A Short Story - Dangerous Derk Productions

*spoiler*



Your atmospheric build-up lasted a minute thirty seconds, that's a tremendous amount of time for credits. My favorite part was the split personality conversation in the room while the phone was ringing. Had you stayed more along this theme and storyline, it would have felt more like a paranoid thriller. Once you left this location the storyline left with it. Kudos for the opening location, split personality, but the rest did not "thriller" me. Good job in getting it out, however might have been better had you concentrated on one film instead of two. The "tone" was off on both. This one came closer to a thriller, for just a little bit. Props however for having chops to get two out.
 
Well done. I liked the first part of the film the most. Good camera work and feel. It felt like a film of two halves though with the second half not living up to the expectations set by the first half. Very good effort.
 
Six months later. Well executed. Didn't feel like much of a thriller, but enjoyable anyways. Liked the opening and the cinematography. Acting was decent. We laughed at the end. Thanks!
 
Derkoi - The start of the film grabbed me - it looked rich and expensive (and yep its a public location) but used damn well to sell your film. The hilarious retro location - old wallpaper, hawain blue lady painting etc all produced a very unique type of 'setup' which suggested an awry atmosphere - a weirdness propelled by the insane character and his excellent (Guy Ritchie) rendition of Gollum! It worked - it was hilarious, scary and dramatic (if not a little tongue in cheek too.)

Now for me the story did go off tangent unfortunately with the encounter in the woods - and there were inconsistencies with pacing (as Charli mentioned for the start for example.) I felt a little too much accent at work here in the characterisations too (were they auditioning for Eastenders?)

That said - (and joking aside) this is a professional and slick effort, which I enjoyed - but the nature of its end - the twist as it were did produce slight mix feelings! Still its a good un' and I did enjoy your film.
 
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I was very impressed by your carnival shots. Still looking for the 'non extras' looking into the cam (cant see any!). How much did you pay all those people?!??! :) Very nice. The two-sided character felt rather funny to me. I think it was the old-school karate swoosh sound that took me out of the thriller component in this film. And after that it was tough to catch up again- I think it was tough to make the large jump in time out of the carnival and into the white room as well. I felt like maybe we were going to end up in a courtroom or even bedroom (eww)...hmm. It was tough to follow the acting in the forrest and to take the fight scene seriously- again i think it might have been the sound fx that took me out. However, I loved the forrest itself, as a character in the film. Very nicely shot and great place to have to characters with high stakes duke it out. However, I couldn't follow the players or the reason for their meeting/killing. Going back, I simply love the close up on your main character following the girl- I was really expecting something super freaky, creepy. Of course the last shot was just that, freaky. I'm still blown away by the beginning of this film, very, very slick use of a carnival- a place where freaks like to freak... very nice.
 
Cons: Just the fight scene, for me. It didn't feel "real" -- could have stood either some sloppier fighting (as if the two had never really been in many fights before) or more painful punches. And this is a bit premature (since I haven't watched all the films), but I find serial killers a bit cliche and boring.

Pros: Actors ... liked 'em all. Set-up, great. If this were the first six minutes of a film, it sets up a great "different" story. We're not going to get involved in torture porn as a pedophile serial killer stalks his prey, we're set to watch (presumably) a father go through the emotions of losing a daughter, discovering her killer, potentially seeing that killer get away with it, then take things into his own hands. That is a long story. Kudos.
 
very well made short. I liked the whole Gollum aspect to his personality, very much like the scene in 'two towers'. Your actor did a fine job of that.

I quite like the ending too, as you got around having to give the audience a concrete explanation of what happened while leaving the short feeling complete. The tone was a little inconsistent, going from almost creepy at the start, to funny at the end. Hard to do in a short space of time. Not sure which one is my fave but both your entries have their own merits and technically they are both sound.
 
I was frustrated not finding out who did what to whom and why, but I think that was part of your diabolical plan. I wish that things had hung together better in terms of story continuity - it seems like there was more than one tale that could have been told, and I am not sure any of them was told fully.

Nice work with the fight scene - the head-butt looked painful!
 
I liked the carnival shots, there were some really neat shots there. Particularly, the one where the ride looks like its going to come straight out and hit the camera, but then turns back at the last second.



Storywise, I didn’t get this. And because of that, I didn’t have any sympathy for any of the characters. I had no idea who the second man was, his relationship to the girl or the guy, The only thing I can think of is he was the one side of the main guy’s split personality. But he seems to have both sides in the fight. I don't know if this got cut down from a longer version, or I'm just dense but I definitely feel like I'm missing something from this story.



The fight scene had some good moments after it got going. It took too long in the forest before the confrontation began. The sound effects seemed a little generic and not quite matching what was going on. I quite liked the snap pan over to the knife on the ground before the choking. To me the best part of this film was the beginning. Some nice shots and it definitely gave me a creepy feeling. Thanks for your entry.
 
Love the use of a wide angle lense. Beautiful opening carnival. The shot of the little girl was creepy. I think if you had extended his obsetion with this little girl and ended it with the phone scene it would have made the film better. I couldn't help but laugh when he was going crazy in the forest. I think that scene being so funny ruined the thriller vibe the beginning had. You had some well composed shots. Good score but the sound effects, specially the punch at the end in the forest sounded fake. A good submittion but the end was a let down. Look forward to seeing more of your stuff.
 
To the OP...i really liked the shots in this film. felt high budget and really did feel like a film. you kinda lost me in the forest scene...but i luved the first 2 and last scene. Good work overall

EDIT: Jambredz, I cleaned this post to remove reference to the other comments. Cheers Noel
 
As others have said, the opening is pretty great! But the film deteriorates pretty quickly following the carnival since we aren't sure exactly what anyones talking baout or why this guy is going to go meet someone in the forest. It gets confusing...
 
jambredz said:
To the OP...i really liked the shots in this film. felt high budget and really did feel like a film. you kinda lost me in the forest scene...but i luved the first 2 and last scene. Good work overall

EDIT: Jambredz, I cleaned this post to remove reference to the other comments. Cheers Noel
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I saw those quotes in the email. Just wondering who said that? Personal vendetta?
 
Very impressive shot compositions – you have an incredible eye. Each piece of this was well paced and complemented the other parts. I found the end of the carnival scene disturbing, but in the way it was intended – it worked in producing that uneasy feeling when you see that something bad is about to happen to a child...
Loved the shot of the bridge. The set up in the woods when he was waiting for the other guy to show up was good.
Some of the dialogue didn't seem to match up with the mouth of the actors, but that might be the result of a compression thing.
I think the story was too big for such a short format – with more time we could have understood the relationship between the two characters a little better and perhaps this would have contributed to creating even more tension (we know the guy with the split personality grabbed the girl, but who was the other guy and why did they agree to meet in the middle of the woods?) I don't think a complete explanation of everything would have been necessary, but just a little more to give a hint at who this other guy is. The carnival scene, while beautifully shot, could have been a little shorter.
Overall, very well done – I enjoyed watching it (watched it twice already) and would definitely check out any of your other work. Good job!
 
Thanks for the feedback! Learning a lot by entering this fest. Most of your feedback for both our films makes sense and we'll deffo take them on board. :)
 
This is very cool Derkoi, i dug the hell out of it. As usual you have great production value, cinematography, lighting, acting and sound design/score. I always know i'm going to get a pro short from you
and this didn't dissapoint. I was particularly impressed by the carnival intro, it was beautiful and smart on your end to steal such an amazing location. The main guy screaming in the phone with his twitching
and showing us 2 personalities was pheneomenal, the sound design sold it so well (reminded me of guy ritchie's revolver!).
 
It's a shame that the 2nd half of this short can't live up to the first.

The first half of this short is excellent. Those shots at the carnival are superb. I mean they look AMAZING! Then the scene itself plays like this twisted love-child of M and the carnival scenes from STRANGERS ON A TRAIN. The way he stalks that little girl around and the subtle tension you draw from these scenes. The conversation while the phone is ringing, also I found well put together and acted. Really all of it is just fantastic.
 
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