Take - a porchwax film

lawriejaffa said:
http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/showthread.php?t=165177&page=8
There you go mate - your review/feedback is in :)
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thanks, i'm listening now...

the breathing - glad you caught it, not many did. it's what i call the 'ambiguous' ending. yes, it is there intentionally, and i went back and forth on the decision to put it in there. the answer is - the film ends before the story does. it's up to the viewer to interpret.

now as for romantic loss, it's not that at all, really. it's the loss of a child due to death. that is much different than lamenting a lost lover, as you can imagine. especially when guilt is a factor, not to mention a year of drug abuse and depression. all of this is presented in the film. subtly, sure, but it's there.

so does he live? does she find him and save him? or does he sit there for a few more days/weeks, and invite the flies? good question...

thanks for your review. great idea to record them.

preston
 
Ah the loss of a child - well thats perhaps a little too obscure for some then as I missed that myself - but is perhaps (though it might not seem like it at first glance) less relevant than you may think to the strength of your film. Which is the redemptive recovery of our hero amidst the grief (whatever its cause may be) when the story plays (to cliche that would normally lead to the expected demise of the character).

As you will recall from my blethering - this in my book lifts the aspiration of your film beyond what that gimp remarked (about emotional masturbation) which is what it becomes if your not getting any *ahem*
 
I'm not being harsh on your filmmaking skills what so ever. I thought it was shot well, sound design was fine, color was a little too yellow in some scenes but maybe that was what you wanted.

I'm mostly a writer so I am harsh on the story. I hate suicide shorts. Sure you allude that you leave it up to the audience if he killed himself. Why the voiceover? Maybe the source could be from a note or something...doesn't matter. In suicide shorts, the protagonist kills themselves in the end, sometimes the beginning, death is so final, there's no story in such a short amount of time. Nothing personal just trying to stop more suicide shorts. I'm not voting on anyone's this fest so don't worry about getting a bad rating.

Now what will happen is the next dvxfest will be suicide fest.
 
Haha well Mobie if you hate suicide shorts check this one out - this was my first ever short film i made (i was a student back then doing acting) and i borrowed my mums cam to make a *drumroll* suicide short! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYF_KXZtwxs

I would so have ended up entering this into Lossfest If I was still yooooung... *looks distant* for i was young.... once...

Suicide shorts (my goodness are they a subgenre now - probably) are tough but not without merit!! As suicide is a story -worthy issue and the main character being the victim also is perfectly reasonable.

The challenge is to bring something new to it - and obviously a purpose to the story. Mobie have you seen the classic 'Meshes of the Afternoon' by Maya Deren - that is a perfect example of a very creative film relating to suicide.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPi9i3gfSAM
 
Been meaning to come around, et voila! Talk about ambiguous endings dude. I definitely got the sense of loss you were going for and some of the contrast that you might have been deliberately trying to cast. Especially with the outside shots, so full of color and life... and then inside, muted yellow tones. Even his clothing is muted, so I'd like to think that was all deliberate.

All in all it was a very depressing piece and you left me wondering if he had indeed taken the pills. He has been planning this for a while now, thinking about it. Oh: loved the journal entries as voiceover. Very effective and not overused at all.

A couple of dolly moves would help a piece like this, especially with the tone, so that might be a small investment for you too make. Build it right and it doesn't have to be very expensive at all and the flexibility you'll have with your shots will be increased.

Watch for your handheld shots. IN a piece this somber and quiet, a good tripod will be your best friend, since you really don't want to distract from what's going on.
 
Robbie Comeau said:
The lead did a great job.

All I can say.

Not bad pacing either.

Robbie
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haha, i hope that's a good review. either way, thanks for watching and commenting.

Nick_Lee said:
agreed. the dog definitely adds something.

I thought the yellow indoors worked really well. Especially the bathroom when he's taking the meds. Awesome. Only complaint is the dreamy looking outdoor stuff. Which is just an opinion. So otherwise good job dude!
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well the outdoor stuff was flashback/daydream, so i wanted it to have a different fell from the rest. thanks for your comments; glad you liked it.

Champloo said:
I feel what you were going for with this but I couldn't quite connect. It felt a little clinical like "this is the end result of losing someone you care about" if that makes any sense. I wish that their had been a little more meat on it.

That being said, there aren't a lot of technical issues or anything. The yellow image cast was effective and you got some strong images. The actor's performance fit and the dog did add an extra element to it.

If I sound like I didn't like it, I don't mean to. There was some good stuff here. I just needed to connect with the character more. Thanks for sharing it!
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thanks for your review. lots of good comments on the actor - i'll be sure to let him know.

orchidsofwrath said:
definetally felt it. Started out slow but I soon became interested in the character. Love how the dog was pawing the pills. I felt sometimes the shot comp wasn't perfect but still an outstanding job. Couldn't tell if he was asleep or dead in the end though? thought i heard breathing?
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ahh, the breathing. interpret as you see fit! ;)

Will Clegg said:
This was a nice piece. I wish it wasn't so yellow though... Did you add that color grade or is that how you shot it? You really used the music and the dog very well to help the story along. I would agree with some others that it could have been a bit shorter, but it was still very strong.
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thanks for the review. yes, i graded the film to look kind of... sick, i guess. i wanted it to feel yucky. the footage was just too alive with color.

puckthemad said:
Been meaning to come around, et voila! Talk about ambiguous endings dude. I definitely got the sense of loss you were going for and some of the contrast that you might have been deliberately trying to cast. Especially with the outside shots, so full of color and life... and then inside, muted yellow tones. Even his clothing is muted, so I'd like to think that was all deliberate.

All in all it was a very depressing piece and you left me wondering if he had indeed taken the pills. He has been planning this for a while now, thinking about it. Oh: loved the journal entries as voiceover. Very effective and not overused at all.

A couple of dolly moves would help a piece like this, especially with the tone, so that might be a small investment for you too make. Build it right and it doesn't have to be very expensive at all and the flexibility you'll have with your shots will be increased.

Watch for your handheld shots. IN a piece this somber and quiet, a good tripod will be your best friend, since you really don't want to distract from what's going on.
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yeah, there's some green, brown and of course yellow in the house, and i tried to mute them. i let the actor choose his wardrobe, according to how he felt the character would dress. he did a fine job. i'm always looking forward to ways i can improve, and the biggest two are 1- time, and 2- planning. i guess a dolly would help too, heh heh.
thanks for commenting.
 
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