was no conflict in your story. It is always so much more interesting to a viewer to see conflict overcome.
The feather, while a nice touch, got a little old. I knew from the first appearance of the feather that she must be an angel. You gave us that with the book and then the first feather. But how much more interesting it would have been to find other methods of conveying this message. However, you had some really nice feather shots there!
There was a moment there when you broke the line in the library. I don't think that you did this intentionally. If so, then why?
When you break the line, you create loss and confusion for your viewers. This can be very effective in the right circumstance. I don't feel that it worked here. I was like, "whaaa--?"
And you seem to use the camera zoom. I didn't like it. I would much rather see a dolly shot then a zoom.
The music was lovely. The film was lovely. The story was lacking. But the message was sweet.
I do hope that you continue to participate in these festivals. You do have a great eye. Really, there were some lovely shots.
AND THAT WEDDING! Wow. That was big budget stuff! Nicely done!
Your actors were sweet and did a great job.
Congrats to you!
best,
Ted
............
edit...... I just saw in the above post that this is your first film. WOW! You have got a great start! Keep at it. You have a vision and I look forward to seeing what you do next time!
First of all, the images are lovely. Your choice of color is beautiful. And your lighting was very nice.
I absolutely love a story that needs no words to convey it.
However, there was no conflict in your story. It is always so much more interesting to a viewer to see conflict overcome.
The feather, while a nice touch, got a little old. I knew from the first appearance of the feather that she must be an angel. You gave us that with the book and then the first feather. But how much more interesting it would have been to find other methods of conveying this message. However, you had some really nice feather shots there!
There was a moment there when you broke the line in the library. I don't think that you did this intentionally. If so, then why?
When you break the line, you create loss and confusion for your viewers. This can be very effective in the right circumstance. I don't feel that it worked here. I was like, "whaaa--?"
And you seem to use the camera zoom. I didn't like it. I would much rather see a dolly shot then a zoom.
The music was lovely. The film was lovely. The story was lacking. But the message was sweet.
I do hope that you continue to participate in these festivals. You do have a great eye. Really, there were some lovely shots.
AND THAT WEDDING! Wow. That was big budget stuff! Nicely done!
Your actors were sweet and did a great job.
Congrats to you!
best,
Ted
............
edit...... I just saw in the above post that this is your first film. WOW! You have got a great start! Keep at it. You have a vision and I look forward to seeing what you do next time!
Marlon Ladd
Veteran
This was a touching and sweet story. The wedding scene was especially nice. I kept trying to figure out how you got that feather to do and go where you wanted it. My only critique is that some of the shots seemed shaky when zooming in on the feather for instance and everytime right before the couple kissed, the woman got a strange look in her eyes and for just that brief instant it didn't seem real. I don't know if that was due to awkwardness from an onscreen kiss or what. I may be crazy though and the only one that noticed that. It may be the actor's side of me coming out. The only other thing was that their initial meeting - the bump seemed just a little telegraphed.
Anyway, nice work and to be able to tell a story with no dialogue is not easy to do. Hats off to you.
Anyway, nice work and to be able to tell a story with no dialogue is not easy to do. Hats off to you.
CR_OPSO
RebelXTuser
HEY!!! I got married in THAT chapel! Small world! I actually photographed a wedding there last month, too. I saw that balcony and was thinking "no way".
I rarely venture out of the photo forum here, so I doubt I could add anything useful. But I did think you did a nice job for your first entry... and the wedding scene was great.
Chad
I rarely venture out of the photo forum here, so I doubt I could add anything useful. But I did think you did a nice job for your first entry... and the wedding scene was great.
Chad
mentatDUKE
Veteran
R-Squared, the story you told was quite touching and uplifting, prompting one to take stock of the blessings they've been given in life. I think the feather was a cool touch. It served as a nice recurring symbol, but it actually worried me at first. I was wondering if she was actually dead.
Why did I do this you may ask?
I was expecting conflict. This film didn't really have any. That's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, many experimental films attempt to buck basic film conventions as a rule. I just think that if you choose not to introduce conflict into the story, it may be useful to substitute a different narrative focus instead. Maybe find a different way to play with the audience's expectations.
Just my thoughts. All in all, a cool film.
Why did I do this you may ask?
I was expecting conflict. This film didn't really have any. That's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, many experimental films attempt to buck basic film conventions as a rule. I just think that if you choose not to introduce conflict into the story, it may be useful to substitute a different narrative focus instead. Maybe find a different way to play with the audience's expectations.
Just my thoughts. All in all, a cool film.
Rodney V. Smith
DVXFest Promo Guru
This was a sweet story and interestingly told, especially with the lack of dialog. It had some nice shots in it as well and there is some good talent behind this film. With a little more practice and development of story and technique, your films will only improve.
I didn't like the zooming so much. It's one of the things that yells "video" to me and really does distract from the flow of the story. A nice dolly move or a smooth hand held PUSH IN would have been great.
One of the things that struck me about this film was the music. It seemed too much like standard wedding music, and remained the same all the way through. It could have used a change in tone and music to better convey the passage of time and scene and to stop the music from being monotonous. Music is such an important part of story telling, especially when there is no dialog.
Good effort over all and I look forward to seeing your future work.
I didn't like the zooming so much. It's one of the things that yells "video" to me and really does distract from the flow of the story. A nice dolly move or a smooth hand held PUSH IN would have been great.
One of the things that struck me about this film was the music. It seemed too much like standard wedding music, and remained the same all the way through. It could have used a change in tone and music to better convey the passage of time and scene and to stop the music from being monotonous. Music is such an important part of story telling, especially when there is no dialog.
Good effort over all and I look forward to seeing your future work.
Well put together and from the heart.
thanks
thanks
tmnt
King of Australia
Not bad mate. I saw everything coming though and the feather became Jar Jar Binks after a while. I think you could have finished the film after the wedding though I know you were going for a 'cycle of life' type deal. For some reason the bride's wedding vale seemed too hard to thick, I was expecting her to take it off and say "Luke, I am your father". Great job on the wedding scene! Very ambitious.
As others have said, it was a nice gentle film.
As others have said, it was a nice gentle film.