A Clockwork Darkened

Chris_Keaton

Chris_Keaton

ScriptFEST Mod
AClockworkDarkened.gif


LOGLINE: For better or worse an amnesiac prisoner recovers the memories of her captor fueling her revenge and reuniting her with her true love.



:engel017::evil:
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Wow Chris. The poster is amazing and your logline really hooked me. Can't wait to read this one! Nice work. :)
 
The Log is smoking. I love the tag too. always tough writing those suckers.
--That would be really cool if I charged people by the part...


INVOICE #666

service / payment
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Poster layout .........................Toe w/ nailpolish

Due - by 3 o'clock this afternoon.
 
I've got the second draft done, but it's getting mixed reviews and responses. The people who like it say nothing should change and those that aren't fond of it want everything changed.
 
hello again. happy to see you here. excellent poster and i am excited to read what you came up with. :)
 
Hi Chris, just read your scrip.

*Spoilers*

I loved the small world you created in the workshop. I loved the new age Frankenstein's monster reveal and the final reveal of her caused her to die.

What was confusing was why the brother was giving them work? Why after everything he did he still hated their love? Also, why the brother allowed her to be kept that way, a monster alomost?
I was also a little confused with Vilefort's (great name buy the way) behaviour towards Mary, his love. Yes, I can understand a little impatience, some pyschotic behaviour and may be some violence that he would be very sorry about, but not that ammount of violence towards the woman he loved and brought back to life?

Overall though, a very good script with good twists, just needs more work on the motives of the characters.
 
Dang, I was trying to show that the brother was looking for forgiveness and felt compelled to work for 'them' until she forgave him. I've had a few women I know who said his violence was appropriate, but they say it was because they were in abusive relationships at one time, not sure that's what I want to say. Maybe a few more minutes and I can fix that.

Thanks for the review.
 
Sounds like you had a lot of ideas. If it was a normal brother and sister I would agree... But he'd killed her and then she was back, being a slave to the man who wasn't good enough for her...
Once again, if it was a normal relationship, I would agree with the level of violence, but he gave her life. I wouldn't say there should be none, as I can see it works in this frustrating situation of life he finds himself in, but I think he would be overly affectionate as well, a real jekyll and hyde.
 
Hahahahaha, my comments are just trying to be helpful and are an opinion. I did enjoy the one room world you created and loved the Frankenstein's monster lover. Just a couple of things, in my mind, needed more information or direction.
 
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